I am not a literary giant

Chapter 99 The Insect World

Changes in the environment can affect one's mood, and changes in mood can affect novel writing. Theoretically, writers are relatively fragile and less adaptable to their environment than some insects.

Therefore, Chen Qingluo insisted on finishing "The Dedication of Simone de Beauvoir" at Ning Chunyan's house, and the Ning family understood. The entire Ning Chunyan family was immersed in literature and were well aware of this little quirk of the writer, so they were quite tolerant of her.

Kafka wrote in his diary that when he was writing The Metamorphosis, an unexpected business trip caused him to not finish the second half, which made him very sad—if Kafka felt this way, one can imagine how others felt—although The Metamorphosis was already very perfect, and it was not clear where that business trip had affected it.

But Prince Xu believed that if time could be reversed, and Kafka hadn't gone on that business trip, he might have been more confident in *The Metamorphosis*. Because this book was already infinitely close to the ideal of a perfect novel. Anything more perfect would be as if written by the god of the novel himself.

If it weren't for that business trip, Kafka might have been confident enough to submit "The Metamorphosis" to a newspaper, and it would certainly have been published. Kafka would have become famous overnight, and then published one novel after another—instead of waiting until his death to become famous.

A mere business trip could impact a writer's entire life, ultimately leading to a permanent tragedy in literary history. This demonstrates just how fragile writers truly are.

Wang Zixu felt that he might be following in the footsteps of the master Kafka.

The last part of his novel was completed in the hospital. He was lying on a white hospital bed, where a nurse would come and give him an injection every few hours, using a rather rough technique. In the next bed slept an old man who was groaning all day long and coughing up phlegm at the slightest provocation.

All of this made him feel very insecure.

While writing, he always had this illusion that he could escape this place once he finished the novel. Then he would suddenly realize that his novel writing had no direct connection to the hospital, and he would feel very frustrated. He needed to finish the novel before he recovered, otherwise his progress would be interrupted again.

This sense of insecurity permeated his writing, making his entire novel seem like a lotus flower on a snow-capped mountain, which could be shattered by the cold wind at any moment.

Logically, this would inevitably lead to a disconnect in the tone of the novel's beginning and end. However, after finishing it, he reviewed it six or seven times and still felt that the entire text flowed smoothly, naturally, and even somewhat perfectly. He couldn't find any disconnect at all.

This might be because the tone of his novels is inherently tense, and his state of mind only adds to the anxiety in the novels; but it's also possible that the hospital environment affected his judgment, leading to a problem with his mindset.

Anyone with creative experience knows that once you start to doubt your own work, it's endless. This doubt will snowball and eventually crush you.

As the deadline approached, Wang Zixu was almost ready to give up. After 26 revisions and proofreadings, he finally gave up on self-censorship, thinking that even if it failed, it was better than missing the deadline.

This novel is going to be published no matter what. Even if he dies, he'll die standing.

He made a snap decision and dialed Ning Chunyan's number.

……

When Ning Chunyan received Wang Zixu's call, he was idly combing Chen Qingluo's hair with his fingers, while Chen Qingluo, as always, was engrossed in her creative work. When Wang Zixu's voice came through the phone, Chen Qingluo's shoulders visibly twitched, but Ning Chunyan didn't notice.

"Hey, is this Wang Zixu? It's surprising that you would call me first. What do you want?"

Wang Zixu said, "I heard that you are a judge for this essay contest."

Ning Chunyan nodded: "Yes, wait a minute... You're not here to pull strings or ask for favors, are you? Let me make it clear beforehand, no backdoors or connections accepted. The review process is blind on the day of the manuscript review, so it has to be anonymous. I can't help you with that."

Prince Xu quickly said, "No... I mainly wanted to ask you something."

After listening for a while, Ning Chunyan finally understood his request: Wang Zixu's essay had already been written, and in principle, he should send the manuscript to his work unit, which would then send it to the Writers' Association collectively.

However, if the manuscript were submitted to the organization, it would inevitably have to go through Gou Yingbiao. Wang Zixu's relationship with Gou Yingbiao was too strained, and no one knew if he would secretly sabotage things, so he sought help from Ning Chunyan, wanting to ask if there were any public submission channels.

"There are definitely channels for public submissions, but it's troublesome to submit there and they're likely to be rejected. Just send your manuscript to me directly, and I'll hand it over to the Writers' Association."

After considering his words for a moment, Prince Xu said, "Won't this leave any evidence against me?"

"Please, what's your weakness? I'll just pass your manuscript on to someone I know; I won't even look at it."

Ning Chunyan felt that Wang Zixu's cautiousness had a kind of cunning and slyness about it, which might be his unique philosophy of survival. She wondered what had forced him to be like this.

Wang Zixu said, "Thank you. I originally planned to contact Raymond Lam, but he's probably busy with his creative work, so I didn't dare bother him."

"You're afraid of bothering him, but aren't you afraid of bothering me?"

"I feel like you must have a lot of free time..."

I feel offended by you.

"You must be overly sensitive."

While combing Chen Qingluo's hair, Ning Chunyan said, "By the way, I've already submitted your 'Wild Grasses' to 'Yangtze River' for you."

Prince Xu said, "Oh. Thank you."

"Aren't you going to ask why it's 'Yangtze River'?"

Before Wang Zixu could answer, a pig-like scream came from the background of the phone.

Ning Chunyan asked, "What are you doing over there?"

