Konoha Drunkard

..........

"Did you know that Lord Shanks got beaten up this morning?!"

"What? Lord Shanks got beaten up? Who's so stupid as to be able to hit Lord Shanks?"

"Is this for real? I've never heard of Lord Shanks being beaten up!"

"Yeah, yeah, it can't be gossip again, can it? Lord Shanks is so powerful, who can beat him?"

"That's because you're all too young. Lord Shanks has indeed been beaten up, and not just once or twice, but that was decades ago. The First Hokage has been dead for so many years. Who would dare to beat up Lord Shanks now... Could it be a lie?"

"It's true, I saw it with my own eyes, how could it be false? And this morning at the hospital, many people saw it too. Lord Shanks got a really bad beating, his face was all bruised and swollen, it's still scary to think about!"

"Really? Really? Who's so lucky as to beat up Lord Shanks? Tell us."

"Ahem... This morning, I went to the hospital to visit my companion. As soon as I got to the hospital lobby, I heard a lot of banging and hitting sounds coming from the door of a ward. There were a lot of people gathered there, but no one dared to make a sound. So I went over to see what was going on, and when I got closer, good heavens! Haruko-sama was beating Shanks-sama with a stool, and she was spraying him with soot all over him! You have no idea, Haruko-sama really goes all out. Half of the hospital stools were smashed onto Shanks-sama. I guess they'll have to replace them all today."

"Shikoku! Haruko-sama is amazing! She actually managed to beat Shanks-sama so badly that he couldn't fight back! That's incredible!"

A villager who had been single for many years exclaimed in amazement.

"Yeah! I think the only person in the ninja world who can beat Shanks-sama into a pig's head right now is Haruko-sama!"

One of the villagers with the expression on his face also sighed.

"........."

As long as people's hearts are alive, gossip will never stop!

The news that Shanks had been beaten up like a pig's head by Haruko at the hospital quickly became the hottest topic in the village. So many people at the hospital saw it, so it couldn't be fake.

Shanks stayed at home in sorrow, refusing to see anyone, no matter who came... because he was too ashamed to face anyone. The topic of him being beaten up by Haruko had been going on for more than a week, but the heat had not subsided. On the contrary, it had spread wider and wider, and the stories had become more and more outrageous. Now it was not just Konoha, but the entire ninja world had become that Shanks of Konoha had been beaten paralyzed by his wife and would not be able to get out of bed for at least two months.

The formidable reputation that Shanks, one of the Four Emperors, built in his youth is now in jeopardy in his later years.

Thankfully, his beloved disciple still thought of him during this time. Knowing he liked to drink, she would occasionally send Miss Slug to bring him sake from the Land of Rain. This gave him some comfort; all these years of pampering him hadn't been in vain.

.........

"Aoki! Send a truckload—no! Ten truckloads of liniment to that bastard Shanks in Konoha! Let him heal properly so he can run wild! Hahaha!"

Onoki was overjoyed! These past few days had been the happiest time of his life. Ever since he heard that Konoha's Shanks had been beaten by his wife, he had been eating well, sleeping well, his back didn't hurt, his legs didn't ache, he had the energy to climb the stairs, and he could probably survive another 10 or 20 years without any problem.

..........

"Xiao Yi, have someone send a few cartloads of medicine to Shanks, and also tell him that once he's healed, he should come over for a couple of drinks."

The former chief steward of the Cloud Ninja, Mabukotsu, suppressing the urge to burst out laughing, instructed Mabui beside him, "This guy's finally got what he deserves."

..........

"Sister, I heard that Shanks from Konoha was crippled by his wife. Should we send him some medicine...?"

"Is that so? Just say hello to him. With Tsunade in Konoha, why would we need any medicine? By the way, how's Gaara doing lately?"

Grandma Chiyo didn't care too much about it. She'd been through so much in her life, what hadn't she seen? Getting beaten up by her wife was nothing to be surprised about. Back when she was young, even the First Kazekage was broke and got beaten up by her. As someone who'd been through it all, Grandma Chiyo was incredibly composed.

610. Neji brutally defeats Leonardo DiCaprio

"Gaara's condition has stabilized a bit recently, but sometimes he still can't control his temper."

Ebizo said helplessly.

Since paying Shanks a hefty sum to handle Shukaku, the money hasn't been wasted. Shukaku hasn't gone berserk for years, so Shukaku is fine. But Gaara is in trouble. Shukaku, who's been tricked by Shanks, is genuinely protective of Gaara, but he's incredibly talkative. And tailed beasts don't need to sleep, and Shukaku is the overly energetic type that can't stay still. At first, Gaara happily sang and chatted with Shukaku, but after a while, he couldn't stand it. It felt like someone was constantly nagging in his ear, and he couldn't get angry at it. So Gaara had to suppress his temper. His temper grew increasingly volatile when he took it out on others. If anyone around him did something he disapproved of, he would either beat them severely or leave them crippled. Even his own brother and sister had been beaten by him quite a bit. However, for Sunagakure, it was still much better than the Tailed Beasts going berserk. But Grandma Chiyo felt that this couldn't go on. A Jinchuriki with a violent temper was like a time bomb. If it didn't explode, it would be fine, but if it did, the consequences would be unimaginable. However, she really had no choice, because she couldn't possibly shut Shukaku up. She could only rely on Gaara to regulate things himself.

"When you have time, have Luo Sha try to comfort him more. Things are better now than before."

After Grandma Chiyo finished speaking, she continued tending to her flowers and plants.

......

Because the Land of Water is too far from the land, and most of the people Shanks knew had been defeated by Obito, they didn't react much when they heard that Shanks had been beaten by his wife. At most, they just mentioned that the red-haired demon who split their village in two with one sword had been defeated by justice. Long live justice, defeat evil!

.......

"Those despicable bastards! Don't give me a chance, or they're dead meat..."

Shanks stared at the pile of medicine and liniment in front of him, gritting his teeth as he spoke. He was particularly furious at Onoki's ten cartloads of liniment; sending a cart or two of medicine in burlap sacks was one thing, but Onoki's ten cartloads were clearly just a joke at his expense.

"Aunt Chiyo has a higher level of thinking. Unlike these two, who are in their fifties or sixties but still act like children."

Upon seeing that there was no medicine or anything like that that Grandma Chiyo had sent, Shanks looked down on Onoki's red nose and the burlap sack.

“…”

Haruko-sama sat there sipping her tea, too lazy to pay him any attention. "You're the same way," she thought, "you never think about the consequences of your actions."

.......

"Shikamaru, when are you going to be discharged from the hospital?!"

In Konoha Hospital, Naruto looked enviously at Shikamaru, who was lying on the hospital bed too lazy to open his eyes.

"I don't know, I just feel weak all over and dizzy."

This period was actually the happiest time for Shikamaru. It felt like he had returned to his childhood days when he could sleep until he naturally woke up and have food served to him. There was no noisy commotion, no annoying ringtones, and no troublesome girls.

He wished time could stand still at this moment. Suddenly, he thought that being disciplined by his grandfather occasionally wouldn't be so bad, as long as it wasn't as excessive as last time.

Naruto was filled with envy, jealousy, and hatred. Isn't this kind of life—no classes and sleeping in every day—exactly what the scheme wanted? Last week, he shamelessly went to Shanks and asked him to do the same thing to him, so that he could happily go to the hospital and Shikamaru would have company.

However, Shanks would never agree to this time. He'd already lost face this time; if it happened again, what would become of him? Would he even be able to live with himself anymore?

Shanks was somewhat hurt by the fake Leonardo this time. Afterwards, he even secretly went to observe the fake Leonardo, who was suspected to be Greenskinned Guy's illegitimate son, while his face was covered. Now, the second-year fake Leonardo probably hasn't recognized his biological father, Greenskinned Guy, yet.

He's practically the worst student in the class, but his personality is quite similar to the two generations of green-skinned heroes—extremely hardworking...and a masochist. Every day he challenges Neji, the class's top genius, to a duel. As a genius of the Hyuga clan, Neji is incredibly proud; being challenged by a weakling would be incredibly humiliating if he refused. Although he always ends up defeating him instantly, Neji tirelessly tortures him every day. Watching this "bootleg Leonardo" get thrashed by his adopted grandson every day makes Shanks feel much better; at least his adopted grandson has avenged him.

"Lord Shanks...please come in!"

Just as Shanks, with a black cloth covering his face, was engrossed in watching his godson brutally beat up a pirated Leonardo DiCaprio at school, a member of the Dark Guard suddenly appeared behind him.

"I'm Shanks, that handsome guy! You've mistaken me for someone else!"

Without turning his head, he said, "I've been completely fooled, how did you figure out I'm Shanks?"

"...Lord Shanks, the Hokage has something urgent to discuss with you."

Anbu rolled his eyes. "You think changing your appearance will hide your 'elegant' aura...? At least dye your hair first..."

"I already told you, I'm talking about Shanks, that handsome guy. Go find him in the Thousand Hands territory."

Shanks impatiently waved to the ANBU, telling him to go away and not disturb his show. Watching the bootleg Leonardo get tortured was the only thing that could make him feel a little better.

"......"

The ANBU member was helpless and remained silent, standing behind him and waiting for him to finish watching the show. This ANBU member knew why, as soon as he heard that I was going to inform this lord, all his colleagues either said they had diarrhea or had urgent matters to attend to, and no one was willing to come. This old bastard was really too difficult to invite people, but he had no choice but to invite him. The Hokage himself said it was a big deal, and if he couldn't invite Lord Shanks, it would be a small black mark on his resume.

"...What a hassle! Am I the only talented person in Konoha?"

Shanks didn't say a word even though the ANBU was right behind him. He lost interest in watching and, after glancing at the ANBU, headed towards the Hokage Building.

Minato's management style is quite good. The current Anbu are much more professional than when Hiruzen Sarutobi was in charge. When Hiruzen Sarutobi was in charge, the Anbu would basically come, tell Shanks, and then leave, not caring whether others went or not. But look at the Anbu in Minato's era now. If it's difficult, they will find a way to complete it without actually doing anything. They just stand there dumbly behind you. When you can't stand it anymore, you will naturally go. No one can stand being bothered like that, so they will naturally go.

611. Konoha is a great place to gain fame.

"What's the matter that's causing such a rush? Don't you know I'm recovering from an injury right now?"

When Shanks arrived at the Hokage's office, wow! All the bigwigs of Konoha were there, even his good buddy Sakumo Hatake, who rarely attended meetings.

Furthermore, there's Danzo, who's been holed up in Root conducting research ever since the Uchiha clan was wiped out. This time, Danzo seems even more sinister than before; has he acquired a few more Sharingan eyes?

"...Jiraiya wrote to me this morning. He encountered two people in the Land of Waves. One was a person wearing a mask that only revealed one eye, and the other was a young man carrying a strange large sword. Jiraiya suspects that they are Shimura Hanzo and Kisame Hoshigaki, an S-rank rogue ninja from Kirigakure. They are heading towards our Land of Fire. Jiraiya suspects that they are coming to our Konoha."

Hiruzen Sarutobi spoke with a serious expression, as if it were the end of the world, but it was also clear that he valued his best friend's brother, the first half-blood Mangekyou Sharingan user.

"...So what if they're here? Do you think they can wipe out the whole village? Whether it's a one-on-one fight or a group brawl, it seems like they're the ones who will suffer."

Shanks pursed his lips. Konoha is incredibly powerful right now. Minato is at his peak, and his good buddy Sakumo Hatake hasn't really aged either, so his sword-drawing speed is naturally sharp. Plus, with him and Tsunade, they're very stable. With two double-flowered red staffs, unless he can fly, he'll be a one-way trip. And Obito, who has evolved into a world destroyer, wouldn't do something so foolish.

They might just be passing through the Land of Fire, but... that shark-faced Kisame seems to have been a minor character for quite a few episodes. It's really strange that this perfect teammate of my precious disciple hasn't joined the Scions yet.

"I'm not worried about that. I'm worried that they might be after the Nine-Tails."

Hiruzen Sarutobi is like someone who's been bitten by a snake once and is now afraid of ropes for ten years. And now that the Nine-Tails has been split into three, who knows if they'll write a story where Shimura Hanzo summons three of them at once? Shanks can't handle that alone, and Minato won't have any fighting power left at that time. Even if the Nine-Tails is split into three, it's still not comparable to any other tailed beast.

"I don't think so..."

