Three Kingdoms: Start by buying a governor.

Gao Nanwu, beaming with delight, gave the order: "Quickly have Jixu muster his troops! Bring plenty of sacks, few weapons. We're going there to make a fortune, not to risk our lives!"

"By the way, the sacks need to be sturdy, so they don't tear halfway through!"

"More vehicles! Prepare more vehicles! The grain and ironware can get too heavy!"

The court officials cheered, and the entire palace was immersed in the dream of "getting rich".

Even the palace maids and eunuchs were discussing in private how much reward they would receive this time.

......

Five days later, at the Xianbei royal court.

The envoy brought back a reply from Goguryeo. Kui Tou, after reading it, grinned from ear to ear: "Those greedy Goguryeo folks have taken the bait! They've agreed to send 20,000 troops to fight alongside us!"

Cheers erupted again inside the tent.

"This is it!" Budugen clapped his hands and exclaimed, "We have 80,000, they have 20,000, that's a total of 100,000 troops! Even if Liu Ce had three heads and six arms, he couldn't stop them!"

The plan was set: in early July, the troops would split into two groups and head straight for the border of the Han Dynasty.

"Rob! Rob food! Rob iron! Rob women! Don't come back if you don't get what you want!"

"Awooo—"

A cheer like the howling of wolves erupted from inside the tent, and everyone raised their bowls and drank heartily, spilling mare's milk wine all over the ground.

The wind on the grassland was still blowing, carrying the smell of horse manure and a greedy atmosphere.

......

A few days later, in Zhuo County, Youzhou, at the governor's mansion.

It was lunchtime, and more than twenty tables were set up in the council hall, where Liu Ce and his core strategists and generals were eating.

The meal was quite plentiful: stewed mutton, stewed beef, stir-fried greens, stir-fried shredded potatoes, braised pork, chicken soup...

Liu Ce was enjoying his meal, holding a bowl in his left hand and chopsticks in his right, when he suddenly heard hurried footsteps outside the door.

"My lord! Big news!"

Lu Bing rushed in, his voice urgent.

Liu Ce didn't even look up, continuing to shovel his rice into his mouth, and asked, "What's wrong? Has His Majesty passed away?"

"puff--"

Guo Jia spat out a mouthful of soup, choking and coughing.

Xi Zhicai dropped his chopsticks onto the table.

Xun Yu's face turned pale, speechless. He said, "My lord, be careful what you say!"

The others were too frightened to utter a sound, all staring at Liu Ce, inwardly cursing: "My lord, my lord, how can you say such things so casually! Although His Majesty doesn't have much time left, you've gone way too far!"

Lu Bing choked for a moment, then quickly shook his head and said, "No, no!"

"Oh," Liu Ce said, continuing to eat. "So what's wrong? You seem so anxious."

Lu Bing took a deep breath and spoke rapidly: "For the sake of their own interests, the various Xianbei tribes have put aside their differences and gathered 80,000 cavalry! They have split into two groups, one to plunder Bingzhou and the other to plunder Youzhou! They have also colluded with Goguryeo's former king, Go Nam-mu, agreeing to plunder our Youzhou together! The plan is to act around July!"

Liu Ce stopped eating.

He slowly put down the bowl, still holding it in his left hand, while his right chopsticks hovered in mid-air.

His expression shifted from nonchalant to serious, then his brows furrowed, his lips turned down, and a certain emotion began to brew in his eyes.

Lu Bing held his breath.

Everyone put down their chopsticks and looked at Liu Ce.

Liu Ce's face grew increasingly grim, his breathing became heavier, and the knuckles of his fingers gripping the bowl began to turn white.

Sudden--

"Bang!"

He slammed the bowl down on the table, the bottom of the bowl hitting the wood with a dull thud, and rice grains splashed everywhere, still steaming.

"Peace and safety~ ☄ฺ(◣д◢)☄ฺ"

Liu Ce forced out a few sounds through clenched teeth, like a low growl of extreme anger.

The council chamber was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Lu Bing was sweating profusely and dared not speak.

Xun Yu hesitated, as if he wanted to speak.

Guo Jia's eyes darted around, as if he was pondering something.

Xi Zhicai lowered his head, his shoulders trembling slightly.

Liu Ce suddenly looked up, his eyes blazing with fury, and shouted, "The Xianbei and Goguryeo, those two little devils! Where did they get the audacity to plot a sneak attack on my Youzhou! Ah!"

He slammed his fist on the table, causing the bowls and plates to jump up: "Do you think I, Liu Bolue, am a sick cat! Do you think my iron cavalry is made of paper! Do you think my 130,000-strong army in Youzhou is just for show!"

The sound echoed in the hall, shaking the roof beams.

The council chamber was deathly silent.

In this suffocating silence...

Lu Bing cautiously began, "My lord! It was...it was the false information we leaked that said we suffered heavy losses in the battle against the Wuhuan, and that our troops were exhausted and our supplies were depleted..."

Liu Ce's angry expression suddenly froze.

He blinked, and the anger on his face receded like the tide, replaced by an expression of sudden realization.

"Oh..." He slowly sat down. "That's not surprising."

His expression instantly returned to normal, even showing a hint of... satisfaction?

Then, to everyone's astonishment, Liu Ce picked up his chopsticks and carefully scraped the grains of rice covering the table back into his bowl, one by one. His movements were as gentle as if he were picking up gold, as he muttered to himself, "Wasting food is shameful, shameful..."

It was as if that scene of furious rage had never happened.

Quiet.

A deathly silence.

Then...

"Pfft, hahaha..."

Guo Jia was the first to burst out laughing, clutching his stomach and slamming his fist on the table, exclaiming, "My lord! Your performance was excellent! That level of anger, that control of your expression, almost fooled me! I thought you were really going to flip the table!"

Xi Zhicai also looked up and laughed, "My lord's face-changing skills are so good, he could perform a variety show in Luoyang."

Xun Yu breathed a sigh of relief and shook his head helplessly.

Even the usually serious Tian Feng was now bowing his head and trembling.

The others then realized what was happening, and the council chamber erupted in laughter.

Guan Yu stroked his beard, his phoenix eyes full of laughter: "Brother, your acting skills are superb."

Zhang Fei laughed the loudest: "Hahaha! Brother, that 'An An An An' you just said sounded exactly like a pig when I, Old Zhang, slaughter it!"

Zhao Yun smiled, pursing his lips.

Dian Wei scratched his head sheepishly and said, "Brother, were you really angry just now? I thought we were going to fight."

Liu Ce shoveled the last few grains of rice back into his bowl, picked it up, and continued eating. As he ate, he pointed at Guo Jia and said, "Fengxiao, Fengxiao, you've gone astray following me. You used to be such a proper strategist, but now you're even making fun of our lord."

Guo Jia chuckled, picked up his wine gourd, and took a sip: "One who stays near vermilion gets stained red, and one who stays near ink gets stained black."

After the laughter and joking, the atmosphere relaxed.

Xi Zhicai narrowed his eyes, a wicked smile playing on his lips. "Looks like the false information we spread has worked quite well. These steppe wolves and Goguryeo money-grubbers really think our Youzhou is a piece of fat meat they can just gnaw on."

"More than just good," Guo Jia's smile grew even more sly, "it's absolutely amazing! The Xianbei want to gnaw on the fat meat, and the Goguryeo want to pick up the scraps—these two fools teaming up are a match made in heaven, a perfect pair of suckers!"

Xun Yu stroked his beard and laughed, "Since they've come to our doorstep, let's give them a proper 'welcome'."

......