I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"This place is like an oasis to me. Even if you don't want me to come, I will find a way to come."

She said with a bright smile.

What kind of mood would someone have to be in to show that kind of expression? It was like a wish deep in their heart had been fulfilled, and the feeling of satisfaction was beyond words.

This may be the most beautiful expression a person can have.

In other words...maybe this is what happiness is.

So, it turns out I can still bring happiness to others.

"By the way, Sheji, when will your family come back?"

Her question interrupted my thoughts.

"...They're always busy late these days." I said, glancing at the wall clock. "Oh, it's already dinner time... Well, Jiayin, if you don't come home... your family will be worried, right? Why don't you use my home phone to tell them?"

"...Need not."

"Yeah."

Her eyes seemed a little shaken.

But I didn't continue to persuade him. After all, I'm not good at these things, and I like to let things take their course.

"Then I'll treat you to a meal. My family left us quite a bit of money for food, so it's more than enough to treat you..."

"Why do we have to go out to eat?" She suddenly interrupted me, "If there's anything you want to eat, I can cook it for you."

"Eh?"

"The premise is that you have enough ingredients at home."

This doesn't sound like the words of a bad girl at all.

"Unfortunately, I don't have any ingredients at home."

"...That's a shame."

...

"Take me to that video store."

After having a simple dinner at Jiayin's request, she made another request to me.

"Okay." I didn't have any objections. "But it will take a long time to get there. I need you to take me there... otherwise it will take me a long time to do my homework."

"Is it really necessary to do homework?" She suddenly said this, not knowing whether it was a joke or not.

"this..."

"Haha, okay, I was just kidding." She couldn't help but laugh at my expression. "People like me can hand in their homework or not, but it's different for top students like you, right? I understand."

"..."

Well, that's not exactly what I meant.

"Don't worry, I'll take you home on my bike later."

"There's no need to go to this extent." It sounds very troublesome.

"It's okay, it's okay. Just consider it a workout. Besides, I don't really want to go home at this time...ah, nothing."

She fell silent for a moment after realizing she had spoken out of turn again.

"In that case, let's set off now."

I pretended not to care.

So I sat on the back of her bicycle again, and with my directions, we bumped along to the video store we often went to.

The shop occupies a small space, and the sign looks shabby, but because it's so small, it has an inexplicable sense of refinement. The speakers on either side of the door play a song that's the owner's personal favorite. I actually know where it comes from: it's a song called "Roundabout" from the 1922 album "Yesstory."

"You're here again. You bought all the Showa Ultraman series this time... I also have Masked Rider Black and its sequel here, would you consider buying them?" He seemed to have anticipated my arrival and skillfully pulled out two discs from the shelf behind him. "By the way, the protagonist, Minami Mitsuhiro, is quite handsome."

"Forehead..."

Logically speaking, I still really want to buy it, but the purpose of coming here today is...

"If you don't like it, I also have Ultraman Tiga... the one that's been on TV recently. But because so many people want to buy it, the price is a little higher." Seeing that I was hesitating, he thought I was not interested in the one in my hand, so he changed the sales plan.

Seeing this, I had to explain briefly.

"Well, I'm just here with my classmates to take a look around today. I don't have much money on me."

"Is that so?" He finally noticed Jiayin beside me. "It's okay, it's okay. It's enough to bring in potential customers. Just take a look at whatever you want."

He said as he took out a cassette and stood up from the counter.

"..Take your time to watch, I'm going to change the song..."

“Oh…”

At first I simply thought he was tired of the music he was playing. It wasn't until he passed by me and smiled at me that I suddenly realized that he probably misunderstood the relationship between Jiayin and me.

"..."

However, Jiayin still didn't seem to notice anything. She was simply watching the audio and video products inside.

"..Are there any works that interest you?" Trying my best to suppress the heat on my face, I leaned over to look at the part where she was looking.

"Hmm...actually, there are a lot of things I'm interested in." She hesitated and pointed to one of the discs. "But I don't know this band, so I'm a little interested."

"..B..angles?" I had no recollection of having heard of them. "They were probably active in the 70s and 80s. Bands from that era rarely had bad songs, so they're definitely worth buying."

This is not just a random statement. I have every reason to make this conclusion.

"How much does it cost...do you have enough money on you?" she asked, starting to search her pockets. "How about we buy it together? That way I can feel more at ease listening to it at your house."

"..."

Normally, I would choose to pay for it myself. However, since she offered to do so...

"Okay, then let's buy it together."

This also means that she is not the kind of person who wants to take advantage of others from the bottom of her heart.

"..Ah..Speaking of which, when I asked you to buy me a drink today..."

"You gave it to the wrong person, didn't you? It's okay, I'll treat you."

As a way to give her a way out, I pretended to be ignorant and responded.

"Hmm... Yeah. I'm glad you understand... well, I'll treat you next time." She finally showed the shy expression she would show. "Anyway... go pay first."

