I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Unless that person's luck is extremely bad.

And I am the one who has the worst luck.

【Love】Long drought meets rain

Now, after an absence of many years, school has finally arrived for summer vacation. But for the bean sprouts, peppers, and other crops that were growing beautifully in the fields, it spells disaster. The scorching sun becomes even more intense in the summer months. Excessive heat and ultraviolet rays can burn skin and evaporate moisture from crops.

Perhaps, having always had bad luck, I should have chosen an industry that wasn't so reliant on luck. I should have realized long ago why agriculture is so important yet so often forgotten: not only because it requires manpower and resources, but more importantly, it's an industry that relies solely on nature for its survival, whether it's drought or flood. No matter what, even with the rain bomb, not a single drop of water falls when the sky should be clear.

“…Really…”

Maybe I should have made a different choice.

......

At first, she just asked me to try designing some conceptual things. Yes, she was so audacious as to let a middle school student, who had no relevant knowledge, interfere with the concept design of her own products. She is the most audacious and charming woman I have ever met.

“Although it reveals the immaturity of a young designer, it can be put to practical use with a little polish.”

When my work was evaluated in this way, it seemed like I had just realized my own value for the first time.

Thanks to her, I was able to earn my first substantial income while still in high school. How should I put it? Is this what it feels like to turn your creative ideas into money? It doesn't feel very real.

But this was just the beginning. She seemed deeply interested in me... Although I didn't know if she was using me for something, my curiosity about the world above led me to follow her to many places and participate in many things... The magnificent banquet hall, the luxury cars worth millions, the meltwater I heard came from the snowy mountains, the ingredients I had never heard of before... These were all quite precious and new experiences for me, but...

"Three, two, one -"

My thoughts were interrupted by the sudden horn and the ineffective air movement that offered no relief. The earth, already dry and cracking, had finally been covered with water pipes pierced with small holes. If there were no rain, we'd have to water the fields ourselves... but even that wouldn't offer much relief.

I never thought that the unexpected summer showers would one day make me miss them so much.

"If this continues...it really won't work..." "Looks like we'll have to cut production..."

No matter how much I prayed or hoped, the sky showed no sign of darkening each day. The water in the nearby pond was still sufficient, but it would only last a day or two... Ultimately, we can't change the will of nature, can we? There are always things we can't change, and I should have understood that long ago.

...

"You're still hiding something from me..."

When the things she introduced to me changed from simple business and her usual life to things that only she knew, I almost noticed the change in her mood.

"Really? You always notice the slightest changes in others." She swung aimlessly on the park swing. "But I always hesitate about whether I should tell you. Even though I know you'll notice, I still can't bring myself to stop seeing you... It's really strange."

"..don't see me anymore...wait, what happened?"

"After graduation, I will go abroad to study."

"What...what? Don't scare me...I thought it was something serious. Turns out it's just like this..." It was much better than what I had imagined in my mind.

"Whether you can come back later is another matter. After completing your studies, you might come back and marry someone you've only met a few times but have no interest in."

“…Is that so…I see…I see…”

What's going on? Why is this sudden feeling of reluctance rising within me? Why is it so? What kind of relationship do we have that would make me so shaken after hearing all this?

"The state..."

"But, but there's nothing we can do about it, right? After all... after all, you're a young lady, and a very powerful one... while I'm just an ordinary person with no talent and a humble background..."

I can't change anything, and I have no power. I can only go with the flow of reality. This is my fate.

"To me, you are not an ordinary person."

She suddenly stood up and spoke to me very seriously.

"..Isn't it? No, no, don't consider my feelings..Actually, I always think I'm very ordinary."

"So if you think that way, I should be an ordinary person too, right? After all, I can't even control my own destiny, right?" Tears welled up in her eyes, which usually hid some scheme, for the first time. "...No, it would be great if I could be as ordinary as you. If I were ordinary enough, wouldn't I be able to devote myself wholeheartedly to something like falling in love with you?"

"...Huh?" This was the first time I'd heard of this. "Wait, this...huh? Why?"

"Why? Don't you like me?"

"..Of course I like it."

Let’s ignore her background for now. Just from the last time I spent with her, after I fully understood her true image, I fell deeply in love with her most authentic side.

