From a county-level lecture hall to a nationally renowned teacher

一

Lin Zhiyuan spent the Spring Festival of 2004 alone.

Su Wanqing was on duty in the city, and she had to stay at the hospital on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Lin Zhiyuan went back to his hometown, had New Year's Eve dinner with his parents, watched the Spring Festival Gala, and returned to the county town on the afternoon of New Year's Day. His mother asked him to stay a few more days, but he said he had things to do at school. Actually, there was nothing wrong at school, but he felt uncomfortable being alone at home.

On the day of his third year of junior high school, he went to school.

The campus was deserted, with no students, no teachers, and even Old Zhong, the gatekeeper, had gone home for the Chinese New Year. He walked around the playground a few times by himself, then went to his office, turned on the light, sat down, and opened a new textbook for the new semester.

The sycamore trees outside the window were bare, their branches swaying in the cold wind. The distant mountains were hazy and gray, like a faded painting. He looked at them for a while, then lowered his head to continue reading.

The phone rang. It was Su Wanqing.

"Happy New Year," she said.

"Happy New Year."

Are you alone in the office?

"Um."

"What are you doing at school instead of staying home during the Lunar New Year?"

"Anyway, there's nothing else to do."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone. Su Wanqing sighed, "Lin Zhiyuan, you just can't stay idle."

"Maybe."

"Will Zhou Haitao be able to pass the exam this year?"

"Yes," Lin Zhiyuan said. "He definitely can."

two

On the eighth day of the first lunar month, senior high school students resumed classes.

The repeat class started earlier than the regular class. Classes began on the sixth day of the Lunar New Year, and Zhou Haitao returned to school from Tangcun Township on the fifth day. He brought a whole burlap sack full of food—dried sweet potatoes, pickled vegetables, cured meat, and peanuts. He carried the sack to his dormitory, sorted the items, and then went to the classroom.

There were already a few people in the classroom. They were all repeat students, all of whom had failed the exam last year. They glanced at each other, said nothing, sat down, and opened their books.

Zhou Haitao sat in the second-to-last row by the window. He opened his English textbook and began memorizing vocabulary. The classroom was quiet, save for the rustling of pages and the occasional cough.

Lin Zhiyuan saw this scene as he passed by the classroom. He didn't go in, but just stood at the door for a while. Zhou Haitao didn't notice him, his head down, his lips moving as intently as a machine.

Lin Zhiyuan turned and left. He went to his office, opened a drawer, and took out an envelope. Inside was five hundred yuan, a subsidy from the school for impoverished students repeating their senior year. He originally intended to give it directly to Zhou Haitao, but after thinking about it, he decided to pass it on through the homeroom teacher. He didn't want Zhou Haitao to feel like he was being treated differently.

He placed the envelope on Zhou Haitao's homeroom teacher's desk, along with a note: "Zhou Haitao, subsidy for repeating a year."

three

In late February, there were 100 days left until the college entrance examination.

The repeat students also held a 100-day countdown rally, but the atmosphere was much more somber than that of the graduating class. The graduating students shouted slogans with fervor, while the repeat students shouted them with gritted teeth. Their slogan wasn't "Go all out and fight for the college entrance exam," but rather "Avenge our defeat."

Zhou Haitao stood in the queue, chanting along with everyone else. His voice wasn't loud, but his eyes were deep. He didn't need slogans to motivate him. Every day of the past year, he had been fulfilling a promise with silence and sweat—to go out and explore.

After the rally, Lin Zhiyuan waited for him downstairs in the teaching building.

Zhou Haitao.

"Teacher Lin." He walked over, his face expressionless.

"There are only 100 days left. I have three pieces of advice for you."

Zhou Haitao straightened up.

"First, stop doing new problems. Review the problems you've already solved and redo the problems in your error notebook. The college entrance exam doesn't test whether you can solve new problems, but whether you can solve the problems you should have solved correctly."

"Second, adjust your biological clock. From now on, you must go to bed before 11 p.m. every night. Let your body adapt to the time of the college entrance examination."

"Third," Lin Zhiyuan looked at him, "Don't think about last year anymore. Last year is over. You are not the same person you were last year."

