Three Kingdoms: Start by buying a governor.

"Brilliant!"

"That makes sense!"

"Brother Kebineng, you're really smart!"

"Those people from Goguryeo are dirt poor, they'd definitely be happy to!"

"Those greedy Goguryeo people run faster than rabbits when they hear there's a bargain to be had!"

"Yes! Let them be the vanguard and cannon fodder! We'll just pick up the scraps from behind!"

The more they talked, the more excited they became. No one cared that the whole roasted lamb was getting cold, and they started making plans all at once.

Kui Tou slapped his thigh and said, "It's settled then! Someone, call the clerk!"

The clerk waiting outside the tent tumbled in. He was a middle-aged man who looked like a Han Chinese, dressed in clothes that were half Han and half non-Han, and it was clear that he had been captured many years ago.

"Write a letter!" Kui Tou waved his hand and said, "Write a letter to the former King of Goguryeo, Cheon!"

The document was spread out on animal skin paper, and ink was ground in preparation.

A dozen or so leaders gathered around, holding bowls of mare's milk wine, and began to speak, spitting as they went:

"Tell me, our Xianbei have amassed 80,000 cavalry! That brat Liu Ce just finished fighting the Wuhuan, his troops are exhausted and their supplies are running low, Youzhou is like an unlocked piece of fat meat!"

"There's plenty of grain! Plenty of ironware! And Han Chinese girls in colorful clothes!"

"Let's team up, you fight one side, I'll fight the other. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"

......

The clerk, suppressing a laugh, his shoulders shaking, wrote these colloquial words into a formal, literary letter:

"Kui Tou, the Chanyu of Xianbei, and the leaders of various tribes, address the King of Goguryeo: The Han Dynasty is now in decline, and our border generals are exhausted. Liu Ce, the Governor of Youzhou, has recently defeated the Wuhuan, but his soldiers are weary and his granaries are empty. This is a golden opportunity. Our tribe has gathered 80,000 cavalry, intending to march south and seize the grain, silk, and ironware of Youzhou… We wish to join forces. If we can unite and attack from both east and west, Youzhou can be pacified, and the spoils can be divided…"

I finished writing it and read it aloud.

The leaders frowned as they listened: "Too literary! Not impactful enough!"

In the end, Kebineng waved his hand and said, "That's fine. Those Goguryeo people just like this kind of refined, literary style."

The messenger was a eloquent Xianbei man. He mounted a fast horse, carried the official letter, and sped off towards the inner city of Goguryeo.

Inside the tent, the leaders sat down again and began to divide the spoils—or rather, the strategies.

"We'll split into two groups!" Kui Tou drew on the sheepskin map with his greasy fingers. "One group of 40,000 will head towards Youzhou! The other group of 40,000 will attack Bingzhou! We'll set off in early July, before Liu Ce can recover, and catch him off guard!"

"Great!" the crowd cheered in unison.

"Awooo—"

A cheer that sounded like wolf howls erupted from inside the tent.

Then everyone raised their wine bowls.

"For the sake of the fertile Youzhou!"

"For the sake of Han Chinese silk!"

"For the glory of our Xianbei—bah, for the sake of plundering!"

"Dry!"

Mare's milk wine was spilled all over the ground.

Little did these Xianbei people know that the news they received about "Liu Ce suffering heavy losses" was a false message sent out by Youzhou.

......

Five days later, the city of Goguryeo.

The Goguryeo royal palace was built on a site surrounded by mountains on three sides and water on one side. It had stone walls and wooden halls, and looked quite grand, but it was a bit... simple.

King Gao Nanwu, the King of the ancient Chuan Kingdom, sat on the throne. He was nearly thirty years old, with a round face and small eyes. He wore an embroidered silk robe, which he had looted from Liaodong a few years ago. He usually couldn't bear to wear it, but he specially changed into it today to receive the Xianbei envoy.

The envoy finished reading the flowery letter—which was essentially a persuasive plea: "Come and grab it! Youzhou has lots of good stuff!"

