I'm a weird expert in Japan

"here it is……"

Utaha Kasumigaoka stood in the parking lot, looking at the scattered cars.

"The parking lot is a bit far from where we are going. It would be more convenient to take a car than to walk, right?"

As he spoke, Lian opened the door of a sports car.

It took Shiyu a long time to react.

When she passed by the parking lot in the morning, she thought it was Lian who got a ride with Mr. Hanekawa.

Unexpectedly, the opposite was actually true.

With the abnormality in her body and the feeling that only this abnormal person in front of her could help her, she sat in the passenger seat as if relieved, and the car inevitably sank a little.

But this time Lian said nothing.

He drove out of the parking lot and onto the road without much skill.

On the street under the setting sun, the spring breeze blows towards you from the car window.

Shiyu's hair fluttered in the air as she stared at the street scene expressionlessly, then glanced at Lian who was driving.

"Who else knows about this?"

"I didn't say hello to anyone when I came out of school. Did you tell anyone?"

"…I mean your…uh, weight problem."

"No."

She kept the matter secret, otherwise, given her parents' personalities, they would definitely give up their work to take care of their daughter's "strange illness."

Even if this is not a simple "disease" at all.

"Have you been to the hospital for a checkup?"

“…I can’t do it.” Shiyu held down her flying hair.

In other words, instead of going for a checkup because of sudden weight gain, she would rather lose 90% of her body weight as mentioned in Lian's "story".

At least...it will feel better.

"Don't you trust doctors to keep secrets or something?"

"Probably." Shiyu replied casually.

"I can understand that. After all, there are always some strange doctors in this world. They are obviously very good, but give people the illusion that they are quacks." Lian said with deep sympathy.

"Ok?"

"I'm just talking to myself. Just forget it if you haven't seen similar examples."

"Example... I remember you just gave an example that was almost the same as mine." Shiyu looked at Lian with a little caution, "Did you speak like that because you already knew my situation?"

"No, I just picked it at random from several cases I know of."

"According to you, there are other situations?"

"Yes, there is no way to study 'weirdness', we can only understand it. The manifestations vary from person to person, from place to place, and from time to time." Lian said word by word, "Of course, this does not mean that weirdness will change. Weirdness is unchanging. It's just that there are many types of weirdness, and even weirdness experts cannot guarantee that they have seen them all. It's hard to say when a new weirdness will appear."

"Is it……"

"Sorry, the topic seems to have gone off track." Lian continued calmly, as if answering a question in class: "You just asked me about other situations. I didn't see most of them directly. After all, I was still a child at that time. Everything was just told to me as existing things."

"Is it inconvenient to talk now?"

"It takes a lot of time to talk about it." Lian's attitude was ambiguous, and she seemed to refuse to go deeper into the topic.

Shiyu keenly caught this emotion and decided to quit while she was ahead, "Where are we going? LOVEHOTEL?"

"Why is it that kind of place?" Lian almost choked, and the car bumped a few times. "Don't you want to solve your problem as soon as possible?"

"Is this what you're going there for now?"

"To be precise, I want to take you to see someone who can solve your problem." Lian took a deep breath, "My knowledge is very limited, so I need someone who can really analyze your situation."

Shiyu crossed her fingers on her hands, "Are you referring to the combination of the police officer and the vampire yesterday?"

"Even if you don't want to, you can only ask them for help." Lian stopped the car at the red light, "Don't worry, everything will be fine."

"Now that you mention it, I'm actually starting to feel uneasy." Shiyu shrank back, "Although I know that Mr. Utsunomiya has seen a lot and eaten a lot, I think my body is still worth a bit, which makes you want to team up with the police and vampires to commit crimes."

"You can tell dirty jokes to bats, but you still have such a strong sense of self-preservation."

"Women's attitude towards sex also varies. If they are in love with each other, they will not feel resentful even if the other party is ruthless; if they are not satisfied with the person, they will only feel tortured even if the other party is very gentle."

"…Are you really going to keep lecturing me on women's sexuality until we reach our destination? Then when we get off the bus, can we apply for a certificate of completion?"

"How annoying! You want to graduate from this kind of course?" Shiyu narrowed her eyes. "I can find a way to provide you with a practice opportunity, but it's a BL method."

"..."

"By the way, since I have never seen gay videos, I will probably watch it through monitors. And it will be 360 monitors with degrees without blind spots."

"Shut up." Lian reminded lightly.

"Angry?"

"No, I'm worried about you biting your tongue."

"Hey?"

Shiyu was stunned and leaned against the seat. Lian stepped on the accelerator and quickly increased the speed to a level where he might be stopped by the traffic police at any time.

The scenery on both sides almost became a blur. Shiyu closed her mouth tightly and didn't even have time to scream.

When Lian stopped the car, Shiyu got out almost trembling.

"Do you want to vomit? There's a paper bag in the car I can lend you."

Shi Yu's face turned pale, "Really... Can't you be gentler? This is my first time, and my legs can hardly stand."

"Do we have to talk about this kind of topic after racing?!" Lian said with a sad face.

He thought that everyone cherishes their lives, and after being scared once in the life-and-death race, Shiyu would at least be able to keep quiet for a few minutes.

