I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

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“…”

"I used to want to teach students in accordance with their aptitude, but it's simply unrealistic. For various reasons, various circumstances... After coming to my senses, I'm no longer as naive as before. I just follow the rules, manage the students so they don't cause trouble, and just focus on improving their grades. As for the students' character... As a homeroom teacher who's only ever taught eighty-seven students, I'm willing but unable to do anything about it."

"..."

"Besides, as a teacher for so many years, how could I not know about the things that happen between students? But I can't change it... pretending not to see has become the norm."

"..."

"But you're different. You refuse to pretend you don't see it, and you even try very hard to dismiss it... This is quite rare among all the students." Her eyes lost their usual sternness, replaced by a rare tenderness, as if recalling a past event. "Conversely, those who shared your integrity were either silenced by violence or, like everyone else, chose to cover their eyes and remain silent. It's clearly the worst-case scenario, yet it's what everyone hopes for... Just pretend everything's fine, just be able to get through these three years."

"..."

"You screamed and yelled on stage for the first time, trying to transform the already struggling drama club into what you envisioned. At that moment, I saw the shadows of many people. I thought you would be like them, but unexpectedly... you stood out from their illusions and walked right in front of me. To me, you are a student I will never forget."

"..."

"So, as a teacher... I really want you to succeed academically and make a name for yourself, but I don't know how. I also don't understand your perspective at all... Am I just too old to understand the thoughts of today's young people, or is it because you're just too unique... Or perhaps, it's just that people are simply incapable of understanding."

As if talking to herself, she looked at me for a long time with a helpless and slightly sad look.

"...I don't think I've done anything remarkable. I don't think I'm extraordinary, and I don't think I'm different from others. That's all just your illusion... You're simply too disappointed with reality, so you're imposing the virtues of someone you hoped would appear on me."

"...Yeah?"

"Well, actually, I'm not outstanding, nor am I someone who hates evil, nor am I a righteous ally. Although I don't like some things, I also know that I am powerless to change them. In the end, I'm still just an ordinary person."

"..."

"However, I am very grateful that you can say so much to a student like me. No teacher before me has ever treated me like this... let alone tolerated my mistakes, let alone... acknowledged my messy feelings. In this respect, you are the best teacher I have ever met."

Although I've written many similar words in greeting cards and well wishes, this one alone is truly sincere. I can't say for sure if a better teacher will appear in the future, but so far, she is the one I most want to forget, and the one I won't tolerate anyone else slandering.

"...Do you really think so?" There was a look of surprise in her eyes.

"I don't look like a student who would lie, do I?"

It's a bit embarrassing to admit it in person, so I'd better respond in this way.

"Hmm... I think you look a lot like me."

Although she said this, her brows relaxed and she revealed a gentle smile.

"Well, I'll admit it then."

She originally wanted to get along well with her students, but how many walls did she encounter, how much hurt did she suffer, and how many people slandered her during her teaching career over the past few years, which led to her developing the aura that she had when we first met: handsome but always difficult to approach... I don't know, and I don't want to ask.

But it was enough to know that she had once shown such a gentle expression.

Reality is distorted to begin with, so why let it distort the way we treat others?

"In that case... I'll have to be stricter with you." After a brief pause, "I won't tell your parents, but you should still apologize to your history and politics teachers. And don't skip classes anymore."

"Yes, I will do so."

"That's good...you can go back now."

She finally let out a long sigh and waved to me to leave.

"Oh, well, I'll tell another lie then."

"What?"

While Teacher Nan was confused, I had already walked to the door and then turned around to reply.

"Teacher, you look so beautiful when you smile—"

隙音

"Although it started when I was very young, I only started thinking about it when I was in junior high school."

For the sake of cleanliness, the cafeteria doesn't offer takeout. However, there are always exceptions. After all, there's no cafeteria that can accommodate thousands of people at once. To avoid crowding, many people choose to take their meals outside the cafeteria.

So, after discussing this, I carried the iron plate and Yao Qiong, who was also carrying a plate, ran to the pavilion where there were few people. Unfortunately, Xiao Hei would not be there at this time.

Anyway, it is normal to talk while eating. After all, just eating together would be too boring.

"Hmm? What do you think? What do you think?"

After I explained that her feelings for me were just gratitude and not love, she agreed with me and believed it without a doubt. So the fact that we can have a normal conversation will definitely not change.

"...Why do people have to eat?"

"Hmm..." After swallowing the food in her mouth, she quickly responded, "Because I will be hungry if I don't eat."

"Can't you stand being hungry?" I couldn't help but sigh at the simplicity of this answer.

"No one can stand being hungry," she thought for a moment, "because if you don't eat, you will die."

"Then why do we have to live..."

"I'm not entirely sure about that. These are questions for philosophers to ponder... and whatever answers they come up with might not even be answers."

"...Huh? Is there such a thing in the world?" I was suddenly interested in what she just said.

"Of course there are, and a lot of them."

"What's an example?"

"...Hmm... Let me think about it." She bit the end of the chopstick subconsciously, "Oh, for example, when you are playing games."

"..."

"I played that punch-and-fight game with you... but I couldn't beat you. But I didn't want to lose. Faced with this situation, what kind of answer was I looking for? No one could tell me clearly."

“…”

"And I can choose to take control away from you, or I can say I don't want to play anymore, or I can unplug the power... These all fit the answer, and there's no way to prove they're wrong. But judging by common sense, they don't count as answers at all."

"...There's no way to prove it's not the answer, so does that mean it can be called the answer?"

Suddenly I felt a new respect for her.