Shanks wondered to himself, "This part wasn't in the original manga, was it? Who knows if Kishimoto was unhappy that Minato and Kushina didn't die, and added this as a side story..."

That shark-faced sword is perfect for absorbing the chakra of tailed beasts. Who knows if Obito and his henchmen are here to pull off a heist?

"...Regardless of whether it works or not, it's best to increase vigilance during this period. Sakumo should arrange more sentries... Also, let Shisui work a bit harder during this time, and patrol the village more often."

Hiruzen Sarutobi, still worried, said to Koharu Utatane, "A kaleidoscope is incredibly useful. Ever since Shisui became the patrol captain, the village's security has improved so much. The thugs don't dare steal children's snacks anymore, people know to queue when shopping in the Red Bronze Zone, and even Old Wang next door doesn't dare to wander in randomly anymore."

All of this is thanks to Shisui, the patrol captain. Minato has been considering whether to let Kakashi join Shisui's patrol team as well. One Sharingan is still a Sharingan, after all. Minato has repeatedly praised the Second Hokage for his foresight in placing the Uchiha clan in the Security Department, a department where they can utilize their strengths. It's a pity they themselves are not living up to expectations...

Koharu nodded absentmindedly, offering no opinion. Lately, she was busy with Shisui's wedding to the girl he brought back. Right now, her precious godson's life event was her top priority; everything else was minor. It was just the Nine-Tails, after all; she'd seen it before. "I have a pair of Kaleidoscopes at home, what's the rush!"

.......

After leaving the Hokage Tower, Shanks kept wondering if Obito and Kisame had come to the village to pull off a heist. After all, Minato, who was supposed to be meeting the Senju brothers in the Underworld, hadn't gone, Kushina was still alive, and Shisui, who was supposed to be dead, was living a carefree life and was about to get married. If it were Kishimoto, he probably would have included a couple of side stories, since Konoha was just too powerful now. The Akatsuki's current strength was no match for Shanks. The golem eyes were useless against Nagato. If it were Madara, Shanks might have been able to hold his own for a few rounds, but Nagato, that wretched old man, was a different story. He even dared to mess with his own clansman and elder without any manners… He deserved to be fooled by Obito.

Regardless of the truth, Shanks decided to go out and look for him. Waiting passively wasn't his style. There's a saying, "The strongest defense is a good offense." Instead of waiting here, why not take the initiative and go find Obito for a chat? What problem can't be solved with a fight? If one fight isn't enough, then two...

Close your eyes!

←↓→↑←↓→↓→!

It took 13.31 seconds.

Judging from the timeline of Jiraiya's discovery of Obito, and considering Obito and Shanks' leisurely pace, they shouldn't have reached the Land of Fire yet. Therefore, Shanks used Flying Thunder God Technique to travel to the border towards the Land of Waves and wait for Obito and Shanks' arrival.

...........

"Lord Madara, why are we going to Konoha this time? Konoha is not a good place."

At the border between the Land of Waves and the Land of Fire, Kisame, with his shark-like face, asked Obito, "Although I'm not afraid of death, there are different kinds of deaths. Going to Konoha would be no different than sending ourselves to our deaths. Konoha is really strong now; from top to bottom, from left to right, even Kisame can't predict how many of us will survive."

"The Akatsuki organization is very complicated right now. If you don't do something big, you'll be ostracized even if you get in. Everyone there is arrogant and proud. If you want to have a comfortable time there, you have to pull off a big heist. Konoha is the most watched village in the entire ninja world, so if you pull off a big heist in Konoha, it will be easier for you to get into the Akatsuki later."

Obito patiently explained. He didn't know what Nagato had gotten into, but ever since Itachi joined Akatsuki, Nagato had started recruiting people with big reputations. After all, a great reputation is never undeserved. When Nagato recommended his underling Kisame, Nagato said he'd never heard of Kisame and only wanted him as a peripheral member to run errands. Obito, of course, wouldn't agree to that. Having his underling run errands for him? Wouldn't that lower his own status too? So Obito needed to find a way to boost his underling's reputation, and the fastest way to gain fame in the ninja world was through Konoha. Look at the current rising star, Itachi Uchiha—he made his name in Konoha! So Obito also planned to take his underling to Konoha to make a name for himself. After all, he had space-time abilities and could easily run away with his underling.