"Eh? Don't you need to look at anything else?"

Although I said I was in a hurry to finish my homework, I'm not that anxious... I've only just arrived.

"No thanks. Um... I suddenly feel a little unwell." She turned her head to the side and explained, "Maybe... I didn't wear a coat after running today, so I caught a cold."

"Ah... then go home and rest quickly. No need to send me back."

Now that I think about it, I'm a little worried about her health.

"Um, sorry..." She put the tape and the money in my hand, "I'm leaving now. Leave this at your house, and we can listen to it together tomorrow."

"Hmm...ah."

In just a moment of distraction, she had already stepped on the bicycle parked outside the door and disappeared into the street that was about to be shrouded in darkness.

"..."

"Have you finished reading so quickly?" For some reason, the boss who had been standing at the door only came in and talked to me after seeing her leave.

"..She said she suddenly felt a little unwell..."

"...Uh." The boss didn't seem to know how to respond. He hesitated for a moment, then asked me again, "Do you still want to buy the CD I told you about when you first walked in?"

"The one with Kamen Rider, how much are both of them?"

The answer is obvious. I want them all.

"Since you really like it, I'll give you a discount." He sighed slightly after saying this. "Just make sure your family doesn't come back to me with a refund after they've opened the disc."

“..How is that possible?”

Having said that, looking at the boss's expression, it was as if he had experienced this kind of thing before.

"So, middle school students are just the best... When those elementary school kids come to buy CDs with big bills they got from nowhere, I have to think twice about whether to sell them." He sighed, clicked a few times on the calculator, and held the displayed number in front of me. "If they don't have enough money, give them half first and then pay the rest later."

"...No thanks." I said and started to dig into my pockets, then suddenly noticed that I still had the tape that Jiayin liked. "Oh, and this too."

"This one... is it you who's interested in? Or is it the girl from before?"

It was a rare occasion that he asked me a question.

"She chose it."

"Then I'll give this to you as a gift." He took the money from my dazed hand, and skillfully helped me put the CDs and tapes into the bag, and then stuffed it into my arms.

"...Is this okay?"

Seeing that not many people come here usually, I always feel that his business is not very good.

"What's good or bad about it? Just take it if I give it to you." He seemed generous and waved at me. "If there's nothing else, then thank you for your patronage."

"..."

Is this considered chasing people away...

...

In the following week, she couldn't wait to come to my house to listen to music almost every day after school. She also started saving money to buy tapes like me, but for some reason, those things could not be kept in her own home, so she kept them with me.

Then there was a box under my bed for her tapes and CDs. Since I like to categorize things, they are arranged quite neatly.

"...If you like music, then maybe you should just work towards that."

Hearing her humming her favorite song without any deviation from the tune, I expressed what I had always wanted to say.

"Yeah... That's impossible."

She responded to me with a helpless smile.

"Why do you think so? Don't you like it?"

"So you like Kamen Rider, can you become one yourself?"

"..." This question is really fatal... No, it's not the same. "Fake... Kamen Rider... doesn't exist in reality. Right? But there are many singers, and there are also many professions related to music."

"..."

She ignored me for a moment, frowning and thinking for a moment, then turned her gaze to me.

"I remember, Sheji, you haven't been to my house yet."

"Oh...ah. That's it."

Why did you mention this suddenly?

"If you have nothing to do after school today, would you like to come to my house and sit down?"

“..Okay..Okay.”

There was no reason to refuse, and I'd long been curious about her family situation. This opportunity to explore it might have been the reason she was willing to start sharing some of it with me.

"Then it's settled."

She didn't feel the same excitement as when she first came to my house. She just pretended to be indifferent while inviting me out, feeling resistant to her own home.

"..Um."

So, as usual, I could sit on the back of her bicycle without caring about other people's eyes. However, I was not very familiar with the road I was going to take today.

"..."

And Jiayin, who usually would have something to talk about at this time, was silent at this time, just riding her bike quietly. In this situation, I was still very tactful and did not take the initiative to talk to her.

Perhaps everyone has their own worries. It's just that because I'm so scattered and aimless, my worries have nowhere to come from. If I had to pinpoint something that bothers me, it's probably just my reluctance to admit that there are no heroes in this world.

As an adult who has long since given up on the world, heroes in anime, special effects, and movies are all designed to entertain immature children. Becoming an adult requires abandoning all naiveté and ceasing unrealistic fantasies. While they may claim this, they still harbor hopes of making a fortune, gaining something for nothing, and somehow improving their humble social status. This mentality is probably about the same as my desire to become Kamen Rider or Ultraman.

In that case, why should we let children who are attached to heroes abandon their so-called innocence? Rather than longing for money and things on the edge of gray, it is better to long for the image of justice and integrity.

I do not understand.

Growing up requires giving up so much, and I have no idea what I'll be like when I grow up. But deep down, I still hope that I can get a little closer to those heroes who don't exist in reality.