Leave A Scar

Winry spoke, breaking the silence created by us getting ready to leave.

"You look exhausted, Ed."

"I'm fine," he responded, not looking to her. Lines still haunting his eyes.

"Obviously not, Ed!" She took a step forward as she spoke, and instantly those eyes snapped up to her shoes, his own feet copying her movements. One step back. Equivalent, like always. "What about you giving Al part of your sleep, or whatever it was?"

"It's fine," he repeated, and looked down to the floor again before his eyes closed. "He's still getting an equal share. Everything's fine."

There's nothing to worry about, I waited for him to say this, but he didn't. What was happening? Why was he acting so... Guarded?

"Stop saying that!" Winry cried, and something inside me screamed out as well. I wanted to get mad like she was. He was so frustrating sometimes. But I couldn't do anything; I could only stand there, feel Ed's gloved hand brush against the back of mine as he moved his fingers. Like he was stretching them out; like he was trying to reach out to me again. But what could I do...?

"Stop acting like everything's okay, because you wouldn't be here if it was!" Tears broke from her eyes as she said this, a steady stream that instantly pelted the floor. Decorating it in tiny dots.

I heard the smallest of sighs come from Ed; probably just enough for me to hear as Winry kept speaking, his voice catching my attention before hers did. "Here come the waterworks..." he murmured.

"What's going on with you two?!" she asked, still frantic. "Why was your arm busted like that—I thought you two were done fighting. I thought it was over with it!"

His fist clenched; I could feel the fabric of the glove tighten against the side of my own hand.

"What's your problem, Winry?" Ed shouted back. "My problem?" she returned, hands pointing to the middle of her upper-chest. "I think you'd KNOW by now what my problem is, Ed!!"

I resisted taking a step back, some stupid part of myself wanting to take this in. Wanting to witness it all, make myself a bystander. Someone who could have done something, should have. But didn't. I knew my place as a causality, by now.

"My 'problem'," Winry began, voice low but nowhere near less malicious, "is you keep acting like we're not even here! My problem is you keep acting like the whole entire world is against you!"

I froze, the weight of her statement hanging in the air around us. I felt Ed clench his hand into a fist; the fabric of his glove tightening beside the back of my hand.

"You really believe that first part?" he shot back. "You REALLY think I actually forget you guys?"

I saw Winry's anger falter, giving way to something more vulnerable. She pulled herself back, posture straightening from her outburst as she looked down.

"I know you are doing something that's a lot of work... Time can attest for that. But..." Her hands rose to her hair, a pained frustration overtaking her face. "Just..." Her arms drew outwards, knees bending as she clawed her hands in a plea.

"What kind of things are you doing with my automail?! Why so much danger, Ed?! That's what I mean! That's why I think you forget about us because you throw yourself into these situations!"

"Okay," Ed swiped one arm across himself in gesture, "That's a hell of a lot different than me acting like you aren't even here!" His other fist clenched, and I could feel the anger in him rising. "I know this might be hard on you, Winry"—More anger came to her face, as if this struck a nerve—"And there's never been a time where I haven't appreciated the act of your mechanic specialty, despite what we have trudged through." His pointer finger flicked out, motioning to himself and her. His hand dropped, returning to a fist at his side. "But this is not your fight. This isn't your burden to carry, no matter how much of the 'world's' weight you'd like to take off my shoulders."

Winry's tears broke as she yelled again. "That's my point! That's all I'm trying to say, Ed!" Her arms pushed themselves out, hands motioning to Al, who remained silent in the corner of the room. "Ask Al! Ask your girlfriend over there!" I heard Ed's anger spike, his teeth gritting as Winry failed to conceal a sob.

"You don't let anyone in." she continued softly, arms falling away from gesturing to me. She embraced herself softly, looking away from him. "I almost feel like it's impossible for you to..."

Ed just let out a long breath through his nose, head bowing. His hair covered his eyes from me, and I wished I could see what he was feeling...

"I know you've always kept a smile on your face." she said, raising a hand to wipe at her eyes. "But this is family. You don't hide things from family... I think you should know that by now."

"Winry..."

"You don't even know what it's like!" Winry cried out. "You don't know how it feels to wake up every day and have your first thought be 'I wonder if they're still alive.'"

Ed didn't respond, keeping his head low, bangs hiding his eyes.

"I know you've always kept a smile on your face," Winry continued, looking away. "I know you always come back like everything's perfectly fine. And... I know we've been over this before, but..." She sniffed, her hand dropping to hold her arm again. Her fingers curled into a fist, and I saw lines of red against her pale skin. The aftereffects of her nails. "But even still... You know you have a home here... You know you all do."

I tried to smile, the action dying behind my lips like a ghost, like a twitch of my upper lip. Beside me, Ed remained dead silent. A long moment passed, and still the room remained absolutely silent. before words came again.

"You're not even going to say anything?" Winry asked him.

No reply. I'd never seen him this shut down before... What was going on?

My stare ripped away from the alchemist, going to Winry again. She continued to hold herself, tears falling on her forearms and spotting the skin.

"I just can't stand to see any of you hurt." she choked out. Her head pulled itself up, stare going to Ed again. She was building up the sadness, making something tall enough to convert back to anger.

"There's something going on with you and Al, isn't there?" Winry looked between them, foot stomping as she cried harder. "Isn't there?"

Ed remained silent, completely tense beside me. He pivoted, moving past me and heading to the front door.

"Thanks for the tune up, Winry."

"Don't you dare!" Winry lunged forward, grabbing his wrist. Ed evaded it, instantly slipping away from her hold. He did stop at the doorway, though, so I guess the attempt to stop him worked.

