Crazy Nezha

"I need to pee first." Xiaotianquan looked around, found the bathroom, and said, "I really can't get used to the toilet."

A short while later, a hissing sound came from inside, along with the sound of the toilet flushing.

In the living room, Li Tianbao drew the curtains. These were fully furnished apartments built by the developer, with the kitchen and bathroom already completed, but no furniture.

The cow had never been to such an environment before, and she was a little scared, instinctively mooing.

After the Celestial Hound emerged, it shook its fur and shivered. "Third Master, when the primordial spirit is being transferred, one must not be distracted, and no one can disturb it."

Li Tianbao locked the door. "This is the house I got married in. My mom bought it for me when I was a sophomore in college. Back then, the house prices were high, over 9000 yuan per square meter! It's been empty for several years now, and no one will come."

The Celestial Hound sat up straight and said in a deep voice, "I'll teach you the method of guiding the energy. Visualize that red lump of flesh in your mind's eye. You should be able to see a translucent bass. Peel it out, guide it outside, and then press it onto the cow's forehead! The leopard's head will naturally go in!"

Li Tianbao nodded, "Okay, teach me how to visualize."

The Celestial Hound immediately said in a deep voice: "Sit cross-legged on the ground, chest in, back straight, shoulders relaxed, elbows drooping, tongue touching the upper palate, eyes lowered and looking inward, spirit not wandering, mind focused on the spiritual platform, using intention to observe the primordial spirit within."

For some reason, Li Tianbao felt that these cultivation incantations were very familiar!

He did as instructed, his mind settled, and he looked directly into his spiritual platform. Sure enough, he saw the warm, pulsating red mass of flesh and the semi-transparent phantom of a bass, which was none other than Leopard Head's primordial spirit.

"Third Master, if you see Leopard Head, try to pull him out with your mind!"

Li Tianbao concentrated his mind and used his will to separate the soul of the sea bass from its flesh.

"The primordial spirit has emerged, what's next?"

The guiding voice of the Celestial Hound still echoed in my ears:

"Alright! Activate your primordial spirit!"

"Control your will, guide the primordial spirit of the leopard head down the Du meridian! First, pass through the Niwan Palace to the Baihui point, then through the Qianding and Shenting points to the Mingmen and Chengqi points, then connect to the Hand Yangming Large Intestine Meridian, following the Yingxiang and Futu points past the Jianyu point, down to the Quchi and Shousanli points, through the Yangxi and Hegu points, finally reaching the Laogong point in the palm. Do not deviate from the correct path of the meridian!"

Li Tianbao was surprised. Why did he understand these acupoints and meridians as soon as he mentioned them? Could it be that Nezha's memories have been in his subconscious all along?

The mind guides the spirit of the perch downwards along the Du meridian, passing Baihui and other points.

Li Tianbao's vision followed his primordial spirit. He could clearly see the crisscrossing meridians in his body. The illusory image of the perch, like a wisp of smoke, traveled down the meridians and arrived at the palm of his right hand.

When his vision returned, Li Tianbao opened his eyes and spread out his right hand. A translucent bass, so faint as to be almost invisible, swam close to his palm, like a 3D naked-eye special effect.

The sea bass was beautiful, crystal clear, floating in Li Tianbao's palm, swimming back and forth, lifelike.

"It's done!" The Celestial Hound was overjoyed and immediately stood upright, holding the position for a few seconds...

Li Tianbao looked at the palm-sized sea bass with curiosity, "It's so beautiful, it's like a game special effect."

Howling Celestial Dog: "Danyangzi once said that the primordial spirit is not an inanimate object, but a lively one, and this statement is indeed true."

Who is Danyangzi?

"A Taoist priest from several hundred years ago, whose secular name was Ma Yu, was an ordinary person who cultivated himself to become a Taoist priest. He is now serving in the Heavenly Court."

"Third Master, quick! Press that illusory image of the transparent bass onto the bull's head!"

Li Tianbao didn't dare to delay, so he quickly stepped forward and placed his palm on the cow's forehead.

The illusory image of the bass in his palm trembled slightly, instantly transforming into a faint light that plunged straight into the bull's head.

The cow trembled, its pupils suddenly turned deathly white, and it stood frozen in place.

A few seconds later, the bull's eyes turned red, revealing a fierce look. It breathed heavily through its nostrils and, with its head down, charged at Li Tianbao like a madman!

Li Tianbao was terrified. He instinctively stretched out his arms, gripped the two bull horns tightly with both hands, and pushed off the ground with his feet.

Holy crap!!

The cow pushed forward with all its might and let out a moo.

Veins bulged on Li Tianbao's forehead as he braced himself against the force of the impact. The immense impact surged through the bull's horns, causing his arms to tighten and his body to stagger backward.

