I was just fishing, how did I become a Great Old One?

Holy Terra, Royal Palace, Lionsgate Airport.

"boom----!!"

The massive Macragge's Glory tore through the clouds, its plasma tail still lingering, and forcibly came to a stop in Royal Airspace.

The hatch had just opened.

A tall giant, wearing blue power armor (the Armor of Destiny) and carrying the Emperor's Sword on his back, led a group of Ultramarines out.

Robert Guilliman.

The regent of the human empire, the son of vengeance, the man who bears the weight of the entire galaxy on his shoulders.

At this moment, his face was filled with anxiety.

"What's the situation?!"

Guilliman grabbed one of the guards who came to greet him and spoke very quickly.

"Has the subspace rift expanded? Has the palace been invaded? What is Father's condition...?"

however.

He suddenly stopped.

Because he smelled a certain odor.

That wasn't the acrid smell of war, nor the smell of rotting corpses.

It was an extremely overpowering, spicy and savory... braised meat flavor?

The smell was so strong that it even overpowered the industrial fumes that had lingered in Terra for ten thousand years.

"this……"

Guilliman's genetically modified brain momentarily shut down for 0.1 seconds.

"What kind of biological weapon is this?"

"No, Your Highness the Regent."

The Imperial Guard was expressionless (but there seemed to be a trace of unidentified liquid at the corner of his mouth).

"That's... the Emperor's royal cuisine."

"Royal...meal?"

Guilliman felt that his logic processor had burned out.

……

Deep within the palace, in the sanctuary.

As Guilliman charged through the gate that was normally only open to the Field Marshal of the Imperial Guard.

The sight before him almost made him throw away the Emperor's Sword.

There was no bloodshed.

No demons roamed freely.

There, at the foot of the golden throne, was a figure standing.

A young human wearing an apron (Jiang Li) was sitting on a cockroach shell chair that appeared out of nowhere, picking his teeth with a huge purple bone in his hand (the bone of the Khorne Demon).

And opposite him.

That father who sat on the toilet for ten thousand years and whose psionic projections were always noisy.

now.

The golden psionic energy surrounding the throne coalesced into a clear, semi-transparent image of a golden giant.

The image shows someone sitting with their legs crossed, holding a glass of... pink wine (Seneca Huadiao).

[The Emperor (Psionic Projection): ...Robert, you're back?]

[Emperor: ...Perfect, there's still a crab claw left, would you like to try it?]

……

"Father... Father?"

Guilliman knelt down.

It wasn't just out of awe, but also because my legs went weak.

He had never seen such a... "human" emperor.

It lacks that cold, divine quality, and it doesn't have that suffocating grand narrative.

All that was there was was an elderly father, well-fed and content, offering his son, who had just come home from get off work, the leftovers.

"What on earth is going on?!"

Guilliman looked at Trajan beside him.

Trajan looked up at the sky (even though it was the ceiling).

"Regent, it's difficult for me to explain either."

"To put it simply..."

"This Mr. Jiang Li, regarding the Four Chaos Gods..."

"It consisted of four dishes and a soup."

"Then……"

"Your Majesty enjoyed the meal."

……

The collapse of rationality.

Ten minutes later.

Guilliman sat at the cockroach-shell-shaped round table, holding the enormous Slaanesh crab claw in his hand.

He listened to Jiang Li's story.

From Khorne's tongue to Nurgle's tofu, from Tzeentch's fried chicken to Slaanesh's drunken crab.

The Primarch's expression went from shock to blankness, and then to... existential doubt.

"so……"

Guilliman looked at Jiang Li.

"Tell me about the chaotic threat that has plagued the Empire for ten thousand years..."

"Is it essentially just... a problem of improper food preparation?"

"More or less."

Jiang Li shrugged.

"Demons are also energy, and energy can be transformed."

"As long as you master the core technology (cooking)."

"Warspace is just... a free, huge farm."

……

Guilliman fell silent.

As the original genetic material of the Superman Troupe, he excels in logistics, management, and strategy.

His brain began to work at lightning speed.

If demons = ingredients.

Therefore, war equals harvest.

Supply line = food delivery line.

Low morale = not having eaten enough.

Chaotic corrosion = food poisoning.

pass!

Everything is working now!

Guilliman's eyes lit up.

