Dawn of Life

The next day, I felt dizzy and couldn't have a gastroscopy after eating breakfast. I could only make an appointment with a "sleep disorder specialist" to get some sleeping pills.

The hospital was packed with patients on the weekend. The waiting area for the "Sleep Disorders" department was in the same area as the "Neurology" department, and both departments had many patients with anxiety and depression.

Lin Yue observed her fellow patients. Some had their heads bowed, their eyes vacant, as if their emotions had taken them to another world; these were clearly patients with depression. Others had furrowed brows, their expressions contorted with pain, oblivious to the stares of others, relentlessly berating their cheating husbands to those accompanying them; these were clearly patients with anxiety.

There were also some patients with milder symptoms, their faces showing exhaustion, but they were still handling various tasks, such as calling to remind their children to do their homework, or revising PowerPoint presentations on their computers.

Moreover, these people were mostly middle-aged, and predominantly women. Lin Yue wondered, why is life so difficult and stressful for middle-aged people? Where are the people who have fulfilling lives and are relaxed?

She had once read a quote that said, "The biggest difference between depression and anxiety is that one wants to die, and the other is afraid of dying." Thinking of this, she pressed her hand against her stomach. Indeed, she was afraid of dying now.

Around noon, her number was finally called. The doctor told her that many sleep problems are caused by emotions, so he ordered an infrared EEG test, which he heard was part of a national research project and was currently offered free of charge. Common sleep problems include difficulty falling asleep, light sleep, vivid dreams, and early awakening, and she had all of these symptoms.

Looking at the EEG infrared report, the doctor asked, "Was there a trigger for your poor sleep? Or was it sudden?"

Lin Yue twisted the hem of her clothes, a lot of things flashing through her mind. She moved her lips, but in the end, she didn't say a single word.

Seeing her hesitant expression, the doctor didn't press further and continued, seemingly unsurprised, "Whether it's work stress, family, or interpersonal relationships, try to take it all in stride. Nothing is more important than your own health. Medication can only treat the symptoms; you still need to resolve your inner conflicts. Besides stomach pain, do you also experience palpitations, chest tightness, or difficulty breathing? These are all physical reactions caused by your suppressed emotions."

After Lin Yue left the hospital, a ray of early summer sun shone on her. Instead of going to the parking lot immediately, she walked around the hospital for a long time.

Unconsciously, she arrived at the inpatient building and encountered several thin patients in hospital gowns. Whether their expressions were calm or anxious, they all gazed expectantly out of the hospital walls. She finally made a decision: she would stop investigating Gao Ming. She admitted that she was no match for him; she had work to do and a son to take care of, and she genuinely didn't have the energy for a protracted battle with him.

So she decided to face it head-on. Since her marriage was already beyond saving, she needed to at least keep her job, which would be her and her son's livelihood. She arranged to meet Gao Ming at her home to discuss the divorce.

That evening, she cooked a table full of dishes as usual, thinking it would be a good way to part ways amicably.

At dinner time, the three sat around the table, the atmosphere seemingly warm and harmonious, but Lin Yue felt a mix of emotions. She looked at Xiao Yu with heartache; such family gatherings would never happen again.

After dinner, Xiaoyu fell asleep, and the two of them went to the living room one after the other. An indescribable heaviness and oppression filled the air.

The first thing they discussed was the house. They agreed on this point: the property and the mortgage would be split 50/50. The current monthly mortgage payment is 12,000 yuan, with each person contributing 6,000 yuan. However, Xiaoyu's household registration is still in the house, and Lin Yue doesn't want his living and learning environment to change drastically. Gao Ming, on the other hand, wants to put the house on the market and sell it as soon as possible.

When Lin Yue saw that Gao Ming didn't seem to care at all about the impact such a big change would have on a seven-year-old child, she was both heartbroken and furious. She gritted her teeth and questioned, "The real estate market is so sluggish right now, why are you in such a hurry to cash out? Don't forget, the property belongs to both of us. Even if you insist on selling, you can't sell it if I don't agree."

