I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"It's okay. Just do what you think is right. I won't hold it against you."

"Ah."

"Hey? Sheji, why are you crying? Does the wound hurt?"

I shook my head.

"Okay, okay, it's okay. I don't think you've caused me any trouble. On the contrary, I think you've done something really great. There's no need to feel guilty about this."

"That's not why I'm here."

"Ah? That's why..."

"Give me back my pudding!"

..............................

"Sheji, have you ever thought about the future?"

Dad sat at the head of my bed.

"Well, I want to be a hero, a partner of justice."

"You're quite ambitious. Today's story will be about a hero."

"Yeah." I nodded repeatedly, and the little sleepiness I had was gone.

"Let's begin." Dad said and was about to start telling the story, but unlike before, this time he didn't pick up the storybook, but looked at me.

"A long time ago, there was a hero who silently guarded a town in the desert. However, his master was more famous than him, so the whole town believed that it was the hero's master who was protecting them.

But his master had actually left the town for a long time.

Once, in order to prevent a train from running on a train that had been rigged with a bomb, the hero changed the track of a train. He saved thousands of lives. However, after changing the track, the train hit a family's flock of sheep.

So, no one thanked the hero, but instead thought that he was causing trouble and should disappear from the city. However, a hero is a hero. Although he was wronged, he still insisted on protecting the town.

One day, the hero's master came back, but not to protect the town, but to destroy it. But people always thought the master was right, so they regarded the hero who protected the town and fought against the master as a villain.

Later, the town was saved, but the hero was called a devil and was driven out of the town forever.

Well, that’s the end of the story.”

What's this story? It's not pretty at all...

"What happened to that hero?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'll continue to be a hero, or maybe I'll become an ordinary person."

"dad..."

"What's wrong?"

"If I become like that one day, will you believe me?"

Dad stretched out his warm big hand and stroked my forehead again.

"Even if the whole world calls you a villain, in my heart, you are still a hero."

"Hmm..." I felt a little sleepy, so I turned sideways and closed my eyes.

"But that won't happen to me," I muttered to myself.

"I hope so. Good night."

..........................................

I have always been trying my best to protect something, and I feel very happy.

And today I experienced the feeling of being protected, and I felt happier than eating a box of pudding... no, happier than eating three boxes.

In order to make others feel protected, I must persevere.

Selected from: A diary entry by Yi Sheji in the fourth grade

People accustomed to darkness

Episode 15 [Memories] People Accustomed to the Darkness

When I came to my senses, I found that it was almost noon.

The weather had turned gloomy at some point, and the lights in the empty classroom were not on. So through the nearby window, I could see the sunlight, which seemed extremely weak because it had passed through the clouds, shining on the world that needed them.

If these lights had thoughts, they would surely feel exhausted. If they had feelings, would they give up coming to this world after being blocked by clouds?

"Ah..."

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but smile.

Is it self-deprecating? Or something else?

Come to think of it, I've always wanted to be a light bulb... to illuminate the darkness, to help others, and I work hard for this goal without complaint even if I get hurt.

Compared to now, I was more approachable and lovely before.

However, this change did not occur simply because I personally chose to give up, but there were other reasons.

Ever since that incident, I have questioned my behavior.

It might seem like a small thing, but to me at that time, it was like the world suddenly collapsed... No, that metaphor is not appropriate.

It was more like someone who had never been injured before, suddenly being pierced by thousands of arrows. At first, there was no time to feel the pain, only shock, and then gradually began to feel unprecedented pain.

It has never disappeared until now.

.........【Grade 6】...........

"Sheji, did you see the news yesterday?"

"Yes, I saw that," I answered him quickly. "The factory we paid for milk a few days ago was shut down due to quality issues."

"Yeah, luckily it didn't reach us. That's a blessing. Otherwise, maybe all the students in our school would have been hospitalized."

"Yeah." I nodded. "Now it seems that the school should find another company or return the money to us."

"Probably, but I think it's better to just refund the money. I don't really like drinking milk."

"Haha."

However, the head teacher only repeated the news that most people already knew at the class meeting, and did not mention the money at all.

"What's going on?" I asked him after class.

He was a classmate who played well with me at that time.

"What's going on?"

"As for the money issue, our homeroom teacher didn't say anything about how to handle it."

"Maybe she forgot. I guess she'll let us know during the class meeting next week."

"Hmm...well." Although I was a little concerned, I decided to wait a little longer.

So at the class meeting the next week, the head teacher did not mention this incident again, as if it had never happened.

"The head teacher didn't mention that matter." I said to him.

"What's going on?"

"The one about last week, the milk order," I reminded him.

"I thought it was something," he said, seemingly nonchalantly. "It was something from the past. Why are you still bothering me?"

"No, that's several hundred dollars. We have fifty students in one class, and I asked other classes, and they didn't ask for a refund..."

"Oh," he interrupted me impatiently, "Your sense of responsibility is too strong, isn't it? Our squad leader hasn't said anything yet, why are you so excited? Don't ask for trouble."

"Isn't this asking for trouble? This is related to our own interests."

"Isn't it just a few dollars?"

"Where do you think the money you spend comes from? Isn't it earned by your parents?" I said to him a little angrily.

"Yes, yes, yes." He shook his head. "You are a saint, and I am an ordinary person. I cannot argue with you rationally. If you want to meddle in other people's business, you can do whatever you want. I can't control you."

"..."

I take care of it, and it's not a trivial matter.

.........................................

"So, does anyone have any questions?"

At the weekly class meeting, the head teacher always asks this question after finishing what he wants to say.

Even though no one asked any questions.

"Then..." The head teacher was about to announce the end of the class meeting when he suddenly noticed that I raised my hand.

"Is there a problem? Yisheji."

"Yes." I stood up quickly. "About half a month ago, the milk we ordered was shut down and can no longer be distributed. So I'd like to know what the school plans to do with the money. Will they look for another company or return the money to us?"

The head teacher didn't seem to expect it, no, I should say no one in the class expected me to say such a thing.

Even though this is the right question to ask, even though it is something that any one of us should have noticed, it became incredible in their eyes.

The class was very quiet, and the serious atmosphere made me feel a little guilty, even though I felt I had done nothing wrong.

"Ah, that's right." The homeroom teacher seemed to have just come to his senses. "The school has actually been discussing how to handle this matter for a long time, but there's been no conclusion. I wanted to wait until the school reached a specific conclusion before informing everyone, but I didn't expect Yi Sheji to raise the issue already. That's great. We should praise this spirit of identifying problems. Come, let's applaud him."

The head teacher led the applause, and then sparse applause could be heard all around.

I could only sit down awkwardly.

Isn't this answer too perfunctory? It took more than a month to discuss such a small matter? Then the people responsible for the discussion are either extremely inefficient or a bunch of idiots.

"Are you satisfied now? Does it feel good to be in the spotlight?" As soon as the get out of class was over, he came over and patted me on the shoulder.

"I'm not doing this to show off. I'm doing this for your benefit."

"Oh, thank you so much."

"Heh..." I smiled bitterly helplessly.

"Well done, Yi Sheji." Our squad leader said this to me in a strange tone and then went out.

"Look, the monitor has something against you too. You'd better stay out of other people's business."

"..."

"I feel like I need to bring this up again."

"Really? You're still bringing this up? What good will this do you? Didn't you see that the homeroom teacher and monitor didn't look too happy..."

"But this is for everyone's benefit, because their parents have a hard time making money. I don't think we can withhold justice just because of the class teacher and monitor."

Then I heard a sentence. It was the first time I heard such a harsh voice that it still echoes in my mind today.

"Serving justice? Do you really think you're a hero?"

You really think you're a hero.

Do I really think I'm a hero?

I don’t know if I am a hero, but I know that at that moment, my heart was shaken.

................................

"Teacher, you called me?"

After receiving the notice from the class monitor, I went to the head teacher's office.

"Sheji, come in." She called me over warmly and took out a paper bag from the drawer.

"Here, your money."

I took the paper bag, opened it and took a look. It was indeed the money for ordering milk.

Hmm? That's not right...

"What about the others?" I asked her.

"Ah? Why do you care what other people do? Don't you just want your money back? Now I'm giving it back to you, but remember not to tell anyone else."