Konoha Drunkard

Kushina really didn't want to hand her son over to that lecherous Jiraiya, but since Minato had spoken, she couldn't keep arguing with him. Besides, Minato's words made some sense. She knew her son's personality better than anyone. It was practically impossible to keep him at home obediently; he would disappear somewhere in the blink of an eye. Moreover, a young eagle eventually has to fly into the sky, and Minato didn't have that much time to teach this idiot son. Her uncle wasn't around, and the most idle person in the whole village was Jiraiya.

.........

"Grandpa, will this really work? I've been carrying this junk for so long and I don't feel any different."

In Sunagakure, Little Rocketeer habitually goes for a morning run with Shanks. Shanks is really going all out for Little Rocketeer, even skipping his favorite lazy sleep and dragging him out of bed before dawn.

"The changes in your body are subtle, and besides, you've only been training for a short time, so how could they be so obvious? Once you've built up your strength, I plan to hand you over to Miss Slug, and you can try to learn some magic."

Shanks said as he ran ahead, his face neither flushed nor out of breath.

"Sage Technique? What kind of ninjutsu is that?"

Even Xiaohao Chongtianpao became interested. Despite having read extensively for over a decade, this was the first time he had ever heard the term "immortal arts."

"So-called Sage Techniques are skills far more powerful than Ninjutsu. After learning them, you can enter a Sage Mode, fully enhancing the power of Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, and Genjutsu, and freely using Sage Chakra. Miss Slug will explain the details to you, but whether you can learn them is uncertain. Learning Sage Techniques has little to do with your innate talent. Minato and Itachi were both super geniuses, but they were terrible at learning Sage Techniques back then, so I can't guarantee whether you can learn them. The prerequisite for learning Sage Techniques is maintaining a balance of Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, and Sage Chakra. Any weakness in any of them will prevent you from learning them. You have the bloodline of our Uzumaki clan, giving you a naturally enormous amount of chakra, but you are too lazy, so your physical strength is not high, even weaker than Naruto's. Therefore, you need to improve your Taijutsu first."

Shanks said as he ran.

"Even the Hokage can't learn it?"

The little rocket launcher became even more curious. Minato was his father's friend, so of course he knew how talented Minato was. Although he came from a commoner background and had no bloodline limit or secret techniques, he managed to achieve a rags-to-riches story by relying on his own talent and became a Hokage. He was the idol of all the rags-to-riches in the ninja world.

"It's not that he couldn't learn it. He barely managed to learn it, but he didn't learn it well. It's completely useless for his fighting style. Itachi's situation is similar. So, for them, learning Sage Mode is not much different from not learning it at all. Jiraiya, who is half-baked, can at least hold out for five minutes to be a real man. Minato and Itachi simply can't do that. I'm not sure about you either."

"Grandpa, have you learned it yet?"

Little Cannonball became even more curious. It was said that Jiraiya wasn't a genius as a child, and the Third Hokage taking him as a disciple was apparently related to a romantic entanglement. How come the most talented people often can't learn, while those who aren't geniuses can? He was even more curious about whether his grandfather had learned it; his grandfather had been a super genius since childhood...

"boom!"

"Take away that distrustful look. Who do you think your grandpa is? How could a little Sage Mode be a problem for me? I'm the perfect Sage Mode. But the level of ninjas in this world is too low. I haven't had a chance to use it since I learned it. It's so lonely."

Shanks gazed at the sky at a 45-degree angle, exuding an aura of dominance. He had initially planned to activate Sage Mode and test his firepower against Madara, but instead encountered a Madara on the verge of death. At his peak, facing a dying Madara... forget about activating Sage Mode; he was even worried that Madara's 40-meter-long sword might break if he just stood there and let him hack at him. Now, thinking back, it seemed he hadn't used Sage Mode since learning it; his proficiency was still at zero.

"...At this rate, when will I ever be able to learn that damn magic?"

The little cannon looked up at the sky helplessly. Why was it like this? He just wanted to be a background character, why was it so difficult? Why did they have to give him more screen time? That so-called magical technique sounded complicated. What use would it be if he learned it? He was going to be the future Grand Marshal. Did they expect him to be at the forefront of battle?

"At your pace, it should be about two or three months before you're ready. Then you'll have to go to the Wet Bone Forest with Miss Slug, so you'd better step up your game in the next two or three months, kid. Get that big fan girl sorted out, or I'm afraid you won't have time later. Speaking of which, how are things going with you two? You haven't even held hands yet after all this time, have you?"

