I was just fishing, how did I become a Great Old One?

The original Earth, City C, at the entrance of Room 302, Xingfuli Community.

The air freezes.

The three men in black outside the door had their hands on their tactical pistols. Their sunglasses reflected the peeling paint on the security door, while their tactical goggles flashed red rapidly on their retinas.

[Warning! Energy reaction in target area...unreadable!]

[WARNING! Spatial structure...extremely unstable!]

[Recommendation: Evacuate immediately! Request nuclear strike support!]

……

"A nuclear strike?"

Team leader Zhang swallowed hard, cold sweat beading on his forehead.

He was a top-tier elite member of the National Bureau of Paranormal Affairs, having handled countless supernatural incidents. He had seen everything from zombies in the Qinling Mountains to wild men in Changbai Mountain.

But just ten minutes ago.

Satellite surveillance showed a black unidentified flying object, larger than the moon, hovering over this old residential area like a giant lid. Then…

Huh.

Gone.

It transformed into a single person and entered the room.

This goes beyond the scope of "strange tales"; this is... a divine descent.

……

"Captain, what do we do?"

The young team member behind him, Xiao Zhao, was trembling a little.

"Should we go in? Or...?"

"Don't move."

Captain Zhang took a deep breath.

"Since the other side hasn't directly attacked Earth, it means... there's room for negotiation."

He straightened his suit and tie.

Reach out.

"Knock knock knock".

Knock on the door again.

"Hello, the community is here to offer warmth."

"Check the gas meter."

……

inside the house.

Jiang Li was holding a braised egg when she heard this and almost burst out laughing.

"Check the gas meter?"

"This excuse... has been used for hundreds of years, why not change it?"

Jiang Li put down her chopsticks.

I glanced at Alice, who was still intently twirling noodles with a fork.

"Eat yours."

"I'll go open the door."

……

Contact: Mortals and Gods.

"Click."

The security door was opened.

Appearing before Captain Zhang was a young man wearing a white T-shirt, flip-flops, and with a bit of red oil on the corner of his mouth.

It looks... ordinary.

He's even a bit... a loser.

If you ignore the tiny cleaning robot (made by Swan) floating in the air behind him, emitting an eerie blue light.

……

"Yo."

Jiang Li leaned against the doorway, still holding the necromancer's little milk pot in his hand.

"Several leaders."

"Coming to check the gas meter this late at night with a Type 92 pistol and a tactical stun gun?"

"Isn't this a bit...too dedicated?"

……

They saw right through me.

Captain Zhang's pupils contracted.

Since I've been found out, there's no need to pretend anymore.

He pulled out his ID and flashed it.

[National Security Special Investigations Bureau, Bureau of Strange Events.]

"Mr. Jiang Li."

Captain Zhang's voice was deep and powerful.

"We suspect you are involved in a...major UFO intrusion incident."

"Please come with us."

"Assist in the investigation."

……

"What if we don't?"

Jiang Li took a sip of noodle soup.

"Slurp—"

"Then we have the right to take coercive measures."

The two agents behind Captain Zhang instantly drew their guns.

The dark muzzle of the gun was pointed at Jiang Li.

……

"Don't!!"

Captain Zhang was about to stop his men.

But it was too late.

"Woof!!"

A majestic bark rang out.

A black and white husky (Ergou) appeared at the doorway without anyone noticing.

It looked at the two guns.

It's like looking at two...bones.

……

[Skill: Reality Gem - Matter Recombination - Ham Sausage Version]

Jiang Li didn't even move.

He simply snapped his fingers.

"Smack."

……

"Splash!"

That was the strange sound of metal turning into meat products.

The two agents were surprised to discover.

They held two heavy, specially made pistols, powerful enough to pierce steel plates.

It suddenly softened.

It turned red.

It turned into...

Two...extra-large, peeled...Shuanghui Wangzhongwang ham sausages.

And it's...corn flavored.

……

"this……"

Agent Zhao was dumbfounded.

He pulled the trigger.

"Pfft."

No bullets were fired.

Only a small piece of... minced meat was squeezed out from the muzzle (intestine).

It fell to the ground.

……

"Gulp."

Er Gou caught the piece of meat in one bite.

I chewed it.

"Woof!"

Too much starch! Thumbs down!

……

"Look."

Jiang Li shrugged.

"I knew it!"

"Check the water meter if you want."

"What food should I bring?"

"You're being so polite."

……

The entire room fell silent.

