The comments section all think I'm a really good person.

But there's no honesty in your eyes.

[アイツの无码せは好きですか?

Do you really want that guy to be unhappy?

[あのコと本音で chatterれてますか?

Would you tell that girl the truth?

[心であざ笑ってないですか?

You're actually laughing at her deep down, aren't you?

It's me, why don't you kill me?

This is me, why don't you kill me?

Kita Kirihara pinned Koizumi Saki to the ground.

She should have been expressionless, but tears of grievance fell drop by drop onto Koizumi Saki's face.

Like one kiss after another.

263. MISSING

Kita Kirihara knew very well that no matter how much he wanted to become human, he had no chance to turn back.

The "human" she defines is not someone with normal and mediocre physical functions like an ordinary person, whose intelligence is limited by physical conditions, but rather someone who possesses "humanity" and lives in a form that is no different from other people.

Being able to enjoy a peaceful and stable daily life, to have pure goodness in one's heart, to have people one loves, to do things that are appropriate for one's age, to find happiness in small moments of good fortune, and although one may occasionally encounter setbacks, they are not so serious.

Kita Kirihara had heard about the daily lives of ordinary people and longed for the four seasons.

In spring, we can go cherry blossom viewing together. Saki will spread out a plastic sheet under the cherry blossom tree and put the dishes she made herself on it. We can also sing karaoke with strangers next to us.

In the summer, let's go to the beach together and collect seashells that make the sound of the ocean to decorate our home. We can also eat a huge bite of ice cream in one go, then rub our aching heads from eating too much ice.

Autumn is here, and it's a bit chilly outside. It's also harvest season, so we can buy lots of ingredients and experiment with new recipes at home, all while waiting for winter to arrive.

In winter, we'd bring out the kotatsu (heated floor mat) and snuggle up in the house with Saki, eating tons of tangerines. We'd also bake mochi; I liked the red bean flavor, but Saki seemed to prefer it with soy sauce and seaweed.

Then, when the ice and snow melted and spring arrived, Kita Kirihara planned to gently pluck the first flower that bloomed in spring and, in the morning light, deliver it to Koizumi Saki's window.

After all, it was still too cold outside, and spring had been gone for a long time, so she was allowed to be a little selfish and bring the first hint of spring to Koizumi Saki.

The four seasons are finite in human life.

Kita Kirihara felt that he would be very happy to spend these limited four seasons with Koizumi Saki.

In her childhood, she rarely noticed the changing seasons.

For Kita Kirihara as a child, the changing seasons were nothing more than changes in temperature. He had to add or remove clothes every now and then. Summers were very hot and winters were very cold.

However, during the time she spent with Saki Koizumi, she observed everything from the perspective of an ordinary person and finally captured the essence of the seasons.

Seasons change, and time continues to move forward in this cycle.

But time doesn't turn back, and every spring is different.

Unbeknownst to himself, Kita Kirihara had drifted further and further away from his former self.

She is no longer purely human, and it wouldn't even be appropriate to call her a monster. She wants to become human, yet she stubbornly persists on the path to becoming a monster...

...She was stuck in the middle, neither up nor down.

Each time Kita Kirihara tears himself apart, splitting himself into more parts, he reflects:

How much of our true selves are left?

The current Kita-Kirihara is very clear.

She actually has low self-esteem.

She refused to show her true self and was unwilling to reveal her ugly side to Saki Koizumi.

Because they are afraid of being disliked and abandoned, they arm themselves with all sorts of lies, even deceiving their own hearts.

But on this stage, the side that Kita Kirihara tried so hard to hide was exposed.

She admitted that she was grotesque and deformed.

No matter how strong and invincible he appears, the real Kita Kirihara is just a weak, crybaby, and exceptionally fierce child.

In her current state, she couldn't use her acting skills, which she was so proud of, to cover up her lack of confidence. She could only lay her wounded heart out to Koizumi Saki and shed tears of grievance.

Even though she remembered nothing, the intense, seemingly ingrained sadness still overwhelmed her.

After pinning Koizumi Saki to the ground, Kita Kirihara remained motionless, his eyes wide open, tears streaming down his face in confusion and without expression.

