As The Wind Blows Your Scent To Me

The early Sunday morning air was quite chilly, carrying the traces of rain from last night.

The dews dropped from the leaves, trickling down before falling to the wet ground underneath. An earthy scent lingered in the air, swirling to the tip of a woman's nose.

Yuina was quiet as she watched the flower bed in front of her. The dewdrops moistened the bluish-violet and pink petals of the hydrangea flowers. They gleamed under the light that shone from between the dark leaves of the tall trees behind the bed.

Drip, drip.

The wind picked up, sending the tips of the leaves and grass dancing.

Yuina wrapped herself with the long cardigan that she wore over her T-shirt and loose pants. Her face was slightly obscured by a baseball hat.

Since it was still early, the weather didn't feel like summer at all. 

Himari was still asleep when Yuina went out of the apartment. The former had already been notified by her that she had something important to do this morning so Himari didn't have to worry about her.

If rain continued falling today, the temperature might drop as well.

Tap, tap.

In the serenity of the morning, a series of footsteps fell on the cobbled pathway nearby. Bit by bit, the sound grew clearer.

With a slight lift of her chin, Yuina looked at the owner of the footsteps. 

Her eyes looked at the familiar sneakers, then they went up to the denim pants, a black jacket until she let her eyes linger on the face under a bowler hat. 

Although it was for a moment, Yuina could already see the exhaustion that lined her man's face.

"Ryuu, you're here."

Her voice was light and airy, resembling the blowing morning wind. It was so unlike how she sounded on the night that she left.

Ryuu rolled his throat. A look of a hushed shame flickered in his eyes.

"...wife, are you okay?" 

Yuina stifled her laughter. The way her husband sounded so awkward and cautious right now amused her, the way he often did whenever they used to bicker.

Although the fight this time was so bad, Yuina didn't expect that she would still feel the same.

This morning, she came here with expectations. The niggling anger and dissatisfaction that she had when she fought with him two days ago had already dispersed, following the breeze.

"You couldn't sleep well these past nights, weren't you?"

Ryuu's question was answered with another question by his wife.

The man lowered his gaze. He was fully aware that his eyes were lined with dark circles, showing how bad his sleep was since the night they fought.

"...I couldn't help but... think of what you were doing," admitted Ryuu in a quiet voice. He timidly stared at his wife.

Yuina was smiling. 

Her smile was as soft as the morning glow of the sun.

"Well, I actually planned to be away from you longer but... it would seem like I'm running away so, I think we have to talk now."

Yuina's first half of her sentence grew another layer of anxiety within Ryuu before the second half helped to tone it down. Even then, he was still being cautious with her.

Yuina turned around, showing her back to her husband. She threw a glance at him from her shoulders.

"You must have not eaten yet, right? Let's eat first."

As she ignored the dumbfounded look on Ryuu's face, Yuina walked to where she laid down their breakfast.

Both of them were currently on an old temple ground.

To come here, one had to climb the high stairs with tall trees stood at either side of the stairways. As they walked up the stairs, the view of the old neighborhood would spread out in their eyes.

On one side, there was Hiro's family house where Yuina used to take shelter after the death of her parents. On another, there was Ryuu's dilapidated apartment unit. 

The temple ground was already abandoned but, it would sometimes be neatly cleaned by an old priest who lived in the neighboring temple. His care made the hydrangeas bloomed beautifully in summer. 

This was her favorite place with Ryuu to hang out in their youth, away from their own problems.

Yuina sat down on the wooden floor of the old temple. An array of simple breakfasts was spread on a mat. Hot steam rose up from the food, wafting out the delicious scent.

"I didn't expect that the grandma is still selling breakfast until now. I don't remember when was the last time I ate her food," said Yuina.

Ryuu stared at the breakfast that his wife bought. The food was familiar. It came from a breakfast bar that was run by a grandma.

Ryuu didn't ask anything as he saw Yuina was already enjoying her food. He quietly followed her as he picked up his portion of food.

Once the first bite melted into his mouth, a taste of nostalgia burst forth in his mind.

It was actually the taste of his childhood.

"...the food still tastes the same," Ryuu mumbled.

