A heretical cultivator in Bureau 749, I'm the fiercest at pulling out tendons and skinning peop

Ji Zuodao was really poor when he was a child.

So poor he was practically penniless; his pockets were emptier than his face.

Aside from cultivation resources, his three masters never shortchanged him—after all, they were counting on him to inherit their mantle, and they were truly going all out in this regard.

But in other aspects...

That would truly be a case of "nothing to my name, whatever."

Of those three, one is a research madman, one is a murderer, and the other is an old scoundrel. Which one of them seems like someone who would take care of a child?

Their standard for raising children is simple and brutal: just one thing: as long as they don't starve.

As for balanced nutrition, mental health, and childhood enjoyment?

Sigh, those are things that only ordinary kids care about.

We heretics are all we need to do is have a tough life!

For a while, Ji Zuodao really considered starving himself to death.

These miserable days are better off gone than ever!

After trying it for three days, he discovered that not only did he not starve to death, but he also mastered the energy-saving mode of tortoise-like breathing and hibernation, which allowed him to survive by absorbing the essence of the sun and moon.

I don't know if it's because he's too awesome or his three masters are too awesome.

As for pocket money?

It's something that only exists in dreams.

The third master, with a blade of grass dangling from his mouth and legs crossed, spoke with utter righteous indignation: "Pocket money? What's the point of that? Go down the mountain and smash up brothels!"

Good guy.

Smash the kiln.

How old was Ji Zuodao back then?

Having only unlocked a few dozen acupoints, his combat power is probably only enough to beat up a squishy college student; he'd probably be defeated by a sports student.

Send him to smash up brothels?

Isn't that just delivering vegetables?!

After being brutally beaten down by reality, Ji Zuodao turned his attention to the back mountain.

Then he discovered the New World—

Those fox cubs in the back hill all have pocket money! They can even buy candy!

Can this be tolerated?

Thus came the famous blow to the head, and the subsequent tragic memory of being caught red-handed by the Empress and subjected to four mixed beatings in one day.

After returning home, Xiao Ji Zuo Dao clutched her buttocks, which were swollen into eight pieces, and reflected on her painful experience.

Forcibly seizing it won't work; we need to outsmart it.

After observing for a while, he keenly discovered that these fox cubs, regardless of gender, were all damn obsessed with looks!

What a coincidence!

Even though Ji Zuodao's face hasn't fully matured yet, it's still at the level of being blessed by God.

With delicate features, porcelain-white skin, and two dimples when she smiles, she is the perfect match for both men and women, young and old.

Therefore, the strategy was changed.

With his handsome face and silver tongue, Ji Zuodao began his career as a "playboy".

Today I picked a flower for this little fox and praised its glossy fur.

Tomorrow I'll tell that little fox a joke I heard down the mountain, and it'll laugh so hard it'll be doubled over.

"Little sister (little brother), your eyes are so beautiful, like the stars in the sky~"

"Brother (Sister), your tail is so fluffy, it must feel so nice to touch!"

Sweet words, sugar-coated bullets, and the ability to please everyone.

The little foxes were completely smitten with him, their hearts fluttering with desire, and they were all eager to give him all their pocket money and their secret stash of sweets.

Ji Zuodao's purse quickly bulged.

Unfortunately, the good times don't last long.

Not all fox cubs are fools.

As time went on, some clever people realized something was wrong.

Let's check them against each other, okay!

That little bastard Ji Zuodao has been flirting with so many foxes at the same time that you can't even count them on two hands! Dozens of them!

The truth came out.

Ji Zuodao was cornered in a cave by dozens of angry little foxes who felt their feelings had been betrayed, and he was almost torn apart.

The reputation of "little scumbag" was thoroughly established in the fox circle of the back mountain, and he will be infamous for eternity.

He returned to his scratched face once more, and Ji Zuodao once again resolved to learn from his mistakes.

He got it.

Why bother flirting with so many little foxes? It's time-consuming, laborious, and prone to backfiring.

If you're going to flirt, flirt with the one who gives the little fox pocket money!

Target locked: The Empress.

As mentioned before, foxes are all attracted to good looks.

Ji Zuodao's face, coupled with his ability to speak sweet words to anyone, whether they're a person or a ghost...

Thus, Ji Zuodao successfully transformed from a "playboy" into a "caring and considerate daughter of the empress."