"..Really? What do you like about me?"

"I don't know..." It's hard to explain this. "Maybe I just liked your appearance the first time. Because you are indeed more beautiful than any girl I know..."

"...The first thing you mention is appearance?"

"Of course... Of course! It's always right to focus on appearance, right? Besides, when selling products, don't you need to look at the appearance first and then focus on performance?" I had to defend myself.

"...I always feel that saying this to a person is a bit..."

"It...it doesn't matter! Anyway...I just like everything about you...even though I thought you were a bit troublesome at first. But as I got to know you better and began to discover the hidden side of you that no one else knew, my admiration for you grew stronger and stronger."

This feeling has nothing to do with material things, nor is it based on the opposite sex... If I had to put it bluntly, it's a resonance of soul and mind. I don't just love her unique beauty, but I love the feeling she shows me, the feeling of a soul that can accompany me for a lifetime.

"...So, if I had no background, no family, no good looks, nothing at all... would you still like me?"

"....meeting."

"Why did you hesitate?"

"Because I tried to imagine... you not being beautiful. But I still couldn't imagine it. Maybe if we had another chance, our story would be a little different, but I wouldn't rule out meeting you. That's the only thing I can be sure of..."

No matter what, I will always keep this feeling for you. Until the day I know I no longer need to keep it for you... but I sincerely hope I won't know. Whether it's ten or twenty years, I hope that day will never come again.

"It's... so nice to meet you."

"I feel the same way... Thank you for teaching me so much, and thank you for enriching my life... Thank you so much." I don't know how to describe my feelings right now. Even though I knew we were going to break up, I didn't have the slightest desire to change the outcome... Because I knew from the beginning that my personality was so different from hers, and because of this, being together was actually an anomaly.

"The state..."

Her call.

"Ok?"

I lowered my head due to depression, but when I heard her suicidal call, I raised my head. Suddenly, I felt a warm and slightly moist feeling on my mouth... Her cherry-colored lips were pressed tightly against mine.

"..Remember, your first kiss is not from anyone else, but from me—Rin Hanekawa!"

"I know...I will never wash this mouth with muddy water."

...

So hot.

It was Christmas Eve when I said goodbye to her. No matter how passionate the love was, it could not withstand the cold wind blowing on the street and the snowflakes that followed.

"..Did I fall asleep..."

Constantly moving tools, constantly observing the growth of crops, constantly praying and hoping... Under so much pressure and the pressure of waking up early, my body finally chose to fall asleep in this furnace-like environment. It seems that when people are truly sleepy, they will fall asleep no matter what... and I just happened to dream about that time.

After wiping the sweat that was about to drip into my eyes with the torn towel around my neck, I stood up from the extremely hot concrete floor and looked at the vast world.

Before she left, she asked me what I planned to do after graduation.

At first, I didn't have any idea, so I didn't respond.

She suggested that I become a designer, no matter what I designed...I have the talent anyway, and I can make money quite easily with this talent.

However, after agreeing to her request, I didn't reciprocate. This was because she was the one who discovered this talent, not mine. And, for some reason, when I experienced the convenience that money brought, I actually felt a little bored.

Money isn't everything, so I still love it, and I'll continue to work tirelessly to acquire more. However, the meaning of money isn't all that important to me either... because money can't buy the most precious things in human life. Whatever a person deems most precious, they can't buy it.

The day she left was graduation season. Holding her high school diploma, feeling lost, she somehow found herself near the flower garden she had devoted herself to for three years.

However, no matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't find a successor, not even one, not even one who had no interest in this. The younger generation, increasingly burdened with academic performance, would not invest the time in studying, let alone have the leisure and elegance to water that small garden.

So, as I stood nearby, I realized the flowers had been dug up by the roots. They were scattered pointlessly, destined for the trash at some point, or left to rot in the soil. Could memories, thought irreplaceable, actually be uprooted?

Not knowing how to deal with my inner depression, I finally decided to stay here. This town is not very prosperous, and there is a relatively backward village in the distance. There are hundreds of acres of farmland there, and my distant relatives manage it there.

