Konoha Drunkard

After taking a shower, Xiang kept sneezing. Haruko was curious. Her husband was immune to illness and had never been sick in decades. It was a strange sight that he was sneezing non-stop tonight. Could it be that he was getting old and his vitality was not as good as before?

"How could that be? I'm healthy enough to catch a cold. Half the people in that village would die from it. I guess someone's been talking about me. I have so many brothers and friends, it's normal for someone to talk about me a few times."

Shanks rubbed his nose, and after confirming there was no snot, he said, "Who has such a lot of resentment that it made Superman sneeze more than a dozen times?"

"Could it be Onoki?"

"Have I offended him in the past few years?"

Shanks' first suspect is always Onoki Red Nose, and thinking about it, it's quite possible. It seems that Onoki has suffered the most at Shanks' hands in the entire ninja world. The first time they met, Shanks punched several big bumps on his bald head, then Shanks forced him to negotiate peace during the Second Shinobi World War, and then Shanks went to his village to sell forbidden books.

The last one was even more brutal, his anus was blown up, so Shanks believes that the person who hates him the most in the entire ninja world now, besides Madara who is waiting in line to be reincarnated, is Onoki Red Nose. Old men are generally very vengeful, especially someone with Onoki's explosive temper. Even though he is a grandfather, he is still the same old man.

.......

Iwagakure, the Hidden Stone Village in the Land of Earth.

In the Tsuchikage's office, Onoki, whose hairline had receded to the back of his head, was frantically waiting for his henchmen to arrive. He had no time to talk about Shanks, because his village was being bombed by terrorists, and one of these terrorists was his most prized disciple, who was now waiting in the office for him to put out the fire so that they could have another round of rants!

This prized disciple couldn't stand not being teased for a day. Yesterday, he not only blew up the Konoha bastard statue that was placed in the center of the village and made the villagers spit on it, but today he actually blew up the public toilet. There was shit everywhere nearby, and a pile of it even landed in the big pot of soup at the ramen shop next door, causing a lot of people to eat shit. They all came to the Tsuchikage Studio to complain. Even a fool could figure out who was responsible for such a huge explosion.

Who else could it be but that blond-haired disciple of the Tsuchikage who's into explosions? This brat is out there blowing things up every month, every day, day and night, researching explosions 24/7. If it weren't for the fact that he's the Tsuchikage's disciple and the villagers don't believe he's working so hard to protect the village and everyone else, they would have come to complain long ago.

However, they can't tolerate the public toilet bombing incident today. They wouldn't say anything if you bombed a cheap photo studio, but the problem is they just ate shit! And they don't even know who did it. It's so disgusting, the more they think about it, the more nauseous they feel. From now on, they'll feel like throwing up whenever they see ramen. It won't be long before they recover.

I actually ate it

"Lord Tsuchikage, if you don't give us an explanation this time, we won't leave. We'll come here every day to cause trouble! This is really too much. Luckily, I only smelled it and stopped, otherwise I would have really eaten shit! But many people have eaten it. If we can't even eat normally, how are we supposed to live?"

"Yes, yes!"

"Yeah! It was one thing to have people not being able to rest at night by making explosions, but this time it was really too much. I almost got caught in it too. I'll never dare to eat ramen again."

"Yes, I'm traumatized by it now, and I have to go for counseling later."

"That's right..."

"..."

A middle-aged man with a spiky, sallow complexion, clearly a traitor, excitedly shouted at Onoki's red nose from the front of the crowd. He was obviously quite popular among them. As soon as he finished speaking, the group behind him echoed him, but they all had one thing in common: they all said they almost ate it, not that they actually did. That was the key—nobody wanted to admit they'd eaten shit... Anyway, everyone in the group claimed they almost ate shit, but Onoki, in front of the middle-aged man, got a face full of his spittle, and there was a faint smell of shit in it.

"Everyone, please calm down. Deidara is still young, and kids can be a bit mischievous. I apologize on his behalf."

Normally, if these people dared to yell at him, his short temper would have been enough to make him rush up and fight. But this time, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Judging from the tone of their voices, he could already tell that these people had really gotten what they wanted...

The person was already so pitiful, how could he still have the heart to do it? And the culprit was his precious disciple. Thinking of that precious disciple who was always causing trouble for him, he felt both love and hate.

So many years! Since him, no super genius with double red sticks has ever appeared in the village. Now that one has finally appeared, how could he not love him? After confirming the child's talent, he cherished him and taught him with great care. He had never been so devoted to teaching his own granddaughter.

