Crazy Nezha

Xiaotian said, "This talisman bean is called 'Stealing Nest,' meaning to seize another's nest! It is considered Second Master's unique skill. Planting it in the Baihui acupoint is to extract the primordial spirit and use it for one's own purposes!"

But if it's planted on the Huiyang acupoint, the person will enter a state of suspended animation. Second Master used this trick before to fool the heavenly punishment and save a golden retriever from its near-death experience!

Li Tianbao asked, "Feigned death? Like being in a vegetative state?"

Xiaotian said, "It's not a vegetative state; the person will die for seven days. Once the talisman is planted, the person will die, their breathing and heartbeat will stop. Once the talisman is removed, the person will come back to life. As long as they die for seven days, the death talisman will dissipate, naturally avoiding divine punishment!"

Li Tianbao thought for a moment, "If that's the case, I'll give it to my second uncle. After he fakes his death, all the debts he owed in his lifetime will be wiped clean, and then I'll resurrect him! It's the best of both worlds."

Xiaotian: "Brilliant!"

Li Tianbao hesitated, looking at the beans in his hand. "Is there a risk? What if my second uncle dies and doesn't come back to life?"

Xiaotian said, "Why don't we try it on a living creature?"

Li Tianbao said, "Wait a moment." After saying that, he walked out the door and left the courtyard. A few minutes later, he came back carrying a big, fat orange cat.

"Third Master, where did this big female cat come from?" Xiaotian's spirits lifted.

He understood. Third Master wanted to use the cat for experiments first. What a filial child!

Li Tianbao closed the door and casually said, "It's raised by Uncle Liu next door. Where's the Huiyang acupoint?"

Xiaotian said in a deep voice, "Asshole."

Li Tianbao: "How do we plant it?"

Xiaotian said, "You have no magic power, so you can only stuff it in!"

Li Tianbao's eyelids twitched, and he stuffed the peanut-sized talisman into the cat's anus.

In an instant, the big, fat orange cat died.

Li Tianbao was slightly shocked and said, "That's amazing."

"How do I take out the talisman bean?"

Xiaotian said, "Tap or squeeze, there's no other way."

Li Tianbao fiddled with it for a while, sweating profusely with anxiety. "I can't figure it out. I'll go find a pair of needle-nose pliers."

Xiaotian tilted his head: "Third Master, there are straws on that desk over there."

Pressing a straw with your thumb creates suction; this principle is scientifically sound.

After Li Tianbao took the beans out, the cat came back to life, meowing, and tried to run away.

Li Tianbao tried again, and the cat died again. After repeated experiments, he nodded, "I'll send the cat back. Tonight, I'll put it in my second uncle's!"

Xiaotian said in a deep voice, "Third Master, can I borrow the cat for a bit?"

Li Tianbao decisively replied, "No."

Xiaotian said, "That's not very interesting. So all my hard work was for nothing? I'll only use it once, okay?"

Leopard Head complained, "Xiaotian, don't say things like this in front of me again. You don't treat me like a woman at all!"

Li Tianbao picked up the big orange cat, grabbed a bag of dog food, and went outside.

That night, around 11 p.m.

Yin Jianshe had already fallen asleep. Older people tend to go to bed early, and a soft snoring could be heard from the bedroom.

Li Tianbao and Xiaotianquan tiptoed inside.

"It's your second uncle's fault for dragging you down. He's useless." Yin Jianshe mumbled in his sleep, "I really want to die. If I die, I can see Tingting again..."

In the darkness, a man and a dog exchanged a glance, their eyes shining.

Xiaotian nodded, and Li Tianbao went to the bedside and took off his second uncle's pajama bottoms...

After the talisman was planted, Yin Jianshe stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating. Li Tianbao swayed and was immediately heartbroken, as if at that moment, his second uncle was really dead.

Xiaotian said, "Third Master, don't be sad. Once the talisman bean is taken out, your second uncle will come back to life."

Li Tianbao took out a straw and picked up a talisman bean.

Yin Jianshe started breathing and truly came back to life. He mumbled groggily, "Damn it, who put the eels in there...?"

Seeing that his second uncle was about to wake up, Li Tianbao quickly put the talisman beans back in.

Yin Jianshe has "passed away".

When Li Tianbao took out his phone and turned it back to silent mode, he found an unread message.

Chen Rui: [Li Tianbao, I just received news that Dongfang Group has sued your second uncle, who is your primary guardian!]

Li Tianbao calmly replied with a message: 【Understood.】

"My second uncle is dead, let them sue."

Xiaotian asked, "Third Master, what are your plans for the next step?"

Li Tianbao said, "If we're going to put on a show, we have to do it properly! We need to give my second uncle a grand and spectacular funeral!"

Xiaotian was shocked and said, "No, what if your second uncle comes back to life after the funeral? How will you explain it to your relatives and friends? There are many old neighbors and friends here."

"Dongfang Group sued my second uncle, that's good."

Li Tianbao didn't say anything, took out his phone, and dialed Yang Zijie's number.

