I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"arrive."

He slammed on the brakes, causing me, who was in a daze, to bump into her back.

"Ah, I'm sorry..."

"It's okay." She didn't seem to care at all and found a place to park the car.

"here it is.."

I think I know. The street market about a kilometer from my house is mostly filled with restaurants.

"Come this way..." She pulled me as I was looking around, "I won't be responsible if there's no place for you to sit later."

"what?"

I was completely confused by this. Didn't we say we were going to her house? Why was there no room... Ah, could it be...

I suddenly understood.

"This is it."

She pointed to one of the shops with a reluctant expression. Nearly half the shop's large frontage was already occupied. Since these shops lacked kitchen space, the cooking utensils and utensils had been moved outside. Since there were more than one such shop, the entire street seemed much narrower than the others. Furthermore, with so many customers coming and going, the chefs often had no time to rest.

At this time, if someone at home could come to help, it would undoubtedly reduce the burden. And I gradually understood why she was so resistant to her own family.

"Where's Jiayin?! Why hasn't she come home for so long after school?! I've told you so many times that you're so busy with business, but you still don't try to share more of the burden at home."

As I approached, I could clearly hear the aproned man cooking, angrily complaining about something. His apron looked stained with years of cooking fumes, grunting and greasy. But his deft technique—whether it was stir-frying or flipping the wok, or the flames that flared up and died out instantly—easily caught the attention of onlookers.

Of course, I am the same.

"Don't be angry, don't be angry, Jiayin's back!" The woman preparing food nearby must be Jiayin's mother. She has short, sleek hair, and while her eyes look a little tired, her movements are quite agile. After noticing Jiayin and me, she took the initiative to talk Jiayin's father down. It seems she's the type to be easy to get along with.

"You came back pretty early today... What are you still standing there for?! It's only right that you don't hang out with those rascals. Hurry and put on your apron and help!"

It seemed that he didn't notice me, and Jiayin's father still didn't have a good face towards her at all.

"Hello, are you Jiayin's classmate?"

Seeing her husband being so rude, she could only smile helplessly, then looked at me and took the initiative to greet me.

"Um..."

I couldn't think of what to say in response for a moment.

"Would you like something to eat?" She kept smiling. "That's how it is in our family. The only things we can offer are home-cooked meals."

"..ah.."

Undecided, I couldn't help but look at Jiayin beside me. She simply said, "Just find a place to sit," and ran to the back of the store.

"..."

A little... a little confused.

Steps taken for you

The aromas from everywhere drifted past me in a continuous confusion. Although I hadn't felt any hunger when I arrived, my stomach finally responded in this atmosphere.

"What would you like to eat? Ordinary fried rice?"

"Eh? Well... whatever."

After putting on her apron, Jiayin seemed to be in a bad mood, so I thought her asking for my opinion was just a token gesture, so I didn't ask for anything else.

"Oh, please wait a moment." She must have finally realized that I was a customer after all, so she spoke a little more politely. "As a favor to you... I'll do it for you myself."

She spoke in a very calm tone.

For me, this kind of thing still makes me feel shocked, so my reaction to this sentence was to open my eyes wide and be speechless.

But she didn't seem to care about my attitude. After saying this, she walked away.

【Love】 Steps taken for you

Now, I was anxiously watching Jiayin's busy figure not far away. With her hair tied up and covered with a headscarf, she looked a little rustic, but that was probably to prevent it from falling into the pot. Her apron wasn't as dirty as her father's; while it looked a little worn, it wasn't stained with much oil.

Is it because she washes it so often? Or is it because she hasn't used it many times at all?

"You should have helped me a long time ago. How many more copies could we have sold together?" Her father scolded her and went to another stove, intending to get another wok.

"I'll just fry this one, so you don't have to bother with the stove anymore." She said as she put the ingredients into the pot.

"What did you say?!"

It was definitely not because he didn't hear clearly because of the noise of the food and the hot oil cooking...but because he had never considered that his daughter would not help him with the housework.

"I've already said it, there's no way you didn't hear it." Jiayin didn't reiterate it, but responded in a cold tone, her hands constantly stirring the food in the pot.

"Girl, are you a little..."

Seeing that Jiayin's father was about to lose his temper, her mother hurried over to dissuade him.

"There are so many people here. Dad, please be quiet. What if the guests are scared away? Besides, the child's classmates are still here."

"..."

At this moment, his eyes suddenly turned towards me. My heart couldn't help but jump. Generally speaking, no father wants his daughter to be with a boy. Let alone now that she has brought me home.

"..ah.."

The feeling of unease intensified. Honestly, I'm feeling incredibly uncomfortable right now. If it weren't for Kanon, I'd definitely have gotten up and left. Better to just go home and watch Kamen Rider... I'm still a bit of a sucker for real-life relationships. And this is someone else's personal matter.

"..snort."

However, after glancing at me twice, his father's fury faded for a moment. He turned his back to Jiayin, who was cooking, and took a few steps forward before pulling out a cigarette from his pack and putting it in his mouth. But just as he was about to light it, he remembered something and put the cigarette back, his brow furrowing again.

Is it because I promised someone I'd quit smoking? Or maybe I just don't want to smoke while cooking?

"What are you doing over there?" With the sound of plates knocking against the table, I noticed that she had already placed the prepared fried rice in front of me.

"No, nothing..." Having said that..

"Okay, try it now," she said, pushing the plate towards me again. "Eat it all up, or I'll charge you double."