Shanks raised an eyebrow in a nonchalant manner.

"...It's still the same, the same situation in Sunagakure..."

After saying that, Xiaohao Chongtianpao shrugged. If he hadn't been forced to flirt with that girl with the big fan, he would have wanted to go back to the village and find a girl who was average-looking and easy to flirt with in the future. This girl with the big fan was a bit too difficult.

"I don't know what Aunt Chiyo is up to. Rasa has been dead for so long, why hasn't she chosen a Kazekage? Why is she letting those idiots keep causing trouble? Could Aunt Chiyo be the biggest spy?"

Shanks' thoughts started racing again. Logically, even if it wasn't wartime, Sunagakure couldn't remain leaderless indefinitely. Yet, so much time had passed, and the Sunagakure leadership was locked in a chaotic power struggle. Aunt Chiyo didn't intervene, instead watching with keen interest like a spectator. If this continued, Sunagakure might actually be demoted. Takigakure, on the other hand, had been developing rapidly in recent years. Although generally weaker than Sunagakure, Rasa was dead, and Sunagakure now had a Kage-level leader. Takigakure, however, had a Seven-Tails Jinchuriki. If they really fought, it was hard to say who would win.

Those higher-ups are all idiots, putting people Shanks's never even heard of into the Kazekage position. Isn't that just handing them free prestige? Taking down a village's Kage is incredibly prestigious. If those nobody actually became Kazekage, and what they found the next day were their corpses... Shanks just can't understand what Chiyo was thinking.

697. The trouble started when my glasses fell off.

"I'm finally back!"

While Shanks was training with his newfound powerhouse rocket, Itachi and Kisame returned to the Land of Rain. Their experience had been incredibly dangerous, especially Kisame's. His first kiss, treasured for so many years, was inexplicably stolen without him even knowing who had taken it. Kisame was extremely depressed throughout the journey. The girls in Konoha were too dangerous; the Land of Rain was much safer.

"How did your investigation go this time? Did you find out about the Nine-Tails Jinchuriki?"

Itachi and his companion had barely arrived at the organization's headquarters, not even having entered their home, when Pain with his round eyes and the wealthy Konan appeared out of nowhere and questioned them.

"No, we encountered some unexpected events in Konoha this time..."

Kisame shook his head sullenly, as if to say, "I don't want to talk right now, just let me have some peace and quiet."

"what happened?"

Pain, with his round eyes, and Konan, the wealthy man, exchanged a glance. Seeing Kisame's disheveled appearance and Itachi's somewhat disheveled state, Pain frowned and began to ponder. Itachi and Kisame had been in the Akatsuki for several years now, and they were generally reliable, considered the most normal combination in the group. Their strength was also proven. Although Konoha was powerful, if these two wanted to escape, even the Fourth Hokage might not be able to stop them. Why, after this trip to Konoha, was Kisame so sullen, like he'd just broken up with his girlfriend, and Itachi so disheveled, with bloodstains on his neck (lipstick marks not wiped clean)? Had they been beaten up by Konoha's Red-Haired Shanks? But wasn't Red-Haired Shanks in Sunagakure right now...?

"We were originally scouting in Konoha, but we were discovered by two Konoha ninjas. Then Danzo came with his men, and Itachi's female fans also came. They surrounded us... and then... my first kiss was gone! Damn it! I don't even know who took it from me!"

Kisame became more and more agitated as he spoke, clenching his fist tightly and shedding a single shark tear.

"........."

Pain with his round eyes and Konan, the wealthy man, stared blankly at Kisame. "You've been so upset about this all this time? Shouldn't you be happy that someone with your looks can be forcibly kissed?" They both wanted to know what kind of person with such discerning taste could mistake Kisame for Itachi Uchiha and then actually kiss him.

They were well aware of Itachi Uchiha's popularity in the ninja world. His arrival in the Land of Water caused a huge sensation; girls who usually stayed indoors rushed out to surround him, barely dressed. This was why the Akatsuki members were required to wear straw hats when going out—they were afraid Itachi would be recognized and they wouldn't be able to keep a low profile. But the girls of Konoha were even more enthusiastic, showing no restraint whatsoever, even resorting to forceful kisses.

Within the Shimura clan compound in Konoha, a girl dressed in flamboyant attire with a slender figure—though her looks were somewhat unappealing, requiring no makeup even for disaster movies—was incessantly brushing her yellowed front teeth. For the two months since Itachi's departure, she had done only one thing every day: brush her teeth. Every night, she dreamt of that shark's face and mouth—it was terrifying. She blamed those people for squeezing out her eyes; otherwise, Itachi's first kiss would have been hers. How could she have been mistaken?

.........

Itachi was also dumbfounded. No wonder Kisame hadn't said a word the whole way. He'd initially thought it was because he hadn't completed his mission and was in a bad mood. So that's what happened. Thinking about how he'd caused Kisame to lose his first kiss, Itachi felt incredibly ashamed. Although he was an undercover agent, he and Kisame had spent so many years together, their bond as comrades had grown incredibly strong. If it weren't for him, those girls wouldn't have mistaken Kisame for him, and his first kiss wouldn't have been lost so inexplicably. At the same time, he was also secretly relieved that Kisame had been by his side; otherwise, he might have been the one forcibly kissed.

"...You guys go back and rest first. I'll think of a way to deal with the Nine-Tails Jinchuriki."

Pain, with his round eyes, knew this wasn't their fault. The blame lay with him, the leader, for not thinking things through. Knowing Itachi's immense popularity in the ninja world, he shouldn't have let him run around like that. He should have only sent him when necessary. This time, not only did they expose their Akatsuki organization, but they also "caused" Kisame to lose his first kiss.

Itachi patted Kisame on the shoulder to comfort him, but no amount of eloquent words could soothe Kisame's wounded heart.

"...Are you planning to have that Uchiha Madara guy investigate?"

After Itachi and Kisame left, Konan, the wealthy girl, turned around and said to her friend, "We've been together for decades, and I can tell what my companion is thinking with just a glance."

"Hmm! Although that guy likes to hide his identity, he is definitely better than us at gathering information."

Pain with the circled eyes said that he originally wanted to handle it himself. After all, although the guy impersonating Uchiha Madara had cooperated with him for so many years, he had never trusted him from beginning to end. Moreover, he wanted to let that guy get involved in such an important matter as investigating the tailed beasts. Who knew what kind of tricks that guy would play? However, it seems that his Akatsuki group is not suitable for gathering information. These people have too distinctive features and are easily recognized. It is not the time to take action yet, and he does not want to expose himself so quickly.

"Do I need to keep an eye on him? I'm still worried about him."

Even the wealthy Konan was wary of her partner who called himself Uchiha Madara; her woman's intuition told her that the guy didn't have any good intentions towards them either.

"No need. He's still useful to us now. We'll keep him for now, and when he's no longer useful, I'll deal with him myself. Before God, all schemes and tricks are just decorations."

Pain with the circled eyes was proud. Over the years, he had come to understand these eyes more and more, and the more he understood them, the more powerful he realized they were. Now, even if Shanks from Konoha appeared in front of him, he was confident he could beat the guy to a pulp.

However, the fact that the Konoha Red-Haired Man had discovered his secret was truly frustrating for him. To him, the Rinnegan's puppet techniques were flawless, far surpassing Sasori's puppet techniques. So how could the Konoha Red-Haired Man have discovered they were merely puppets? He racked his brains but couldn't figure it out. The Rinnegan was a legendary eye, never before seen in the ninja world, its abilities even more mysterious; no one should know it. Yet, during his fight with the Konoha Red-Haired Man, he seemed to know the abilities of each of his puppets beforehand, as if he knew exactly what techniques the Red-Haired Man would use. This was what made the Konoha Red-Haired Man so troublesome.

"I'll have to ask Orochimaru or Itachi Uchiha when I have time..."

698. Learned it and then forgot it.

"What you're saying isn't really a secret in the ninja world, it's just that nobody believes it. Back then, he explained it to me, Tsunade, and Jiraiya. According to him, he uses his special talent to sense the direction of ki flow and predict the opponent's next move. We think it's more appropriate to call it a sixth sense. Some special people, when they have a certain amount of combat experience, can make their sixth sense even more acute. So, based on that rich combat experience and a keen sixth sense, it is indeed possible to predict the opponent's next move to a certain extent. Actually, Tsunade also has this sixth sense, there's nothing strange about it, it's just that he exaggerated it so much that he even said he could hear other people's thoughts, so everyone just thought he was bragging."

Wearing a white lab coat and glasses, Snake, after hearing Pain's question in the lab, pushed up his glasses and rambled on. To be honest, he still didn't know what kind of person the captain was. After all, hearing other people's thoughts and having a brief premonition of the future were even more bizarre than his immortality. However, in order to gain Pain's trust, Snake could only try his best to make his words reasonable and convincing.