However, although this child is very talented, he also has a lot of the faults of a super genius. Because he likes to play with clay, he actually dared to steal and learn that forbidden technique with an extremely high death rate. The Double Flower Red Stick is indeed a Double Flower Red Stick. He actually managed to learn the forbidden technique that killed hundreds and thousands of people. Onoki was heartbroken to see a disciple who had four mouths. Wouldn't it be better to learn Dust Release from him? Why did he have to learn such a disgusting forbidden technique?

None of these are the most important things. The most important thing is that this disciple is really too unruly. He is always thinking about blowing up this place and that place. He doesn't listen to anyone except him. As the Tsuchikage, he can't keep an eye on him every day. Whenever he is not around, the village is turned upside down by this disciple. Every time, he has to clean up his mess.

"Lord Tsuchikage! My family has been making ramen in the village for four generations. The First Hokage even brought you here to eat my great-grandfather's ramen, and you said you liked his ramen. But with Deidara doing this, how am I supposed to do business now?!"

An old man, well past fifty, stepped out from the crowd and cried to Onoki. Onoki actually knew him. The First Generation Lord had indeed taken him to his family's ramen shop to eat ramen back then. But... can you please not talk about this now? The way you're saying this is like saying that Onoki also ate shit!

However, the old man's words made Onoki even angrier. This family had been making a living selling ramen in the village for four generations. Deidara had ruined their reputation. Now everyone knew that their ramen contained shit. Who would dare to eat ramen there in the future? It was like eating shit. How were they supposed to survive?

"This is troublesome...!"

As a local magistrate who loves his people dearly, he doesn't mind those who eat shit; he can just stop eating noodles in the future. But this old man, whose family has been loyal to their village for four generations, is giving him a headache. It's a family heirloom craft; he can't just tell the old man to quit, can he?

Just like the Dust Release technique of their Hidden Stone Village, it can't be cut off after his generation, can it? Wouldn't that be letting down the expectations of his ancestors?

"Boss, I guarantee I'll give you a satisfactory explanation for your matter. Please come to my office and wait. We'll discuss how to handle your situation later. Let me first give these villagers behind you an explanation. What do you think?"

Onoki said gently to the old man, "This is a loyal villager of our village. We can't let him down."

"Fellow villagers! I know you are all very angry. If I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way. However, what's done is done, and there's no point in pursuing it further. I would like to ask if anyone has already eaten the noodles? Please come forward if you have eaten them."

As soon as Onoki finished speaking, everyone looked at each other. Even the middle-aged man with the center-parted hair, who they had chosen as their representative, unconsciously took a step back. Who would admit to eating shit? If they did, how could they face anyone afterward?

"Since none of you got to eat, and the deed is done, I know this has caused you some distress. It's too late to do anything now. So, how about this: I'll compensate everyone with five times the price of the ramen. Please forgive the trouble caused. Deidara is still a child; he did this to show everyone his efforts and to gain your recognition. Although he can't control his abilities now, I believe he will become a great ninja who protects everyone in the future. I hope you won't crush a child's dream. Sometimes, a small act can destroy a future great ninja. Doesn't that hurt? I believe that if everyone contributes a little love, the village will have a better tomorrow! Today you've forgiven Deidara; perhaps in the near future, he will fight to protect the village! That's all I have to say."

Onoki had a bit of a temper, but that was towards his underlings. He was always the good village chief to the villagers. His approval rating remained high for decades, which was why his son couldn't usurp the throne. So, after receiving compensation from Onoki and his passionate and emotional speech, the villagers were filled with shame. They had almost ruined a village's two most powerful figures.

"It's just a little bit of shit..."

Since everyone's already eaten, we can just stop eating noodles and eat something else from now on... Double Flower Red Stick, there's only been one like it in decades.

564. I could brag about this for a lifetime.

"Neji! How's your Tai Chi practice going?"

"........."

"You're acting strange today."

"........"

"What happened? Did some girl dump you?"

"........."

"Which girl dares to dump you? Tell Grandpa, and Grandpa will tie her up for you!"

"........."

The next morning, Neji arrived at Shanks' house as usual, but Neji, his dream shattered, was listless and didn't want to say a word to the old bastard. He just sat there.

"What's wrong with Neji today? He's acting like he got dumped by a girl."

Unaware that he had hurt a young heart, Shanks noticed that Neji's mood was off and went into the kitchen to ask Haruko, who was preparing breakfast.

"...I don't know either. He came over this morning, greeted me, and then did this. He hasn't said anything and has just been sitting there for a long time. When I asked him, he just shook his head and didn't say anything."

Haruko-sama shook her head as she prepared breakfast.