Gao Nanwu's eyes were "wide open".

(Messenger: Dare to open your eyes? Gao Nanwu: I've already opened them as wide as they can.)

"What?! We can just take any grain from Youzhou? We can just move any ironware?" He swallowed hard, then turned to his ministers and asked, "What do you think? Is this a good deal?"

The ministers below immediately erupted in uproar.

Jixu—the younger brother of Gao Nanwu, in charge of military affairs. He was the first to jump out.

He rubbed his hands together, his face crinkling with laughter: "Brother Wang! What a bargain! Absolutely a bargain! Goguryeo lacks everything—grain, iron, and cloth! One raid on Youzhou will be enough for us to eat and wear for years!"

He counted on his fingers: "The Xianbei 80,000 cavalry will lead the charge. We only need to send some men to pick off the rest. Once they and Liu Ce are both exhausted, we'll rush in and take whatever we want: grain, ironware, cloth! It's a sure-fire way to make money; only a fool wouldn't do it!"

No sooner had the words left his mouth than Yibasu—a subject known for his caution—immediately jumped in to object: "Your Majesty, please reconsider! That brat Liu Ce was able to wipe out the Wuhuan in one fell swoop; he's definitely not someone to be trifled with! What if the Xianbei are using us as cannon fodder?"

"Cannon fodder my foot!" The leader of the Juannu tribe—a burly general with a fierce face—rolled his eyes at him. "The Xianbei said that Liu Ce suffered heavy losses in his battle against the Wuhuan. Less than half of his cavalry were dead, and the granaries are empty! If we don't seize them now, we won't be able to get any once he recovers!"

The two sides were arguing fiercely.

One said, "Don't miss this opportunity," while the other said, "Beware of scams." One said, "Your fortune is just around the corner," while the other said, "Don't risk your life."

Gao Nanwu, his head aching from the noise, looked at Yan Liu, who hadn't spoken a word—Yan Liu was Goguryeo's strategist, usually quiet but always getting to the point.

Yan Liu stroked his beard and slowly said, "In this old minister's opinion, we can fight."

Everyone looked at him.

"There are three reasons," Yan Liu said, holding up three fingers. "First, the Xianbei are powerful; their 80,000 cavalry are no joke. If we don't get involved, they might come after us once they've seized Youzhou and become stronger. Second, Liu Ce has indeed just finished a battle; even if it wasn't as bad as the rumors say, he's definitely weakened. Going now would be less risky. Third..."

He paused, glancing at Gao Nanwu: "We can send fewer troops and observe more. Send 20,000 soldiers to follow the Xianbei. If the Xianbei win, we'll plunder; if they lose, we'll turn tail and run. Anyway, the mountains are high and the roads are long, can Liu Ce really catch up to Goguryeo?"

These words really struck a chord with Gao Nanwu.

He pondered, "Goguryeo can afford 20,000 troops. If they win, they'll make a fortune; if they lose, they won't lose much. After all, Goguryeo may not have much else, but they have plenty of mountains and dense forests. If they can't beat them, they can always outrun them, right?"

Moreover... the grain in Youzhou! Goguryeo's harvest has been poor these past two years, and the national treasury is almost empty.

With that thought, he slammed his hand on the armrest of the throne: "Let's do it! It's settled then!"

"Your Majesty is wise!" the ministers shouted in unison.

Gao Nanwu looked down at Kishu and said, "Kissus!"

Jixu stepped forward and said, "Your subject is here!"

"I order you to lead 20,000 elite troops and follow in the footsteps of the Xianbei!" Gao Nanwu instructed. "Remember, our main strategy is to plunder! When the Xianbei charge ahead, we'll follow behind and seize their grain and iron! If things turn bad, run away. Whatever you do, don't engage Liu Ce in a direct confrontation!"

"Your subject obeys!" Jixu clasped his hands in a fist salute, his eyes gleaming with greed.

When the Xianbei envoy was summoned and learned of the situation, he immediately beamed with joy, took the reply from Goguryeo, and scurried back to the grasslands to report.