"Don't leave like this again..." she continued. Tears were falling still, dropping off her jaw and catching the sunset's light.

"I know you, I know both of you." The hand that remained in the air clenched into a fist, doing little to stop her fingers from shaking. "And I know when you're hurt and you're hiding something..."

I watched Ed's foot pivot, sliding back and twisting enough to turn him around, enough for one eye to train itself on Winry. The look... I'd never seen him look like he was ready to kill. And direct at Winry, too. I shifted my foot back, feeling something of fear for the first time.

"You're not my mother, Winry." His voice was rough, growling out the words. "So quit acting like it."

He turned, coat whipping behind him. He took the porch's steps two at a time, leaving Winry to lean against the doorway. She was crying still, sobbing harder with her head bowed.

"Winry..." I stepped forward, hesitant, thoughts questioning if there was anything I could even do...

Winry turned away, short nails digging into the wood of the door's frame.

"Just go." she sobbed. "Just follow him. You're privileged enough to do that."

I tried to breathe through the pain in my ċhėst. Tried to keep the weight back enough before it crushed me... I could feel the tears rising to my eyes, the familiar pressure beginning to surface. I held the feeling back, forcing myself not to cry as I looked at Winry again. That weight nearly crushing me. I blinked, trying to keep the tears from falling. I couldn't leave like this... I couldn't step out the doorway the same way he did...

"Thank you for your hospitality..." I began quietly. "I'm sorry—"

"Leave." The limp fist by Winry's side trembled. "Please..."

Her voice broke at the end, leaving me completely speechless. I willed my legs to start moving, and eventually they did. Soon I was stepping through the doorway, feeling her shrink away from me.

Ed was further down the road, walking the path that would eventually lead to the Resembool train station. I stared at that far away Flamel insignia on his back, thinking of the way ships are guided back to shore by lighthouses. I heard Al say something quietly—something Winry didn't respond to—before his footsteps stopped behind me. He had walked quietly, as softly as he could in his body, and the silence that followed when he stopped moving was so tense. Light, too, in a way. But mostly it just felt like the aftereffects of a heartbreak. When the earth is still and quiet, forcing you to feel that pain of everything collapsing.

We watched as Ed suddenly stopped moving, a part of his legs covered by the large oak tree between us. But I knew he saw Al and I standing there. And I knew he was waiting for us. One hand in his pocket, the other holding that suitcase. Already, he was regaining his composure. Building up that God forsaken mask that would act like nothing had happened. That nothing was getting to him. I hated it. If that stupid mask was real, I'd rip it off his face.

He couldn't leave Winry like this. She hadn't closed the door; still, it remained wide open. I watched him continue to stand there, continue to wait for us. I couldn't see his eyes clearly given how far away he was, but I felt his stare on me.

"You can't leave her like this..." I said the words quietly, somehow knowing he could read my lips.

He pivoted, looking away again. A clear message back: you don't know what you're talking about.

I was holding my wrist over my ċhėst, and this was the hand that clenched into a tighter fist. My teeth gritted together but I didn't even need the anger to get that far. He knew the silent gestures by now, the defensive holds I made when I was upset. He knew loud and clear how I felt about this.

Despite this, his foot slid back, inching him that much closer to the train station. Unless it was headed in that direction, he wasn't going anywhere.

Pinako's soft footsteps padded against the floorboards. I turned, seeing her stand there with one hand holding the pipe in her mouth, the other hand on the fist Winry had hanging.

The pipe was removed, a line of smoke streaming out of her mouth. The cloud faded after a few long moments, her voice quiet and rough as she spoke.

"You know you're always welcome." She turned away from Alphonse, looking to me with something of a weak smile on her face. "Even you." She added my name, and despite how kindly it was spoken, something about the word just seemed so vile.

I looked away, wanting to apologize again. But I just tightened my fist, trying to hold it hard enough and stop my hands from shaking. I felt Alphonse's hand on my upper back, his words echoing out of his suit and into the silence.

"Thank you, Granny." he said. "We're sorry for the trouble."

Pinako just shook her head. She replaced the pipe in between her lips, smoke following the words out as they came from the corner of her mouth.

"Comes with age." she responded, small eyes never moving away from Ed's figure.

I turned, quick enough to see him finish looking downwards, avoiding her stare. Al's hand gently applied pressure as he turned around as well, only dropping it away when we were both stepping down the front porch. When we had first arrived, this house had been so nice; so warm and comforting just like I remembered it to be. And now it just felt like the battlefield of a war zone.

I pulled in a shaky breath, keeping myself from sobbing. But I couldn't hold it in; my hand rose, fingers stretching to press against both of my closed eyelids. I applied pressure, trying to stop the tears from falling. I couldn't break down like this, and yet my body was racking with sobs, the tears still escaping my eyes no matter how tightly I shut them.

Al's steps stopped. I followed his movements, my eyes opening to see us approaching Ed. His head had lifted a little from the position Pinako's stare had put him in, and for the first time in what seemed like a while, his eyes met mine. Pain came to my gut, splitting right down the middle like a blade. He looked like he was in pain, too, sad enough for it to reach his own eyes anyway. Then his eyes closed, a shadow falling over them as he turned his back to us. I could tell, I could sense what he was doing.

He was pulling even further away, now that he knew how upset I was.

He started walking away, boots dragging against the ground in heavy steps. I swallowed, tried to breathe normally again.

"Don't do this..." My voice was a cracked whisper. "Don't leave like this..."

Ed stopped, only for a moment, like he had hesitated. He spoke to me, leaving his words in the wake of his footsteps.

"You don't know what you're trying to fix."

________