"At least he greeted you. When I came downstairs just now, he acted like he didn't see me. No matter how I asked him, he didn't respond. Could it be that he really got dumped by some girl? But... that shouldn't be the case. Although he's not a direct descendant, he's still from a wealthy family. What girl would be so ungrateful?"

Shanks stroked his chin and guessed.

Based on his years of experience, Neji's situation this time was exactly the same as Nawaki's failed confession to the librarian.

"Neji is only five years old. Is it really that exaggerated?"

Haruko-sama gave him a Tenseigan.

"So what if I was five? I wasn't five when I flirted with you back then. But then again, that's just a legend. Not many people can actually do that."

Shanks looked up at the sky with a smug expression.

"What's there to be proud of? Go check on Neji and don't get in my way."

Haruko pushed him away and continued with her own business.

"Of course I'm proud. For me, winning you over at the age of five is much prouder than anything like killing a Shaman or splitting a misty village. It's a pity that this history wasn't recorded in history books. I'm even planning to write an autobiography. I've already thought of a name for it: 'My First Half of Life.' I'll write about our story so that future generations can admire it."

Shanks shamelessly flattered Haruko.

"Get out of here. You're so old and still have no manners. You've been bragging for so many years and you're still not done."

This flattery left Haruko speechless.

"I can brag about this for the rest of my life. Look at the ninja world, who else has this kind of bragging rights?"

Shanks was proud. It's true that children in the Naruto world are precocious; for example, Obito knew about love at five years old. Naruto had a crush on a pink-haired girl at four. Asuma was also obsessed with girls with colored contact lenses at four or five.

Compared to him, they weren't even his younger brothers. None of them could win over anyone. Obito's world-weary Rin liked Kakashi, the pink-haired girl had a crush on the second male lead, and the girl with colored contacts was now Kakashi's fiancée. The main problem was Kakashi's lack of effort. After all these years, the girl with colored contacts was ready to say "I do," but Kakashi remained completely silent. Even their engagement was dragged into it by Shanks. His father, Hatake Sakumo, was also a blockhead, secretly in love with his son but never expressing it. Shanks' grandson had already appeared, and as his best friend, Hatake Sakumo... It's no wonder Mao is anxious. He and Shanks have been best friends for life, and he considers himself no less than Shanks. But in terms of family situation, he's left far behind. Shanks got married and had children much earlier than him. Although he later had a son, his best friend's grandson is almost in school, while his son is still practically a bachelor. After getting engaged, nothing has happened. He was planning to retire and stay home to be with his grandson after his son got married and had children. The marriage has been delayed for several years, and now his best friend has been retired for several years, but his son still hasn't made a move.

Sakumo Hatake isn't the type to beg for favors everywhere he goes; he only asks his best friend for help when he genuinely needs it. But when it comes to his son's love life, no one else can help. His best friend already made a fool of himself by dragging his son onto the stage at the engagement party last time. Although he doesn't care, the family's reputation still matters...

"Instead of wasting your time, you should go and see what's wrong with Neji. He's definitely acting strangely today. Could it be that he was scolded by Hizashi?"

Haruko-sama said seriously, "He's nominally my godchild, so it's only right that I show him some concern."

...........

"Kid, I'm being patient! Tell me what happened today, or did your dad beat you up? It's okay, I'll go beat him up for you later."

When Shanks approached Neji, Neji still looked utterly dejected, as utterly miserable as could be.

"...Lord Shanks, you're lying! What you taught me yesterday wasn't some secret technique at all. I went to Konoha Park today and saw it; it's just the kind of exercise old men and women do."

Neji became more and more aggrieved as he spoke. If he hadn't already cried all his tears last night, he probably would have burst into tears by now.

"...Why would I lie to you? Do I look like the kind of person who would lie to a little kid like you? What would I gain from lying to you? Although this set of movements is somewhat similar to the gymnastics of those old men and women, they are completely different ways of generating power. Have you ever seen any old men or women who can perform such beautiful movements? All the basic physical skills are just a few punches and kicks. Even those old men and women can do them. Does that mean their punches and kicks are fake?"

Shanks didn't expect that this would be exposed so quickly. He originally thought that a powerful clan like the Hyuga wouldn't wander around Konoha. Even if he didn't find out, Neji would only find out after a while when he felt that this Tai Chi technique was no longer useful.

Shanks's guess was not wrong in the first place, because Hyuga Hiashi and Hizashi only felt that it was familiar, but they couldn't remember where they had seen similar movements before. However, he forgot to mention the existence of the Hyuga clan's Crown Princess.

