I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"...No, no, no, under normal circumstances, she should be called too, right? Why did you only call me to the office?" This is simply discrimination.

"Because I know Rinquanchuan is a good girl and she would never hit anyone for no reason."

"Yeah, he just talks nonsense and insults people."

"...So? What's the reason behind this?"

"Oh, indeed. Actually, the topic started because I heard someone say that I felt different from before. She said that I used to be a person who could make others feel happy, but now I feel like I can't be happy myself."

"...Huh? Is that so..." Brother Nan looked at me carefully after hearing this, "Then what do you think would make you happy now?"

"...Maybe the world will end and I won't have to worry about anything." This is what I hope for the most.

"I see. You must have frozen too many brain cells to death. Take more brain-boosting medicine, get enough rest, and stop playing games. Be good."

"Teacher, you can't do this! I'm really troubled now."

"...Okay." She held her forehead and thought for a moment, "Actually, when you mentioned happiness, a little story came to mind."

"Oh." Since there is a clue, it means there is hope.

"A teacher asked students what they wanted to be in the future. Many people said they wanted to be astronauts, scientists, etc. But when he mentioned someone, he suddenly said..."

"Want to be a tree?" I know this story. Isn't it the same story about Senior Sun...

"No, no, he said he wanted to be a happy person. The teacher said, 'You don't understand my problem at all,' and the student responded, 'You don't understand life at all.'"

"...Huh?" I was completely confused by this story.

"How do you feel after hearing this story?"

"...should I review the question before answering it?"

"No, no, no, don't you think the little boy in the story has some connection with you?" She looked at my face expectantly.

"...That person is me?"

"Of course not!" She flicked my forehead angrily. "Didn't you learn anything from what he said? A happy person's attitude towards life is what matters. It has nothing to do with what career you'll pursue. It's all about whether your outlook on life can make you optimistic."

"...Teacher, it would have been nice if you had said that earlier."

"Do you want me to tell you the answers to your exams in the future? A real teacher always gives you the answers briefly. Because it feels cool that way." She said, then nodded with satisfaction. "So, what is your attitude towards problems now?"

"...As for attitude...I guess it's just a matter of not caring about anything and just letting things take their course."

"...what if you saw someone in need of help? How would you act?"

"Why should I take action? If I help someone in trouble, I'll get into trouble myself, and I hate trouble the most. So forget it."

Strange... I feel like I can't remember anything. But my memory should be flawless...

"...So, when you helped others before...what was your mindset? You can't just say it was a spur of the moment thing, right?"

"Oh, that wasn't a whim. But I don't think I should interfere in other people's affairs... It could lead to something bad for both me and the person involved. To avoid that, I think it's best to give up on this."

"..."

"Teacher, don't you want me to find something I like to do, study hard, and then get into a satisfactory university?" Looking at Brother Nan's somewhat dazed expression, I was full of doubts for a moment.

"...Ah." She suddenly realized what I said, "It's really good that you have such thoughts... Or rather, I have always hoped that you would think this way."

"Oh. That should be no problem then." I finally breathed a sigh of relief. "By the way, teacher, what do you think of me?"

"...I think you're an interesting student. Although you don't really follow the rules, your ideas are quite innovative... But I'm also glad that you can be a little more normal now."

"...Um."

Although I still don't understand some of the words, it shouldn't be a big deal.

............

"It seems that you are feeling much better now, right?"

"...It's amazing. It's as if I had never experienced that thing at all." I said and continued to eat.

The person I was talking to at the moment was Rin Hanekawa, the student council president who always attracted a lot of attention wherever she went. However, these titles and popularity had nothing to do with me, and certainly didn't feed me, so I didn't take them too seriously.

"Then I'm relieved. Can I sit here?"

"Oh, no problem."

So I had dinner with Rin Hanekawa face to face.

