I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"...No matter what reason you use to praise that thing...if it causes trouble to me...it's not a good thing..."

This is the closest I've ever been to Rinquanchuan.

No, it doesn’t seem so.

This situation seemed even more distant than the last time I carried her. I considered carrying her to a place where I could rest for a while, but a quick glance at the current walking situation made me dismiss the idea... I'm definitely not very stable right now. If I fall, it doesn't matter to me. The most important thing is that Rinsenchuan doesn't get hurt because of my own actions. Otherwise, I'll probably feel guilty for a long time...

"Cheer up... Are you still awake? Rin Izumikawa... Miss Rin! Miss Rin--"

There were almost no pedestrians on the road, and what was even more weird was that there were no taxis. What was even more weird was that her phone was locked. What was even more weird was that no one called to ask about her not coming home so late. What was even more weird was... no one called to ask where I was.

Luckily, I contacted Ye Jin before leaving the store and asked her to pick us up at the nearby intersection. It would have been better to stay in the store, but I don't really like to cause trouble for others.

"...Don't...Don't call me Miss!"

"...You can still hear me...That's great..." Although that was because her face was close to my ear.

"You're annoying... My name isn't... Miss." She didn't seem to like the name very much.

"I understand, I won't call you that anymore."

"...Don't call me that anymore."

"Why..."

"No reason, I don't like it."

"...Don't you like it..."

"Ah."

This must be the truth...after all, I drank so much.

"...I think...this is pretty good..."

"Not at all... Just call me by my name..."

"Is that so... Then I'll just call you... Rin... Izumikawa from now on? You won't scold me for this... will you?"

"...Who knows..."

"..."

It seems that even after this, she is unwilling to give up her habit of targeting me... Is this considered as her obsession with me?

"By the way...what happened to you today..."

"....?"

"I thought you had something to tell me...but it turned out to be just like this..."

"Ah... Now that I mention it, I remember..."

She finally remembered something and tried to break free from my support. I couldn't help but follow her lead and stopped moving forward. Under the dim streetlight, I leaned against it and opened my sleepy eyes.

"I just remembered something... If you can stand still... you should hurry up and get on with your journey."

It's already this late...the road is still very dangerous.

"Don't interrupt...shh ...

“…”

"I have something to say to you...you...you..."

".....I?"

"You...you're just running around all day like Cang Su..."

"...What are you talking about..." I was increasingly confused by what she was saying. Of course, it wasn't because I was drunk.

"You!" she said, pointing at me fiercely, "You're being... too, too active... Totally different from before."

"...Oh, that's exactly what happened."

"This is annoying. I feel annoyed..."

"Why..."

"I don't know. Anyway, I just feel annoyed..."

"..."

"But...when I was with you...just now...I felt that there was nothing to be unhappy about..."

"Ah... I feel the same way... I feel like the distance has been shortened. I'm also very happy..."

"But this...is not enough!"

"...What do you mean by not enough...I can't drink anymore..."

"No...I'm not talking about drinking! Stupid...stupid..."

"...Ah...isn't it..."

"It seems... that... the time I spend communicating with you... is too little."

"..."

Now that you put it this way, it seems to be true.

"I want to...talk to you more."

"Then... go ahead. I'm usually free... If you want to talk to me, just call me..."

"....One more thing..."

"What..."

"It's about my sister... She doesn't want to tell anyone except me... and she has already made up her mind... And I... to be honest..."

“…”

When she said this, I realized what she really cared about.

She tugged at the waist of her clothes with both hands, lightly bit her lower lip with her teeth, and lowered her head slightly, as if considering whether to say something...ah...forget it, actually I don't understand what she wants to say.

"Honestly... I'm happy too... But, on the other hand... I hate myself for accepting this so easily... It's wrong... That voice keeps echoing in my heart... To the point where I can't really say what I want to say to you, and I can't... face the sister who said those words again..."

"...Sister...Sister? You mean...Rin Hanekawa? What happened to her?"

"...It's not as simple as something going wrong..."

"It's okay... just take your time..."

"Before you start talking...could you please repeat what you just promised me?"

"..."

I instinctively wanted to ask, "What's going on?" But when I saw her eyes were about to burst into tears, I suddenly became more alert. Fortunately, I quickly remembered what she had said to me.

"...From now on, I'll call you by your name...right?"

"Well, what else?"

"...I'm not entirely sure, but I think they want me to stay in the club more."

"Well, there is..."

"...to become the kind of person you can talk to about anything...right?"

"May I?"

Her frown gradually relaxed, and a smile finally appeared on her face. I don't understand many things in the world, and I don't even know what kind of story I'm going through... But looking at her expression, I can tell.