This is not just delicious food, it is... the hope for the empire's economic recovery!

"Mr. Jiang Li."

Guilliman stood up and solemnly extended his hand.

"I represent the Imperial Executive Council."

"You are hereby formally appointed as... the Supreme Logistics Chief of the Empire."

"Don't."

Jiang Li waved his hand.

"I'm just a cook, I don't want to manage the accounts."

"and……"

Jiang Li pointed to the area beneath the golden throne.

"I took on a side job."

"Your dad contracted out the underground internet tunnel to me."

"I want to go there..."

"Open a branch."

……

Objective: Imperial Dungeon.

Below the Golden Throne.

It is a massive underground fortress filled with mechanical pipelines and psionic shields.

And at the deepest part of the fortress.

There was a large door that, though sealed, still continuously emitted purple mist.

That is the entrance to the human network.

That's also the place where Magnus, that filial son, destroyed with a single psionic phone call back then.

For ten thousand years.

The Imperial Guard and the Silent Sisters are waging an endless war here.

To prevent the demons from breaking out of the web and overwhelming Terra.

They are bleeding every minute of every day.

……

"Open it."

Jiang Li stood in front of the gate that was covered in seals.

Behind him followed Er Gou, Wukong, Taix, and the fully armed Deep Blue Chef Team (formerly UED medics and firebats).

"But……"

The Imperial Guard company commander in charge of guarding the gate hesitated.

"The number of demons inside is endless."

"Once it's opened, the defenses could collapse."

"collapse?"

Jiang Li smiled.

He glanced back at the Gluttony, which had been miniaturized (Swann's new invention) and was now moored beside him.

"rest assured."

"As long as they dare to come out."

"I'm just afraid they won't be enough to fill a tooth gap."

……

The network is now open.

"Rumble—"

With the seal broken.

The gate slowly opened.

"kill!!!!"

That instant.

A deafening roar came from behind the door.

Red, blue, green, purple...

Countless demons surged out like a flood bursting its banks.

They've been holding back for ten thousand years!

Finally, I can see the air of Terra!

……

"Er Gou" (Second Dog).

Jiang Li didn't even draw his sword.

He simply patted Er Gou on the head.

"That's your... buffet voucher."

"Woof!"

Er Gou barked excitedly.

Its size suddenly increased dramatically.

The Yin-Yang Devouring Heaven Dog Dharma Form is fully activated.

It didn't bite.

Instead, it lay down directly at the front gate.

It opened its mouth... bigger than the gate to the internet.

"ah--"

……

The tragedy of the first wave of demons.

The first few thousand Khorne Bloodletters were at the forefront.

I originally thought that stepping outside would lead to a royal palace.

Then I looked up.

What I saw was... a bottomless black throat.

And those tonsils burning with karmic fire.

"???"

They wanted to brake.

But the demons behind are still pushing.

"Get out of here!"

It's like going down a slide.

Thousands of demons didn't even let out a scream.

It slid straight into Er Gou's stomach.

"belch."

Er Gou chewed it.

"It gets a bit stuck in my teeth; there's too much bone."

……

Automated production line.

"Too inefficient."

Jiang Li shook his head.

"With so many demons, it would take until next year to feed them all."

"Swann! Initiate the [Gluttony Hot Pot Conveyor Belt] Project!"

"Okay!"

The hatch of the Gluttony opened.

Countless roots of the World Tree stretched out.

They're not here to fight.

They quickly wove together at the exit of the network gate into a complex, multi-layered, filtering conveyor belt network.

……

[Facility Name: Subspace Food Processing Center (Terra Branch)]

The process is as follows:

1. Classification Area: The World Tree roots automatically identify the type of demon. Red (Khorne) is placed on the left, green (Nurgle) on the right, blue (Tzeentch) in the middle, and pink (Slaanesh) upstairs.

2. Cleaning Zone: Lieutenant Lisa's medical corps, wielding giant restoration beam towers, continuously "disinfects" the demons on the conveyor belt 24/7 (removing warp corrosion while preserving their original flavor).

3. Cutting Zone: Mohanda and Tal'darim, the Void Twins, transform into "automatic meat slicers." Void blades whirl like the wind, instantly dismembering demons into standard chunks of meat.

4. Cooking Area: Finally, the chunks of meat fell into the four giant elemental cauldrons that extended from the Gluttony.

