Genshin Impact: Watch me turn the tables and kill my servants at the start!

Morax, do you have any clues?

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The official road from Shenyu Valley to Liyue Harbor is lined with sycamore trees, whose leaves rustle in the early autumn wind, with a few yellowing leaves occasionally swirling down onto the stone pavement.

Fanes walked along the road, his short legs moving swiftly, and Jakoda followed closely beside him, their steps equally tight. The two of them were like two moving dots as they walked down the winding mountain road.

Yakoda carried her bulging cloth bundle on her back, her goggles swaying around her neck with each step. Her little face, under the brim of her cat-ear hat, was slightly flushed from walking, but her starry eyes were still bright and sparkling as she looked around, full of curiosity about everything.

After walking for about half an hour, Fanes felt the ground tremble slightly.

Stop and look ahead. Heavy, rhythmic footsteps came from the bend in the road ahead, thump, thump, thump, one after another, like a bronze bell being struck one after another.

Yakoda also heard the commotion and quickly darted behind Fanes, sticking half her head out and staring wide-eyed through her goggles.

Then a figure emerged from around the corner. To be precise, it was a huge figure wearing the standard armor of the Fools—the Water Gun Heavy Guard, nicknamed "Water Fatty" by the players.

The man carried a heavy water cannon that was commensurate with his height. His round, armored belly gleamed with a deep blue metallic sheen in the sunlight, and the ground trembled with every step he took.

Before Fanes could react, the fat man spotted him first. His face, covered by a heavy helmet, seemed to pause for a moment, then he rushed over—though "running" on someone of his size looked more like a small wall moving—and abruptly stopped in front of Fanes, giving an awkward but standard Fools' salute.

"Twelfth Seat, Lord! The captain of the fourth detachment of the advance team is reporting for duty!"

His voice came through the helmet in a muffled tone, tinged with barely suppressed excitement, "Headquarters said you'd arrive today! I've been waiting here for ages!"

Fañes looked up at the iron-gray "wall" in front of him, and even with his neck tilted up to the maximum angle, he could only see the other person's chest.

Yakoda's little head, peeking out from behind him, tilted upwards in sync, until her neck ached, before she muttered softly, "Boss, he's huge."

Fanes thought for a moment, then raised his hand and patted Shui Pang's knee—because he couldn't reach his shoulder: "You've worked hard. Is the base far from here?"

"It's not far! Please get on, sir, I'll carry you; it'll be much faster!"

As he spoke, Fatty squatted down, spreading his two heavily armored hands on the ground, gesturing for Fanes to sit on them. Fanes hesitated for a second, then scrambled onto his hands and feet.

Water Fat gently lifted him up and placed him on his right shoulder. The broad shoulder of the armor was like a platform with built-in armrests. After Fanes sat down, his field of vision instantly widened three or four times. The mountain wind blew in his face, and he could even see the outline of Liyue Harbor in the distance.

Then Water Fatty turned his gaze to Yakoda: "Little girl, why don't you come up too!"

Yakoda didn't stand on ceremony. She nimbly climbed onto the left shoulder like a cat, held onto the edge of Shui Pang's helmet with both hands, and sat down with her legs dangling in mid-air, looking around excitedly.

Water Fat stood up and strode forward, his steps heavy but steady. Fanes sat on his right shoulder, feeling as if he were riding a docile mechanical behemoth, with a view so expansive that he could see every single sycamore leaf along the roadside below.

On the other side, Yakoda had already started singing excitedly, completely off-key but with great enthusiasm.

And so, after a bumpy ride, we arrived at Liyue Harbor.

The Northern Bank's headquarters was located on a relatively quiet street. The storefront wasn't particularly eye-catching, but the Fatui sign at the entrance still caught the attention of Liyue residents passing by.

Shui Pang squatted down at the doorway, letting the two men slide off their shoulders, then bowed and stepped aside to stand guard. Fanes straightened the front of his wind-blown coat and pushed open the door of the Northern Bank.

It was much more spacious inside than he had imagined. There was a counter, ledgers, several busy Fools staff members, and a desk piled high with documents.

Before Fanes could get a good look at him, a Fool's officer in a high-ranking uniform quickly came up to him, holding a wax-sealed letter in his hand.