"Auntie, you look so beautiful in that dress today! It makes your skin look as white as snow!"

"Auntie~ I dreamt last night that you made me flower cakes, and it made me so hungry when I woke up. None of the ones outside taste as good as yours~"

"Auntie, are you tired? Shall I give you a shoulder massage?"

As long as you make the Empress happy, with a wave of your hand, you can have pocket money, new clothes, and all sorts of strange and wonderful trinkets—whatever you want.

Once, Ji Zuodao coveted a wooden sword that could "buzz" and fly at low altitudes, belonging to a child of a Qi cultivator at the foot of the mountain. He went home, hugged his master's leg, and cried and begged for it.

As a result, he was given a lecture.

Master Chef: "Flying sword? Why don't you just fly to the heavens?!"

Second Master: "Get back to the horse stance! If your stance isn't stable, what are you doing with your flying sword!"

The third master craftsman concluded in his final words: "He deserved a beating!"

Ji Zuodao pouted and turned to sneak over to the Empress.

With a slight pout, her eyes instantly welled up with tears, and she began to vividly recount her "miserable childhood" and the poignant story of "other children having these things but I didn't."

She portrayed herself as a little cabbage who "had no mother's love, no father's love, and even a toy wooden sword was a luxury."

The empress was amused by his little acting antics, laughing so hard she was shaking with laughter. She reached out her slender finger and tapped his forehead:

"Little drama queen~"

Despite the laughter and teasing, they actually found a palm-sized, spiritually imbued scrap of lightning-struck wood in the storeroom.

I personally whittled a small wooden sword about the length of my palm for him, and even drew a simple wind-controlling talisman with cinnabar.

Although the wooden sword couldn't fly high or far, and it made a buzzing noise like it was having an epileptic fit, occasionally it would convulse and fall down, hitting him squarely on the head...

But for Ji Zuodao at that time, this was the most awesome and coolest magic weapon in the world!

none of them!

This cruel yet rich childhood experience led Ji Zuodao to deeply understand and practice a life truth:

At home, you rely on your master; when you go out, you rely on your aunt to appease her.

As long as I can appease my aunt, life will be easier.

The sky is clear, the water is sweet, my pocket money is plentiful, and the future is bright.

Therefore, he practiced this skill of "making the empress happy" day and night, refining and innovating it.

It has long since evolved from a skill into an art, and from an art into an instinct.

It became his signature skill, his livelihood, for navigating the world and making a living.

Sure enough, the Empress was bombarded with his sweet talk, and the smile on her lips never faded. Her captivating peach blossom eyes curved into crescents, and she seemed to enjoy it immensely.

She would occasionally extend her slender finger and poke Ji Zuodao's forehead, laughing and scolding him as a "little flatterer" or "you're so sweet-talking," but the joy in her tone was undeniable.

Clearly, they're very receptive to this approach.

When they reached the medical building, the Empress was clearly in a great mood. She turned her head and looked at Ji Zuodao's face, which was full of "well-behaved.JPG" expressions, and suddenly had a mischievous thought.

"Little Ji," the Empress's voice was sweet and seductive, drawing out the syllables, "you have such a sweet tongue, you must have charmed quite a few young girls, haven't you?"

Ji Zuodao's heart skipped a beat, but his smile remained unchanged, even becoming brighter, and his tone was utterly righteous:

"Auntie! You've completely wronged me!"

"My heart is set on serving the people and cultivating myself; I have no time for that!"

"Besides," he changed the subject, his expression turning pitiful, "with my reputation for being disliked by everyone and even dogs, which girl would dare to approach me? Only you, Auntie, don't mind and are willing to let me help you..."

The empress chuckled and ruffled his hair vigorously: "What a character!"

She finally understood: this kid was a bit of a scoundrel, and also a bit wicked.

But that sweet talk and that "I know I'm a dog, but I'll pretend to be good" attitude are really... hard to dislike.

At least, she couldn't bring herself to hate it.

After all, who would dislike a younger relative they've watched grow up, who may be a little mischievous but is genuinely caring when it matters and will go to great lengths to make them happy?

Especially this younger one, he's quite handsome.

The Empress was in a good mood as she let Ji Zuodao help her into the 749 Bureau Medical Department building.

The smell of disinfectant in the corridor didn't seem so pungent anymore.