"Because it's doable, and it meets the criteria..." She continued to calmly enjoy her lunch. "So, whatever answer you come up with is your own. Sometimes it might go against common sense, but whether you do it or not is up to you."

“…I see…”

No matter what the answer is, the one you trust the most is actually yourself who got the answer... It's a similar feeling.

"Hmm. So don't bother others with answers to questions like this. Just think about it yourself."

"That's right." Then I stopped talking to others. "Come to think of it, I forgot to tell you something."

"...What's up?"

"I've written a script and am preparing to perform it as part of the cultural exhibition. It was completed by the seniors and members of the drama club. If you have time, I hope you can take a look at it."

"...Time? Last year, I went home early because I was free at school and didn't have any classes."

"..."

Isn’t not having classes something to look forward to?

"However, I will still stay this time. After all, you invited me, so I will definitely go and see it."

"That's great."

In fact, the original intention of writing this play was for her to see it.

"...So? Will you go with me to see it that day?"

Chapter 13: Intermittent Sound

There are many things in this world that cannot be fully articulated. Actually, it's not impossible, and if you do, there will definitely be people who resist, or even forbid you from saying it.

To use an analogy, it's like a dying person standing on a high ground trying to tell the truth they know. Everyone watches cooperatively, initially not intending to take it seriously. But halfway through revealing the truth, some spectators in the audience pull out hidden guns and shoot them. The more they talk, the more people will try to cover up, and naturally, the more people will shoot them.

It seems that those who tell the truth are destined to have trouble living a good life. But normal people want to live a good life, so instead of trying to understand everything, it's better to live a life of confusion. It's just the difference between being truly confused and feigning confusion.

So, many things that should be easily expressed are, for one reason or another, wrapped up in things like carefully designed text or images that don't easily convey the message, waiting to be discovered. And this is where truly confused people appear, pretending to be smart, saying "one is one, two is two," ignoring the underlying meaning and focusing solely on the surface.

"Although I've said the invitation..."

However, I'm still unsure what kind of person Yao Qiong is. Although I don't think she's the type to pretend to be smart, I don't want her to fail to understand the purpose of my writing that script.

Pure creators are often lonely. Therefore, they hope others will understand their work, hoping that people will discover the hidden messages within the text, stories, and images. However, whether it's the wrong time or simply the way it is... people are unwilling to expend effort to find joy, preferring someone to present it directly to them. Even if that joy is vulgar and meaningless, it doesn't matter—as long as I laugh and feel comfortable—like an animal rolling in the mud, with no desire for higher enjoyment.

Well, it can't be said so seriously.

However, it's true that what's popular isn't necessarily best. What's currently being embraced by the majority isn't necessarily good, yet it's always protected by an unspoken force. To use a crude example, once you're hooked on drugs, you can't give it up, and the more people get hooked, the more they can't leave... But that doesn't mean drugs are acceptable. Of course, this is just a crude example. After all, many people explicitly oppose drugs, but only after they're fully aware of the dangers... People generally lack the ability to discern the harms of things that aren't immediately visible, or even imperceptible.

"Trouble, trouble, trouble—"

I scratched my hair and cheeks, and the irritability that I couldn't sort out came flooding back again.

............

"Oh, what a rare visitor."

"Didn't we just meet last night?"

I don't know if Rin Hanekawa said this out of politeness. However, considering the situation, this politeness is really not sincere, so it doesn't seem very polite to me.

"The meeting place isn't important—I'm talking about your sudden appearance here. Normally, outsiders aren't allowed to enter here."

"We're in the same school, but you're calling your classmates outsiders?"

"Don't try to play that on me. If you were working for the student union, you'd be able to come and go as you please. Why don't you just say we're all in the same school, so why can't you just go to another class? You're just being sophistry."

"..." That seems to be the meaning. "But, are you really working hard now?"

I asked Rinhanekawa, who was eating cake with a plate in her hand.

"It's just a break... If you hadn't come to interrupt me, I would definitely be working now."

"really?"

"Of course it's true. So if you have anything to say, you'd better finish it quickly." He pointed at the cake in front of me and said, "That one is delicious. Little Leo bought it for me from a cake shop far away."

"Little Leo..." It definitely couldn't be Leonardo, so it had to be the guy with glasses next to her. "Speaking of which, don't just ask others to seek benefits for you."

"He bought this for me on his own initiative. If you don't believe me, ask him."

"Um... whatever, whatever." I don't really want to be in charge of things here anyway. Besides, I have no say in the Student Union's affairs. "Hmm... to be fair, this is really delicious."

"Right~ But what are you doing here? It shouldn't be just for free food."

"That's not the case...Is Rinquanchuan okay?"

"Oh, I just pretended to be sick. I guess you're much better now... But you look fine even though you were drunk."

"...After all, everyone's tolerance to alcohol is different. Maybe my constitution is a little better than hers...By the way, has she never measured her alcohol tolerance?"

"She usually doesn't drink this much with others." She smiled meaningfully. "Yesterday was her first time with you. You have to be responsible for what happened."

"Please don't use such misleading terms."

"Hmm... then what? Is there anything else besides this?"

Eh? You just brushed aside the previous topic? Well, forget it then.

"Yes, there is something about you."

"Me? How did I offend you?" She looked puzzled. It seemed to me like she was just faking it.

"of course not."

"Are you going to complain to me?"

"It's not that..." This doesn't really have much to do with the premise about her.

"Being threatened?"

“Is this different from the previous reason?”

And the discussion has shifted to my affairs. They are not discussing her at all.

"Oh, that's weird."