"..I..I will try my best." Looking at the full plate, I couldn't help but worry whether I could finish it.

"Why are you so nervous? Of course this is just a joke."

Maybe my facial expression was too obvious, so she had to put away her previous cold look and show me her usual expression.

"..Well, then I'll start eating." He reached out and picked up the spoon stuck in the rice.

"Well, you must express your feelings."

"...oh.."

It was a little hot. After blowing hard on it, I finally got the first bite of rice into my mouth.

"How about it?"

"..tasty."

While it's usually polite to say someone else's cooking is bad, this is truly what I'm saying. While it looks like it was cooked with a careless attitude, the taste doesn't seem to have any obvious flaws.

"I told you, as long as I have the ingredients, the food I cook will never disappoint you." She said to me proudly.

"Uh-huh.."

"But..." Her smug look didn't stay on her face for long before it gradually turned cold.

"But what?"

"It's okay." She forced a smile at me and stood up. "Just take your time to eat. I have something else to do... Let's stop here today. I'm going back to my room to rest."

"..Oh." I nodded, "See you tomorrow..."

"Ah, see you tomorrow." She took off her headscarf and apron and walked towards the small staircase inside the store. It seemed that her family lived on the second floor of the house.

It is probably because our life is so tight that we feel our house has so much space.

"..."

What was the point of her bringing me here? Was she simply trying to prove to me how her family felt about her? Thinking of this, I couldn't help but look at her parents.

While her father didn't seem to treat her well, I think that attitude was probably due to her rebellious behavior. After all, no parent wants their child to be naughty and hang out with idlers. And while her mother's attitude wasn't as clear, it certainly didn't seem arbitrary or unreasonable. If she told her parents about her wishes, they wouldn't necessarily disagree.

But, she seemed to have no desire to communicate with her family at all. No, maybe it was more than that...

“..What should I do…”

Here it comes, worry. Is worrying about someone else's future, strictly speaking, my own worry? I can't quite put my finger on it yet. But if I want to strive for what I consider my own happiness... Just being muddleheaded is simply not an option. Even if I don't care now, I'll inevitably regret it later.

I want her to avoid this. Although this is just my personal opinion, I really want to change her life trajectory through my own efforts... This is something I have never done before.

. . . .

"Midterm exams are coming up soon, so let's put a hold on activities like listening to music and playing games for now."

As she was packing her schoolbag, my words must have been like cold water splashed on her excited heart. At that moment, the smile on her face suddenly froze, and then there was a helpless expression.

"Ah... That's right... Sheji, you need to review too. You're not like me who's just idle all day long." She muttered to herself, quickly picking up her schoolbag. "It's okay, it's okay. I understand. Listen to music or something, and continue after the exam. It's okay..."

Is that all that matters?

Looking at her expression as if she was desperately trying to escape from something, I seemed to have discovered the problem.

"Where are you going?" I called out to her as she was about to leave.

"Eh? Need I say more? Since I can't go to your house, of course I have to..."

"Did I ever say I don't want you to come to my house?" I asked, slinging my slightly heavy backpack. "I just said to stop listening to music and playing games, etc. I didn't say I was going to kick you out, or that I needed to study alone."

"...Huh? But..."

She was still a little confused about what I said.

"Rather than studying hard on my own, I think it's better to teach someone in person. This way I can grasp the knowledge more firmly..."

"...!!!"

"How about it? If it's an activity like this, are you still interested in participating? Of course, if reviewing is too tiring, you can also listen to some music and then..."

"no need."

She suddenly interrupted me and lowered her head, trying not to let me see her expression. But I could imagine that she must be sad.

"For someone like me...it's impossible...to study..."

"Compared to interest, pure learning is actually insignificant. The learning process is dull and tedious, relying solely on accumulation to achieve qualitative change... If you don't have any interest and simply study for the sake of learning, then in my opinion, it's meaningless."

"..."

"You now have music you enjoy, and that's already the direction you need to move forward. All you lack now is the determination to embark on that path, and the necessary knowledge... It may sound a bit conceited to say this, but I believe... I should be able to give you the qualifications to start."

I wanted to help her. Not for any tangible reward, nor for any particular reason... I just didn't want her to waste her time.

Moreover, the reason why she has been unwilling to take the next step is actually the long-accumulated feelings in her heart.

“..I don’t have any qualifications…”

“..Why do you say that?”

For a long time, perhaps repressed by her family's unintentional scolding, she wanted to rebel because she felt she had the qualifications... but she couldn't prove herself. Whether in her studies or her own interests, she simply couldn't find anything to prove herself. The accumulation of these things led to a deep sense of inferiority. Even if she tried to hide it, it would always be exposed when it hit the most fundamental point.

“..Because..I can’t do anything right.”

"That's simply because you haven't done it yet." Before taking the first step, no one could predict what would happen next. "Just think of it as helping me. Want to give it a try?"

"..."

Facing her still silence, I could only sigh.

"If you want my help, you can come to my house anytime during this period. No matter how weak your foundation is, I think as long as you take it step by step, you can probably make up for it."

I won’t say that as long as you work hard, you will succeed.

Because I have long understood that there is no shortage of hard-working people in the world, so when some of these people are exposed to the public, it will give everyone the illusion that "as long as you work hard, you can succeed."

In reality, hard work is merely a necessary condition; no one can guarantee that hard work will yield results. Just like me, even though I have excellent grades right now, I still don't have any goals. I simply mindlessly accumulate knowledge for the sake of answering questions. What will this knowledge bring me? I have no idea.

"..."