A villainous girl created by paranoia

Why didn't that bastard Yoko show up today to beat up those bastards?!

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

Lena dropped out of school; that's what the teacher told us.

I feel that this matter is not so simple, but I don't know how to investigate it.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

Deng Wenting dropped out of school, and I felt something was wrong. I felt it was related to Ye Zi, although I didn't know why, but I just felt it was related to Ye Zi.

So I started following Yoko.

(Five pages were torn out)

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I think Yoko did nothing wrong, it's just... doing something like that is really (words crossed out).

Yoko went a bit too far.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

Ugh, how annoying! Mom said she'd celebrate my birthday with me tonight, but she has to go on a business trip. But at least Elena and that pesky Yoko can celebrate with me.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I saw someone drown...

I saw it at night. I was sitting by the lake when a car stopped on the bridge. Two people were carrying a person, and then they threw that person into the lake.

It was very dark, and I couldn't see what those people looked like.

I wanted to save that person, but the other two people just stood on the bridge watching their surroundings.

I was scared. I didn't dare go over. I was afraid they would throw me into the lake too.

I just watched as the person who fell into the lake struggled desperately. That person couldn't swim, and I really wanted to tell that person how to swim.

In the end, I could only watch as that person sank to the bottom of the lake.

I wanted to save that person! But those two people kept watching from the bridge! I didn't mean to let that person die! I really wanted to save that person!

But all I could do was watch that person drown...

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I called my mom many times today, but her phone was always switched off. I don't know why, but I felt a little uneasy. I haven't been able to contact my mom for two days, so I called the police.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

The police found the mother, but it was a corpse.

The mother drowned, it wasn't suicide, it was homicide...

The date of death was February 2nd.

I... am a sinner.

I watched my mother drown in the lake.

I can swim! I could have saved my mom!

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that my mother was questioning me about why I didn't save her.

I was startled awake and couldn't sleep well all night. Even when I took a nap at my desk during class, I would dream about my mother.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I failed in my suicide attempt; I tried to drown myself, but Elena saved me.

Elena thought I had fallen into the water and didn't know I had committed suicide.

Having attempted suicide once, I will never dare to do it again.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I was also woken up by a nightmare this morning. My mother kept questioning me, asking why I didn't save her.

This is also why I wanted to commit suicide yesterday, because I dream every time I sleep, and I dream about my mother, and then I wake up from the nightmare.

However, during my lunch break today, when I was sleeping with my head on Elena's lap, I didn't have any more nightmares.

Let's see if I'll have nightmares again tonight.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

It's another...nightmare...

I don't dare to live anymore. In my dream, my mother said a lot of hurtful things to me.

I couldn't refute it; in fact, I did watch my mother drown.

During my lunch break, I went to see Elena again, and this time I didn't have any nightmares while using my lap pillow.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

Today, I won't have nightmares even if I don't sleep with Elena.

I guess my mother has finally forgiven me.

Although I haven't dreamed about my mother, I've been dreaming a lot lately about Elena and me doing H-things.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

Perhaps, I shouldn't have lived.

I saw it again, someone else is drowning.

It's still that lake, still that bridge, and probably still those two people. This time, they threw someone into the lake again, and I... am still in the same spot.

How similar it was to when my mother died! I still don't dare to go out. I can only quietly watch that person drown.

But that person did not die.

Because Elena saved that person, and after Elena warned the two people on the bridge that she had called the police, the two people drove away.

And then...and then Elena rescued the drowning woman.

It's that simple...

It's...it's really that simple!

Why can't I do it? Why didn't I succeed?

I'm so desperate.

I attempted suicide again. This time I planned to hang myself, but the rope broke.

I dare not commit suicide again; the feeling of being strangled by a rope is unbearable.

But I don't want to live anymore.

So, I thought of Elena.

If... if Elena kills me, will she be able to take my face?

In that case, Elena would be perfect.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

Elena refused my request...

I... can only keep living...

But I want to live for Elena, I want to give everything I have to Elena.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I confirmed my feelings when Yoko told me she liked Elena.

I like Elena and I want to marry her.

I would never give Elena to someone like Yoko.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I saw Yoko kill someone again. The victim was clearly just a child, but Yoko still killed him ruthlessly.

I had a fight with Yoko back then. I told her she was a butcher and had no right to stand by Elena's side.

She said I didn't understand. I don't know what I don't understand, but what she did was absolutely wrong.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

Today is the first day of school, and Elena, who is already in second grade, must be very happy because a group of younger students will be calling her "senior sister".

But I wasn't very happy, because Yoko was instigating Elena to hurt others.

Yoko, who killed a child yesterday, is a dangerous element to me. I cannot let her get close to Elena again.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I confessed my feelings to Elena today, but she didn't seem to care much and took it as a joke.

However, I have nothing to be disappointed about, because it was just a momentary impulse on my part.

After all, I don't deserve to be with Elena.

July 15, 2020

I may have developed some mental health issues after my mother died.

Whenever I want to help someone, my mother's image from my nightmares reappears, so I become cold-blooded and start to ignore her.

Even if I saw a child fall into the water today, I wouldn't have done anything about it.

There was no one around; perhaps the child had drowned.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I'm so tired. It's so tiring to keep living.

I want to die. Elena next to me is too dazzling.

I feel that walking next to Elena is a sin, a torment.