"Xiaotian! What's going on?!"

The Celestial Dog's expression changed drastically: "Not good! This ox's own spirit is fighting with the Leopard Head for control of its body! It's definitely not that simple! This kind of game is too risky."

Li Tianbao was horrified: "Why didn't you say there was a risk sooner?!"

The Celestial Hound said in a deep voice, "Leopard Head, you have to win! Third Master, I've said it before, if we're going to play, we'll play big!! Risk and reward are directly proportional!"

"You should have said so earlier!!"

Li Tianbao felt that his arms were about to be ruined. Even a strongman might not be able to withstand the strength of a cow!

There was a floor-to-ceiling window right behind him. If Dashuang dodged it, the crazed cow would smash through the glass and fall from the seventh floor. Even if it didn't hit anyone, the cow would definitely be dead, and Leopard Head would be gone too. This will definitely be trending on social media tomorrow.

A cow fell from the seventh floor of a residential building... Once this happens...

Li Tianbao knew without a doubt that he would end up in a mental hospital, and might even be locked up!

At this moment, the red fleshy ball in Li Tianbao's spiritual platform throbbed wildly, and streams of pure and thick crimson Qi gushed out from the fleshy ball, pouring into his limbs and bones.

Li Tianbao clenched his teeth, raised his arms, and exerted force with his waist and abdomen, managing to stop his retreating momentum.

He actually pushed the bull's head, taking one step, two steps, three steps forward!

The burly cow was being pushed back by him and involuntarily moved backward!

After a standoff of about two minutes, the cow's pupils kept changing between red and black before finally settling back to their normal color, and it finally stopped struggling.

Li Tianbao's arms went limp, and he collapsed to the ground, panting heavily. He stared incredulously at his hands, muttering to himself, "Wow, I was so strong just now?"

To be able to carry an adult cow is not a strength that humans should possess! Anyone would be shocked.

Especially just now, I clearly felt the streams of air emanating from the red fleshy ball in my mind.

The celestial hound exclaimed with elation, "It's done! Leopard Head is done! Leopard Head, can you hear me?"

The cow looked completely bewildered. "Howling Sky? Third Prince, where am I? How did I end up like this?"

To Li Tianbao, it was a woman's voice.

The celestial dog was shocked: "Why is that a woman's voice? Leopard Head! Is that you?"

The cow mooed, "Yes, I am Leopard Head, but I can't fully control this body yet; sometimes it controls me. How should I put it? There are two of me inside me. One is a fish, and the other is a cow."

Li Tianbao looked worried. "What should we do? Will you develop schizophrenia if this goes on for too long? Should we give you some antipsychotic medication? Risperidone is a good one, I can get some."

The cow sighed, "It's alright, Third Prince, I can handle it. If I really can, we'll try taking some medicine."

The celestial dog's eyes gleamed: "Leopard head, how does it feel to be in a cow's body?"

Li Tianbao suddenly remembered something, "Do you have foot-and-mouth disease?"

"I'm not sick."

"Take a walk and see."

The cow-man stood up, its head almost touching the ceiling.

Li Tianbao's eyes widened: "You can stand up?"

It's somewhat strenuous for a cow to stand on its two hind legs, as its body structure is different from that of a human, making it difficult for it to maintain balance for long periods.

The cow stood upright, took two steps, then lunged forward with a thud, its front hooves landing on the floor tiles, resuming its proper cow posture.

The Celestial Hound said, "In the past, Brother Leopard Head had a fish head and a human body, and his obsession with standing upright as a human has always remained."

The cow said, "Alas, I can only lie down from now on. If I want to stand up upright, I'll have to return to heaven. It's too much of a luxury for a cow to stand up in this era."

"Brother, don't make fun of yourself. Even a horse can't stand up. We're beasts now, so we need to respect the facts," the Celestial Dog comforted him.

The cow asked, "A beast? Why can the chicken stand up?"

"Chickens are poultry, they're different, brother."

Li Tianbao watched curiously from the side, listening to the two brothers chat, and felt waves of dopamine being released in his brain.

"Go on..."

"Knock knock! Knock!" A knocking sound came from the door.

"Go to the bedroom first, and don't talk."

A cow and a dog entered the bedroom. The cow was too fat and got stuck in the bedroom door frame, unable to move forward or backward. The dog was on top of him with its two front legs, helping to push his buttocks.

"Push harder, Xiaotian!" The cow was in great pain as it was squeezed by the door.

"You should move around a bit too! I'm the only one doing all the work! Third Prince, come and lend a hand."

Li Tianbao glared at the "two people," gave a loud shushing, and saw through the peephole on the security door that it was the property management staff knocking on the door.

