I was just fishing, how did I become a Great Old One?

Warhammer 40K Universe, Amagidon, the outer wasteland of Hades' Hive.

The earth is groaning.

The tremors caused by hundreds of millions of Orcs running caused Hades's seismic monitoring system to exceed its maximum capacity.

The green Waaagh! energy had already coalesced in the sky into a gigantic, grinning orc head. It opened its massive maw, as if to swallow the entire sky whole.

And at the very forefront of that green storm.

The Bonebreaker Salaka, driving its heavily modified power armor covered in skulls and scrap metal, hurtled towards Jiang Li like a green meteor.

"Brother Mao is watching me!!"

"What the hell! Let me see what you've got!!"

"WAAAGH!!!"

Salaka's Gorgor Claw tore through the air, carrying terrifying kinetic energy capable of slicing through Titan armor, and slammed down head-on.

……

"means?"

Jiang Li stood still, his apron fluttering in the strong wind.

He looked at the steel giant, which was dozens of times larger than himself.

They did not retreat.

Instead... he took a step forward.

The black hammer in his hand (Thor's Hammer - Kitchen Edition) has no fancy lighting effects.

He simply... swung it around.

Regarding walnuts...

"I only have one method."

"That is..."

"eighty!!"

……

[Culinary Technique: Vibrating Hammer Technique - Hitting a Cow Through a Mountain.]

"when!!!!!!"

The sledgehammer clashed with the giant claw.

The imagined explosion did not occur.

That instant.

Time seemed to stand still.

Only a clear, melodious sound, like a temple bell being struck, resounded from that point and instantly spread throughout the entire planet Amagidon.

Followed by.

"Buzz——————"

A shockwave, visible to the naked eye, traveled along Salaka's power claws, up its arm, and instantly spread throughout its entire body.

……

The weaknesses of walnuts.

"Um?"

A hint of doubt flashed in Salaka's red eyes.

It did not feel any pain.

I didn't feel the impact of being knocked away.

It just felt... numb.

The numbness felt like an electric shock, traveling from its fingertips all the way to the top of its head.

"What happened?"

Why is my metal casing making a noise?

……

"because……"

Jiang Li put the hammer back and gently blew on it.

"Although the shell of a walnut is hard."

"But as long as the resonant frequency is found."

"Knock once..."

That's enough.

……

"Kara".

A very faint cracking sound came from Salaka's breastplate.

Followed by.

"Clatter clatter clatter..."

The sounds grew denser and louder.

It's like a glacier thawing, or glass shattering.

Salakana's pride and joy is its super-heavy powered armor, forged from Amagiton steel and blessed with the divine power of the second brother of the Goma.

The surface was suddenly covered with dense cracks.

"No...impossible!"

Salaka panicked.

"My armor is invincible! It's the toughest I can think of!"

"Your thinking is useless."

Jiang Li pointed to its chest.

"Because... I figured it was broken."

……

Remove the shell.

"Splash—!!"

With a final, crisp sound.

Salaka's armor, which was half a meter thick, instantly disintegrated.

Countless metal fragments fell like raindrops.

It revealed its interior... a huge, green, muscular body.

This is like...

A hard walnut was precisely cracked open by a hammer.

It revealed the inside... a whole, plump walnut kernel, completely undamaged.

……

"what!"

Salaka looked at his bare green muscles (leaving him only in a pair of leather shorts).

It was stunned.

The hundreds of millions of green-skinned minions charging around them were also stunned.

An eerie silence descended upon the battlefield.

"Boss... was skinned alive?"

A young orc muttered to himself.

"No! That's... a transformation!"

"Another orc shouted."

"That's the lightweight form! It's for running faster!"

……

"Good meat."

Jiang Li didn't care what the beastmen imagined.

He stepped forward and poked Saracana's unarmored biceps with his finger.

"Quick and bouncy"

"Firm".

"And it's full of...the fresh scent of plants."

Jiang Li nodded in satisfaction.

"really."

"After removing that hard shell that smells of rust."

"The meat inside..."

"That's the absolute best."

……

"asshole!!"

Salaka snapped out of his daze, filled with shame and indignation.

Although orcs don't care much about clothes, this armor is their face!

"Give me back my tinplate!!"

It swung its bare fist and slammed it at Jiang Li again.

But this time.

Without the power claws, its fists moved as slowly as a snail in Jiang Li's eyes.

"Still want to fight?"

Jiang Li pulled out a huge brush with his other hand.

I dipped my finger in a bucket of secret sauce that Swan handed me (a barbecue sauce made from Nurgle brine, Sarnaga broth, and Amagidon chili peppers).

"Since the shell has been removed."

"Then... let's brush on the sauce!"

……

[Cooking Skills: Rapid Coloring and Sauce Application Techniques]

"Swish swish swish swish swish ————"

Jiang Li's figure blurred into afterimages, swirling around Salaka's enormous body.

With each stroke of the brush.

All of them left a layer of golden-red, glossy sauce on the green skin of the salaka.

