As The Wind Blows Your Scent To Me

Her confession was replied to by another one of his own.

Yuina opened her eyes and blinked them a few times. Her shock turned into a daze as she couldn't believe what she had heard.

"What do you..."

Her voice quietened down. The continuous beating of his heart pulled her away from her trance. It sounded so loud, so anxious.

Ryuu tightened his arms around his wife. He inhaled her scent, feeling the warmth of her body, something that he desired from her.

Was it his imagination or had his wife had truly slimmed down right now?

Was it due to her ongoing distress?

A pang of regret stabbed into his heart, sucking his blood out.

"I knew that you've taken the pills... Please, don't feel sorry, my wife."

His voice was shaky as Ryuu muttered out those words.

Stunned, Yuina pushed Ryuu's chest but he barely budged. He kept holding her as if he was afraid she would slip away from him.

"Ryuu... How, how did you..."

The soft ripple in her mind turned chaotic in an instant, raging into waves. 

Yuina was calm when she arrived here this morning. It was undeniable that she was still nervous but, her state of mind wasn't as terrible as before.

But, the moment she heard Ryuu's confession, all of the peace vanished, making her fearful.

"Yuina, wife... Relax, en? I don't blame you if that's what you're afraid of."

Ryuu kept his voice away from panicking. He gave Yuina a few comforting strokes on her head as doing so helped to soothe his heart as well.

The sound of his heartbeat was deafening in his ears.

"Ryuu... You really knew but... How?"

Yuina pushed herself from her husband. This time, Ryuu loosened his arms around her. Looking up, she stared at him with incredulity.

"How..."

The same question came out of her mouth. 

Yuina cautiously peered into Ryuu's expression. She thought that she would see wrath and disgust in his eyes but...

He only looked sad and guilty.

A tear slipped past the red rim of her left eye, dripping down her face.

Ryuu heaved a sigh. The heavy sound was audible in the close distance between them.

Raising up both hands, he gently cupped her face. One thumb ran under her eye. The tip was moistened by the tear.

"Yuina, I... I found them last night... inside your vanity."

Yuina froze.

He found them...

Fear ghosted down her spine, sending chills all over her body.

Ryuu swallowed a bitter smile at the change of Yuina's expression. 

It was so painful to see her looking like this; scared, anxious and hollowed.

Last night, after getting the message from Yuina that asking them to meet, Ryuu didn't just wallow in self-blame. He took the opportunity to look around the duplex, especially the ensuite wardrobe where his wife often stored the gifts that he gave her.

By looking at the high-end dresses, bags, shoes and so many more, Ryuu had to admit that he indeed was inclined to get the best of everything for Yuina in an attempt to repay her.

They were created by the finest craftsmanship, using the best materials, so intricate and classy but...

In the end, all of them were just material things without souls within.

None of them could listen to her ramblings nor could they comfort her.

When Ryuu was looking aimlessly at Yuina's vanity table next, his attention was drawn to a box that was put inside the bottommost drawer. The black box appeared so ordinary among the luxurious items that Yuina owned yet, an ominous feeling crept within his heart the moment he saw it.

Never did Ryuu expect to find contraceptives in them.

"I was shocked when I found them but... I was more angry with myself, no, I am. I don't know what you feel when... you took them before."

Ryuu released his hands from Yuina's face. Once again, he brought her into his arms. His wife was quiet yet she was still trembling. Her fingers clung to the back of his jacket, almost digging into the fabric.

"Really... I couldn't imagine what you felt... that forced you to take them."

At the end of his sentence, his voice lowered, resembling a whisper.

After he regained his senses last night, Ryuu began to remember the moments when he was enthusiastically talking about having their own child. 

Every time he brought up the topic of their child, Yuina would just smile and nod at him but, she didn't actually share the same passion with him.

Although Ryuu was puzzled, he didn't dare to make any judgment over Yuina's decision to secretly consume the pills.