At 11 p.m., Yang Zijie answered the call immediately.

"Hey, Tianbao!"

"Junbao, I remember your fourth aunt's husband, he runs a full-service funeral and bereavement company, right?"

"Yes, what happened? A family member passed away."

Li Tianbao sighed and said, "My second uncle is gone. Sigh, give me your fourth aunt's husband's phone number."

On the phone, the other person raised their voice. Yang Zijie knew about his second uncle's relationship with Li Tianbao, and he exclaimed in shock, "Ah! How could your second uncle, who was perfectly fine,..."

Li Tianbao calmly said, "Unexpected things can happen at any time. My second uncle passed away in his sleep. Before he left, he ate a bowl of hot noodles and drank two bottles of beer. He didn't suffer any hardship."

"I'm coming right away, Baoqiang—Sun Baoqiang, stop practicing, hurry up and get dressed... Li Tianbao's second uncle is gone..."

After the other party finished speaking, they hung up the phone.

A moment later, Li Tianbao's phone vibrated slightly. It was a message from Yang Zijie, which included his fourth aunt's husband's contact information and noted that the other party mainly provided funeral services.

He immediately dialed the number, briefly explained his address and situation, and finalized the entire funeral service. The other party responded that they would lead a team to the scene immediately.

About half an hour later, the funeral service personnel arrived.

Li Tianbao quickly greeted him, grabbed a few bottles of water, and said, "Uncle, it's so late, you must be tired."

"Hey young man, Yang Zijie already told me not to be shy, we're all on the same side."

My uncle was tall and thin, with dark skin. People in his line of work all had a menacing aura. He shouted, "Set up the tent!"

With practiced ease and a clear division of labor, the group laid out a tarpaulin in the courtyard and erected a large mourning tent. Several strong men worked together to carry the prepared coffin into the main room and placed it securely.

Li Tianbao took out his phone and recorded a video of Lingtai.

Then open the "We Are a Loving Family" group.

@Everyone, my second uncle is dead.

There was a moment of silence in the group chat, then a barrage of notifications popped up.

A dozen minutes later.

Bang! The courtyard door was pushed open, and the first person to enter was Yin Guizhi. She was wearing pajamas and slippers, and her body was trembling. Her sadness was impossible to hide.

"Second brother, second brother... Tianbao, what exactly happened? Your second uncle..."

Li Tianbao felt a pang of heartache and helped his mother to the mourning hall.

Yin Guizhi lifted the white cloth covering the coffin, and tears immediately streamed down her face.

"What happened? Everything was fine during the day... What happened... Waaaaah..."

Yin Jianshe is dead, completely dead, he's already cold.

Having witnessed countless deaths in the hospital, Director Yin was overwhelmed with grief and tears streamed down her face as she faced the sudden passing of her second brother.

Li Tianbao bit his lip, watching his mother cry sadly. For some reason, he also started to cry, even though he knew in his heart that his second uncle had faked his death...

"Mom...where are my aunt and the others?"

"We're all on the road... Waaah... We're all on the road..."

At this moment, Li Tianbao's uncle, who was setting up the funeral service platform, came over and called Li Tianbao out.

"Xiao Li, do you think it's appropriate to put this table for collecting gift money here?"

"That's suitable. You're the professional, so you can handle it."

My uncle said, "Tomorrow during the day, one of you will come with me to look at the cemetery plot, get the death certificate, and make an appointment at the crematorium. I'll send you a PDF file of the process later; you can take your time to look at the details."

Li Tianbao asked, "Thank you, Uncle. Is cremation mandatory? Can the body be kept at home for a little longer?"

Uncle was taken aback and said, "What are you saying? The cremation is in three days. Are you going to leave it at home forever? I know you're reluctant to part with your second uncle, Xiao Li, what about your second uncle's children? I'll take them to see the cemetery tomorrow."

Li Tianbao smiled bitterly: "My second uncle has no children, so I am his child."

"Okay, I got it." The old man didn't say anything, and went to tell the worker, "Put the honeycomb briquettes here, the forecast says it'll be colder tomorrow night..."

Looking at the large character for "memorial," Li Tianbao asked in a low voice, "Xiaotian, we can't burn Second Uncle's body. We have to steal it away in three days!"

The Celestial Hound said, "Third Master, there's something I forgot to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Your second uncle is just an ordinary person. If he keeps lying there without eating or drinking, he will starve to death."

Li Tianbao's eyes widened, and he roared, "Why the hell didn't you say so earlier?!"

Xiaotian: "You have to find a way to revive your second uncle when the time is right, and give him the basic necessities of food, drink, and excretion..."

Li Tianbao's face stiffened as he looked around at the increasing number of close neighbors and relatives who had rushed to the scene after hearing the news...

At this moment, Li Liqing's burly figure entered the courtyard, carrying a new thermos cup in his hand.

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P.S.: Two chapters are being updated early today. The subsequent plot regarding the main character will unfold during the funeral... it might be a bit explosive... Dear readers, if you have any questions, please leave a comment.