Now she is...very happy.

"It's difficult...but I'll try my best."

What exactly is it... I don't want to think about it. This kind of question is too complicated for me, and even if I was 100% clear-headed, I wouldn't necessarily be able to come up with an answer.

"Thank you..."

As if she had lost her balance, she was about to stumble and fall to the ground after saying this. I subconsciously moved forward to catch her. Then, it was as if she threw herself into my arms. To others, I was hugging her in a very intimate way.

"...Now, let me tell you why I...feel upset."

I didn't feel disgusted, shy or embarrassed.

Keeping this posture, she told me her troubles in a drunken voice.

缄醒

"I thought she was going to do something big... but she ended up doing something so childish." In the end, Rin Hanekawa personally came to take her sister home. After helping her into the family car, she apologized to me, "I'm so sorry my sister has caused you so much trouble."

"...I don't need to thank you. More importantly, will your parents be angry when they find out about this?"

My daughter doesn't come home after school and comes back drunk late at night. Not to mention that she is from a wealthy family... even if she is a parent from an ordinary family, it is absolutely inevitable to get angry depending on the situation.

"Of course she's angry...but it's better not to let them know," she said with a sly smile, "I won't let her be scolded for this."

"ha..."

"Because she's with you, I'm not worried that she'll be in any danger."

"...Please don't force this inexplicable sense of trust on me." I don't deserve to be trusted like this.

"You really are... Never mind, it's getting late. Tomorrow isn't a day off, so you should get some rest. You still have classes tomorrow." She checked the time and took the initiative to say goodbye to me. "But don't indulge her anymore. Stop her when you should."

"...Okay, I understand."

I only agreed to her symbolically. Because I already knew the reason, she would never do something similar again. On the other hand, I also understood...the person who cares about Rinquanchuan the most is actually herself.

"Well, how are you going to pay me for calling me out in the middle of the night?"

Ye Jin, who was supporting me, finally spoke to me after they left.

"....You decide, I don't care."

"..Can I understand this as agreeing to any of my requests?"

"Well... that's it - yawn - I'm going home to sleep." The sudden sleepiness could not be blown away even by the cold wind surrounding me.

"Then don't forget what you said—"

"Okay...I won't forget..."

Chapter 11: Awakening

I was tormented by the alarm clock for almost three minutes.

Even if I wanted to turn off the noise that was quite annoying to me, my arms were constantly being used and I couldn't reach the phone that was constantly making noises.

So, I finally tried to open my eyes a little, looking for the source of the sound. However, besides the soreness of my eyelids from lack of sleep, I was immediately hit by a heavy feeling in my head as if it were filled with lead, and pain that spread from the inside out.

“I…shit…”

The first thing I said this morning was a curse word, something I've never experienced since I was born. In other words, today is a memorable day for me. And yesterday was almost as memorable, because yesterday was the day I drank the most, talked the most with girls, and got drunk for the first time in my life.

"...Ah...Why do we have to go to class today..."

I complained like this. Meanwhile, I began searching my mind for anything I'd forgotten due to the effects of alcohol... After sitting on the bed for a long time, holding my head, I realized that there's no way to notice you've forgotten something. I'd stumbled upon another paradox, which was truly a cause for celebration.

"...Drinking will cause trouble..."

Besides, the law prohibits minors from drinking, so logically, what happened yesterday shouldn't have happened. However, the law also prohibits things like murder and fraud, yet these things still happen all the time... Well, my head hurts a bit, so I'll put that aside for now.

.........

Even with my eyes closed, I can still sense the sunlight. My senses are still functioning; not being able to see doesn't mean I'm completely disconnected from the outside world... I've sighed countless times, disgusted by the complex interconnectedness of things. But living among them, even if I don't see, I'm still within them, and I don't know how to escape.

Not wanting to live, but also not actively wanting to die.

Just like the person in that story, living in the world with nothing to do. Compared to him, I should be even more of a failure... Someone with a goal in mind but a negative attitude is better than someone who is lost and moves forward in a negative way.

He who always proclaims despair... Compared with myself who holds on to meaningless hope, it's natural to conclude who is superior and who is inferior.

Thinking about it this way, it would be better to hang myself under the blooming cherry tree. However, I still lack a reason to act now... After all, humans love to live. They only need a reason to continue living. Even if I can't find a reason to live, I can also find a reason to commit suicide, so I can just live for now.

Even if someone decides to commit suicide, they'll be stopped and ultimately choose not to die... In reality, all such people need is persuasion. I've experienced this deeply... I want to dissuade them, but there's no chance.

"...How much time has passed..."