Re:Zero - Starting from Zero (Natsuki Subaru)

Chapter 99: 700 favor

……

Despair, the most extreme and painful despair.

Everything that could be seen from the sky conveyed an atmosphere of despair.

Unspeakable, powerless, the ultimate loneliness, the ultimate pain, the ultimate despair.

This is Subaru Natsuki.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of Subaru Natsuki's experiences.

No one could imagine how Natsuki Subaru must have felt after witnessing this series of mentally and rationally jarring scenes.

The images projected on the dome alone were so oppressive and heavy that no one could utter a single word.

Emilia stared incredulously at the images playing on the screen. If the screen hadn't already proven his abilities, Emilia would have even suspected that the screen was faking it.

Emilia was momentarily at a loss for where to begin her shock.

"Jules...?"

"Parker...?"

Others might not understand, but Emilia looked at Petilchius Romani-Conti, the bishop of the sin of sloth, in the sky.

I instantly felt a familiar presence.

That feeling was both familiar and strange.

Emilia couldn't believe that the crazed man in the sky, who was almost torturing Rem like a madman, was the same gentle Jus who used to be.

Emilia could tell that it was Jos, but Emilia's past memories and feelings for Jos denied that the man in the video was Jos.

"No, this isn't true, it's a lie, a lie, a lie..."

"And Parker...why, why did you do this?"

Emilia, who knows Puck best, could tell at a glance that Puck was responsible for the two times Subaru Natsuki was frozen to death.

Parker, why? Why do you have to do this?

Since you're already this strong, strong enough to kill Subaru Natsuki twice, strong enough to destroy the world...

But why...why didn't you stop it all before it became irreversible? Why didn't you use your full strength sooner...?

Everything playing on the screen was impacting Emilia's spirit.

Emilia didn't know, didn't understand, and couldn't comprehend why things had turned out that way.

It was all because back in the royal city, she chose to separate from Subaru Natsuki and leave him alone in the royal city to receive treatment.

I thought that was the best choice, the optimal choice for Subaru Natsuki.

However, that forced Subaru Natsuki to experience these hells and nightmares.

"Why is that?"

Emilia's tears flowed uncontrollably; she couldn't accept the reality for a moment.

Why did Jus become so deranged? Why did he cruelly torture and kill Rem?

Why would Parker want to destroy the world? Would he die even if he were protected by Parker?

Since Parker already has the power to destroy the world...

Why do it this way? Why? Why? Why?

Why can't you help Subaru?

Parker too, and so do I.

At that time, Emilia had no idea what Subaru Natsuki had gone through.

Even if Natsuki Subaru wanted to say it, it would be impossible.

Even Emilia now thinks that Subaru Natsuki would be happier if he chose Rem.

After all, judging from Subaru Natsuki's two deaths...

At that time, when Subaru was in the most pain, despair, loneliness, and helplessness, the one who stayed by Subaru's side was neither himself nor anyone else, but Rem.

Furthermore, Rem was willing to sacrifice herself to save Subaru Natsuki.

When Subaru Natsuki needed help the most, he wasn't there for him at all!

Emilia's eyes were filled with self-blame and regret, and tears welled up in her eyes.

If all the suffering Subaru is going through is because of me, then if I didn't exist... that would be better... Subaru wouldn't be in so much pain...

Natsuki Subaru sighed helplessly and reached out to wipe away Emilia's tears.

"Okay, Emilia-tan~ Don't be sad."

"None of this is your fault."

"Stop, stop, stop, Emilia-tan... Don't think about it anymore. Were you just thinking that it would be better if 'I' didn't exist?"

"Emilia-tan, I didn't do all this for you!"

"Huh?"

"I'm a selfish person, someone who craves everyone's respect and attention. You could tell that back at the Wang Xuan meeting, right?"

"I am extremely arrogant, and everything I have done is only for myself, to make myself a respected person."

"As for this suffering, it is merely the price to pay for satisfying my arrogant desires."

"Besides, even if I did something for you in the slightest, so what? Why do you feel guilty?"

You deserve it!

Natsuki Subaru placed his hand on Emilia's shoulder, looking at her intently.

Emilia was taken aback, seemingly not expecting Subaru Natsuki to say that.

Emilia blushed slightly.

Seeing that Emilia was no longer consumed by self-blame, Natsuki Subaru breathed a sigh of relief.

Then, Natsuki Subaru crossed his arms and looked at the light screen in front of him with some displeasure.

"Honestly, they just keep showing all sorts of nonsensical things to everyone."

"Don't let this canopy affect your mood, everyone. Maybe it's all fake?"

"Even if all of this were true, I, who possess all the memories, would absolutely not want you to be sad and in pain after seeing these things."

"After all... you guys are very important..."

Subaru Natsuki's words were addressed not only to Emilia, but also to everyone else.

These words are sincere and not meant to comfort or deceive anyone.

Subaru Natsuki's eyes flashed with coldness as he looked at the light screen in front of him.

They actually released all of these things.

Natsuki Subaru absolutely, positively does not want anyone to see these things.

Natsuki Subaru will never forget the despair he experienced back then.

Although the sky screen was just playing all of this, and no one actually experienced it, the despair it conveyed was enough to make everyone breathless.

Natsuki Subaru doesn't want anyone to suffer, and he doesn't want anyone to go through the hell he went through again.

Although Natsuki Subaru was initially moved by Tenbu's ability to tell everyone about his return after his death, the unspeakable loneliness was truly unbearable.

But gradually, Subaru Natsuki realized that this was probably not a good thing.

Natsuki Subaru experienced almost nothing but extreme pain and despair along the way, and he was afraid that people would not be able to accept or face it.

He was afraid that everyone would feel guilty and break down because of this.

Natsuki Subaru isn't the type of person who likes to play the victim to gain sympathy; he just wants everyone to be happy.

He's the only one who's seen hell.

Natsuki Subaru felt a mix of helplessness, anger, and gratitude towards the current state of the sky.

To be honest, he had never felt such complex emotions about anything before.

"The sky...sigh..."

Emilia seemed to understand what Natsuki Subaru was thinking.

Yes, Emilia has always known Subaru Natsuki very well.

"Emilia! Smile more! Don't pay attention to what's being shown on the screen!"

"Instead of feeling upset about these things, why not look forward to what reward the heavens will give us today?"

"Maybe the rewards we get in the future will be things that can change our destiny?"

Emilia chuckled and wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes.