mygo, but Cthulhu

"Xiangzi, is what Ruomai said true?"

"That's indeed the truth... But listen to me, Hailing, I also have my reasons. It's hard for me to say this out loud... I really didn't mean to lie on purpose, but I accidentally lied when I came to my senses... I'm sorry."

Xiangzi trembled and explained hurriedly, while Hailing nodded silently.

"Well, I think I can understand you. I was also afraid to tell the truth to Li Xi before... It's normal to find it difficult to face pain. If you had chosen not to tell me at the time, I certainly wouldn't blame you."

"It's great that you understand..."

"But lying and concealing something are two different things. Lying to a friend is different from lying to a bandmate."

Hachiman Hailing interrupted her softly, looked up at her calmly, and Xiangzi was stunned.

"And after that heartfelt conversation, you were the first to assure us that the new avemujica wouldn't hide anything or deceive us. You said the five of us were all trustworthy companions... But then, instead of honestly admitting your difficulty in speaking, you broke your promise and chose to deceive us. That's two different things."

"..."

Toyokawa Shoko opened her mouth weakly, but didn't know what to say for a moment. As Hailing said, if she didn't want to talk about her past at that time, she could have kept it to herself, but deceiving... this was indeed another concept.

"What are you talking about? Why does the atmosphere feel a little... Xiangzi, what's wrong with you?"

At this time, Chu Hua also noticed the situation here and walked into the room. She was stunned when she saw Xiangzi's pale face, and ran over worriedly. Before Xiangzi could answer, a weak but calm voice suddenly sounded,

"Xiang's deception of them was discovered... I actually think this is not good because, as Xiang said before, avemujica shouldn't just be a tool to make money, but for all five of us together."

"Mu? Are you awake?"

Toyokawa Shoko turned to look at Mu in surprise, and the latter's body had been completely restored. She nodded gently, then got up from the bathtub, put on her clothes and spoke softly,

"Xiang, I'm fine now, you don't have to worry about me... Let's talk about this matter first."

"Okay... let me explain the situation to Chuhua first,"

Toyokawa Shoko sighed and whispered an explanation to Chuhua, who couldn't help but frown after hearing it, and turned a slightly dissatisfied look towards Ruomai and Hailing.

"Gentlemen, I understand your perspective, but aren't you overreacting a bit? This is Xiaoxiang's past, something she doesn't want to talk about. Isn't it normal for her not to say no to you?"

"I've already told you that you can choose not to say it, but cheating is another matter."

Hachiman Hailing shook her head slightly, and Xiangzi

Her expression also became somewhat painful. She sighed and prepared to bow her head to apologize, but Chu Hua couldn't help but grit her teeth when she saw this scene. She felt annoyed and her ears became noisy. Her tone couldn't help but become cold.

"Really? Deception is another matter. Miss Black Wolf, with her outstanding performance, is truly able to ignore her past actions... You've used deception and temptation countless times, and all to kill innocent people. Xiaoxiang just subconsciously doesn't want to talk about the pain of the past. What right do you have to blame her?"

"..."

Hachiman Hailing pursed her lips with an obscure expression, and Xiangzi also frowned and looked at Chuhua fiercely.

"Chu Hua, how can you say that? Did Hai Ling have any other choice at the time? Apologize to her quickly, otherwise..."

"No, let her speak, Xiangzi,"

Hailing shook her head, then stood up and walked to Chuhua, staring into her eyes seriously.

"She's also a member of Mujica. I don't think forcing her to shut up will solve the problem. It's better for everyone if we talk it out."

"Hailing, I apologize to you on her behalf. Chuhua didn't mean to..."

"Xiang, stop talking and give them some space."

Ruoye Mu couldn't help but sigh at this time, and Xiangzi stopped talking hesitantly after being stunned for a moment. Chuhua glanced at her and pursed her lips. When she was about to bow her head to apologize, Hailing's voice sounded first.

"Sanjiao Chuhua, I think it would be better for you not to blindly follow Xiangzi's request now. I don't accept such hypocritical words. I just hope you can speak from your heart instead of worrying about Xiangzi."

