Northeast: My Absurd Woman

Yang Wuni used her apron to wipe the saliva off Zhang Changyao's hands.

"Zhang Changyao, are you still feeling unwell? Why don't you go to the clinic to see a doctor?"

After listening to Yang Wuni's words, Miao Yu pondered for a moment before asking Zhang Changyao a question.

"What...what's wrong? You're not better? Go to the clinic...what for?"

Zhang Changyao was confused by what the two women were saying. He glanced at them and stammered a reply to Miao Yu.

"Zhang Changyao, if you're sick, go see a doctor. Being afraid of spending money won't help; the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to treat."

Miao Yu looked at Zhang Changyao with disappointment and sighed deeply.

"Director Miao, hurry up and eat. Eating popcorn and having a laryngitis on the kang (heated brick bed) is not a problem. Why are you looking at it?"

If I had to say that being a bit fussy while eating is a flaw, it would be that I'm lazy.

From now on, if he dares to eat in bed again, I'll slap his hand. It won't be more than three times before I hit him.

After serving everyone their rice, Yang Wuni smiled and said to Miao Yu.

"Sister-in-law Wuni, when I was little, my dad said that if I ate rice grains that were not cooked properly, I would grow up to marry a woman with a pockmarked face."

"Looks like that's not right. Brother Changyao didn't marry a woman with pockmarked faces either?" Hou Jiu said with a smile, looking at Yang Wuni's face.

"Hou Jiu, starting tomorrow, you will be the women's director of the village."

If any of these women have any family matters related to family planning, you should go to the township and tell me right away.

"I won't let you run errands for nothing. I'll apply for some subsidies for you later." Miao Yu spoke to Hou Jiu with exceptional gentleness.

"Yes, Director Miao, I understand." Hou Jiu nodded repeatedly, her face flushed.

Miao Yu stayed in Liao Zhi's room instead of leaving, and spent half the night talking to Hou Jiu about the family planning policy and its implementation.

Hou Jiu borrowed Zhang Changyao's pen and wrote on Yang Deshan's cigarette paper.

It was written in a scraggly, cat-like style, a cryptic script that even the writer himself couldn't decipher.

"Zhang Changyao, Liao Zhi told you to pretend to be dirty, not that you should actually be dirty."

Look at your arms, sleeves, and the back of your butt—it's covered in snot! It's disgusting!

Yang Wuni used a broom to scrape the snot off Zhang Changyao's pants and clothes.

"If you're going to pretend, then pretend properly. If you're just putting on a show, it won't help to highlight Hou Jiu's role. Wouldn't that be a waste of your feelings?"

Look at how tightly Miao Yu's nose is twitching; I bet if I approached her, she'd throw up.

Zhang Changyao slammed the broom out of Yang Wuni's hand and threw it to the end of the kang (a heated brick bed), then pulled her into his own bed.

He rolled over, giving Yang Wuni the warm, cozy bed he had been keeping warm with his body.

Yang Wuni held his hand tightly, her girlish thoughts overflowing from her eyes.

Yang Wuni's proactive attitude surprised Zhang Changyao.

Uncomfortable, he lay on the kang mat, too afraid to move, and grinned foolishly at Yang Wuni.

"What are you doing? It's not like you don't know me." Yang Wuni said softly, her face flushed.

"Wu Ni, have you finally figured it out?" Zhang Changyao went back into his bed and pulled Yang Wu Ni into his arms.

"Zhang Changyao, I can tell you don't care about Miao Yu just by watching you pretend to be stupid and make a fool of yourself."

Let's live a good life together from now on. I'll never overthink or doubt you again.

Yang Wuni snuggled against Zhang Changyao like a kitten.

Zhang Changyao wished he could hold Yang Wuni in his mouth and kiss her face, making popping sounds like popping beans.

That night made Zhang Changyao realize that he had been truly loved by a woman.

My back aches so much, my legs hurt so much, and I wear out the kang mat so much.

The next morning, Zhang Changyao and Yang Wuni drove a donkey cart to their fourth sister's house in town to learn how to slaughter pigs.

Hou Jiu followed Miao Yu like a worm to Hou Da Yanjing's house to settle accounts with him.

Fourth Sister Yang Juhua's house is at the east end of the town. Follow the main road in front of the granary, and you'll reach the alley at the end on the south side.

"Yang Juhua, let me tell you, an old woman like you just doesn't know how to manage a household."

They washed all the pig bristles away with water, and didn't even bother to pick them up. Isn't five cents money? Can you even do that?

I've had the worst luck in the world to marry an old woman like you.

If you don't pick up the pig bristles today, you're fucking going back to Old Yang's house.

There are plenty of thrifty young women out there; make room for the good guy.

In Yang Juhua's yard, her husband, Han Liqiang, was banging on the iron frame in the yard with a pig-slaughtering knife and shouting and cursing loudly.

Zhang Changyao tied the donkey cart to the gatepost, listened to the cursing coming from the yard, and didn't dare to go in.

When he turned to look for Yang Wuni, he found Yang Wuni instead.

He had already picked up a fist-sized stone and was holding it in his hand when he jogged into the yard.

"Wu Ni, Wu Ni, we're here to learn how to slaughter pigs, so you can't cause trouble."

Zhang Changyao jumped up and down to catch up with Yang Wuni and snatch the stone from her hand.

"Zhang Changyao, this is a family matter, mind your own business."

Yang Wuni's eyes were red, tears welling up in them, and she pointed at Zhang Changyao, preventing him from getting close to her.

Zhang Changyao knew he couldn't control this, so he could only follow behind Yang Wuni and keep an eye on her.

"Han Liqiang, you blind bastard with glasses, I'll teach you to bully my fourth sister, I'll smash you to death!"

As Yang Wuni turned the corner of the wall, she saw Han Liqiang standing there, his eyes still glaring as he continued his tirade.

The stone in his hand flew towards Han Liqiang in an instant, following his curses.

Han Liqiang, of medium height and with a long face, immediately knew something was wrong when he saw Yang Wuni.

He raised a butcher knife to block the flying stone, but the knife was knocked off and turned around.

He tucked his head into the blue cotton hat with rolled black fur trim that he was wearing.

Following the stone thrown by Yang Wuni, they flew together towards the apricot tree at the entrance of the garden.

"Yang Wuni, you plague, what are you doing in my house? Get out of here right now!"

Han Liqiang scratched his head, squatted down, picked up a stick, and pointed it at Yang Wuni.

"Han Liqiang, I'll teach you to bully my fourth sister! I'll stab you to death today!"

Yang Wuni looked around but couldn't find a suitable tool, so she jogged a few steps.

He bypassed Han Liqiang and took the butcher knife that was stuck in his hat.

"Yang Wuni, put that down right now! That's a damn knife, it could kill someone!"

Han Liqiang looked at the stick, which was more than a meter long, in his hand, and then glanced at the gleaming knife in Yang Wuni's hand.

He knew better than anyone the power of a freshly sharpened butcher knife.

"Han Liqiang, didn't you call me a plague god? Today I'll show you what a real plague god looks like."

You're holding a stick, what are you afraid of? I'll just stab you with a knife once.

Whether you live or die is not up to me; it's up to your own fate.

"Yang Juhua, you tiger old woman, hurry up and come over here and take your sister's knife away."

That thing doesn't have eyes; wherever it pokes, it leaves a bloody hole.

Han Liqiang knew Yang Wuni's temper, so he had no choice but to call out to Yang Juhua, who was still in a daze.

"Wu Ni, listen to your sister, give me the knife, or you can throw it on the ground."

Our family, from the elderly to the young, all depends on your fourth brother-in-law to slaughter pigs and support us.