Actually, I don't dislike the land, I just fear trouble. However, after being with a woman like that, all the troubles no longer seem troublesome.

So I didn't choose a relatively easy career as a designer as she expected. Instead, I applied to an agricultural university. Until now, I still don't know whether I decided to come here after careful consideration or on impulse.

But I just feel that as long as I stay here, I won't be shaken by external things. Yes, in fact, my heart often wavers, my will is not firm, and sometimes I am even very weak.

But as long as I stay here, I can often recall her. As long as her image in my heart has not faded, I will not fall in love with anyone else again.

...

"...the pond has also dried up."

Finally, the day arrived. The fish in the pond had all died because the water level had dropped so drastically. A fishy stench filled the air near the pond. Yet, the sun continued to shine brightly, its warmth unfazed by the slightest awareness of harming plants or people.

Are the bean sprouts waiting anxiously for the next year? Just like me.

Even though it would rain, and even though she might come back, fate was like that. Even with so many probabilities, what happened would happen, and what didn't happen, even with an 80% chance of rain, would never happen.

"..Ah..." I closed my eyes in slight pain.

Was it because of the production cuts? Or was it because sweat trickled into my eyes before I realized it? Or perhaps, realizing I'd never see her again, my heart had become like those withered leaves...

"Huhu——"

"!"

Suddenly, a different kind of wind blew in from the end of the road. It was a strong enough breeze to dispel the heat, and it was accompanied by a sultry atmosphere.

Then came the rumble of thunder and the rapid spread of dark clouds across the sky. Summer showers, always so fierce, came and went... I never thought I would look forward to this familiar scene so much in my lifetime.

"... Rain more, rain more..."

The chaotic raindrops pounded fiercely on every part of my body, bringing with them a sense of coolness and hope... and a feeling akin to escaping a desperate situation, something very close to a miracle.

Will she come back too?

Standing in the rain and refusing to move, I seemed to hear a strange sound mixed in with the sound of the rain.

“Ding Di—”

The honking of car horns should have been inconspicuous amid the chaotic downpour, but to me, it was particularly piercing. My heart, like a withered leaf, seemed to be soaked with moisture.

Confess, then prepare to confess

When did it start?

As I blankly felt the slightly cold breeze blowing on my face, the past events that I had experienced appeared in my confused mind one after another.

Whether it was a smile etched with tears or a departure filled with mystery... all kinds of farewells. Looking back, those people who were important to me seem to have been gone for ages.

Those things should have been my own experiences, but when I was alone, I began to question whether they were real. Maybe I really had a broken head... I began to question the existence of everything.

The existence of the past, the existence of others, and my own existence. And the meaning of the existence of all these things.

If someone could understand what I'm thinking, they'd probably complain that I haven't done enough homework. But is obsessing over something really a good thing? If you focus solely on one thing... you'll inevitably overlook other things.

"...homework...so troublesome." With a helpless sigh, my eyes returned to reality. "...after that comes the college entrance examination, then university, then finding a job...buying a house, getting married, raising children...hmm."

I muttered to myself, and then it dawned on me.

Isn't this clearly arranged?

First, confess, then prepare to confess

"But that's what a normal person's life is like."

"Eh?"

I originally asked Ye Hui out to relax, but after I told him about my troubles, I got such a simple answer.

How should I put it, I'm a little disappointed.

"Sheji, what are you confused about? It's the same for everyone, right? Isn't this the meaning of life?" Ye Hui frowned and a puzzled expression appeared on his face.

"I don't think so."

You are just a high school student, why do you say such realistic things? You should be more imaginative! You are the kind of girl who gives people a dreamy feeling, why do you say things that are so inconsistent with your image?

"Only Sheji would have such weird thoughts all day long." As she said this, she leaned towards me, and her soft black hair emitted a fragrance as it swayed.

It seems different from the shower gel, shampoo, and other things I used before? Did I run out of them? ...No, why should I care about this?

"Really? I think I'm pretty normal."

"How dare you say such a thing?" Ye Hui's steps suddenly stopped. I was forced to stop as well, my eyes turning to her face. Although Ye Hui, who usually seemed to always smile at me, was smiling at this moment, I could clearly sense the dissatisfaction deep within her heart.