There was so many things that he didn't know regarding his own wife.

That was why, even though the topic was a hard one, he still mentioned it today.

Since Yuina wanted them to have a talk, he didn't want to hide his curiosity.

While being hugged by the man, the waves of Yuina's mood was swept up and down by his confession. 

Whenever she recalled the pills and how she consumed them without him knowing, only guilt filled her heart. Since Ryuu had always wanted a child together, he should be disappointed and angry with her.

This was not the reaction that she thought she could get.

More tears ran down her cheeks. Yuina sobbed, her shoulders shaking as she buried her face on her husband's chest.

"It's not my intention but... hicc, I wasn't prepared to have a child when... when... you're always away..."

Although her voice was muffled down by her sobbings, Yuina pushed out the words from lodging in her throat.

All this time, she only knew to take in everything, wrapping the exterior with a pretty wrapper. Yet, once the surface was torn apart, only hideousness was lying inside.

"I knew that... you really wanted a baby but, but... I wasn't ready... not that when I was always alone..."

Away from her gaze, Ryuu's eyes were already red-rimmed with tears. The heavy despair in her voice gushed something out of his heart; helplessness, self-loathe and anxiety.

While he was too busy focusing on his career, he just took his wife's acceptance at face value. He was really blinded by his own foolish assumptions that everything was alright between them.

And...

It took him now to realize it, only after she had had enough.

Another fear struck Yuina's mind when there was no response coming from Ryuu. Her pupils trembled, her hands that were clutching his jacket shook terribly.

Did he finally get angry at her?

Did he think she deliberately lose their child?

"Ryuu! Ryuu! I didn't mean that... I didn't mean that I dislike our child..."

Yuina anxiously pulled away from her husband. Eyes watered with tears, she looked at him and tried her best to speak in between her choking sobs.

"When... when I first got to know that I was pregnant... I was confused but, but... it's our child... I wanted to surprise you but... I... before that.. lost our child..."

Her hands slipped from his jacket, loosing the energy.

Yuina clasped her hands together, feeling how cold they were. She let her blurry gaze fell on the back of her hands.

"Instead of... hiding everything for you... I know that I should be open with you but... Ryuu, until now, I don't want to take you away from your dreams so..."

"Silly."

With the soft-spoken word, a hot thumb made its way under her eyes while a hand lifted up her chin

Yuina bit her lower lip, she blankly stared at Ryuu whose eyes were red with unshed tears.

"Everything that I do, I do it because... it's the only way that I know how to make sure you're well provided, secure and happy."

Yuina just let her husband dried her face. She was quiet as she listened to him.

Ryuu smiled yet his eyes were sad.

"Since I have the ability, I think this is the fastest way for me to give you a better life. You have lived a torturous one before so... I want to give you a happy place to be, with security."

Yuina understood what Ryuu meant.

Ryuu was smart but, instead of going in the usual direction of pursuing his studies like most high school students, he chose to enter the entertainment industry.

Ryuu worked hard to reach the top now. While he was busy exerting all of his efforts, she was still in his dreams.

"But..."

Ryuu laughed, mocking himself. 

It was funny to realize that what an irony the way he was thinking all this time.

"...I never expect that until now, I'm just doing the opposite."

Only by having money and fame could he provide her a secure environment but, at the same time, it felt like he was forcing her to live inside a cage.

A large, gold gilded cage.

Yet, no matter how vast the space inside the cage nor how vibrant it appeared, a cage was still a cage.

It was suffocating to be trapped inside, isolated from the sky.

Both of them were quiet, just silently carving each other's faces in their eyes.

They met in their youth, the time when they were both helpless and troubled by various circumstances.

More than a decade later, they were still troubled by other circumstances.

Yet, they were still reluctant to let each other go.

"Yuina, my wife..." 

Ryuu parted his lips.

Yuina listened to him.

"Have you ever thought of leaving this place?"