Inner Demons

His smile… can’t tell whether it was melancholy or sad. But in the end, it is the complicated meaning that Liu Gongzan is hard to understand right now. Therefore, he didn’t know how to relieve him for a while—when Li Yunxin occasionally felt down and sad, he could accompany him to say something to help him get better.

But now this old Taoist also has many worries and sorrows in his heart. If it weren’t really unbearable and reached the limit that ordinary people can bear, how could it be said tonight or this time? Therefore, he was speechless for a while, and could only stand against Li Yunxin.

After a while, he said: “Brother Xin…then you…”

“I have to think about what I am going to do.” Li Yunxin sighed in a low voice. . After two steps, I sat down on the bluestone and said, “I…probably shouldn’t be alive like this anymore.”

Liu Gongchan is not very clear about how “living like this” is. In fact, the people of the overwhelming majority don’t know–

They were born and went to this World. Neither the surrounding environment nor the growth conditions have a choice. Many people may have thoughts and visions of this kind, but in the end they are limited by reality. In many cases, what a person will become after a long time is not his own decision, but what the environment has changed him into.

These people…If nothing happens, the trajectory of their lives will be planned from the moment they are born, and the end can be seen at a glance. Why do they need to think about “how to live”?

Only a handful of lucky people are born on top of the summit. So you can decide how you should go in the future. But even these people still have many constraints. Liu Gongzan now belongs to one of those overwhelming majority a year ago. Now he has become the latter-he has a long life essence and powerful power that surpasses ordinary people. So you can try to do something you want to do.

For example, today, paying off debts.

As for Li Yunxin…

The old way frowned: “What do you mean by Brother Xin?”

Li Yunxin was silent for a while, sighed:” I used to have no idea why I lived.”

“Mortals are involved in lust, and they really live very hard. But in the end they know why they live—for their parents, for their wives and children. “

“Some people say they want to live for themselves. But now I think about it, I really only live for myself…just like I used to, I don’t know why.”

“What…I am a person, but it also carries the expectations and emotions of many people. Whenever it comes to the concept of myself, it is not an individual, but all the emotions in him Relationships and social relationships form a network and a point.”

“If this network is not there…for example, there is only one person in this world. Then what would he use to please himself… Actually There is nothing to please myself.” Li Yunxin whispered, “I know this.”

“I walk around in the world and don’t take anyone seriously. The prosperity of the world is just like me. It’s like just a passing scene, but there are always times when I get bored. I should thank the Jiu Young Master, the Freemasonry, and the Xuanmen Munanju… If it weren’t for these people to put me in a dangerous place of life and death, maybe I would be faster I’m tired of this World.”

“At that time…maybe there is only one way to suicide.”

After hearing this sentence, the old Dao will speak. Li Yunxin shook his head and smiled: “Lonely. lonely at the top.”

“So…it should always be caught and so on. Life is the ocean, and people are lone boats. Don’t want to go with the flow, you have to Give yourself an anchor.”

Liu Gongzan listened to this and looked thoughtful. Frowning for a while, he suddenly asked: “Brother Xin…was there no such anchor before?”

Li Yunxin laughed, showing a mouthful of white teeth: “Which one did you ask? ?”

The old way hesitated for a long time. After all, he said something he wanted to say for a long time: “Can you tell me everything?”

It was late at night. Yunkaiyueming, Guanghua just right. Li Yunxin sat on the smooth bluestone, bathed in Yuehua’s silence for a while, then said: “Okay. But there must be wine.”

After saying this, he turned over the palm and held out a piece of silver. The pot comes. He put it on the stone and looked at it, and said: “It’s still deserted.”

So he touched his sleeve again and found a small red clay stove.

This stove is used for warming wine, it is very small and unique. Li Yunxin, placed on the bluestone and lined with the white clothed next to it, like a painting.

He flicked the fingers, and there is a rootless fire burning under the stove. After a while, there was a little warmth. Liu Gongzan thought for a while, jumped onto the bluestone, and sat opposite Li Yunxin.

Li Yunxin stretched out his hand to gouge the stone, gouging out two stones. Picking out the sharp nails again, hollowed out the inside.

It became two wine cups.

He and Liu Gongzan each have one, but they don’t warm the silver pot on the red stove. Both of them like to drink cold wine, but not cold food.

“The last time I sat with you like this was when I was in Weicheng.” Li Yunxin said, “That night, I wanted to body possession Long Jiu.”

Pour wine, and pour wine for yourself. Silently raised the cup-the two drank it.

Li Yunxin smacked his lips and laughed again: “If you don’t have wine, you will be drinking boring wine.”

