Crazy Nezha

The celestial hound asked in confusion, "Third Master, what do you know?"

Li Tianbao: "When Nezha returned his flesh to his father and his bones to his mother, he finally slit his own throat."

The Celestial Dog sighed and said, "Third Master, back then we had that Taoist priest Taiyi! We don't practice learning anymore, so Leopard Head and I don't have the ability to reshape your body with lotus flowers."

Li Tianbao blew his nose, flicked it on the ground, and then wiped it on Xiaotian's back.

Xiaotian continued, "Some things haven't reached that point yet. Not everyone can overturn the table for their father! Do you know why Nezha can be so arrogant?"

Li Tianbao: "I looked up the information before, because Nezha had ideals!"

The Celestial Hound chuckled, "Third Master, what kind of information did you find? What a load of rubbish!! It's because that crazy old man Taiyi is backing you up. He's a well-known protective maniac in Heaven! His love for Nezha far surpasses that of his own parents. He's protected Nezha from birth to adulthood, even at the cost of defying the laws of Heaven and giving his all."

Li Tianbao asked, "How protective are they?"

The Celestial Hound scoffed, "Nezha's troubles were all smoothed over by Taiyi behind the scenes. With the Twelve Golden Immortals' plaques up, who agreed and who disagreed? Do you know how many people Taiyi offended because of this?"

When Leopard Head heard the words "Twelve Golden Immortals," he suddenly lowered his eyes, his gaze complex.

Xiaotian: "After Nezha committed suicide, Li Tianwang destroyed the Nezha Temple and burned his statue, leaving his soul adrift. The bond between father and son was very deep! Taiyi Zhenren violated the heavenly rules! Lotus flowers spread across the three realms, lotus leaves broke the joints, the golden elixir resided in the center, and the Qi circulated nine times, forcibly refining an indestructible lotus body, allowing Nezha to be completely reborn!"

"That's not all! They're giving away magical treasures like they're being swept away by a flood! The Universe Ring, the Heaven-Shattering Ribbon, the Fire-Tipped Spear, the Wind-Fire Wheels... and what else was there? Leopard Head, do you remember?"

Leopard Head added, "Gold bricks, Nine Dragons Divine Fire Cover, Yin-Yang Sword, Leopard Skin Bag—Taiyi is a paranoid lunatic, he's insane!!"

The celestial dog perked up and barked:

"Right, right, in today's terms, Nezha is like a super whale in the game. He's max level right after leaving the fountain, fully equipped, and wandering around the enemy jungle. What ordinary player could possibly survive that?"

Li Tianbao nodded, "That makes sense."

Xiaotian continued, "That's not all! Taiyi gave me too many magical treasures, fearing his disciple would have trouble choosing! So he taught me the Three Heads and Six Arms technique, allowing me to use many treasures at once! Later, Nezha turned it into Three Heads and Eight Arms!! Holy crap, so many hands, attacking from all directions in battle, targeting sensitive skin—which girl could withstand that?"

Leopard Head coughed twice, "Xiaotian, you've gone astray."

The Celestial Hound thought for a moment, then looked on with envy, "If I had that ability, I could take on 14 of them!"

Leopard Head: "Why are there 14? Isn't it 8 arms?"

Xiaotian: "The other three heads can also exert force together!"

Leopard Head was still puzzled, "8 + 3 equals 11."

Xiaotian: "Doesn't Third Master still have two legs?!"

Leopard Head still didn't understand.

The Celestial Hound stood upright, thrusting its hips and swinging its body, saying, "Don't you understand yet?"

Leopard Head fell silent.

As Li Tianbao listened, he felt much more at ease for some reason. He kicked away the small stool, pulled over his second uncle's old rattan chair, lay down in the courtyard, looked at the moon, and smiled.

"So, Nezha isn't so pitiful after all; he had a good master!"

Howling Celestial Dog: "That's right! Looking at all the gods in Heaven, none of them have received the same treatment as Nezha. Third Master, I heard a saying from those foreigners on TV: 'When God closes a door, he opens a window.' I think that's exactly what Nezha and Taiyi mean!"

Leopard Head: "Our local saying is: 'What is lost on one front, is gained on another!'"

"I really wish I had supernatural powers so I could go see the Heavenly Court!" Li Tianbao suddenly asked. "They've even landed spaceships on the moon, but we haven't seen Chang'e there yet!"