Captain Zhang looked at the two still-shaking sausages in his subordinate's hand.

His worldview... shattered.

What kind of ability is this?

Can the structure of matter be changed instantly?

Is this... God?

……

"alright."

Jiang Li turned and walked into the house.

"Come in."

"I don't like talking in the hallway."

"Remember to change your shoes."

"Don't worry."

Jiang Li's voice drifted over.

"If I wanted to take action..."

"It just turned into a sausage..."

"Then it's not a gun anymore."

"But...it's you."

……

The bureau chief makes his appearance.

Captain Zhang took a deep breath.

He knew that this was beyond his capabilities.

He pressed the emergency button on his headset.

"Chief...please come up."

"The idea... is tricky."

"Very sharp."

……

A few minutes later.

An elderly man, dressed in a Zhongshan suit, with gray hair and a sprightly demeanor, walked into the cramped rented room.

Director Li.

The highest-ranking official in the Bureau of Strange News.

As soon as he entered the room, he smelled an extremely tempting aroma of braised beef noodles.

as well as……

A sense of oppression from a higher dimension that made his very soul tremble.

……

"sit."

Jiang Li pointed to the small stool next to him.

Alice had finished eating her noodles and was wiping her mouth elegantly.

Her eyes, which held the vastness of the universe, glanced indifferently at Director Li.

[Scan complete.]

[Target: Carbon-based human male.]

Threat Level: Microscopic.

[Note: Is this the Earth's ruler? They seem... quite fragile.]

……

Mr. Jiang.

Director Li did not sit down.

He stood there, neither humble nor arrogant.

"I am Li Jianguo."

"I've come specifically to pay a visit."

His gaze fell on the necromancer's little milk pot that was being used as a trash can.

That pot...

It appears to be made of... living metal?

And it's even... self-repairing?

Director Li's eyelid twitched.

The technology behind this pot is probably more advanced than Earth's technology by 10,000 years.

……

"Director Li."

Jiang Li put down the bowl.

"I know what you're worried about."

"That big black pot in the sky is my boat."

"I just got back from a business trip to... other places."

"Go home and visit."

Jiang Li pointed out the window.

"This is the neighborhood I've lived in for three years."

"This country is my homeland."

"I have no intention of destroying the world."

"We have no intention of ruling the Earth."

"I just..."

Jiang Li sighed.

"I want a bowl of noodles."

"And...pay the rent while you're at it."

……

"On business trip?"

Director Li gave a wry smile.

Mr. Jiang.

"You're from out of town..."

"Isn't it a bit far?"

"I'm looking at the satellite cloud image..."

"You came back from...outside the Milky Way?"

……

"More or less."

Jiang Li took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

That's a cigarette made by the Terran Empire specifically for Ghost Agents.

He handed one to Director Li.

"Want one?"

"This cigarette is strong; it can refresh you."

Director Li hesitated for a moment before accepting it.

Jiang Li snapped his fingers.

A cluster of purple flames (Void Psionic Fire) ignited at his fingertips.

Light it for Director Li.

……

"hiss--"

Director Li took a puff.

moment.

A cool breeze rushed straight to my head.

He felt his brain, which had been foggy from staying up all night, instantly clear up.

Even my chronic leg pain, which I've had for years, is gone.

"This cigarette..."

"specialty."

Jiang Li smiled.

"Director Li."

"Let's not beat around the bush."

"My current identity..."

Jiang Li pointed to the ceiling.

"It's a bit...special."

You can understand it as...

"The biggest... landlord (and cook) in the entire universe."

"In my hand..."

Jiang Li opened his palm.

Infinity Stones, AllSpark fragments, two-dimensional foil...

These are artifacts powerful enough to destroy the universe.

Like a pile of glass marbles, they jingled in his hands.

"We have these things."

……

"!!!"

Director Li and Captain Zhang behind him looked at the pile of "glass balls".

Although I don't know what it is.

But instinct told them.

If even one falls...

The Earth would be gone.

……

"but."

Jiang Li withdrew his hand.

"I don't want to cause trouble."

"I don't want to be treated like a monster."

"I just want to live a quiet life."

"Occasionally I take my wife (referring to Alice) shopping or to eat hot pot."

"I occasionally take the dog for a walk in the park."

"so……"

Jiang Li looked at Director Li.

"Can we... reach an agreement?"

……

"What agreement?"

Director Li asked.

……

"I don't cause trouble."

"Don't bother me."

"My spaceship is invisible and won't scare children."