So he stretched out his hand on the stone below him and took a few shots. Four round blue pebbles come. He looked at the stone and put his hand on the stove.

Slightly squinted his eyes, looked at the stones in the heat and the glimmer, and whispered: “There used to be an old fogey. Drink and eat like this.”

Then, there was a long silence. His face was slightly yellowed by the fire in the small furnace in the night. Liu Gongzan knew that when he spoke in this tone and fell into such silence, he was ready to recall some past events.

He obviously looks at his youth, but he has many fleeting years to remember.

“I don’t remember when I was adopted. I was seven or eight, or nine years old…probably when I was a child.” Li Yunxin opened the mouth and said softly, “These I have probably said to you before-the world is vulgar, and I grew up in an orphanage.”

“It’s like a shantang.” Liu Gongzan was nodded.

“Later there came an old fogey. At that time…about the same age as you did. A one-eyed, unkind look at all. Talking like thunder…Always roar. But it’s not that the ears are bad.” Li Yunxin reached out and rummaged the stones on the stove, as if he was roasting meat. The stone was turned over, silent. He stretched out his hand and twisted a bit of the snow falling from the tree. Finally screamed-zi zi rang, as if the fat dripping from the meat.

“Choose some children. I don’t like it. Ask me. People say that this child may have a problem with his brain. It is a burden to bring it back.”

“old fogey just Ask, can you take care of yourself in life? Obedient? Just say, even if you are obedient, you can take care of yourself.”

“old fogey said, then this.”

Liu Gongzan shook his head. I laughed: “I have a problem with my brain?”

“Um. I thought they were weird at the time. They also thought I was weird. I don’t want to talk to them. I can’t understand why they always laugh and cry. .” Li Yunxin flicked his cup. The wine thread was picked out of the silver jug ​​and filled up again for the two of them.

Pinch the cup in silence for a while, then drank it out: “Just take me back. I will call it Li Si. Zhang San Li Si Li Si.”

“old fogey is a look Fate. At that time, he was in his sixties and was not in good health. Before, I had a good life and made a few small fortunes. I felt that I was also a master…I wanted to not let my craftsmanship be lost. But I was alone and wanted to find a life hard. Come to teach.”

“I found you?”

Li Yunxin slightly smiled: “It’s not me. I found a very smart child before. He knows how to observe words and colors, and understand people’s hearts. “

“Unfortunately, his fortune-telling skills are really not good. Getting rich before was considered good luck, and he caught up. Several big benefactors held him up and gave him some money. It just floated and spent everywhere. Then I lost my luck, I couldn’t see correctly, and I fell down again… I thought it was okay to raise the child and the discipline. As a result, their livelihoods became troublesome.”

“What should I do. I think. A good way. There was a subsidy at the time. It said how much subsidy was given to adopt a handicapped child in an orphanage. Just pick me.”

Liu Gongzan was surprised: “…There is such an Imperial Court, really. The blessing of the common people.”

Li Yunxin smiled: “I think about adopting a handicapped child. It doesn’t cost much to raise this child, but I can earn some. If I can take care of myself and be clever like me Some, you can still serve them.”

“Then…I will come out.”

“After that, the clever child died.”

“…dead?”

“Summer, run out to play. Run to the rails to catch dragonflies and press nails. A car came over and accidentally fell on the rails and was crushed into flesh Li Yunxin said, “It’s an accident. There is no way for this kind of thing.”

Liu Gongzan pursed his mouth. After thinking for a while, I also drank all the wine in the glass: “en.”

“old fogey was sad for a while. But he soon recovered.” Li Yunxin lightly snorted. He said that he was laughing and humming, or he just breathed in unconsciously, “Because at first thought that child was smart and he was quick to learn everything. I slowly discovered that he was not learning fast… I didn’t learn and so on. Just in old Fogyy will coax him with clever words in front of him. As soon as he pulls it out, he will show up.”

“Some people…have high EQ but low IQ. Probably this is the case.”

The old man raised the pot to pour a third glass of wine for the two. But hua hua made a noise in the pot, as if some ice had formed in the wine. So I didn’t use magical powers, I just put the silver pot on the side of the fire, and slowly roasted: “What about?”

“Then I told you before. After a stable life, I have clothes and clothes. I have food to eat. Old fogey originally raised me like a dog. The child died and beat me up and planned to find another discipline.”

“But I’m not really stupid… he taught When I was a child, I was listening. It’s very easy, and I would understand it once I listened to it. Gradually, I also knew some people’s hearts, so I talked to him and made some tricks. He realized that I was not real. Stupid. In other words, although stupid, it excels in a certain field.”