I was just fishing, how did I become a Great Old One?

Deep in the Kunlun Mountains lies Death Valley.

What should have been a bloody and brutal "human-animal war" has turned into a bizarre and harmonious "farmhouse milking experience".

Dozens of large, tentacle-covered black goat calves (Kunlun subspecies) were lined up obediently, lying docilely on the snow, letting the man in the down jacket grope them.

"Next! Don't push! There's enough for everyone!"

Jiang Li was beaming with joy as he carried a full bucket of "chilled goat milk" that exuded coldness and life energy.

"The sheep from the Kunlun Mountains are truly exceptional; their milk even has a hint of snow lotus flavor! If we made ice cream from it, it would be an absolute lifesaver in the summer heat!"

Wang Ergou, Liu Wei, and others assisted by filling the milked milk into freezer containers. They were numb to it all; even if Jiang Li were dancing on the head of a black goat right now, they would take it for granted.

however.

Just as this peaceful atmosphere reached its peak.

"Whoosh—whoosh—"

A chilling, eerie wind suddenly blew from the depths of the valley, accompanied by a chilling shriek.

The once clear sky suddenly darkened.

A large, dark cloud suddenly enveloped the entire valley without warning.

"Huh? The weather's changed?"

Jiang Li looked up. "The climate on this plateau is so changeable. It was sunny just now, and now it's cloudy? Er Gou, bring the clothes in, don't let them get wet."

"Boss...something's not right!"

Liu Wei's (former top assassin) intuition sent chills down his spine as he stared intently at the "dark cloud."

"That's not a cloud! That's... something alive!"

As they got closer, everyone finally saw the true nature of that "dark cloud".

They were a group of humanoid creatures.

They were entirely black, with skin as smooth as rubber, enormous bat wings on their backs, and a spiky tail trailing behind them. Most terrifyingly, their faces… had no features!

It has no eyes, no nose, and no mouth.

There was only a chilling blank space!

【The Faceless Ones - Nightgaunts】

This is a well-known lower-ranking independent race in the Lovecraftian mythology, usually serving some ancient deity in the Abyss or Dreamlands. They are silent and move without a sound, and their favorite attack method is not biting, but... scratching and "tipping".

That's right, they will grab their prey and lift it high into the air, then tickle it with their sharp claws until the prey collapses in extreme fear and hysterical laughter, or is simply thrown off and killed.

At this moment, thousands of Nightmares, like a swarm of black locusts, swooped down on Jiang Li's convoy!

"Squeak—" (A silent shriek)

Although they lack vocal organs, the massive mental shockwave still made the ordinary people present feel dizzy.

"Enemy attack! Prepare for battle!"

Lei Meng roared and grabbed two cleavers, placing them in front of him.

"Woof!"

Big Yellow also arched its back, letting out a threatening growl. Although it was a Tindaros hound, it felt a bit of pressure under such a large-scale attack.

however.

Jiang Li looked at the group of "faceless monsters" flying down, but instead of being afraid, he frowned and looked disgusted.

"What are these things? Have these mannequins come to life?"

In his eyes, these shameless guys were like those black plastic mannequins in a clothing store that had grown wings.

"It looks so perfunctory, they couldn't even be bothered to sculpt the face? The creator was way too lazy!"

As they were speaking, several Nightmares that were charging at the front had already arrived.

Instead of attacking Lei Meng and Da Huang, they bypassed the defenses and pounced on Jiang Li, who was carrying a bucket.

Clearly, the person in charge here knows who's in charge.

"call!"

Several pairs of cold, slippery hands grabbed Jiang Li's arms, thighs, and waist.

"rise!"

The Nightmares wanted to capture Jiang Li and take him to the heavens.

but……

They were surprised to find that this human was...so heavy!

It's as heavy as a mountain!

Jiang Li stood still, while the Nightmares nearly broke their wings from flapping so hard.

"What are you doing? What are you doing? This pulling and tugging is unbecoming!"

Jiang Li was unhappy.

Just as he was about to shake off the "plastic mannequins," he suddenly felt a strange sensation around his waist.

When the Nightmares realized they couldn't catch him, they stretched out their claws and started scratching him frantically in his waist, armpits, and soles of his feet!

【Abyss Scratching Technique】!

This is a rule-level attack that can directly affect nerve endings; even the toughest man would laugh himself silly!

"Haha... Ouch! Hahahaha!"

Jiang Li suddenly burst into laughter.

"It itches! It itches so much! Hahaha! Stop scratching!"

He twisted and turned on the ground, almost spilling the milk bucket in his hands.

"Holy crap! These models are sleazy! They actually launched a sneak attack! Hahaha!"

Wang Ergou and the others around them stared in disbelief.

Why has this art style suddenly become so unserious?

Just a moment ago it was an atmosphere of a battle between gods and demons, how did it turn into a "tickling hell" in the blink of an eye?

"Boss! Hang in there! I'm coming to save you!"

Lei Meng charged forward, brandishing his broadsword, intending to sever Nightshade's arm.

"No! Hahaha! Don't cut!"