"What can you understand? Xiaoxiang's opinion is the most important to me..."

"If you insist that Shoko's opinions are more important than your own, even at the cost of suppressing your true feelings, then you are not a member of Mujica, but a dog of Toyokawa Shoko."

Hai Ling interrupted her softly. Her words were beyond everyone's imagination and made them stunned for a moment. Chu Hua was also stunned for a moment. After realizing what she said, he laughed in anger and stared at her with gritted teeth.

"What did you say?"

"I say, everyone in Mujica should have freedom of expression, and you shouldn't care only about Toyokawa Shoko's opinion on everything. If that's the case, what are you to us? A pet who blindly fawns over Toyokawa Shoko?"

"Oh, so what if I'm a pet? I'm willing to do so. As long as I can be with Xiaoxiang, I don't care what I am."

"Well, that's your freedom, but if you insist, I won't recognize you as a member of mujica. If you are, then I won't recognize such a mujica."

Hachiman Kailing nodded calmly, and Toyokawa Shoko suddenly realized that something was wrong. She stood up and hurriedly tried to grab Kailing's hand, but the latter turned around and walked out the door first.

"Wait, Hailing, don't..."

"I'm sorry, Xiangzi. This is my conclusion after communicating with her. I sympathize with her past, but I can't acknowledge someone just because of sympathy... If she's still like this, I don't want to call her a companion. Goodbye."

Hachiman Hailing closed the door, and Chuhua suddenly realized that she seemed to be in trouble. She looked at Xiangzi nervously, but the latter just lowered his head and her expression could not be seen, which made her even more panicked.

"Xiaoxiang, I'm sorry, I, I didn't mean it."

"...No, you don't have to apologize to me. You just spoke your mind."

After a moment of silence, Toyokawa Shoko sighed deeply. She turned to look at Ruomai and was about to say something, but the latter, with a frown on his face, also stood up from his chair and looked at Chuhua with a complicated look.

"Xiangzi, I know what you want to say. Forget about the apology... Although I'm different from Haizi and don't really care whether Sanjiao Chuhua is your pet or a human being, I also have questions I must ask her."

After finishing speaking, Ruomai walked up to Chuhua and spoke softly with a tired tone,

"Chuhua, I know that in your heart, Xiangzi is definitely the most important person in Mujica, but how important are the others to you? How do you view us?"

"..."

Chu Hua looked at Xiangzi hesitantly, and the latter sighed tiredly and weakly, and waved his hand gently.

"No matter what you think, tell the truth, Chuhua."

"...I think you and the others are people Xiaoxiang cares about, so of course you are important too."

Hearing what Xiangzi said, Chuhua pursed her lips and spoke slowly, trying to ease the atmosphere without lying, but Ruomai quickly understood her implied meaning.

"So, if Xiangzi doesn't care about us, you won't care about us either. If Xiangzi regards us as enemies, you will kill us immediately without asking why, right?"

"..."

Chu Hua was silent, and Ruomai got the answer from her silence. She sighed deeply, then closed her eyes and tried hard to suppress the urge to cry. She wanted to open her mouth to say something but found it difficult to make a sound, and fell heavily into the chair.

"Ruomai..."

Xiangzi hurriedly wanted to speak to comfort her, but Yutenji Wakamu raised his hands to cover his face, gritted his teeth and shook his head hard, his voice trembling.

"Don't say that, Xiangzi. I've been so stupid all along... After my brother died, I didn't know where my home was. When you said such beautiful words, I couldn't help but think that you might be the ones I could rely on... I'm sorry, I was so stupid."

"avemujica...is not my home. Chuhua follows you unconditionally. If Yemu is also your other half, then there is no place for me here...I would be too naive to think that Chuhua could truly care about me."

"Ruomai, don't say that. I care about you. There is definitely a place for you here..."

When Toyokawa Shoko heard her words, her pupils suddenly contracted. She eagerly grasped Ruomai's hand, but Ruomai shook it off with tears streaming down her face. She couldn't help but raise her voice and yelled,

"If you're the only one who cares about me, how can we be considered avemujica?! If Chuhua says that, how can I deceive myself and stay here? If it weren't for you, she wouldn't even look at me straight in the eye. How can we be considered companions?!"