Zhou Haitao was silent for a few seconds, then nodded.

"Teacher Lin, I've got it."

"Go."

Zhou Haitao turned and went upstairs. He paused at the corner of the stairs, but didn't turn back. Lin Zhiyuan stood downstairs, watching his figure disappear into the stairwell.

four

In mid-March, Su Wanqing returned to the county town.

She wasn't being transferred back; she was coming back to handle some business. She had settled down at the city hospital, where the work was busier than at the county hospital, but she was also learning more. She told Lin Zhiyuan that there were more patients and a wider variety of illnesses in the city, and she encountered new cases every day. Although it was tiring, it was very fulfilling.

"You've lost weight," Lin Zhiyuan said.

"You've lost weight too," Su Wanqing said.

"When the two of us are together, all we do is tell each other that we've lost weight."

Su Wanqing smiled, but there was weariness in her smile. Her dark circles were heavy, and the skin on her hands was much rougher than before. Frequent handwashing and disinfection made her hands look several years older than her actual age.

Lin Zhiyuan held her hand, feeling extremely distressed.

"Take good care of yourself," he said.

"You too," she said. "What will I do if you work yourself to death?"

The two walked for a long time along the riverbank in the county town. The river was shallow, and stones of various sizes were exposed on the riverbed. In the distance, someone was fishing, sitting motionless on a small stool, like a statue.

"Lin Zhiyuan, when were you transferred to the city?" Su Wanqing asked.

"Let's talk about it after this year's college entrance exam is over."

"Can't you think about yourself?"

"I'm thinking about it. But students only have one chance at life, while I have many chances to go through it."

Su Wanqing looked at him, her eyes reddening. She didn't say anything more, but simply gripped his hand tighter.

五

In April, Lin Zhiyuan made a decision—he applied to continue teaching senior high school students.

The school originally assigned him to teach the first year of high school because his first graduating class had performed well, and they wanted him to start over from the first year. However, he applied to stay on as the senior, for a simple reason: he wanted to give Zhou Haitao another boost.

"Are you crazy?" Wang Jianguo's eyes widened upon hearing the news. "Don't you know how tiring senior year of high school is? You lost over ten pounds last year, and you want to lose another ten pounds this year?"

"Zhou Haitao is taking the college entrance exam this year. I want to see him finish it."

"Then you can wait until he finishes his exams before teaching the first-year high school students. It won't conflict."

"I want to help him out before his college entrance exam."

Wang Jianguo looked at him and shook his head: "I'm really impressed by you. You don't even care about your own wife this much."

Lin Zhiyuan didn't refute. He knew Wang Jianguo was telling the truth. He hadn't really paid enough attention to Su Wanqing—she'd been transferred to the city for almost half a year, and he'd only visited her three times. Each time, it was her coming back to see him. She'd say, "I'm free this weekend, so I came back to see you," and he knew she'd come back specifically for that; the city hospitals couldn't possibly be unavailable on weekends.

But he had no choice. Senior year of high school was like a meat grinder, shredding everyone's time and energy. He could only finish the most important things first, and then try to make up for the rest.

After learning of his decision, Su Wanqing didn't say anything. She just remained silent for a long time on the other end of the phone, and then said, "Take care of yourself."

"I will."

"If you dare to fall, I won't let you off the hook."

Lin Zhiyuan smiled. But after he finished smiling, he felt an indescribable sense of guilt.

六

In May, there are thirty days left until the college entrance examination.

The atmosphere in the repeat class grew increasingly tense. Some students began to suffer from insomnia, some became anxious, and some started losing their hair. The homeroom teacher, Ms. Li, spoke with the students every day to soothe their emotions.

Zhou Haitao did not have these symptoms. He studied, ate, and slept every day in a routine, like a precise clock, not a second off. His mock exam scores improved with each test, and in the fourth mock exam, he ranked second in his grade, with a total score forty points higher than the previous year's college entrance exam.

Lin Zhiyuan felt a little more at ease after looking at his report card. But he dared not relax; anything could happen until the very last moment.

On May 20th, Lin Zhiyuan had a talk with Zhou Haitao.

"What are your plans for the last thirty days?"