Jiang Li laughed and waved her hand, "This technique... is quite powerful! Haha! A little to the left! Yes! Right there! My back is really sore!"

Everyone: "..."

interesting?

You call this exciting?

Although Jiang Li was ticklish, his body had been strengthened many times, making his skin tough and resilient. Although the Nightmare's claws were sharp, scratching him actually had a deep muscle-relaxing effect.

"So comfortable! It feels so good!"

Jiang Li laughed until tears streamed down her face.

"This isn't an assassin, this is clearly a professional massage therapist!"

"And it's a multi-handed, three-dimensional massage!"

He grabbed a Nightmare that was tickling his armpit and carefully touched its skin.

It's smooth, elastic, and cool to the touch.

"This leather is really nice! It's like rubber, it feels so good!"

Jiang Li's eyes lit up. "Perfect timing! We're short a few bath attendants... no, I mean, a few spa therapists!"

"These shameless guys don't have to worry about the customers' moods, and they're incredibly strong and can even fly—they're practically born massage gods!"

Thinking of this, Jiang Li stopped laughing (forcibly holding it in).

His internal energy surged.

"collapse!"

An invisible wave erupted, blasting away the Nightmares clinging to him.

"Stop it, all of you! If you're here to apply for a technician position, you need to follow the rules!"

Jiang Li pulled out the [Mi-Go Plasma Net Launcher] (the same large swatter he used to swat mosquitoes) from behind his back.

"Let's begin the interviews! Whoever has the best skills will stay! Those who aren't... well, hmph!"

He looked up at the dense swarm of Nightmares in the sky.

"Big Yellow! Old Lei! Don't kill them! Catch them alive!"

"We're opening a bathhouse!"

……

What followed turned into a complete farce.

The once terrifying army of Faceless Ones seemed to have met its nemesis in the face of Jiang Li, Da Huang, and a group of armed Deep Ones.

Big Yellow bit one of them, not to kill it, but to bite the base of its wing so it couldn't fly.

Lei Meng used the large black cauldron as a shield, knocking out the Nightmares that charged at him one by one.

Jiang Li, meanwhile, was wielding an electric net and swinging it wildly in the air.

"Sizzle sizzle—"

"This one's too skinny, she probably doesn't have much strength, no thanks!"

"This one's good, thick arms, I'll keep it for foot massages!"

"Why is this one missing a tail? Is it disabled? Oh well, I'll keep it for sweeping!"

Less than half an hour.

Hundreds of Nightshade monsters were bound hand and foot and neatly stacked on the snow, looking like a pile of black rubber tires.

Seeing that the situation was hopeless, the remaining hundreds of birds turned tail and flew back into the depths of the valley.

"Why are you running off? The interview isn't over yet!"

Jiang Li put away the electric net with some regret. "Never mind, these are enough. Er Gou, load them into the car! Go back and give them a good training session, teach them how to massage, instead of just scratching their itch, they need to press acupoints!"

Wang Ergou's mouth twitched wildly as he looked at the carriage full of "faceless technicians".

The boss's thought process... is truly beyond human comprehension.

……

After dealing with the group of "technicians," Jiang Li looked up into the depths of the valley.

The black fog there had thickened, and the outline of a huge, upside-down city suspended in mid-air could be vaguely seen.

The city is like a stalactite growing upside down from the sky, with an ancient and bizarre architectural style, full of indescribable geometric beauty.

【The Upside-Down City: The Frontier of a Dreamland】

"That house...why is it built upside down?"

Jiang Li stroked his chin, looking puzzled. "Has this designer lost their mind? If they went to the toilet like this, wouldn't they get soaked?"

"Boss, that's an anti-gravity field."

Liu Wei explained, "The gravity there is reversed. If we want to get in, we'll probably have to... fly up."

"Fly up there?"

Jiang Li looked at his Unimog.

"This car can climb hills, but the slope is -90 degrees, so it can't make it up."

"But it's okay, we have an 'elevator'."

He pointed to the group of Nightmares who had just been captured.

"String them together! Pull the cart!"

……

then.

A jaw-dropping scene unfolded deep within the Kunlun Mountains.

Hundreds of black Nightmares, bound by specially made chains (dragon tendons), looked like a group of laborers, slowly lifting a huge armored RV and several trucks into the air.

"Giddy up! Giddy up!"

Jiang Li sat on the roof of the car, waving a small leather whip, "Fly steadily! Don't bounce my breasts around!"

The Nightmares shed tears of humiliation (if they had eyes).

They are travelers of the void, messengers of the abyss. When have they ever suffered such injustice?

But under the tyranny of that terrible man, they could only flap their wings with all their might, pulling the heavy convoy towards the upside-down city.

……

The city upside down, the central hall.

Everything here is upside down. The floor is above your head, and the ceiling is below your feet (relative to the outside world).

An elderly man with white hair and beard, dressed in an ancient Taoist robe, is hanging upside down on the "ground" (actually, he is standing) and observing the outside world through a water mirror.

"What... what kind of operation is this?!"