Yuina hummed in agreement. 

"The grandma is weathered by her advance age yet, she still religiously runs her store."

Ryuu wasn't the person who introduced the breakfast bar to Yuina. Instead, she found it by herself.

On the mornings when Aunt Shigeko didn't allocate any breakfast for her, Yuina would go to school early and buy the cheapest breakfast from the kind grandma.

Although Yuina could take care of her own breakfast by cooking herself, she didn't want to bleed her ears by listening to her aunt's nagging. Thus, there wasn't any option left aside from buying breakfast for herself.

"Even after all this time, the grandma doesn't change," Ryuu smiled bitterly.

Their memories didn't change but, how about their own selves?

After finishing the breakfast, Ryuu packed all the containers inside a plastic bag. It would be thrown into a trash can later.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" He peered at his wife's calm face, feeling more nervous to see her smiling faintly.

Yuina tilted up her head, staring at the blue sky through the cracks of the temple roof. Over the horizon, the sky darkened, signaling the arrival of rain soon.

"Do you remember what did I tell you before? That... I'm not happy."

Ryuu flinched yet he still nodded.

"Yes..."

How could he not?

Those words kept thundering in his mind until now.

Yuina let out a soft sigh. She looked down, clasped her hands together and opened her mouth again to speak.

Right the moment her words flowed out of her mouth, Yuina turned her head and looked at her husband's anxious face.

"I'm sorry for lashing out at you. I know that I did so because... all this time, I didn't be true with my feelings."

Ryuu was quiet. He pursed his lips tight, eyes locking into her gaze.

She sounded so firm while being apologetic to him.

Even though she said so, he still felt so bad, angry at himself.

"You know what, Ryuu?" Yuina's smile drooped, carrying a faint hint of sadness, "I actually... do not want you to go away for your job because I know, I'd feel so lonely and alone but... I never tell you that because I always think that, this is what should I do to you."

Aside from her deep love for him, she also had an immense amount of gratitude for her husband.

Ryuu got her out of the hellhole.

Yuina often fantasized about living happily with him by making her own sacrifices as a way to pay him back.

But, would it really make her happy?

Won't it tarnish their happiness?

Ryuu let his gaze lingered on his wife's face, taking in her listless expression despite the smile that she put on.

Her pallor complexion was a stark contrast to her eyes that started to redden.

Yuina spoke again.

"I want you to be here with me but, I also don't want to pull you away from what you enjoy doing. I don't want to always constantly thinking of when would you return, how long you could stay here before you go again, how many more gifts I have to receive from you just because you feel guilty for being away for a long time."

Throughout the time Yuina suppressed her feelings, she never thought the day when she was truthful to him would ever come.

Would he be hurt by what she was saying?

But, if she kept being foolish by silencing herself, the scars in her heart would just grow deeper.

Yuina paused, hesitating over something. She was panicking under her calm demeanor.

Biting the flesh of her mouth, Yuina gripped her hands hard.

In the end, she still forced the words out of her mouth.

"Ryuu, there's actually something that... I've been hiding from you."

Yuina was reminded of the pills that she consumed without him knowing.

This matter might not appear significant as long as Ryuu didn't know about it but, Yuina just wanted to be honest with him.

No more lies.

Even though...

He might be angry and disappointed with her.

"...wife?"

Ryuu carefully called her when he realized how scared she looked so suddenly.

Her lips were trembling, so did her shoulders. Although she didn't cry, she appeared so close to doing so. The reds overtook the whites in her eyes.

What else did she hide? 

Yuina shut her eyes, she lowered her head.

She didn't dare to look at Ryuu.

With so much difficulty, she pushed the words out of her mouth.

"Ryuu... Actually, before this... I've been... taking contraceptives." 

Only the sound of the leaves rustling entered her ears right after she confessed the truth.

Yuina kept closing her eyes, her eyelids twitched. The image of a stunned and angry Ryuu was conjured in her mind.

But...

Yuina was shocked when she was suddenly pulled toward him. Her head was pressed on his solid chest, both of his arms wrapped around her frame.

His words echoed next to her ears.

"I already knew."