Li Tianbao opened the door, but didn't let anyone in. He asked in a low voice, "What is it?"

Hengbi Garden, a so-called high-end community in a small city, has a property management that is different from local real estate. If you pay your property management fees properly, the property management's superficially flattering attitude towards the owners is indeed impeccable.

As for whether they'll turn around and start cursing, only God knows.

The visitor was the property manager of Building 1.

The property manager said with a smile, "The neighbors next door complained that you were watching movies too loudly."

Li Tianbao said in a serious tone, "Sorry, I was just testing the new speakers."

The property manager maintained a smile.

"Is there anything else?" Li Tianbao asked.

"It's alright. Are you moving in soon? If you need post-construction cleaning, just @ me in the residents' group..." The property manager sniffed, sensing an indescribable smell in the room.

"Your home..." I could vaguely hear a thumping sound coming from the bedroom, it was quite catchy.

"Okay, I'll go turn off the TV." After Li Tianbao finished speaking, he closed the door and went to the bedroom. He saw Xiaotianquan biting a cow's nipple and sucking on it with a blissful expression, making a "plop plop plop" sound.

Cow: "Brother Xiaotian, are you done yet? You hurt me."

Li Tianbao stood at the bedroom door, watching his eyelids twitch.

The celestial dog remained in its nursing position, its eyes rolling back as it stared at Li Tianbao. It wanted to stop, but its mouth wouldn't stop; its body betrayed its master.

Li Tianbao: "Is it good?"

The Celestial Dog pulled the muzzle off, and with a soft exclamation, exclaimed, "Fresh milk, I would call it nectar!"

"Would you like to try some, Third Prince? I'm really full," the cow said magnanimously.

Li Tianbao raised an eyebrow. "It's not a bad thing. It's better than supermarket milk powder, right? This is truly additive-free and all-natural."

When he was a child, Li Tianbao drank fresh milk a few times. At that time, the old Xincheng Agricultural Research Institute produced fresh milk, but it eventually went out of business.

He was hungry at that moment.

"Fresh milk needs to be boiled and heated." After saying that, Li Tianbao went to the kitchen. When he returned, he was wearing rubber gloves and carrying a stainless steel basin.

Milk is good, high in calcium and protein! It's also good for eyesight.

Li Tianbao milked the cow, boiled the milk, blew on it, and first ate the top layer of milk skin, then tasted it in a circular motion—

"Hmm, this milk gives me energy!" Li Tianbao drank a few more sips and felt that the energy he had just lost had returned quite a bit!

The Celestial Hound said, "After all, it's the milk of a spirit beast. Although it doesn't provide the same nutritional benefits as eating meat, it shouldn't be underestimated! Milk is, after all, the essence of a cow!"

Li Tianbao asked, "Can ordinary people gain strength by drinking this?"

"Of course, ordinary people can't do that. Third Master, the strength you feel can't be called strength! From a cultivation perspective, that's called resources!"

"What do you mean?"

The Celestial Hound said, "Let me put it simply: to live, you need food; to do business, you need capital; and to masturbate, you need good movies. For ordinary people, the first step in cultivation is: resources."

Li Tianbao nodded: "I think I understand now. The aroma in milk is like the capital needed to do business!"

The Celestial Dog nodded cautiously, "Yes!"

Li Tianbao said, "The way I fought the cow and chased the black cat earlier were things I couldn't normally do! But that kind of feeling can only be brought out under pressure."

"At midnight tonight, we'll refine that energy. The resources from the milk are minimal, so the progress will be slow, but it's better than nothing! Once it's refined, you'll be able to use it with ease."

Li Tianbao's eyes shone brightly. Although he didn't know what the effect of cultivation would be, who wouldn't be excited to be able to cultivate in this materialistic world?

The hour of Zi (11 PM to 1 AM) is equivalent to 11 PM to 1 AM. It's only a little past 6 AM now, so there's still a long time before it's time to start practicing.

"Xiaotian, you and Leopard Head wait for me at home. I'll come back to cultivate when it's time." Li Tianbao went out, then turned back and said, "I've made plans with Chen Rui to have Lanzhou noodles tonight, and I'll also sound her out. What are you two eating? I'll bring some for you."

Howling Celestial Dog: "Bring me a bowl of ramen too, but without chili."

Leopard Head: "I want to eat grass."

"Understood." Li Tianbao locked the door and left.

The cow and the male dog exchanged a glance.

The cow instinctively squeezed its hind legs together, but found it was no use.

Howling Celestial Dog: "Brother, can I borrow your awesome weapon for a bit?"

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P.S.: This chapter is being released early; the next chapter will be posted at 8 PM tonight.