American comics: The off-the-charts random transformation

He walked to the office area.

Constantine was sitting at her desk working on documents when she heard someone approaching. She looked up and glanced at Tian Xiaoban, who was walking towards her.

"Tell me how much you can pay for legal fees first, then I'll consider the time you can spare. If you don't have the money, don't waste my time!"

She was wearing a beige trench coat, had blond hair, and her tone was full of desire for money; it could be her.

Tian Xiaoban: "Uh, I'm not here to file a lawsuit. I want to ask, do you know what hell is like?"

She frowned, giving me a look that said, "Hell? This is hell. Listen, this is a law firm. If you want to ask such pointless questions, you should go see a psychologist. If you're here to chat, then I don't think it's necessary."

You could tell from her impatient tone that she was busy, and looking at the pile of documents on her desk, she probably really was.

"Okay, thank you for your suggestion."

Tian Xiaoban decisively left; this wasn't it either. If it were the real Constantine, he would gladly agree to cooperate, and then sell you out when forming a team; he would never refuse a business deal.

He walked out of the office building, making a phone call: "Kovaski, how did you figure that out? How could those two be related to Professor Zatana?"

[According to surveillance footage, she sought out Constantine, just like you; these are the two people she contacted.]

"...This is really...a trap. Where's the next one?"

[A homeless bar eight kilometers away in the west.]

…………

A gleaming golden motorcycle passed by on the side of the road, and Tian Xiaoban drove towards his destination.

To be honest, Tian Xiaoban was a little worried, afraid that the remaining one was also fake.

Then he would be like a blind brute, venturing into hell all by himself.

The homeless bar is located next to a garbage dump on the outskirts of the city.

The cool-looking electric scooter parked outside the bar instantly attracted the attention of the homeless people in the vicinity.

Tian Xiaoban got out of the car, set up the tripod, and ran into the bar.

The other homeless people, not seeing Tian Xiaoban pull out the key, excitedly ran to the electric motorcycle, hoping to take the opportunity to drive it away.

"Shit, this car doesn't have a key?"

"Idiot, it should be a hidden button, look for it."

"Oh right, right! Let's look for it."

"Wow, this car is fucking awesome! Even if I can't drive it, I'm going to take it with me!"

"That makes sense, let's move them together!"

With the combined effort of five strong men, the electric motorcycle was lifted up by the five of them.

The anti-theft system on the electric motorcycle, AI Kowasky, immediately emitted a blue electric shock. The discharge range of this all-metal electric motorcycle is quite impressive.

Five people were electrocuted and fell to the ground, unable to get up. The homeless people who were not electrocuted were all frightened and stayed away from the motorcycle.

………………

Ignoring the outside world, Tian Xiaoban ran into the bar and yelled, "Constantine! You bastard, you owe me money!"

The roar was deafening, startling everyone.

The old drunks still in the bar, seeing that there was something to watch, all turned to look at the guy sitting in the corner of the bar who was already drunk!

This makes it very clear that the goal is well-defined.

Tian Xiaoban walked over and lifted the drunkard's head to look at him. He had unkempt blond hair and a thick beard, so his face was obscured. The smell of alcohol emanating from him and the pile of empty bottles on the table showed that he had drunk quite a bit.

Tian Xiaoban rummaged through his old trench coat; there were no business cards, no cell phone, and no money!

Damn, you have nothing! And you still dare to drink so much?

Tian Xiaoban is angry. If nothing unexpected happens, he'll probably have made a wasted trip again!

"Damn it, where did that scumbag Kang go? Did he get wind of this and hide in the secret room, never to come out again?!"

"Huh? What mysterious house?" The drunkard, who had just been woken up, vaguely heard these words as soon as he came to his senses.

This term is of little use to ordinary people, but for mages, the "mystery house" is something legendary.

A man who came to see him mentioned the mystery house. Constantine rubbed his eyes, trying to perk himself up.

Seeing that the drunkard had sobered up, Tian Xiaoban casually asked, "Your name is John Constantine, the Dark Wizard?"

Constantine yawned. He recognized the name on the business card but not himself, so he must be a potential customer: "Hmm, it's me. Haa~ What's up? Are you here to have an exorcism?"

He yawned, and the stench of alcohol made Tian Xiaoban take a step back.

Tian Xiaoban shook his head: "No, I just want to ask you a question. Do you know the distribution of demons in hell?"

"Hell? Oh, that's no good place. Young man, don't be reckless!"

Constantine shook his head; he refused to answer the question.

He didn't deny the existence of hell, nor did he call Tian Xiaoban a lunatic; he simply refused to answer the question. Tian Xiaoban knew that he had found the person he was looking for!

"You know? So you really are that scumbag Kang? That infamous disgrace to mages, a piece of trash among men."

Waking up to a scolding, even the good-tempered Constantine couldn't help but complain:

"Tsk, what an impolite brat. To say I'm a disgrace to mages is because they're ignorant. To say I'm scum of humanity is because those old fogies have never been able to toy with demons like I have."

"Ahem, I never care about those empty titles."

His complaints were tinged with self-praise.