Wang Zixu said, "I'm in the hospital. The person in the bed next to mine is getting an injection, and it seems like there's something wrong. I've been hospitalized recently."

Ning Chunyan paused, her fingers still as she combed her hair. "Are you sick? Why are you in the hospital?"

Wang Zixu said, "I'm a bit overworked."

Ning Chunyan played with Chen Qingluo's hair: "Which hospital are you in? I'll come and see you."

"Oh? No need."

"Just tell me which hospital, which floor, and which bed number?"

Because he "failed to protect Chen Qingluo" last time, Ning Chunyan has been forced to go into seclusion with her these past few days, feeling so cooped up at home that he's practically going moldy.

Using the excuse of visiting Prince Xu, she could go out without feeling guilty; otherwise, she would really develop claustrophobia.

Under her insistence, the prince gave false information about his coordinates.

"I'll be there in half an hour, so don't leave the hospital in the next half hour," Ning Chunyan joked with him.

Prince Xu said wearily, "Sigh, I have to stay another day."

Ning Chunyan hung up the phone while humming a song, and suddenly noticed that Chen Qingluo in front of her was sitting in front of the computer, her fingers dangling on the keyboard, motionless, as if she were a wooden chicken.

"What's wrong?" Ning Chunyan asked. "You don't actually know Wang Zixu, do you?"

"I don't know her," Chen Qingluo replied immediately. She continued typing on the keyboard as if she had been wound up.

It's customary to bring fruit when visiting a patient. Ning Chunyan rummaged through her house and found some oranges and apples. Suddenly, she thought that given Wang Zixu's personality, it would be better to bring him some intellectual nourishment rather than food. Just as she was about to go to the study to find a book, she suddenly noticed Chen Qingluo leaning against the doorframe, staring at her.

What are you doing?

Chen Qingluo shrank back into the doorway, only one dark eye showing: "Are you going to the hospital?"

"yes."

"oh."

Ning Chunyan sensed that she was hesitant to speak, and suddenly realized that, given her stubborn personality, she might be waiting for him to invite her to go to the hospital together.

"Why don't you come with me? You're not really in the mood to write right now anyway."

"Who said that?" Chen Qingluo scurried back into her room.

"..."

Ning Chunyan shrugged and went downstairs. She glanced up and saw Chen Qingluo standing on the balcony, staring at her menacingly.

She shuddered: "What's wrong with this woman? She's terrifying!"

She covered her mouth with her hands and called out, "Come down! I'm waiting for you!"

Chen Qingluo disappeared from the balcony. A while later, Ning Chunyan received a text message: "I'm not going."

"..."

Ning Chunyan wasn't her boyfriend, so he didn't have the energy to guess what she was thinking. She walked along the road, pondering who this strange woman, Chen Qingluo, would end up marrying.

Regardless of who she marries, she feels quite sorry for that man.

Wang Zixu hung up the phone, staring blankly at the wall, his notebook lying to the side.

After finishing the manuscript yesterday, he slept for a full 12 hours, as if he had saved up all the sleep he missed in the previous two days and slept it all at once.

"Hello, I brought you some food."

Ye Lan walked in carrying a lunchbox. Today she was wearing a light blue spaghetti strap dress, which her figure filled out perfectly.

Wang Zixu was taken aback. He hadn't expected Ye Lan to come today.

The woman placed the lunchbox on his small table, sat down beside him with a huff, made a small fan with her palm, and unbuttoned her clothes to fan herself: "It's so hot."

"Didn't you say you weren't coming today?" Prince asked humbly.

"I wasn't planning on coming," Ye Lan said, taking a sip of water. "But I had nothing better to do, and besides, taking care of our company's core assets is part of my job."

"How's it going over there, Qingyan?"

Ye Lan scoffed, "You overestimated them. They made us feel like we were facing a major enemy before, but our data wasn't affected at all, and their data didn't increase much either."

Prince Xu frowned: "That shouldn't be the case."

"Why shouldn't it be?" Ye Lan turned her head in surprise.

"If they used my script, the data shouldn't be failing to increase," Wang Zixu said seriously. "They must have used it incorrectly."

Ye Lan was speechless. She simply couldn't understand the world of this strange person.

"Prince Xu, I've come to see you..."

The soft whispers drifting in from the doorway were like cotton wool, tickling the ears and making one feel both itchy and comfortable.

The two looked up simultaneously and saw a slender, tall figure appear by the door, her waist-length hair cascading down like a black waterfall. In the setting sun, Ning Chunyan seemed to glow.

When Ning Chunyan saw Ye Lan next to Prince Xu, her spring-like smile instantly vanished, and she became shy. She took small steps over and placed the fruit on the table next to him, and then placed a book on the small table in front of him.

"You've read most of the literature books, right? You probably haven't read this one, so I brought it for you."

Prince Xu picked up the book and saw that it was Fabre's "The Insect World".

"Isn't this a book that middle school students are required to read?" Wang Zixu asked as he flipped through the pages.

Ning Chunyan, with her demure and reserved demeanor, sat down awkwardly beside his bed and asked, "Did you study this in middle school?"

"No. That book was too expensive for me back then."

"It's good that you haven't read it."

Ning Chunyan and Ye Lan sat on one side of the bed and the other on the other, with Wang Zixu between them. The two women looked at each other in silence.

At this moment, their thoughts were remarkably similar:

Surprisingly, Prince Xu's wife is quite beautiful.

Rather, it's a bit too beautiful.

...No, what gives him the right?

(End of this chapter)