"My dog ​​doesn't bite (unless the other person is a water droplet)."

"In exchange..."

Jiang Li emerged from that pile of "junk".

They picked out a small object that looked like a USB flash drive.

That was compiled by Swan... [Terran Empire - Primary Nuclear Fusion Reactor Blueprints].

(It's beginner level for StarCraft, but god-level for Earth).

……

"this."

Jiang Li threw the USB drive on the table.

"These are for you."

"It's considered... a supplementary property management fee payment."

"What's inside..."

"This should enable the country's energy technology..."

"Maybe it will progress by... 500 years."

……

Five hundred years?!

Director Li's hands trembled.

He looked at the USB drive.

That is... the future of the nation.

That is the infinite energy that countless scientists have been dreaming of...

That's it...

Did you pay it as property management fee?

……

"this……"

Director Li took a deep breath.

He straightened up.

He gave Jiang Li a solemn salute.

Mr. Jiang.

"Your...patriotism."

"The country has received it."

"Please rest assured."

"Starting today."

"This building... no, this neighborhood."

"It is... [a top-secret national unit]."

"No unauthorized personnel will be allowed to disturb your... peace and quiet."

"As for your identity..."

Director Li glanced at Alice and Er Gou.

"It's... [A returned overseas Chinese and a famous gourmet]."

"The files...we'll get on them right away."

……

"light and spacious!"

Jiang Li nodded in satisfaction.

"It's easier to talk to smart people."

"Alright."

"We've finished our noodles."

"The matter is settled."

"I won't keep you all for dinner."

Jiang Li stood up and dismissed them.

"after all……"

"My room is too small."

"There's not enough room for so many people."

……

see a visitor out.

Director Li left with his men.

When he left, he was clutching the USB drive tightly in his hand.

It's as if they're holding the fate of the entire nation in their hands.

Xiao Zhao, who was turned into a sausage pistol, even tried to take the sausage back for research.

As a result, Er Gou snatched it away in one gulp.

"Woof!"

(That's mine!)

……

A vow made under the starry sky.

The room fell silent again.

Jiang Li walked onto the balcony.

Looking at the myriad lights outside.

Looking at those ordinary people struggling to make a living.

He felt a long-lost... peace.

"This is...home."

Alice walked up to him.

Her hand gently grasped Jiang Li's hand.

It was warm.

It's real.

"Jiang Li".

Alice looked at the starry sky.

"From now on..."

"So you're going to live here?"

……

"Um."

Jiang Li nodded.

"Right here."

"I eat soy milk and fried dough sticks for breakfast."

"I'll have shredded pork with garlic sauce for lunch."

"Let's have hot pot and barbecue tonight."

"If you get tired of it..."

Jiang Li pointed to the brightest star in the sky.

"We're flying the Gluttony."

"Let's go on vacation in space..."

"Let's go to Cybertron for popcorn."

"Let's go to the Land of Light for some smoothies."

"Let's go to Marvel to eat purple sweet potatoes."

……

"it is good."

Alice smiled.

She rested her head on Jiang Li's shoulder.

"As long as you're here."

"Anything is fine with me."

……

"Woof!"

Er Gou also squeezed in.

Put the dog's head between the two of them.

(Me too! I want that... Azathoth-flavored dog food!)

……

Final preparations.

Jiang Li patted Er Gou's head.

Looking at this bustling world.

In his heart.

There are no regrets left.

He is a Great Old One.

He is the God of Food in the multiverse.

But he is also... Jiang Li.

An ordinary person who enjoys cooking, enjoys life, and enjoys complaining...

……

"tomorrow……"

Jiang Li looked at Alice's perfect profile.

He said suddenly.

"Tomorrow, let's go... get our marriage certificate."

……

"Get a marriage certificate?"

Alice paused for a moment.

"It's... a marriage certificate."

Jiang Li took it out of his pocket.

He pulled out that... real, the one that Aunt Wang hadn't taken... the Infinity Stone (Mind Stone).

It has been polished by Jiang Li into a... ring.

Alice.

"You're willing..."

"Would you like to be my...boss lady?"

……

Alice looked at the ring.

Her data stream (heartbeat)...

It instantly exceeded the limit.

"I……"

"I do."

……

"good!"

Jiang Li burst into laughter.

"Then tomorrow..."

"Deep Blue Cafeteria..."

"Everyone gets a holiday!"

"Ready..."

"We're having a wedding banquet!!!"