Although he didn't have much of an expression, a child's crying is indeed very endearing, especially Kita Kirihara's childhood, which was particularly cute. Even the strange black sclera in his left eye couldn't completely hide his cuteness.

Koizumi Saki subconsciously wanted to wipe away her tears, but she was also slightly lost in thought.

She listened to the lyrics and kept thinking about why.

Bei Qie was hiding something from her, and she roughly knew what it was, but she wasn't sure yet.

There are so many unsolved mysteries in this world; it would be too difficult to understand them all one by one.

Kita Kirihara is the biggest unsolved mystery.

Unlike other people who are easier to understand, A Yuan is indeed puzzling in many ways.

She wrapped herself up too tightly, and even if Koizumi Saki tried to peel back the layers of packaging, she would often only be able to see what Kita Kirihara wanted her to see after much effort.

Moreover, after returning, A-Yuan became even more unpredictable.

A Yuan is like a virtual person.

She has countless faces, countless images and identities, yet she has lost herself.

What Saki Koizumi knew was that, many times, it wasn't that Kita Kirihara didn't want to tell her his true self, but rather...

...Even A-Yuan himself couldn't tell which was real and which was fake anymore.

But it doesn't matter.

Koizumi thought.

She would accept whichever version of Kita Kirihara it was, whether real or fake.

If Kita Kirihara can't find herself, then Koizumi Saki will help her.

She will help find the real A-Yuan.

Let's start now.

At the moment when Saki Koizumi understood, a song that resonated with her state of mind welled up from her heart, and she took a slight breath.

"[君は suddenly servant の前からju なくなった

You suddenly disappeared from my sight.

[カラダだけ成してどこかへ无えたんだ

Only the body was left, disappearing somewhere.

[Hand hanging in the residence place, explore the house, and return it to the house.

[Searched the entire house for clues about your address]

[What should I do suddenly? いつから家ないのかさえ分からない

Is this really sudden? I don't know when you stopped being by my side...

Saki Koizumi reached out and hugged Kita Kirihara, burying her face in her chest. She felt the girl's shoulders trembling and the fabric of her clothes gradually becoming damp.

She closed her eyes, showing no intention of attacking.

No matter how lost Kita Kirihara was, or how she lost herself...

"It's a promise, I will definitely take you home."

P.S.: The background music for this chapter is "MISSING" by Shi Zhong.

The main text got stuck for a long time, a bag

Currently striving to reach the word count for the semi-annual award

264. Returning Home on a Snowy Night

Kita Kirihara exhaled a soft breath, and the water vapor condensed in the air upon contact with the cold air, forming a white mist that quickly disappeared before his eyes.

She raised her hand and lightly touched the condensed water on the glass window with her finger, gradually drawing a round heart shape.

Her clear red eyes were reflected in the glass, and the gentle-looking white-haired girl had a slight blush on her face because of the warmth of the room.

The heating was on inside, while a biting wind blew outside. Neither of the two people inside were in good health, so they kept all the gaps that could let in the cold wind tightly closed to prevent the warmth from escaping.

In the kitchen, the bottom of the pot of hot soup was licked by the flames, and if you listened carefully, you could hear the slow bubbling of the thick soup.

The aroma of fresh rice could be smelled even in the living room, and the thin, dark-haired girl sat on the sofa, swallowing her saliva repeatedly.

Saki Koizumi, clutching a pillow and with a blanket over her legs, nestled on the sofa. Her slender shoulders, so delicate they seemed to jut out from under her, sank into the soft fabric, like melted chocolate meeting marshmallow.

The small house is sheltered from the cold, filled with fragrant food, and has loved ones nearby.

Kita Kirihara felt a sense of peace in his heart.

"Ahara? What are you doing?" Koizumi Saki asked, seeing Kitagiri Haru standing by the window.

Her eyesight wasn't very good, and she couldn't make out what Kita Kirihara had written on the window.

As a child, Saki Koizumi was surprisingly frail, with a sickly appearance, as if she could be blown away by a gust of wind.

Kita Kirihara snapped out of her daze and smiled, "I wrote our names on the window."

"It's so cold over there... Come over here quickly." Koizumi Saki said in a naturally coquettish tone.

Then Kita Kirihara came over.

She had originally planned to share a blanket with Saki Koizumi, but then suddenly remembered something and changed her mind halfway through.