Xiaotian said, "How can ordinary mortals so easily glimpse the Heavenly Dao? Third Master, in the three thousand great thousand worlds and among hundreds of millions of beings, the sun and moon that ordinary people see are called the sun and moon, not the sun and moon of the Heavenly Court. The world that ordinary people see is called the world, not the great thousand worlds."

Li Tianbao stared at the moon in a daze, and casually said, "I don't understand what you're saying, and I don't want to understand it. I just feel that the moon tonight is so white and smooth, like Chen Rui's butt plate."

Xiaotian: "Have you seen Chen Rui with her bare bottom?"

Li Tianbao: "I've seen it. It happened more than ten years ago. Her buttocks were as white and smooth as the moon."

Xiaotian: "How did you know it was slippery?"

Li Tianbao stretched out a hand, made a grasping motion in the air, and said with a tender look of reminiscence in his eyes, "I touched it and even pinched it when I was a child."

Xiaotian: "Did you use your tongue?"

Li Tianbao frowned. "What do you mean?"

The husky licked the sheep, tilted its head, and smiled faintly.

Li Tianbao's face darkened. "I regret not having you sterilized."

Leopard Head interjected, "Third Prince, I think I have a blocked milk duct; the left one is really swollen and uncomfortable."

Li Tianbao squatted down, and the black goat lay on the ground in a lazy pose. Indeed, it had three small breasts and one large breast!

Leopard Head is a four-milk sheep, a top-quality breeding sheep!

Two baby lambs nearby, having eaten their fill, curled up and slept beside their mother.

Li Tianbao helped squeeze it, saying, "I don't know how to stimulate milk production in goats. Hiring a postpartum nanny wouldn't be appropriate; people would think I'm mentally ill."

Xiaotian: "Use a soft-bristled brush to help with milk flow."

Li Tianbao: "Will a toothbrush work?"

"A toothbrush won't work, I have hangnails on my tongue. How about I try?" Xiaotian eagerly stuck his head out. "Leopard Head, I'll help you."

"Okay, be gentle."

Xiaotian: "Ah, goat milk tastes better than cow milk! *slurp slurp*..."

Li Tianbao sat back in his recliner. It was almost Qingming Festival, and the courtyard was still a bit chilly in the middle of the night. He didn't feel cold, though, and stared at the sky, lost in thought.

There's a big moon in the sky, and a small courtyard on the ground.

There are people, dogs, and sheep in the yard.

Li Tianbao suddenly smiled, took out his phone, took a picture, and posted it on his WeChat Moments.

My illness is cured.

Friends who selected viewing permissions: Yin Guizhi and Chen Rui.

……

The next day, at exactly six o'clock in the morning!

Li Tianbao's phone alarm went off.

"I want to cultivate!!"

Li Tianbao got up at six o'clock sharp, washed up, found his second uncle's old gear, put on the sandbags, took the dog, and went to Shihe Park.

First, run 5 kilometers around the park with your weight on!

800 push-ups with arms clamped, divided into 4 sets!

1200 weighted squats, divided into 3 sets!

Complete 120 pull-ups on a horizontal bar, divided into 6 sets!

Sit-ups, pull-ups, 300-meter sprints... and so on.

The whole process takes about an hour and a half.

Seven days passed like this. Li Tianbao trained his body during the day and meditated at night. The days went by one by one. During this time, Chen Rui came to the courtyard three times. One of the times, Li Tianbao asked her to come and see the lambs.

Chen Rui bought a house for her baby sheep online, a very exquisite little house with a pointed roof, like those of wealthy foreigners' pet dogs. But what arrived was just a pair of parts. Li Tianbao spent an entire afternoon assembling it, grumbling and complaining the whole time.

Director Chen also came once, bringing two boxes of eggs and a bucket of peanut oil. He didn't stay in the courtyard for long, but he was very interested in the dogs and sheep, and seemed to be a very kind person.

The hospitalization expenses for the uncle and nephew a while ago, plus the money for the dairy cow, the cost of the community's lifting gate, and the compensation for the emotional distress of several viewers, totaled more than 3 yuan, of which nearly 2 yuan was paid by Chen Rui.

Yin Jianshe has no money and is heavily in debt from online loans. He has no right to repay it, so he just hangs there.

The small courtyard is now entirely supported by Li Tianbao's meager savings of just over 2000 yuan. He is supporting his second uncle, as well as two children, a younger sister, and a brother, which puts him under considerable pressure.