"No, that's not the case. Chuhua...she's just too dependent on me because of the past. She will definitely be able to become friends with you...Mu, hurry up and say something. You care about Ruomai too, right?"

Xiangzi's mind was in a mess at this time. She kept begging anxiously, and subconsciously turned her head to look at Mu, who lowered his head. Mu also looked up at her with a complicated expression.

"Xiang, do you want me to tell the truth?"

"Of course I'm telling the truth...otherwise what's the point?"

"The truth is... I don't really care about Ruomai, although not as much as Chuhua, but between her and Xiang, I would choose Xiang."

"..."

The room fell into silence, and Shoko Toyokawa felt dizzy. She knelt weakly on the ground and saw that it had started raining heavily outside the window... just like the day she quit crychic.

She barely mustered the strength to look up at Ruomai, only to find that she was just silently lowering her head, her whole body shrouded in a sense of depression.

"Xiangzi...you heard it too. I think there's no reason for me to stay in Avemujica anymore."

“No, wait.

", Ruomai, it's strange that you say that. You're a member of Avemujica. When I invited you, you agreed without much thought. This shows that you definitely care..."

"I agreed to this because I was hired by the Toyokawa family to monitor you. My work as a streamer was just a cover-up for the hacking side of things, and I wasn't short of money... Later on, the reason I stayed here was, as I just said, naively believing this place could become my second home."

Yutenji Wakamu silently began to pack up her things, and Xiangzi hurriedly got up from the ground in panic. She wanted to persuade him tremblingly, but after a moment she heard a cold voice that made her heart stop.

"But now I know it's impossible... I'd better quit avemujica. There's no point for me to stay here anymore."

"...Huh? Ruomai...what did you just say?"

Toyokawa Shoko opened her eyes wide, and Ruomai sighed and repeated it again in a cold tone.

"I said, I want to quit avemujica."

"But... you're the drummer. Even though we haven't played together in a long time, how can this song be complete without you?"

Shoko Toyokawa squeezed out a trembling voice. She knew she had started to cry, but she could no longer control her emotions.

... Her father committed suicide because of her misunderstood scolding, and her mother hated her from the beginning and ended her own life because she could not stand her... It seemed that she should not have been born from the beginning, and she seemed to only bring disaster to those around her.

When she wanted to commit suicide, she was saved by Deng. The warmth brought by the gray-haired girl was indeed one of the reasons why she was able to hold on, but avemujica was also one of the few pieces of driftwood that she could hold on to.

They had performed together on stage, enacted the worldview she had written, and shared their emotions through music. They had conflicts as they discovered the hidden horrors of this world, but they had also been able to forgive each other, to face danger together, to support each other and persevere. Weren't they... important companions? Weren't they... her new family? Why... had everything suddenly fallen apart?

"Even without me, you can still play, right? Wouldn't it be easy to find a new drummer?"

The cold voice brought Xiangzi back to reality. She stared at Yutenji Wakamu, but after the latter finished speaking, he picked up his bag and turned away, not caring about the heavy rain outside.

"No! Ruomai!"

Toyokawa Shoko instinctively rushed forward and grabbed her sleeve, and Yutenji Wakami had to stop and sighed tiredly.

"Ms. Toyokawa, do you have anything else to say?"

"Ruomai, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I apologize to you on behalf of Chuhua and Mu. Please don't leave. My father committed suicide because of my fault, and my mother was in so much pain because of my ignorance... I have lost too much... I really can't live without avemujica. If you leave, I really..."

"It's really ugly to be pestering like this, Ms. Toyokawa. Can you come to your senses? Your avemujica never belonged to me, and you can't apologize to me on their behalf... and I don't need that kind of apology. Let me go."

Yutenji Wakamu shook her head and increased her strength to try to pull her hand away, but Toyokawa Shoko was helpless at this time. She cried in pain, and scenes of her childhood flashed through her mind. She suddenly realized that all that happiness was false, and it was all wailing and hatred under the mask of her mother's smile.