The old man's whisk fell to the ground.

He has lived for thousands of years and boasts of his extensive knowledge.

He had seen people fly on swords, ride dragons and phoenixes, and even fly while sitting in gourds.

But he had never seen anything like it before... a group of monsters flying up, pulling a huge truck along with them!

"This kid... is terrifyingly powerful! And he doesn't play by the rules!"

The old man's name was Xuanming Daoren. He was originally a cultivator from Kunlun Mountain. Later, in pursuit of immortality, he came into contact with forbidden knowledge and was bewitched by an incarnation of Nyarlathotep (the Chaos of Subduing), becoming the gatekeeper of this upside-down city.

"No, we can't let them in so easily."

A ruthless glint flashed in Xuanming Daoist's eyes. "Since physical attacks are ineffective, then let's use an array!"

"Activate the [Inverted Yin-Yang Bewitching Array]!"

He formed a hand seal, and the entire upside-down city began to tremble violently.

Countless eerie runes lit up on the city's surface, emitting a mesmerizing purple light.

……

"We're here! The gate to the residential area is just ahead!"

Jiang Li directed the "Nightmare Caravan" to approach the upside-down city.

Just as the convoy was about to land (or land on the roof).

"Buzz—"

The surrounding scenery suddenly changed.

The once dark valley has disappeared, replaced by a colorful mist.

Upside down, left and right are indistinguishable.

Jiang Li felt as if she had fallen into a giant kaleidoscope, and she was dizzy.

"What's going on? Are we trapped in a maze?"

Wang Ergou screamed from inside the car, "Boss! The compass's gone mad! We're lost!"

"get lost?"

Jiang Li rubbed his temples.

"Is the road network in this neighborhood really that complicated? Is it practically a maze?"

"Brain! Navigation!"

[Mi-Go's Brain] emitted a buzzing sound: "Unable to locate... Spatial laws are in disarray... This is a high-dimensional illusion barrier..."

"Illusion?"

Jiang Li sneered.

"What's the point of all this empty rhetoric?"

He took out the [Dragon King's Eye] from his bag.

"I refuse to believe it. This thing can see through the deep sea, but it can't see through this little bit of fog?"

"Break it!"

Jiang Li infused the Dragon Ball with spiritual power (actually the power of rules).

"boom!"

The Dragon Ball burst forth with a dazzling starlight, like a sharp sword, instantly piercing through the mist.

The illusion shattered like a mirror.

The true scene reappeared.

They had arrived at the entrance to the city—in front of a huge, upside-down archway.

The archway bears three large ancient seal characters: 【崑仑虚】.

Under the archway stood the old Taoist priest, lying face down, staring at them with a bewildered expression.

"How...how did you get in?!"

Xuanming Daoist found it hard to believe.

His grand formation could even trap and kill an S-rank expert! It's broken already?

"They came in."

Jiang Li jumped out of the car and stood on the "ceiling" (because of the reverse gravity, he was upside down, but he was extremely adaptable and did not feel uncomfortable at all).

He sized up the old Taoist priest.

"Hey, old man, are you the property manager here?"

Jiang Li asked rather bluntly.

"I want to complain! The roads in this neighborhood are so difficult to walk on! There aren't even any streetlights! I almost bumped into a wall!"

Xuanming Daoist: "..."

Property manager?

I am the gatekeeper! I am a demigod!

"Arrogant brat! How dare you insult me!"

Enraged, Xuanming Daoist flicked his whisk, which transformed into thousands of white threads that shot towards Jiang Li like steel needles.

"Get rid of all those countless worries!"

"Oh? You can do magic tricks?"

Jiang Li looked at the white silk filling the sky, but instead of dodging, he pulled out a... lighter from his pocket.

"This stuff looks like willow catkins; it must be quite flammable, right?"

"Snapped!"

Flames shot up.

"call--"

The white silk thread ignited instantly upon contact with the fire, and the flames spread along the whisk to the old Taoist's hand.

"Ah! My whisk! My magic weapon!"

Xuanming Daoist screamed and threw away his whisk; half of his beard was burned off.

"The quality is poor; it's not flame retardant."

Jiang Li shook his head. "Old man, I think you're getting on in years. Don't play with fire, or you'll wet the bed."

He stepped forward and grabbed the old Taoist priest by the collar.

"Stop talking nonsense and lead the way."

"I heard you have a 'divine treasure' here? Where is it?"

Xuanming Daoist looked at the man in front of him with a "kind" smile, then at the big yellow dog next to him that was grinding its teeth, and at the carriage full of "faceless servants" (who were now pulling the carriage).

He finally understood.

This is not an explorer.

It looks like bandits have invaded the village!

"It's...it's inside...I'll lead the way..."

Xuanming Daoist chickened out.

He decided to bring this scoundrel in first, and then use the traps inside to kill him!

"That's right. Respecting the elderly and caring for the young is a fine tradition of Deep Blue Aquaculture."

Jiang Li patted the old Taoist's charred shoulder.

"Let's go into the village! Let's go on a shopping spree!"