Super Dimensional Injustice Exchange Group

But I remember.

When I was admitted to the mental hospital, due to misunderstandings, personality, and pressure, I had a shadow on everything during that period. I have a shadow on people. Because people always feel comfortable hurting others, and then blame everything on others. They will believe in what is good for them. They will not cherish what they have, and will regret and feel bad after losing it.

Human beings are so selfish.

For example, when I said I had a headache, no one cared why I had a headache.

I said I wanted to vent, but no one cared why I needed to vent, why I vented to him, because I was really angry about someone I knew at the time. He did something I could not forgive or tolerate. The person who tied the bell must untie it.

But I didn't tell anyone in the end. I apologized and went to a mental hospital. After I came out, I didn't want to get along with them anymore. Because he did indulge me a lot at that time, and I did a lot of things that let him down. I felt guilty and kept silent. I didn't tell anyone, but analyzed everything one by one. I wrote a letter to scold him and vent my anger, but I still asked someone to send him the Bio-3re.

People only believe in things that are beneficial to themselves, speculate, fantasize, and avoid their own roles, thinking that what they did was nothing special, instead of pulling out the evidence one by one, looking at the facts, and seeing what kind of mistakes they made and what kind of harm they caused to others. I was the same in the past.

So does everyone else.

For example, my family always thought that I didn’t continue my studies because I played games. But I have said more than once that it was because my family forced me to bow to those two scumbag teachers that I hated studying. But before that, even if I went to the Internet cafe, my grades didn’t fall too much, and I didn’t sleep in class. I couldn’t listen.

My parents always thought that my emotional breakdown was caused by playing games, without considering that games are one of my rare interests and a rare channel for me to release stress. But when I was having fun playing games, they would come and knock on the door, saying that I was making too much noise.

My family always wanted to keep me with them in Ningbo, but they forgot that I was a left-behind child and was used to being alone.

It's not just my family.

This is a friend I met seven years ago. He always thought that I deleted him because we didn't discuss novels together, not because I told him that I was depressed and he told others behind my back that I was faking it. I had just returned from the hospital, but he made me go back to the hospital because of what he said. My moderate depression turned into severe depression after that time, and I also showed signs of schizophrenia.

He stubbornly believed that this incident was also my fault because I treated him badly at that time, so he felt that I was also bad to the person I met.

Because I was the one apologizing, I felt it was my fault.

I felt that I could really look at all this from a reasonable perspective, instead of investigating and collecting evidence on the spot. I also forgot to say who was his friend.

Because I claimed to be mentally ill, they thought I was mentally ill. They didn't see that my mental state had been stable for a long time and I didn't take any medicine.

They stubbornly believe that wild animals will hurt people, and no one actually considers that wild animals are actually more afraid of people. Unless they are forced into a corner, they will not do anything to people.

People are like this. They only believe in things that are good for them. Because that way, they won't feel guilty or uncomfortable. People's prejudices are like a mountain.

For example, my space is full of depressing posts, and people think I am a very depressing person. But no one will look at them, and the interval between posts may be several months or half a year.

For example, the most taboo thing in writing a novel is to write a book based on the suggestions of readers. Who are the people who write a book based on the suggestions of readers? Why?

Because most readers just read books silently, if they don't like it, they delete it and look for the next one, but they don't like to speak out. These readers who like to speak out don't represent the feelings of the majority. If you change your writing style to accommodate the readers' feelings, you will ignore another group of readers. Or most readers have their own opinions, so who will you listen to? Unless it's really a bloody and poisonous plot, you still have to write according to your own rules.

People only see what is visible. They forget what is invisible. Or they see it but ignore it.

I am afraid of such people.

But it is impossible to really say that everyone is bad.

After all, my family members would care about me, clean up my mess, ask me how I was, and bring me delicious food. So when I was a kid, I hated my family members, but I won’t do that when I grow up.

Although I would be annoyed when hearing the voices of my family members, I would still talk to them in a nice way. I would be annoyed when I heard Chen Jietao knocking on the door when I was sleeping, but I would still open the door and tell him to bring the key. Because my brother would also ask me to cook noodles and dumplings for him. So I also bought toys when I returned from Beihai.

That's how life is. So I don't hate my family. It's my family who cares about me and does things for me. This matter has nothing to do with my family. I spend most of my time in Beihai. My family doesn't put any pressure on me because even if they don't call me, I will come back from Beihai.

It's not that I had any conflicts with my roommate. We got along very well. Although we had different opinions, we didn't argue much. Benzi thought I was a bit stubborn about some things. But I didn't argue with him either.

The main reason is that my roommate is also in a bad mood and often depressed. I don't dislike this kind of thing, but if even my mood becomes so bad, what will happen to everyone?

I'm afraid of people.