Seeing her furrowed brows and red eyes, Gao Ming's tone finally softened. He knew that her expression meant he had crossed her line. He was also afraid of pushing her too far, after all, he still had some "tricks" up his sleeve. So he said, "If you want to continue living here before it's sold, you'll have to pay me an additional 5,000 yuan in rent each month, on top of the 6,000 yuan mortgage payment."

Lin Yue calculated that the fixed monthly expenses for the house would be 11,000 yuan. Fortunately, Gao Ming, as the father, was also required to pay child support to Xiao Yu every month after the divorce, which could be deducted from the rent.

Unexpectedly, Gao Ming then took his phone, opened the bank app, pulled out a bank statement from the store, and pushed it in front of Lin Yue, clearly having come prepared: "My store's monthly revenue is less than five thousand, so I can't afford to pay child support."

Immediately afterwards, he opened another bank's app, and the screen prominently displayed the words "loan of 300,000".

Lin Yue stared at the cold numbers. She couldn't understand how things had turned out this way when she had been completely innocent in her marriage. They had been married for 10 years, and Gao Ming had never shown her the bills. She had asked him many times before, but he had always brushed her off.

They were about to get divorced when Gao Ming said that he had a low income and that the loan was used to pay off the mortgage and split the costs equally.

No matter how Lin Yue thought about it, it was a brilliant scheme. Looking at the completely unfamiliar man before her, she felt an unprecedented sense of despair and helplessness. She didn't know how to face this sudden change, or how to shoulder the burdens of her future life alone.

Her monthly salary is 18,000 yuan after tax. She has to pay the mortgage, her son's living expenses, and rent to her ex-husband. This pressure is like a boulder weighing on her heart.

After several rounds of unresolved arguments, Lin Yue's helplessness and despair reached their peak, and her voice unconsciously carried a hint of a sob: "Then let's just keep dragging this on without getting a divorce, and you'll still have to bear half of the expenses."

Gao Ming was startled by his words, but quickly regained his cold expression: "If you don't get a divorce, I'll transfer the shop and go on a trip. How will I pay for half of my expenses without a job?"

Looking at the man, Lin Yue suddenly felt that he was a complete scoundrel. Thinking of her work and her son, she realized that continuing to waste time with such a person would only result in mutual destruction and disgust for herself.

Lin Yue heard herself say, "Forget it, let's find some time to get the divorce certificate." After saying that, she stood up, walked into the bedroom without looking back, and closed the door.

Soon, she heard Gao Ming close the door and leave. She knew that this time, their marriage had truly come to an end.

She recalled marrying Gao Ming ten years ago, when they had no house, no car, and no wedding. Gao Ming said, "I will definitely give you a wedding on our tenth anniversary. If a marriage can last ten years, we can definitely be together for a lifetime." At that time, she was full of happiness, thinking that he felt guilty for not being able to give her a wedding, and that she was very lucky to have found a grateful man through a blind date.

Looking back now, I realize how ridiculous and naive I was. What does an empty promise have to do with gratitude? Or perhaps he had already planned back then that he would live a "free" life ten years from now, earning money to spend on his own.

She sat on the edge of her bed in the bedroom, the window facing towering office buildings. It was already eleven o'clock at night, yet lights were still on in the buildings, and she could even vaguely see figures. How many of these people were husbands willingly working hard for their wives and children? And how many were mothers with no one to rely on, having to raise their children alone?

She suddenly felt a tightness in her chest, as if the small bedroom was a closed box, making it hard for her to breathe.

She went out, opened her son's bedroom door, saw his sleeping face, and couldn't help but lean in and kiss him.

A soft, tender touch immediately came over her, and her tense heart slowly relaxed. A hot tear slid down her cheek and landed on the back of her hand. She knew that in the days to come, she would be her son's only support, and she had to put on "armor" for this "vulnerability."