...Her existence has always been hurting others. Her self-righteous persistence and pride are nothing. They failed to help her perceive her father's pain, failed to make her discover her mother's torment, and failed to help her discover the problems within Mujica earlier, allowing the situation to develop to the irreversible point it is now.

…She was a child who should not have been born, and avemujica was the only reason for her existence now…For such warmth to continue to exist, for her to protect her home, what did it matter if her useless and ridiculous dignity was shattered?

"Boom,"

Under the incredulous gazes of Mu and Chuhua, Toyokawa Shoko knelt heavily on the ground. She begged and desperately held Ruomai's hand tightly, screaming and roaring desperately, trying to keep the only thing she created.

"Ruomai! Ruomai! Don't go! You are an indispensable member of Avemujica! If you leave, Mujica will no longer be complete... As long as you don't leave, I am willing to do anything for you, please..."

She cried hysterically and hugged Ruomai's arms desperately. The latter was stunned by her sudden kneeling action. Her pupils suddenly contracted and Ruomai's face twisted. She looked down at the unfamiliar Toyokawa Shoko. At this moment, she felt indescribable absurdity and disappointment. The last bit of nostalgia for Mujica in her heart was completely shattered.

"Anything...anything?"

"That's right, I'm willing to do anything, as long as you're willing to come back and continue to be Mujica's drummer..."

"Wake up! Toyokawa Shoko! You don't know what you're talking about!"

Yutenji Wakamai suddenly roared, and Xiangzi was stunned. She looked at Wakamai in confusion, and the latter also sighed deeply.

"Willing to do anything... You shouldn't say that to me, Xiangzi. I know you've endured a lot of pain, and maybe you feel your parents' suicide is your fault, but you shouldn't torture yourself over it. It won't have a good outcome."

"Even though your life wasn't expected from the beginning, you've still grown to this day, Xiangzi. You have to learn to be strong. You can't take avemujica as your entire meaning, because this world is cruel. It can easily shatter what you want to protect... You have to learn to shoulder the responsibility of your own life, even if you hate it."

"I left only because my previous expectations were too foolish. It's my fault, you don't have to blame yourself... Besides, even if you said that, you can't really fulfill my ridiculous delusion. If you can't do it... don't ask for it casually."

After saying that, Youtian Ruomai no longer hesitated, shook off her hand, and strode towards the rain. Toyokawa Xiangzi didn't have time to think about her words, and subconsciously rolled and crawled to hug Ruomai's calf, and continued to beg and shout in a hoarse voice.

"Don't go, Ruomai! What you said... I can't do any of it! How can I bear the consequences of my own life?! I've been hurting my mother since I was born, how can I not hate myself?! I'm such a ridiculous guy, my self-esteem so far has only been used to hurt others... How can I not regard avemujica as my home!"

"..."

Yutenji Ruomai sighed exhaustedly, lowered her head to meet Xiangzi's tearful and painful eyes, and spoke slowly and softly with great bitterness,

"You... your mind is full of yourself."

"Eh?"

Xiangzi opened her eyes wide in confusion, and the next moment Yutenji Wakamu took out a tube of sedative and stabbed it hard into her arm, then broke free from her restraints again and walked into the heavy rain.

"Jomai! Jomai! You can't leave! You are the drummer of Avemujica, and you also played our songs. You can't..."

Toyokawa Shoko desperately wanted to catch up, but was immediately pulled back by Chuhua and Mu. She reached out to the heavy rain hysterically, and her father's hanging corpse flashed before her eyes.

The body of his mother, her smiling body lying in the blood-stained bathtub, and himself, who was extremely angry and strangled his father's throat, and himself, who was laughing heartily in the pain that his mother was trying so hard to suppress.

"Why... can you so shamelessly enjoy that kind of bloody happiness, Toyokawa Shoko, why, do you have the nerve to live until now, Toyokawa Shoko..."

She cursed softly while trembling, tears streaming down her face as she desperately tried to grab her childish self and tear apart that stupid and hateful figure, but the next moment, her consciousness was swallowed by darkness and she fell into bottomless regret.