Tian Xiaoban nodded repeatedly: "Ah, yes, yes, yes! I admire your wisdom. Then could you tell me the distribution of demons in hell? I need to go to hell to save people!"

Upon hearing that it was a rescue mission, Constantine carefully examined Tian Xiaoban.

"You? Hahahaha, kid, you're just going to deliver food to the demons of hell, aren't you? They love naive souls like you. Where's your pure soul?"

Perhaps Constantine realized that Tian Xiaoban was still a virgin, but that's not important; Tian Xiaoban responded with a smile.

"Hehehe, I do hope to encounter a powerful demon right from the start. Otherwise, it's a waste of my time. Ideally, I'd like to directly encounter a top-tier demon lord or demon king."

After laughing enough, Constantine still kindly reminded him:

"You're being arrogant. You have no idea how damn troublesome demons of that level are. They no longer need low-level tricks to deceive and steal your soul; demons of that power can simply take it by force!"

"Oh, your life is your own. If you want to die, that's none of my business."

Bars are places for bragging, and even though Tian Xiaoban and Constantine were talking about hell, everyone around them was having a great time.

Bars are places to drown one's sorrows, and now that he was sober, Constantine wanted to leave, but the bartender stopped him.

The bartender had just seen Tian Xiaoban rummaging through Constantine's clothes, but found nothing. Out of professional ethics, he still had to ask:

“Mr. Constantine, please pay for the drinks. It's $1800 in total.”

"Uh, did I drink that much?"

“Look over there, the table is full of empty bottles, and you’ve been drinking for a whole day and night. That’s a reasonable price.”

Constantine reached into his pockets, but found he had no money. Under the bartender's increasingly hostile gaze, Constantine returned to his previous seat.

"Buy me a drink, and I'll tell you about hell, but you'll have to explain your own situation clearly first."

"make a deal!"

Tian Xiaoban readily paid the money and also paid a tip for him.

Constantine led Tian Xiaoban outside for a while, then pointed to the house that had suddenly appeared and said, "Let's go, let's talk in the mystery house."

This is the Mysterious House, possessing a constantly changing appearance and powerful protective magic. Its true location lies within a rift in the world, allowing it to teleport across parallel universes. Zack Snyder has used it multiple times to escape the pursuit of demons; otherwise, he would have been torn to pieces by his creditors long ago.

"Stop looking, come inside and talk. The house will keep out the demons' spying. Shouting the demons' names in the human world will get you noticed."

Constantine waved his hand, and the empty mansion hall instantly transformed into a toilet. Here, the interior of the Mystery House could be transformed into whatever he desired, whenever he wanted.

Constantine wasn't shy at all and went to the toilet right there. Tian Xiaoban wasn't to be outdone and did the same. Achievement unlocked: Check in by peeing in the Mysterious House.

After finishing, Constantine walked to the other sink, washed his face, and shaved.

"Tell me, why do you want to go to hell?"

"My partner has been captured. I must rescue him within a month and stop the demons from invading the human world."

"Pfft~ Hahahaha. Ouch, that hurts!" Constantine cut his face while laughing, but he didn't care and wiped away the blood, saying:

Do you think hell is a toilet? You can come and go as you please?

The first request, rescuing your partner, is achievable if you're well-prepared. But the second one? Are you kidding me?

After wiping his face and tossing his hair, Constantine reappeared as the flamboyant man, now looking more like the legendary Constantine than before.

"Leaving aside ordinary demons, there are countless of these things in Hell, and they can't be cleaned up at all."

These are mid-tier and higher-level demons with brains; I've summoned over a hundred of them. I've also summoned at least a dozen high-tier archdemons. You couldn't handle just these, let alone the demon lords and demon kings above the archdemons.

You say you want to stop the invasion of Hell? Hahaha, fine, let's gamble with them then! Only a soul contract can make these demons obey.

Tian Xiaoban: "That's not important. Do you know the map of Hell? I'll go to whichever location has the strongest demon!"

Constantine was infuriated by the other party's ignorance: "Fuck, I think you're crazy. Did you take me for a joke? A mid-level demon can kill the people of a small town silently, and a high-level demon can affect a city? Can you outrun a city in an instant? Don't go and die, kid!"

Tian Xiaoban: "Is that so? Are there any world-destroying level ones? I want to fight one-on-one with one of them!"

Tian Xiaoban looked very serious; he genuinely thought so.

It was precisely because of this seriousness that Constantine's solemn expression froze; this kid was really serious!

"Heavy gift crab! Do you want to die without pain, so you want to challenge a demon king-level character?"

"Uh, no, I have the ability to become stronger when facing stronger opponents, but it has a time limit. If I use it as soon as I travel through time for some minor characters, it would be a huge loss!"

If you encounter a demon king, then this ability can unleash the power of a demon king!

So, do you understand?

"Hiss..."

Constantine gasped for breath, trying to cool down his brain, because a crazy idea had suddenly popped into his head!

"Are you confident? If so, I can customize a rescue plan for you, but you need to help me rescue a soul! No, no, no, if you go to rescue a soul, you'll definitely get tricked by that bastard. You go and beat him up! Yes, yes, just beat him up badly!"

"Who?"