"........."

Pain with his round eyes and Konan with her rich eyes exchanged a glance, both noticing the question mark in each other's eyes. Neither of them had much education; they had even learned to read thanks to Jiraiya, that academically challenged guy. It would be a miracle if Orochimaru explained it in such a sophisticated way.

"...Alright, I still have some research on the recombination and pairing of gene molecules related to bloodline limits. I'm going to get busy now. You can do as you please."

Snake could tell these two illiterate people genuinely hadn't understood him. Talking to illiterate people was exhausting, and he wasn't going to waste any more time on them. He'd explained things so simply and clearly, yet they still couldn't understand...

..........

"Do you... understand what he meant?"

Deep within the Akatsuki's foundation, Nagato, submerged in a vat, asked his friend, the wealthy Konan, with a puzzled expression, "When we were kids studying with Jiraiya, Konan was the best student."

"...I probably, maybe, I could understand some of it, but I'm wondering what he meant by 'bloodline limit gene molecule'."

The wealthy Xiao Nan was more curious about Orochimaru's bloodline limit gene molecular recombination; it sounded so high-tech, it must be another amazing experiment...

The wealthy Konan felt that bringing Orochimaru into the organization was absolutely the right decision. Although a lot of money had been spent on him over the years, it was well worth it for improving the organization's culture and values.

"...What does that mean?"

"I guess it's because you get more experience from fighting..."

"Sigh... Xiao Nan, you're getting more and more cultured..."

..........

"Naruto, from now on, I will teach you how to train. I will completely change you from today onwards. You will no longer be a loser, no longer be beaten by others. I will make you as excellent as Minato, and you will be the next Hokage candidate."

"Oh! I'll definitely try my best!"

At Konoha's Training Ground No. 3, Jiraiya gave Naruto a passionate speech that got Naruto all fired up.

"Alright, tell me what ninjutsu you learned from Minato, and I'll see if there's anything I need to learn."

Looking at the passionate Naruto, Jiraiya felt a sense of satisfaction. Yes, he needed this kind of passion. To ignite Naruto's enthusiasm, he hadn't even gone to see Tsunade for a while, and instead stayed at home writing a comprehensive training plan for Naruto. The first step was to understand what ninjutsu Naruto had learned and what his weaknesses were, so that he could better tailor his teaching to Naruto's individual needs.

"Ninjutsu... let me think... I used to learn the Three Body Technique, but I've forgotten it now. And the Wind Release: Great Breakthrough, but I can't remember how to form hand seals... Oh right! I also know Summoning Jutsu, I remember that, and the Multiple Shadow Clone Technique... Brother Bai also taught me some Water Release techniques, but I haven't mastered them..."

"Alright, alright! So you mean besides summoning jutsu and multiple shadow clones, that's all?"

Just as Naruto was reciting all the ninjutsu he had learned, only to forget them one by one, Jiraiya impatiently interrupted him. "What the hell are you talking about if you've already forgotten them? Besides, I've never heard of anyone learning a ninjutsu and then forgetting it..."

"What you say makes sense. Those hand seals are too troublesome. Is there any powerful ninjutsu that doesn't require such complicated hand seals?"

Naruto rubbed his hands together, looking at Jiraiya expectantly.

"Idiot! There's no such thing as a ninjutsu with different hand seals!"

Jiraiya slapped him on the head, and he finally understood why Naruto was so bad even though he was Minato's son. It wasn't that Minato didn't teach him; it was just that he was an idiot.

"Tch! Who said there isn't? My dad's Rasengan doesn't require hand seals, you just can't teach me that ninjutsu, can you?"

Naruto stroked the dog's head and said disdainfully.

"Snapped!"

"Idiot, how could I not know it? But the Rasengan is too high-level. You don't even have any basic ninjutsu skills, how could you possibly learn it?"

Jiraiya slapped his dog's head again and spat a barrage of saliva into his face.

"How do you know I can't learn if you don't teach me?"

Naruto said confidently as he wiped his face.

"Then why didn't Minato teach you?"

Looking at Naruto's confident demeanor, Jiraiya felt he resembled himself more and more.

"Dad doesn't have time."

Naruto shrugged and said.

"That's true, but learning Rasengan requires certain theoretical knowledge... Never mind, you wouldn't understand even if I explained it to you, I'll demonstrate it for you."