"Your Excellency, the Twelfth Seat, Her Majesty the Empress has a secret order for you."

Fanes took the letter, tore open the wax seal, and unfolded the pages. The letter was very short, almost excessively so. Fanes read it twice, making sure he hadn't missed a single word. There were only two lines written on the page—

"You can proceed once you arrive in Liyue. There are no specific action requirements. Just make sure you stay alive."

Fanes turned the letter over. The back was blank.

I flipped back and read it a third time. It was still those two lines.

"...That's it?"

Fanes held up the letter for Akoda to see. Akoda leaned closer to look, blinked her starry eyes, and said, "Boss, it seems that's all. Her Majesty the Queen wants you to live well."

Fanes folded the letter and put it in his pocket, then stood in the middle of the lobby of the Northern Bank and thought for a while.

My mind isn't slow, and after a little thought, I figured out the intricate logic behind it all—Liyue has Morax in charge, and that mountain is too high, so high that the Ice Queen simply chose to give up.

Sending the team leader would likely result in failure, sending a PhD would likely result in an even greater failure, and sending a six-year-old who just joined the company would also result in failure, so it would be better to just send the most useless one.

Failure is not shameful, success is a pleasant surprise. Even if nothing is accomplished, at least it will give Liyue the impression that "the Fatui are indeed trying to infiltrate."

Fanes's lips twitched.

So he's just a mascot.

They're just sent here to make a show of things. As long as they're alive, they can do whatever they want, or nothing at all. All they need to do is stay in Liyue Harbor and show up every now and then to let the Liyue Septim know that "an executive is present on the Fatui's side," and that's it.

As for plans, actions, and the seizure of the Heart of God—the Empress didn't even mention them.

Fanes suddenly felt the burden on his shoulders lighten considerably.

Turning to the few Fools staff members standing beside him, he tugged at his collar and cleared his throat: "Colleagues, I have a decision to announce."

Several staff members turned to look at him.

With his hands on his hips and chin held high, Fanes declared confidently, "From today onwards! My main task in Liyue Harbor is—to run the business. Eat and drink as you please, shop as you please, sunbathe as you please. When there's nothing to do, just stand in the busiest spot in Liyue Harbor and let Seven Stars know I'm still alive. If something comes up... we'll see."

Yakoda, standing next to him, raised her hand and asked, "Boss, what does 'open-air' mean?"

"It means doing absolutely nothing."

"Do absolutely nothing?"

Yakoda tilted her head. "So, what are we here in Liyue for?"

"They're here for tourism."

Fanes clapped his hands. "And tell the Liyue Sept to keep an eye on us. Just make sure they notice that there's an Enforcer from the Fatui loitering around the port."

Yakoda paused for two seconds to process the information, then nodded, her expression seemingly a mix of understanding and confusion. She quickly put the question aside and turned her attention to the potted plant in the corner of the Northern Bank lobby.

Fanes walked to the window, opened it, and looked out. The streets of Liyue Harbor were bustling with activity. The cries of vendors, the chatter of pedestrians, and the distant calls of boatmen from the harbor blended together, creating a lively atmosphere that was completely different from the cold and austere atmosphere of late winter.

Under the sunlight, the roof tiles gleamed with a warm brown light, and in the distance, the layered mountains were shrouded in mist, with the outlines of several towering fairy caves vaguely visible.

Fanes stretched and tucked his hands back into his sleeves.

Liyue, Liyue, I'm here. But don't worry, I'm not here to fight. I'm just here to freeload and hang around. If you think I'm in the way, you can't get rid of me. Anyway, the Queen said, as long as I'm alive, that's enough.

The aroma of grilled rock squid wafted in from outside the window, and Fanes' nose twitched, his stomach growling in agreement.

He closed the window and turned to Yakoda: "Come on, let's get something to eat first. Two of the four boxes of tea we brought from Chenyu Valley are for Morax. We'll decide what to do after we figure out where he usually hangs out. Filling our stomachs is the priority."

Yakoda immediately dropped the potted plant and ran over: "Boss, I want to eat that thing that smells so good!"

"I heard it's called grilled tigerfish, and I've been wanting to try it for a long time."