I am not a literary giant

Wang Zixu walked briskly down the road, still immersed in the happiness of doing a good deed every day, unaware that Director Mei had given him the verdict of being an "official-obsessed" person.

If he knew, he would be furious that his inner world had been distorted. So it's good that he doesn't know. Because even if he did know, there's nothing he could do.

As mentioned earlier, Prince Xu's misfortune in life stemmed from the word "opportunity." Actually, that's a euphemism; he was practically tormented to the point of near death.

This story begins eight years ago. Eight years ago, Wang Zixu joined the unit as a civil servant; he was 22 years old at the time.

He graduated from a prestigious university, was full of vigor and handsome, and was seen by his superiors as a future leader. That was the golden age of Wang Zixu's life.

Six months later, local authorities initiated institutional reforms, and rumors spread that Wang Zixu's work unit would change its nature, with all its staff members becoming public sector employees.

There is a huge gap between public sector and administrative positions, not only in terms of treatment but also in terms of promotion. It was as if Wang Zixu's living room had been struck by lightning; a hole had been blown into the floor, and the whole family almost fell in.

The father gave Wang Zixu a Da Feng Shou cigarette, and so he learned to smoke. The father and son squatted in the toilet, smoking all night with the exhaust fan on. Finally, the father said, "I know an old classmate who works in administration. Maybe he can help."

The father treated his old classmate to two meals, serving him Daoxiangcun liquor until he was thoroughly satisfied. The old classmate and father rekindled their old friendship, embracing each other like brothers, and the classmate promised to help Wang Zixu solve his problem.

My old classmate meant that the institutional reform has not yet been implemented, and the "three-fixed" plan has not been released. As long as Wang Zixu is transferred to another unit before the nature of the unit changes, he can avoid being converted to a public institution employee.

So they began preparations in earnest. With the guidance of their old classmate, they prepared cigarettes, alcohol, and shopping cards, made connections, met with many important people, smiled obsequiously, and even vomited a few times. Finally, they made progress on the matter.

Everything was going smoothly until some unknown force intervened, and Wang Zixu's transfer documents were held up until the final post assignment documents were released. By then, he had already been assigned to a permanent position, and even if he were transferred, he could not regain his original status.

The father and son went to look for new jobs, but the new jobs refused to be flexible; they went to their old jobs, but the old jobs didn't want to take charge. In the end, everything was a mess, and Wang Zixu still ended up with a permanent position in the public sector.

My old classmate vanished without a trace; he couldn't even get through on the phone. My father waited outside his workplace and finally managed to catch him once. The man said impatiently, "I can only guarantee your son will be transferred, not when. Besides, even if things are agreed upon, it might not work out in the end; that happens all the time."

He added, "You keep asking me for a guarantee. Remember, no one can give you a guarantee. What those in positions of power can offer you is only an opportunity. Not every opportunity guarantees success, but at least I've given you a chance. Opportunities are things you can't simply refuse; others will fight for them. You can only choose to accept or give them up."

His wife couldn't accept reality, but she refused to give up. She had a huge fight with Wang Zixu at home, throwing tables and smashing chairs, berating him for being unreliable, not knowing how to manage relationships, lacking basic political skills, and still not knowing who he had offended.

Wang Zixu felt extremely wronged and said, "What political skills could I possibly have? I've just turned 22, and what's the point of saying all this now? What political skills do public servants need?"

His wife wept bitterly, refusing to let it go, and made him kneel on the ground and swear that he would change his status back to that of a civil servant before he died. The man she married was a civil servant, not someone with a permanent position in a public institution.

Wang Zixu's transfer was put on hold because his actions left a very bad impression on his new supervisor, who criticized him by name every few days. All of this made Wang Zixu extremely depressed, so he took his anger out on his father.

He berated his father, saying, "You should have some self-awareness. Since you haven't reached the same level as your old classmates, don't blindly trust their brotherly claims. Why did you pat yourself on the back and say it wasn't necessary when I tried to pull some strings? Are you so confident that your reputation is more important than anything? Who in this family is the most educated? You always think you're the best. If you were truly that great, you wouldn't expect your son to be more successful than you."

Wang Zixu came here specifically to argue with his father, showing him no respect whatsoever.

He had endured it for 22 years, long resenting his father's dualistic materialism. He had been brewing this resentment in his heart for over a decade, preparing for this day. He was going to confront it head-on, to break free of the golden ropes binding his "vagina" and shatter the jade locks binding his "penis." He was going to live his life the way he wanted.

Based on his understanding of his father, he had already secretly prepared to take action. In Wang Zixu's memory, his father was an extremely strong-willed man. He was incredibly stubborn, never bowing his head in his entire life, arrogant and conceited. When Wang Zixu was six years old, he played Connect Four with his father and lost so badly that he cried all night, but his father still refused to let him win a single game.

After Prince Xu finished his incessant chatter, his father remained silent for a long while before his eyes reddened, he smiled wearily, and whispered:

"I'm sorry, Dad's getting old!"

Prince Xu immediately lost all will to fight and said in a hoarse voice that he wanted to go home.

His father told him to wait a moment, then turned around shakily, revealing a back view that was slightly unfamiliar to Wang Zixu—in his memory, his father's back was taller, and his hair wasn't this white—he carried two boxes of milk from the house, a shrewd and worldly smile on his face, and said, "These two boxes of milk were originally intended for so-and-so, but since things can't be done now, let that bastard go to hell. Son, take them back and drink them."

Wang Zixu thought he was pathetic. What kind of day was this, yet all he was thinking about was getting milk for his son? But he had no mood to say anything more; his throat was swollen. He took the two boxes of milk and went straight home. Walking down the street, he realized his face was covered in tears, and the wind made him feel chilly and miserable.

……

Wang Xiaobo said in *The Golden Age* that life is a slow process of being castrated. But Wang Zixu didn't think so. He felt that his father was castrated in an instant.

When exactly was he exposed? Was it when his old classmate berated him to his face? Or when he was working hard to establish Wang Zixu's identity? Or was it even earlier, when his mother divorced him, and he had already been exposed, turning into a man who only knew how to eat grass and work without any temper?

When Wang Zixu was 22, he realized two things: first, his father was no longer young; second, life is a huge whirlpool.

If he doesn't struggle to climb out of the whirlpool of life, he will be trapped in it. Before drowning in life, he must try to grasp at every straw and pull himself out.

He desperately didn't want to be crushed by life. He didn't want to grow old and helplessly say to his children, "I'm sorry, Dad's getting old." In a sense, he, like his father, was a man with a stubborn neck.