"Stick to the plan," Zhou Haitao said. "Do one set of past exam papers for English and one set for math every day. Review your mistakes in other subjects."

"What about mindset?"

"good."

Are you nervous?

"A little."

"It's normal. It would be abnormal not to be nervous," Lin Zhiyuan said. "But you have to remember, nervousness isn't a bad thing. Nervousness excites you and helps you focus. You should turn nervousness into motivation, not pressure."

Zhou Haitao nodded.

"There's one more thing." Lin Zhiyuan took an envelope from the drawer and handed it to him.

Zhou Haitao opened the envelope; inside was a train ticket. From Anyuan to the provincial capital, June 6th, hard seat.

"Teacher Lin, this is...?"

"On the day of the college entrance exam, you'll buy a train ticket from the county town to the provincial capital. After the exam, you'll take this train to the provincial capital and stay in my college classmate's dormitory. He'll show you around the provincial capital and let you see what the universities there are like."

Zhou Haitao held the train ticket, his hand trembling.

"Teacher Lin, I haven't passed the exam yet..."

"You will pass the exam," Lin Zhiyuan said. "Consider this ticket my early acceptance letter to you."

Zhou Haitao lowered his head, his shoulders trembling. He didn't cry out loud, but Lin Zhiyuan knew he was crying.

Lin Zhiyuan didn't comfort him. Some tears don't need comforting.

Seven

June 7th, the National College Entrance Examination (Gaokao).

Lin Zhiyuan put on that red T-shirt again. He stood at the school gate, watching the students from the repeat class enter the examination hall. Zhou Haitao walked in the middle of the line, wearing a white T-shirt and carrying that old backpack. He stopped at the school gate, turned around, and looked in Lin Zhiyuan's direction.

Lin Zhiyuan waved to him.

Zhou Haitao did not wave. He bowed deeply, then straightened up, turned and walked into the examination room.

Lin Zhiyuan stood at the school gate, watching his figure disappear into the crowd. The sun was blazing, making his eyes water. He squinted, standing there motionless.

"Teacher Lin, aren't you going in?" a parent next to him asked.

"I'm not a test taker. I'm a teacher."

"Then why are you more nervous than a student?"

Lin Zhiyuan smiled but did not answer.

Eight

The National College Entrance Examination (Gaokao) ended on June 9th.

When the last exam was over, the students in the repeat class poured out of the exam hall, more excited and more frenzied than the first-time test takers. Some were crying, some were laughing, some were hugging each other, and some were squatting on the ground, burying their faces in their knees.

Zhou Haitao was the last to come out.

He walked slowly and steadily, just like usual. He stopped in front of Lin Zhiyuan.

"How did the exam go?" Lin Zhiyuan asked.

"good."

"Can I go?"

"able."

There was only one word. But Lin Zhiyuan heard the weight in that word.

"Let's go eat," Lin Zhiyuan patted his shoulder. "It's on me."

The two went to a small restaurant near the school gate. Lin Zhiyuan ordered four dishes: braised pork, pickled fish, stir-fried vegetables, and tomato and egg soup. Zhou Haitao stared at the table full of food, momentarily stunned.

"Teacher Lin, that's too much."

"Not much. You've lost almost twenty pounds this year. You have to finish it today."

Zhou Haitao picked up his chopsticks and began to eat. He ate slowly, chewing each bite for a long time, as if savoring something precious. Lin Zhiyuan didn't eat much; he sat opposite Zhou Haitao, watching him eat, feeling an indescribable sense of satisfaction.

"Teacher Lin, why aren't you eating?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You're lying."

"I'm not hungry. You eat."

Zhou Haitao lowered his head and continued eating. Halfway through, his chopsticks paused. Lin Zhiyuan noticed his eyes were red.

"What's wrong?"

"Teacher Lin, thank you for this past year."

"You've said thank you so many times."

"Because thank you so much."

Lin Zhiyuan reached out and gently patted Zhou Haitao on the head. Zhou Haitao's hair was stiff, like a brush.

"From now on, you'll have to walk your own path," Lin Zhiyuan said. "I can't see you off."

Zhou Haitao looked up at him. There were many things in those eyes—gratitude, reluctance, determination, and some other indescribable emotions.