Yet she was able to continue the conversation.

This woman... is very spirited!

"What a... beast." Shiyu leaned on the car window and stared at Lian with resentment across the roof.

"Shut up--" Lian held her head, feeling her brain begin to tremble, "Is this the time to make such a joke?"

"It's really not the right time..." Shiyu stood up, "I just ascended to heaven~~~~"

"That 'ascension' refers to biological death, right?"

"Hey hey hey-"

Shiyu laughed foolishly for a few times and then fell down.

Lian quickly climbed over the car and squatted down to check, only to find that Kasumigaoka Utaha seemed to have fainted.

It was remarkable that he didn't vomit, but he was able to say a few more dirty words before passing out again.

Has this guy's spirit entered the realm of God in some sense?

He poked Shiyu's face with his hand.

"...If you don't get up, I'm going to do this and that to you. For example, let ００ ００ a little bit, and then let me ００ or something like that."

"What on earth is ００ referring to?!"

Shiyu suddenly opened her eyes and grabbed Lian's hand.

"It's up to you to guess... Also, if you're awake, get up quickly and don't pretend to be dead here..."

Chapter 18 Chapter 1: Poisonous Tongue ()

Shijo Lian parked the car in a parking lot next to a donut shop.

After tricking Shiyu, who was pretending to be unconscious, into getting up, he took her into the store.

On the way, Shiyu brushed off the dust on her body and said in a resentful tone, "You really don't have the slightest gentlemanly manners."

"You're just pretending to be dead there." Lian glanced at Shiyu.

Shiyu turned her face away. She did have a sudden idea to play a trick on Lian, but she couldn't hold back when she heard Lian's speech.

"here it is……"

She looked up and saw the name of the shop, Mister Donut, which seemed familiar.

It was not until she followed Lian who pushed open the door and walked in that she immediately remembered that after solving the problem of Lian turning into a bat last night, Lian also went to the store with the same name but in a different location and bought a surprising number of donuts for Araragi Koyomi.

As the name suggests, this pastry shop specializes in donuts, but it also sells other desserts.

Customers can buy and go directly, or enjoy it in the store.

Now that school is over, you can see quite a few students.

Shiyu wondered if Lian was going to prepare another "tribute" before he went to meet Shinobu Oshino, but he walked straight towards a seat in a corner of the store.

The location is a bit hidden and cannot be discovered from the store entrance at first glance.

When Lian walked to the table, the short-haired adult woman who was sitting outside reading a book looked up.

"Oh, we're finally here, Shijo-kun."

The woman with short dark purple hair greeted Lian, who was younger than her, with ease.

Kasumigaoka Utaha recognized this person. It was this person who drove a Beetle to pick up the police after the incident was over last night.

——Kurogi Senjougahara, this is how Lian introduced her.

It seems that she is the Inspector's fiancée who is already engaged.

Shinobu Oshino was sitting next to her, holding donuts of different flavors in both hands and devouring them happily.

Even though he had known Araragi Koyomi and his group before he entered junior high school, a combination like this was still a very strange sight for Lian.

Senjougahara Kurogen & Oshino Shinobu.

When it comes to unimportant inside stories, Lian has always advocated that it is better to have less trouble than more.

only--

"Hasn't the replacement of the police department come yet?"

"Don't look at it. You will have to pay for whatever Miss Shinobu eats."

As Ren asked the question, Senjougahara reminded with a smile.

"Yes, yes—" Lian sat down opposite them, and Shiyu also sat down.

"Li has something to do today and can't meet on time, so I will accompany Miss Shinobu to contact you instead." Senjougahara closed the book and put it on the table.

"Things? Work?"

"I guess so. My father and his father want to meet my husband, and he is going there too." Senjougahara continued, and then added, "It seems to be some men's topic, I don't need to participate."

Lian was surprised. "Wait a minute, what do you mean by 'my husband'? You guys are not married yet, right?"

Facing his complaints, Senjougahara pinched his chin and said, "Let's just call it that for now. It's only a matter of time after all."

"Hey, hey..." Lian couldn't help but hold his forehead.

As for the topic of Senjougahara, Shinobu Oshino remained indifferent, as if she was not interested in their conversation and the delicious food in front of her was more worthy of her attention.

"Well, let me introduce you to this beautiful girl you brought with you." Senjougahara leaned forward, supported his chin with one hand and studied Shiyu. "Is it possible that we have met before somewhere?"

"Don't act like a playboy picking up girls in a bar, okay? You're still using the same old-fashioned rhetoric." Lian slumped her shoulders. "Although we did meet last night...although we were busy at the time and you didn't even say hello."

"Just kidding, I still remember it. Or rather, I remember it so well that it's like a book I just read."

Hearing what Senjougahara said, Lian couldn't help but lower her head to take a look at the paperback book wrapped in a book cover.

"Excuse me for a second. What book is Ms. Senjougahara reading?"

"Love Metronome, Kanhara recommended it to me a while ago, saying it's very good. It's really good as a time-killing read, and it can make people recall their high school days."

“Ahahahaha…” Lian glanced at Shiyu.