So, after I got out, I didn’t interact with anyone for a year. Although I felt lonely, I went to Momo to find people to chat with, and when I went to comic conventions, I asked if anyone wanted to go with me. But when I actually found someone to go with, I found that being with people was even more annoying.

So, after I came out, I seldom took public transportation, I didn’t take the bus or the subway, I looked at my phone when I was walking on the road, if someone came from the side, I would leave a large distance, when I ate with people, I would sit opposite them, sit in the corner, and after shaking hands with people, I would wash my hands. I didn’t want to hear anyone’s voice.

No one noticed this.

At that time, I lived with two roommates. If they had kept a record, they would have found out. I hated physical contact with them. When I was at home, my family would tell me that I didn't close the door when I went to the toilet, but I would also be disgusted when I went to the toilet without closing the door in Beihai. I also hated when others used chopsticks to pick food from my bowl.

People scare me.

But I still patiently pieced together my life and pretended to be a normal person. I haven't had a happy day, but when I play games with others, I will laugh when they laugh. Some people say that my laughter is weird.

It doesn’t matter if I’m happy, I just want to live.

I don't want to remember anything from three years ago, so I lost a lot of interests. My heart would tighten when I saw a lot of things, so I don't play League of Legends, don't play music games, rarely go on Steam, and avoid playing games with people via voice chat, except for those who really know me well.

If you don't want to see it, avoid it.

I got annoyed staying at home with other people and having no private space, so I ran away to live.

If you like someone, delete them.

Just live your life. Just survive. Don't want to make your family sad.

I didn't continue to go back online at first.

I told my dad that I wanted to learn to paint, and he signed me up for a class, but there were a lot of kids there, which bored me. He thought I was lazy and didn't paint, but actually I painted quite seriously when I was alone in that classroom.

What it boils down to is that people have a psychological shadow and they hate them from the bottom of their hearts.

So I told my dad that I wanted to get a cat, because I knew that the most trouble a cat would cause would be its physical body. Even if it would cut itself and produce a bad smell, it would still be better than being hurt by contact with people.

Encountering wild animals in the wild does not mean that one loses the will to live. Only when you are hurt by something done by others will you lose the will to live. I used to hate going to the wild because I hated insects. Later I found out that insects don't kill people.

In the end, my dad didn't let me keep a cat, so I went back to the Internet.

But human beings are prone to hurting others unintentionally.

I remembered a lot of things that happened in the past, and I felt that I was a jerk. I hurt a lot of people. So even if I go back online and other people look at me like a monster, I won't say anything. After all, I did something wrong.

For example, at that time, because my father didn’t allow me to play games, I gave the password to a friend, and then gave the password to Heiyue and asked him to tell that friend, but he didn’t tell him. Because I was depressed at the time, that friend blocked me for a while.

I feel bad too, but I know I did something wrong.

Because I am sad, I don't like to make others sad. Because I know it is uncomfortable to be treated that way, so I avoid doing it. I don't want to use the way others treat me to deal with others.

It's like a guilty conscience. So after I went online, I was very enthusiastic towards everyone I met. Sometimes I would go and say happy birthday to them. Although some people thought I had ulterior motives.

Yes. There are indeed ulterior motives. But it's not because I have any feelings for them. Most of the time it's out of guilt.

For example, I said happy birthday to a friend, and he didn't reply to me, but he forgot that he was the one who contacted me first, and I just wanted a py, and he was chatting. But I remember that there was a sentence when he was chatting with me that I couldn't connect with. I remember that when I was playing a game with him, I chose a vampire and pitted the bottom lane, which made my blood pressure soar.

There is an ulterior motive, just to make myself feel better.

Sometimes I feel like I'm very enthusiastic, but then I say a few words and then have nothing to say, because I don't really want to talk.

I don't hate one person, but I keep my distance from everyone equally. I hate everyone equally.

But we will still come into contact with people. After all, we live in society and it is difficult to say that we will not come into contact with others at all. Letting things develop on their own would be irresponsible, because we have our responsibilities involved. If we do not stop it, things will only get worse.

Just like a wound, if it is treated at the beginning, it will heal quickly. At first, it just needs to be cleaned and a band-aid applied. If it is left alone for a while, antibiotics may be needed. After a while, it will have to be completely removed. It may even affect your life. If it is not taken care of, the body will breed more germs and infect more people.

All this is because of neglect.

Leaving things alone will not make them better. They will only get worse over time.

I regretted many things in the past and felt that I was a jerk, so I was extra nice to my friends around me, saying blessings, treating them to meals, giving them gifts, and trying my best to help them.

Just let yourself feel that there is some meaning. Make yourself feel better. Even if you meet other strangers, you will want to help and explain.

I know very well that I don’t need such a thing as happiness.

My biggest idea was to live in a house by myself, have a cat, and if I wanted to, buy a doll. I don't want to have a wife. Those two-dimensional dolls cost about 20,000 yuan, which may be expensive and cold. But they won't hurt people like people, and won't disturb me when I'm sleeping.

