just passing by you

Chapter 5 That Story Is Fictional (1)

She loves him passionately, in the novels she wrote.

She never told him that she fell into a desperate secret love the first time she saw him.They were still on campus at that time, but in a few months he would graduate and leave school, and he was going to a neighboring city with his girlfriend.She looked at him across the large dining table, peeled a small plate of boiled peanuts one by one, and gave it to the girlfriend next to her, while the happy woman giggled and looked at a group of People say that he is very competent as a "flower peeling messenger", and he can be promoted to a future husband after graduation.On the other hand, he smiled slightly and said nothing. As usual, he put his girlfriend's favorite dishes into small dishes as usual.

She doesn't know what it is to love him. She uses different novels to prove this question over and over again. Maybe it's falling in love. When he held her hand, he thoughtfully asked, your hand is a little cold, is it because you are not feeling well? ?Perhaps it was his reserved and deep eyes, where her shadow was dizzying.Perhaps she had heard his name countless times, in the mouth of the teacher, in the chats of the classmates, in the supplement of the newspaper.Maybe it was because she heard that he, who was the editor of the school newspaper, had selflessly recommended her in front of the editor-in-chief.However, every possibility seems insufficient, unable to explain why she only heard his name being mentioned, and her heart was tumbling, and she couldn't restrain herself; But it was like an electric shock and thunder, unable to speak; why did she write one novel after another using him as a prototype, but she didn't dare to submit to the school newspaper that he might be able to glimpse occasionally.

She thought maybe this was love, she couldn't tell the reason, entangled, tore, and disturbed her so that she couldn't sleep at night, and her heart was full of his shadow.

She thought she was going to do something anyway, before he left school.She couldn't win him over from his girlfriend, so she could at least see him every day, on his way to fetch water for his girlfriend, or on his way back to his dormitory.She can also pretend to walk the same road with him every day, through a sparse bamboo forest, a gravel road, and then around a row of old brick houses.She thought that he might not remember her. In his memory, she was just the name of the signed Lan Duo on the school newspaper. Even when he recommended her to the editor, he never thought of calling or sending her a text message. , out for a light meal, or a cup of tea.So if she walked by him every day, he would always take a look at her.One glance was enough, she never expected more.If, this look can let him know the ups and downs of her heart.

She was already 22 years old at the time, and she shouldn't have done such a silly thing as a little girl would do, but she couldn't control herself, and just foolishly walked on the road he must pass, holding books and waiting.Seeing him turn around a fragrant peony garden, pass through a wisteria trellis, and pass by her who lowered her head and pretended to read a book.She can clearly tell what color shoes he wears every day, whether there is any dust on the bottom of his trousers, and whether the shoelaces are loose.But she still didn't know his expression, she always lowered her head in a panic before he approached, nervously flipping through Duras's "Lover" which never changed.She put in that book a wisteria leaf that he stepped on, and an oleander that she put in front of her on purpose and was blown down by a gust of wind when he passed by.She knew phlox was a poisonous flower, but she was willing to smell it every day, even if she suffocated.

The romantic plot in the novel never appeared by her side.She had only exchanged sight and words with him once.It was she who was surrounded by a group of people and watched him get in the car with his girlfriend. Many people said that it was a good journey, and she also said that it was a good journey.He walked up to her, thanked her with a smile, and she raised her head bravely for the first time, and replied to him, let's go.

That was the last time he appeared in front of her.The car drove him to a neighboring city and never came back.She chased the car for a long distance until it was completely lost in the traffic and could no longer be seen clearly.

Since then, she has devoted herself to writing without distractions.Her words quickly occupied all the newspaper supplements in the neighboring city. She wrote about love, but also about infatuation, heartlessness, and ruthlessness.She used words to engrave that unresolved secret love into her soul in detail.The woman in each article is herself.And that unruly or indifferent or sentimental or passionate man, without exception, is his shadow.

Then one day, an editor from a neighboring city suddenly wrote to her, saying that a reader in this city graduated from the university you wrote about. Did the novel "Under the Shelf" originate from a particularly real love?Because, this reader always feels that the details inside seem familiar.

In her heart, there was a shocking wave.But she still pretended to be calm, and replied to the editor word by word.In her letter, there is only one sentence: that novel is fictional.

At that time, he had been married for many years.But she has been waiting alone for this repeated question.

Happiness is deep.

She still remembered that on the day she and him got married, there had just been a heavy rain in the city, and all the roads had been completely lifted up, like a fierce battle by some monster.On the headlines of major newspapers, the shocking thing is the number of deaths due to heavy rain.

She sat on the bus holding hands with him, and heard the conductor next to him say that just yesterday, a couple was on their way to buy an engagement ring, and the bride was washed into the moat by flood water. The bride lifted her up, but she was washed away by the flood.She leaned against him tightly and asked him softly, if it was you, would you save me like this.He smiled and said, fool, does this need to be questioned?The short journey was blocked more than a dozen times due to the damage of the road surface.She was a little anxious, but he persuaded her, saying, after such a long journey, what is the rush in this little time.She got angry and said, it turns out that I was the only one who was in a hurry to get married.He couldn't laugh or cry, he didn't know what kind of logic this was.But I still got used to it, scratching her nose, making her happy, saying, shame, I am almost a wife, and I am still so childish.

But she didn't let go of it because she always felt that she had paid more for this love, and even the marriage certificate was proposed by herself.And because he was very busy with work, every weekend, she would take the cooked white fungus porridge and take the bus for an hour to send it to his company.So when she bought a house before marriage, she was angry for a long time because of his negligence and almost forgot to write her name on the house title certificate, thinking that his love for her was limited after all.

Even though the city has just experienced such a big injury, there is still an endless stream of people who come to get married.Every couple's face is filled with happiness.She looked up at him secretly, but there was no strong yearning and longing for the future life in his eyes.She was a little disappointed, and asked him, from today, I am yours, don't you feel ecstatic?He laughed when he heard this, and said, true love is not Sprite, which is refreshing when you drink it, but it should be like the porridge you cook, soft and sweet, and it will warm your heart.She was not satisfied with his explanation, and kept asking him if he would no longer love her as much as before.She actually got tired of asking such questions, but every time, he just laughed and didn't answer. When he was in a hurry, he said to her: You need to look at your actions.

(End of this chapter)