……

"What is that?!"

The imperial guards at the gate were dumbfounded.

They fought the demon for ten thousand years.

I've never seen... demons treated like mass-produced products.

One after another, ferocious demons rushed out the door.

"Beep! Identified as a Khorne bloodletter!"

"Beep! Disinfection complete!"

"Beep! Remove the beginning and end!"

"Beep! Add the spicy sauce!"

The entire process takes no more than 3 seconds.

The originally terrifying subspace invasion.

Now it's become... the morning rush hour at Terra Food Processing Plant.

……

Panic within the network.

If we say that the area outside the door is a processing plant.

That doorway (deep inside the internet tunnel) is like a scene from a horror movie.

Those demons that were originally rushing outwards in a frenzy.

I suddenly realized it.

The brothers in front... are all gone.

And a suffocating aroma wafted from the doorway...

That's the taste of our kind!

It tastes like a cooked version of its own kind!

Something's not right!

A cunning fire demon shrieked.

"That's not Terra! That's the cafeteria!"

"Run!!"

A stampede occurred during the demon army's march.

They started... running back.

……

"Trying to run away?"

Jiang Li stood at the door, holding a megaphone.

"Since you're here, you're a guest."

"How can you leave as soon as you walk in?"

"Great Sage! Close the door to beat the dog... no, close the door to beat the demon!"

"Okay!"

Sun Wukong plucked a handful of hairs.

"Change!"

Thousands of clones, wielding golden cudgels, rushed into the net.

They do not kill.

They are like sheepdogs.

Drive those demons that tried to escape back onto the conveyor belt, one by one.

"Line up! Line up!"

"Hey you in red! Don't cut in line!"

"Hey, you with the long tentacles! Put your hands away! Those are ingredients!"

……

The unemployment crisis of the Imperial Guard.

Looking at the orderly and even bustling "production workshop" in front of me.

The Imperial Guard company commander put down his guard spear.

He turned to look at his brothers behind him.

"that……"

"Should we...continue to defend?"

The brothers looked at each other in bewilderment.

"What a load of crap!"

"The demons are almost eaten to extinction."

……

The Emperor's Private Thoughts.

Deep within the palace.

Guilliman stared at the appalling "Network Production Line" on the holographic screen.

His mouth twitched.

"Father……"

"This is what you meant by...solving the network problem?"

[Emperor: ...Not only was the problem solved.]

[Emperor: ...You even solved my midnight snack problem.]

[Emperor: ...Robert, go tell that Coul from the Mechanicus.]

[The Emperor: ...Tell him to stop researching Primitive Space Marines.]

[Emperor: ...Have him go to the entrance of the net passage and...can the cooked meat.]

[Emperor: ...I want all the people of the empire...to taste...the flavor of chaos.]

……

Guilliman's enlightenment.

Upon hearing this...

Guilliman was startled.

Canned demons?

Send it to the entire empire?

That move... was too ruthless.

This is about breaking down mortals' fear of demons.

When the devil becomes "spicy devil meat canned food" on the supermarket shelf.

Who would be afraid of them?

Who would still worship them?

This is... a fundamental blow to the belief in Chaos!

"Father is wise!"

Guilliman was genuinely impressed.

"No."

The Emperor's image shook its head and looked at the figure on the screen who was directing Er Gou to eat at the buffet.

[Emperor: ...It's that cook, Shengming.]

……

New challenges.

The network crisis has been resolved (or rather, it has become a resource point).

Jiang Li wiped his hands and walked back to the Gluttony.

"The situation here is stable."

"As long as the production line keeps running, Terra's meat supply will not be a problem."

But his gaze was fixed on something much farther away.

It was directed at the place known as the "Eye of Fear".

"but……"

"Eating just these grunts is getting a bit tiresome."

Jiang Li touched his chin.

I heard...

"In this universe."

"A group of particularly strong, green, fungus-like creatures?"

"Called... Orc?"

"And I've heard..."

"Are they... plants?"

……

"Plants are great."

A hint of longing for vegetarian food flashed in Jiang Li's eyes (after all, he had just eaten too much meat).

"Eating meat every day can easily cause internal heat."

"It's time..."

"Going to harvest some... organic, pesticide-free vegetables."

"Target: Amagatoni!"

"Let's go... stir-fry some vegetables!"