The Crown Princess and the Savior are destined to be together. The savior-saves-the-damsel tactic from anime was used, but Hiashi's handling of the situation this time was completely different from the anime. Minato and Kushina are both alive and well. Hiashi heard from Hinata's bodyguard that Hinata had run away and was being bullied by some kids, only to be rescued by the Savior. However, the saying "like father, like son" is fully exemplified in the Savior's case. As Minato and Kushina's classmate, Hiashi naturally knew how tough the couple was. Kushina was a fiery red pepper in her childhood, never hesitating to take down five opponents in a fight. Minato, while not having fought much, was undeniably strong. But their son was somewhat...weak, unable to even handle three kids his own age.

565. I'm such a good person.

Although Naruto was a bit weak, Hiashi didn't care. What he cared about was the storyline involving his daughter and Naruto. When he heard that Naruto had been beaten up by three kids while standing up for his daughter, his mind started working on something. That very night, he took his daughter to visit Naruto, who had been beaten to a pulp by Kushina. A hero saving a damsel in distress couldn't even defeat a few weaklings? He deserved to be beaten to a pulp by his mother...

However, things got interesting when Hiashi came to visit. Although Kushina had a rather explosive temper, she liked gentle and refined girls. Just like how her fiery temper could become best friends with the second male lead's mother, Kushina took an instant liking to Hinata when she saw her, like a mother-in-law looking at her daughter-in-law. Hiashi was satisfied. From then on, he no longer kept his daughter locked up at home. His daughter could go out whenever she wanted, and sometimes he would urge her to go play with Naruto.

It's best to cultivate feelings from childhood. Since Hinata runs around every day, she naturally sees many elderly people exercising. Not to mention, there's a grandmaster like Grandma Toma in the clan. How could she forget someone she sees every day? Hinata glanced at Neji's movements. Although there were some modifications, it was pretty much the same. Shanks didn't put too much effort into making changes. He was just teasing a kid. It wasn't like he was developing a new ninjutsu. There was no need for that.

This proves that you have to put your heart into everything you do. He was a perfect example of someone who didn't put his heart into his work, and he was exposed in just one night.

"But it didn't have the effect you described. I also want to smash the rock to pieces with one punch."

Neji recalled how Shanks smashed a boulder the size of a small mountain with a single punch yesterday—that's what a child's dream is!

"Well... you can do it too in the future, as long as you learn your family's Soft Fist well... I think so."

Shanks said uncertainly, he never expected that his excessive force yesterday would actually lead Neji astray in his values. However, he was not sure whether Gentle Fist could actually smash the boulder into the spectacular scene he had witnessed yesterday. After all, in his opinion, Gentle Fist had no special effects whatsoever. Although injecting chakra into someone else's body was insidious, it just looked weak and feeble, so it was normal for a child not to like it. He still couldn't appreciate the Hyuga clan's Gentle Fist. Only their Rotation was somewhat interesting, but Rotation was used for defensive counterattacks, while smashing the boulder was a full-force offensive method, and Rotation could not achieve the same effect.

Let's not even talk about Neji. Back when he was Hiashi and Hizashi's homeroom teacher, every time he organized a one-on-one duel, no matter who their opponent was, he'd finish it in no time. Those soft, un-effect-free duels lacked any real visual enjoyment of punches landing. Watching them made me want to sleep no matter how many times I saw them. No wonder Kishimoto loved the Hyuga clan, turning one of the three great dojutsu into a minor character. In a world full of elaborate and flashy ninjutsu, the Hyuga clan's Gentle Fist was just too plain and simple. Even Might Guy, with his green skin, had to glow green to please the audience...

"I guess so, but I'm not sure?"

Neji isn't stupid. Although he can't reach the level of Kakashi or Itachi who start thinking about adult matters at the age of three, his intelligence is still there. Hearing that even Shanks wasn't sure, he was even more disappointed. For the first time, he had the thought, "How much better it would have been if I hadn't been born into the Hyuga clan!" Gentle Fist, which is obviously something girls do, is nowhere near as exciting and thrilling as the clash of muscles!

"The last time I saw your father and uncle fight was on the battlefield. The way things are done on the battlefield is different from one-on-one combat. Everyone has to consider the issue of stamina, so they definitely won't use any powerful skills. Therefore, I'm not sure if your Hyuga Gentle Fist can achieve that kind of visual effect. However, I can tell you for sure that although Gentle Fist didn't look very impressive last time, its power is still very strong. Your father and the others have also told you about your grandfather's exploits... I mean, they've mentioned it before. Back then, the Third Raikage, who was known as one of the toughest men in the ninja world, was defeated by your grandfather. So the power of Gentle Fist is still very strong. If I had faced your grandfather back then, I wouldn't be able to guarantee that I could have stopped his attack."

To comfort your child, you can even tell such a lie...