I specifically asked the author's friend about this doll. Although it is heavy and difficult to use, it will not hurt people like a human.

People make me sick. They have hair, diseases, dandruff, mites, bacteria, goose bumps, skin, body odor, and excrement. And it's very different from my aesthetics. For example, I hate curly hair. There's no such thing as someone in real life who looks like the one in anime.

I don't need it myself, but I will try my best to help the people around me. Because I feel guilty about what I did before, I will be cautious and think about what to say and what not to say. I won't get close to anyone. I'm afraid of being messed up. I will abandon my feelings and always use my brain to think about things.

But I also know that the friends I made at that time will never come back. What I do now cannot make up for the sadness I caused others at that time.

It's just self-satisfaction.

I felt guilty towards many people, but I regretted it after a long time, and I couldn't find it.

So I will still make the lives of the people around me better, and make the world around us better and better.

To borrow a famous quote from Jotaro, communication between people's hearts is a wonderful thing, but if you are not careful it will leave behind residue, the residue called hatred.

But to be honest, I believe in reality and medicine more than the power of words. When Benzi said he was feeling bad, I asked him to send me his address, and I would fly directly to him to have dinner.

Everyone can brag, the important thing is how to do it. I used to brag a lot.

But now someone is depressed and others are comforting him, so I will comfort him while also admonishing him about the importance of medication.

Now let me tell you what happened to me.

I met someone in my roommates’ group. Her name is Bing Yuxin.

She was the first one to add me as a friend. I looked at her and felt that she looked familiar. I felt a little familiar and had some good feelings towards her.

But I didn't want to get to know him. Because rather than saying I liked him, I actually hated him. At that time, I didn't hate him for others, but just hated him for things in the past.

Just like the idiot I used to know, like the guy I met three years ago.

He took the initiative to add me as a friend. I told him that if he came close to me again, I would fuck him. It was indeed he who took the initiative to add me as a friend, otherwise, I would not have known what his friend verification was so late.

I thought this would scare him away.

Because he is different from other people in the group, he has some problems in his brain. I don't mean to say he is mentally retarded, or at least I don't want to call him that now.

He thought he was smart, but he was actually a fool.

Whenever other people in my roommate group added me as a friend, I would mention it to my roommate, but I didn't mention it when he added me.

Why? Is it annoying?

No.

Because if I tell my roommate, he will feel uncomfortable.

So I just wanted to scare him away. I wanted to handle the problem myself and not make others sad.

I'm not trying to scare him off the group, I just want him to stop messing with my mentality.

Regarding the misunderstanding that led to me being admitted to the mental hospital, others told me that I treated others as tools for sexual gratification, so they stayed away from me.

I was very sad at the time, but after I got out, I figured it out. If people say that, I might as well do it myself. When others think you are a pervert, you'd better be a pervert.

It's like when people think you have weapons of mass destruction, you'd better actually have them.

If others think I am a psychopath, then I will be a psychopath.

Anyway, I just need to not make my family sad and survive.

I just wanted him to stop messing with my mentality, but I couldn't really be cruel enough to drive him away.

So I found a notebook and wrote in the group to prove that I have depression and mental illness. If you get close to me again, I will really fuck you. Within three years, I will definitely fuck you. But as long as you find a girlfriend, I won't do it.

He said he didn't mind. So I let it go. I told him, if you can't find a girlfriend within three years, then we can just live together. I don't care about gender.

At that time, people in the group were saying that I was Xiao Yan.

He said he had a bad temper, but I didn't mind.

What I said above is true, but the emphasis is different from what most people think.

Let’s talk about this matter. What is the focus that most people hear?

I think I just want to spend my life with him. Actually, what I'm thinking is, you idiot, find a girlfriend and stop hanging around me. You're really annoying.

I really don't care about gender or beauty. Others may think that I really don't care and can accept both men and women, but my true thoughts are that no matter which side it is, I find it difficult to accept. I hate people.

I thought so at the time, but I wouldn't actually say it because it would be really hurtful.

At least that's not what I'd like to be told.

If we really want to live together, I will accept it.

People only believe in things that are beneficial to them.

But can you say, I don't consider him as a friend? No. I also hope he can find a girlfriend. I also won't say hurtful words. I won't tell the truth.

I hope everyone around me can live a better life. Including this idiot. I hope he can live a better life.

He didn't know that he had been making me angry from the beginning to the end since we met. He always managed to step on my weak spot.

When we were in the group, everyone thought that I had a very good relationship with him and that I was always coaxing him, but no one thought about why I was coaxing him.

Because other people won't act without thinking like this idiot. That's why I need to coax her.

I don't want others to look at him coldly, like they looked at me before, because that would be really uncomfortable.

Although I know he is an idiot (not a nickname, but the real meaning of the word idiot), I don't want him to be seen as an idiot.