"Teacher Lin, I will come back to see you."

"You don't need to come back often. As long as you're doing well, that's all that matters."

nine

On June 23, the results of the college entrance examination were released.

That morning, Lin Zhiyuan didn't go to school. He sat in his dorm room with his computer on and his phone on the table. He didn't dare check; he was waiting for Zhou Haitao to call him.

At 8:42, my phone rang.

It's Zhou Haitao.

"Teacher Lin." His voice trembled.

"How many?"

"Five hundred and sixty-eight points."

Lin Zhiyuan's grip on his phone tightened suddenly. 568 points, 27 points higher than last year, and 25 points higher than the provincial normal university's admission score last year.

"Teacher Lin, I passed the exam."

Zhou Haitao's voice finally broke down. He cried on the other end of the phone, crying like a child. Not the kind of suppressed, silent crying, but the kind of loud, cathartic crying.

Lin Zhiyuan didn't speak. He listened to Zhou Haitao's crying, and tears streamed down his face as well.

He recalled Zhou Haitao's first essay three years ago, titled "I am not worthy of my name." He remembered him saying, "Teacher Lin, I want to be a teacher in the future." He remembered him saying on the playground, "I want to leave with my head held high." He remembered him repeating a year of high school, getting up at five o'clock every morning and going to bed at eleven o'clock at night, 365 days a year, rain or shine.

He cried for a while, then wiped away his tears.

"Zhou Haitao, congratulations."

"Teacher Lin, thank you." Zhou Haitao's voice was still trembling, but it was better than before. "Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today."

"You came all the way here by yourself. I just cheered you on a few times from the sidelines."

There was a few seconds of silence on the other end of the phone.

"Teacher Lin, can I use that train ticket now?"

Lin Zhiyuan smiled: "It's fine. The ticket for June 6th has expired. I'll buy you a new one."

"No need, I'll buy it myself. I'm not a child anymore."

"You're not a child anymore. But you'll always be my student."

Ten

In July, the acceptance letter arrived.

Provincial Normal University, Department of Chinese.

Zhou Haitao stood at the entrance of the county's No. 1 High School, holding his admission notice, for a long time. He wore the faded T-shirt, carried the old schoolbag, and clutched the thin piece of paper in his hand. The sunlight shone on his face, tanning his skin dark, but his eyes were bright.

Lin Zhiyuan walked out of the school gate, saw him, and stopped.

"Why don't you go in?"

"I'd like to stand here for a while."

Why?

"Because I walked in from here three years ago," Zhou Haitao said. "Back then, I didn't know if I would be able to get out. Now I know."

Lin Zhiyuan didn't speak. He stood next to Zhou Haitao, and the two of them looked at the gate of Anyuan County No. 1 Middle School together. The words on the gate were somewhat faded, but the words "Anyuan County No. 1 Middle School" gleamed faintly in the sunlight.

"Teacher Lin, I want to be a teacher when I grow up."

"I know."

"I will do what you did, return to my hometown, and teach children like me."

Lin Zhiyuan turned to look at him. The thin young man standing before him was no longer the boy who had kept his head down and dared not look people in the eye three years ago. He had grown taller, his shoulders had broadened, and the light in his eyes was brighter.

"You will be better than me," Lin Zhiyuan said.

No, you're the best.

Lin Zhiyuan smiled. He extended his hand, and Zhou Haitao grasped it. Both of their hands were rough—Lin Zhiyuan's were roughened by chalk dust, and Zhou Haitao's by hoes and pencil handles.

"Go," Lin Zhiyuan said. "Go to the provincial capital. Go to a bigger world."

Zhou Haitao nodded. He carefully folded the admission notice and put it in his backpack. Then he turned around and bowed deeply to Lin Zhiyuan.

This time, he didn't cry.

He straightened up, turned around, and left.

His figure grew smaller and smaller in the sunlight until it disappeared around the street corner. Lin Zhiyuan stood there, looking in that direction, watching the student he had been guiding for three years finally leave the county town.

The wind blew by, and the leaves of the sycamore tree rustled.

Lin Zhiyuan looked up, and sunlight filtered through the leaves, dappling his face.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.