While this wasn't the first time, it was the first time such a scene had occurred at school. Besides, she usually didn't have time to come to the cafeteria. This time, she unexpectedly sat next to someone like me... naturally, she attracted a lot of attention. However, most people were already aware of President Rin Hanekawa's reputation, so most people were actually paying attention to... me, sitting across from her.

"...Speaking of which, a lot of people think I'm different now. I vaguely feel that way too... but I can't quite pinpoint what's different."

"Really? I can't see it at all."

"Hmm... then let me put it another way." After swallowing the sauce-covered rice, I asked her my question, "Senior, what kind of person do you think I will become in the future?"

"...Although it's not easy to judge, people always mature. So you should be a mature and stable person who is not easily disturbed by many things."

"Oh...that's really exciting." I also seemed to be looking forward to developing myself in this area, "but I don't seem to have found what I want to do yet."

"...Huh? Didn't you say you'd already found it?" Rin Hanekawa suddenly questioned, "A few days ago, you told me what you wanted to do next. It's only been a few days, you wouldn't have forgotten it, right?"

"...When I was with you?"

My memory kept moving forward, but I couldn't find that scene at all.

"Don't be anxious, take your time to think about it." Realizing that something was wrong with me, Rin Yukawa hurriedly asked me to calm down.

But I was really calm. I just felt like I had overlooked something, and it felt a little weird.

"...Back then, I was thinking... what did I want to be? What career?" Why? It shouldn't be like that. All the memories should be clearly etched in my mind. No, no, there must be a truth I've forgotten.

It seems like I've forgotten someone. Someone very important to me, yet I've completely forgotten that person. Who is it...

"...Are you really okay? Do you want to go to the infirmary..."

"It's okay, it's okay, senior. Maybe it's the aftereffects of fainting or something..." I forced myself to calm down. "It's okay, just tell me what I said that day."

"...You said you wanted to be able to create stories freely. I don't know exactly what you were talking about, but I think you wanted to be a writer or something like that."

"...free creation..." It really sounded like his style. "I see... That's what I was planning. And I even told you, Senior. So... I'm glad I told you. Otherwise, I would have definitely forgotten..."

It shouldn't be so easy to forget.

"You can't be so pessimistic. Memories are like misplaced items. Sometimes you can't find them when you want to... but there will always be a day when you find them."

"...Um."

I knew she was trying to comfort me, but I could definitely feel her tenderness.

"...Perhaps the questions I want to explore aren't over yet." Perhaps the answer is hidden somewhere by my past self. I'll just look through my old diary when I get back.

"What do you mean?"

Rin Hanekawa still had a puzzled expression. Ah, and a worried look... I don't mind it, but if the president showed too much concern for me, everyone here might start gossiping.

"...You don't have to worry about that, Senior Sister." I said to her with a smile, "The rest is all my concern."

"..."

"By the way, I don't know if I've mentioned this before. The play the drama club is performing at this cultural exhibition is the script I wrote. If you're not too busy, you can come and see how the story I wrote is going."

There's nothing wrong with advertising for the benefit of the community.

"...Oh, I see. I'll definitely go as long as I have time."

"Then please."

The past days have filtered out the sorrow

Wine and song, life geometry.

Perhaps this sentence is not just a lament about the brevity of life, but rather refers to the number of times in life when we can feel happy from the bottom of our hearts. Therefore, I am not very satisfied with the translation in the reference book.

Like the morning dew, the past days are filled with suffering. When we are moved, we should be generous, and our worries are unforgettable. How can we relieve our worries?

"How to relieve worries...only Du Kang——"

I'm quite fond of the historical figure Cao Cao. So much so that I memorized this short poem after only reading it three times. I tend to remember things I'm interested in very quickly, almost unconsciously... but the trade-off is that it takes a lot longer to remember things I'm not interested in, and I forget them just as quickly. Besides, I still quite like this poem... perhaps because it uses the morning dew to compare the brevity of life. Compared to the lifespans of ancient people, sixty would be considered old age. Someone like me, almost twenty years old, would have been considered accomplished in ancient times.