"Ouch! It's hot! It's hot!"

Salaka screamed.

This sauce contains red oil, which is like taking a lava bath for orcs with sensitive skin (actually, their skin is quite thick).

But then...

"Hmm...smells good?!"

As the sauce seeps into the pores.

Salaka felt that the raging Waaagh! energy within him was actually being neutralized by this soy sauce aroma?

The original restless killing intent turned into... a lazy desire to lie on the grill and bask in the sun.

Just three seconds.

This is the strongest orc in the galaxy.

It turned into a... golden-red giant with an enticing aroma... a green-skinned, savory-skinned creature.

……

"Done."

Jiang Li landed and put away the brush.

Looking at this "work of art" in front of me.

"Ergou!"

"Get the fire going in your mouth!"

"Let's have... Amagatoni roasted walnuts!"

"Woof!"

Er Gou excitedly opened his mouth, ready to breathe fire.

……

Time stands still.

At this critical moment.

Just as Salaka was about to become roast meat.

"Buzz——————"

A strange green beam of light, marked with digital squares, suddenly shot out from the void.

It precisely enveloped Salaka, who was questioning the meaning of life.

Time... stood still.

Salaka remained in the position of raising his fist and roaring, with oil droplets of sauce still clinging to his body, his expression frozen in a superposition of "anger and delight".

It stopped moving.

It was locked inside a... transparent four-dimensional cube.

……

"Who?!"

Jiang Li suddenly turned around and raised the large hammer in his hand.

"How dare you steal my vegetables?!"

All that could be seen was above the battlefield.

A necromancer ship shaped like a pyramid and radiating an eerie green glow slowly emerged.

On the deck of the spaceship.

Standing there was a tall, all-metal-framed robot.

It wore a tattered cloak, carried an empathy cane, and had various miniature cages and cubes hanging from its waist.

Its pair of green electronic eyes were flashing wildly, scanning the battlefield below.

[BOSS: Space Necromancer - Endless One.]

[Real name: Terazin. 】

[Identity: Ruler of Solemnas / Largest collector of figurines in the galaxy / Thief of history.]

……

"Wonderful...so wonderful."

Trazin emitted a hoarse, synthesized electronic voice.

It ignored Jiang Li's anger.

Instead, it stared fascinated at Saraca, who was trapped inside the hyper-dimensional cube.

"I've seen a thousand different endings for this orc."

"Killed by bombs, beheaded, crushed by Titans..."

"But I've never seen it..."

"It's been skinned, smeared with sauce, and is ready to be grilled!"

Trazin was so excited that his metal fingers were trembling.

"This is... a one-of-a-kind, out-of-print item!"

"This is... the most absurd yet most precious historical moment of the Battle of Armageddon!"

"Save this! You absolutely must save this!"

……

The collector's greed.

I've kept the Saraca safe.

Trajin's gaze then shifted to Jiang Li.

And behind Jiang Li were Gluttony, Er Gou, Wukong...

"Oh?"

"A human chef who can cook orcs like food?"

"A dog that has mastered warp fire...?"

"And this... a living warship?"

In Trazin's electronic eyes, a greedy glint almost overflowed.

"What a...unique collection."

"My gallery is missing a... 'Alien Gourmet' themed exhibition area."

It raised the empathy cane in its hand.

"Humans".

"Feel honored."

"You will be preserved forever in the museum in Soremnas."

"To become a part of history."

"Static field... activated!"

……

"Am I a collectible?"

Jiang Li laughed in anger.

He looked at the towering iron skeleton.

"Old man."

Do you know who I am?

"I don't care who you are." Trazin shrugged (mechanical components creaked), "Once you're in my box, you're just a label."

"No."

Jiang Li slammed the sledgehammer in his hand into the ground.

"Thump!"

The earth is cracked.

"I am...your creditor."

……

"Creditor?"

Trazin paused for a moment.

Its database does not contain any loan records for this person.

"You stole my ingredients (Salaca)."

Jiang Li pointed to the green box that was locked at Terazin's waist.

"According to the rules of Deep Blue Cafeteria."

"Those who hoard vegetables..."

"Either pay me back."

"Or... give yourself to me as compensation."

……

"Losing money?"

Trazin emitted a piercing electronic laugh.

"absurd."

"I am the overlord of the undead! I am the master of time!"

"Take whatever I want!"

"Since you're not cooperating..."

Terazin waved his hand.

"Put him in too!"

"boom!"

Dozens of hyperdimensional blocks fell from the sky, attempting to pack Jiang Li and Er Gou up together.

……

[Cooking Technique: Reverse Packaging - Take What You Can't Finish Home]

"Want to buy me?"

Jiang Li sneered.

He did not dodge the blocks.

Instead... it opened its mouth.

The Gluttony Godhead appeared behind him, a black void even larger than the spaceship of Trazin.

"Devouring the heavens and the earth!!"

"call------"

A terrifying suction force erupted.