Unfortunately, now I can only stare blankly at my books. I have no way to relieve the sorrow in my heart. However, according to the advice left by Prime Minister Cao, perhaps I should seek out "Du Kang" to relieve my sorrow.

However, the sorrow that comes from within cannot be stopped, so no matter what I do, I can't completely get rid of the sorrow in my heart. It was then that I suddenly realized how difficult it is to be a happy person.

“…”

Memorizing the entire text is also completely incapable of bringing happiness to students. Rather, the learning process is inherently painful. Even games involve a learning process, and being beaten up during that period certainly doesn't make you happy.

But there are always those happy-go-lucky people in the world. They wear a smile on their faces all day, seemingly without a care in the world. In novels and manga, these people are either the protagonists or closely related to the protagonists. They face any difficulty without getting discouraged, smiling through setbacks—this is something only the lucky protagonists can achieve.

Unfortunately, optimism alone can't change fate. Life isn't a script, and luck won't always be on your side. Therefore, in this reality, those who can always smile are truly precious.

So the question is, do I have any memories of coming into contact with such a person?

"....ah."

I can't believe it myself, it seems to be true.

Chapter 4: The past days filter out the sorrow

"Eh? You ask me why I feel happy?"

"...Um...No, that's right—"

To avoid wasting any time chatting with Senior Bai Qiong, I'm currently warming up with her on the unused track after school. While it might be a warm-up for her, it's just a pointless exercise to use up my stored energy for me.

Furthermore, with the air so cold all around me, I didn't feel very hot when I ran, which made me feel uncomfortable.

"I'm not as happy about everything as you say... I'm just generally happy." She couldn't help but laugh even when she responded to my words. "Maybe I just like laughing so much that people mistakenly think I'm happy."

"...No, why would I be able to laugh if I'm not happy..."

No, I really couldn't keep up with her pace, so I just slowed down and then gradually started walking.

"...Laughter is often linked to mood... Well, now that I think about it, I don't seem to have anything to worry about." Seeing me stop running, she hesitated for a moment before slowing down with me. "Could it be that you're in trouble?"

"...Unclear."

"I'm not sure." She closed her eyes and thought for a moment. "I vaguely remember you saying something like that before. Ah ha ha, I feel so nostalgic. It's been a year without me noticing."

"What's so happy about this?"

"It means we've matured again. And now I can go places I couldn't go before, browse websites I couldn't browse before, play games I couldn't play before... Aren't these all worth being happy about?"

"But... ahem," I retorted, breathing heavily, "this just means you and I are one year older!"

"But this is normal. Even if you're sad, time won't go back because of your sadness." She looked nonchalant. "I'm not like most girls who care about age and youth. I think as long as you keep burning with energy, youth can last forever."

"...Youth is just a lie."

"Why do you think so?" She was very confused by what I said.

"It's just an excuse to waste time."

"Ahahaha, you're quite amusing." She grabbed a basketball from somewhere and quickly tossed it into my arms. "Time passes anyway, so how is it wasted? And how is it not wasted?"

“…”

"And even if I squandered it... as long as I got what I expected, I don't think it can be considered completely meaningless."

"..." I felt like there were many things I could refute about her words. But looking at her confident expression, I swallowed back what I wanted to say.

"You're fine anyway, right? Come play basketball with me."

"Eh? But I can't..."

"It's just for fun, it doesn't matter whether it works or not." She smiled again, "This isn't a competition, why take it so seriously?"

. . . . . . . .

I seem to have had this feeling before.

I vaguely remember it was a day with giant clouds floating in the sky. A slightly cool breeze blew across the riverbank, and it was my senior who, like me, dragged me over to play baseball with her. Unaware of the rules, and with no contact at all, I still swung as hard as I could, sending the flying baseball flying far away.

However, this shot can't get me into the game, nor can it be included as a brilliant record in my life's achievements. But I can't classify it with things like wasting time.

This is indeed a very strange thing.