Before those flying hyperdimensional cubes could even touch Jiang Li, they were captured by the suction force and swallowed into his stomach like candy beans.

"Crunch."

Jiang Li chewed a cube.

"Hmm...it's a bit hard."

"This is... a crystallization from a higher dimension?"

"It tastes like...mint-flavored rock candy."

……

"What?!"

The processor in Trazin is overloaded.

Its prized capture technology was... eaten?

This is a block that can imprison fragments of gods!

"What...what are you?!"

Trazin took a step back.

"I am the cook."

Jiang Li licked his lips.

Their gaze fell upon Trazin's gleaming living metal skeleton.

[Ingredient: Space Necromancer - Trazin.]

[Ingredients: High-purity live metal + memory chip + historical dust.]

[Characteristic: This thing is inedible (too tough to chew).]

【but……】

It can be used to make...top-quality kitchenware.

Jiang Li's eyes lit up.

"Living metal..."

It can self-repair, withstand high temperatures, and deform.

"This is simply the perfect material for... a wok that will never wear out!"

……

"Ergou! Dasheng!"

Jiang Li waved his hand.

"That metal frame..."

"Tear it down!"

"I'm going to use it... to make a pot!"

"Woof!!"

Er Gou couldn't contain himself any longer.

It transformed into a black and white lightning bolt and hurtled towards Trazin's spaceship.

"I, Old Sun, am here too!"

Sun Wukong brandished his golden cudgel and somersaulted onto the cloud.

……

The collector's escape.

Seeing the two menacing "collections" retaliate.

Trazin finally realized.

We may have hit a brick wall today.

"Madmen! They're all madmen!"

"This doesn't make sense!"

Although it likes to collect things, it values ​​its life even more (although it can be resurrected, its body is very valuable).

"You guys are ruthless!"

"I don't want this green one anymore!"

Trazin took the block that held Saraca locked from his waist and threw it forcefully to the ground.

They were trying to distract Jiang Li.

"Here you go!"

then.

"Emergency Warp!!"

Trazin's body instantly transformed into a stream of green data and entered the spaceship.

"Whoosh!"

The necromancer ship initiated a dimensional jump and instantly disappeared above Amagidon.

Only an angry electronic voice echoed:

"Human! I'll remember you!"

"I'll be back! Once I've stolen the Silent King figure... I'll come back for you!"

……

The return of ingredients and new allies.

"Clatter".

The hyper-dimensional cube fell to the ground and shattered.

"roar----!!"

Salaka rolled out of it.

The sauce was still on it, and that "delicious" feeling was still there.

It looked around in confusion.

What just happened?

I feel like I've been locked in a box?

And then he was released again?

……

Hey, big guy.

Jiang Li walked up to Salaka.

He was holding the unfinished fragment of the Hyper Dimension Cube (rock candy) in his hand.

"That metal frame just now was trying to grab you and use you as a toy."

"I saved you."

"According to the rules..."

Jiang Li pointed to the golden-red crispy skin on Salaka's body (the sauce had solidified).

"You now..."

"It's mine now."

……

I'm thinking...

Salaka looked at Jiang Li.

Then he looked at his fragrant "new skin".

Inside its green head, the logic began to reorganize.

1. This shrimp defeated me (smashing my armor with a hammer).

2. This shrimp was brushed with something really fragrant, which made me stronger (though it made me taste better).

3. This little shrimp even chased away the iron frame that attacked me.

4. So... this shrimp is even more formidable than Mao Erge?

……

"WAAAGH..."

Salaka's voice lowered.

It slowly... knelt down on one knee (although the posture was very awkward).

It lowered its enormous head toward Jiang Li.

"Boss!"

"Starting today..."

"You're... the God of Cookery!"

"We... we're with you!"

"Who do you want us to fight?"

"Should we hit that metal frame? Or that old man sitting on the toilet?"

……

"We won't fight."

Jiang Li patted Salaka's head (it felt smooth and shiny to the touch now).

"We're going to..."

"Farming".

Jiang Li pointed to the war-torn Amagidon wasteland beneath his feet.

"Take this wasteland..."

"To become the largest...organic vegetable farm in the entire galaxy."

"You, Salaka."

"He was... the first farmer."

……

Epilogue: Amagiton's Transformation.

this day.

The history of Amagidon has been rewritten.

The Third Armageddon War has ended.

Instead, the first large-scale agricultural development of Amagiton took place.

Countless Orcs laid down their guns and picked up hoes (albeit modified guns).

They no longer shout "WAAAGH!" before going to chop people up.

Instead, they shouted "FAAARM!" as they tilled the land.

Because their master chef said:

"The more vegetables we grow, the more delicious our dinner will be!"

And in the far reaches of space.

Having just escaped back to his lair, Terazin looked at his empty display case and the missing cube.

In a fit of rage, he smashed a Spirit Clan vase.

"Damn cook!"

Just you wait and see!

"I won't cheat on you anymore!"

"I'm going to steal... your recipe!"