Longmen Memoirs

Tallulah stared at Alina.

"I will not bow my head," she said.

"Even if it mocks me, I will definitely burn it to ashes. No one can make me bow down, Alina."

Alina suddenly smiled.

"You look so silly now, Tallulah, unless you're an old man."

"Hey!"

"The old man won't look stupid when he says this." Under Tallulah's dissatisfied gaze, Alina suppressed her smile: "The old man won't look stupid when he says this."

"Because if you still insist on thinking this way when you are very, very old, it means that he has encountered too many things, and the bad marks left by the earth on him no longer allow him to spend the rest of his life in peace."

"...He is living in the desert of the past. If it were me, I wouldn't even have the courage to take the first step."

Because in the desert, he couldn't even leave any footsteps for himself. He walked far away, and when he looked back, he couldn't see anything but himself.

After walking so far, he even forgot why he chose to set out in the first place.

The rest of his life stayed in the desert of the past, looking for traces of someone, but what awaited him was just disappointment again and again and countless losses and compromises on himself.

Alina said slowly.

"If I were that old and arrogant, then every step I took would be poking myself with everything in the past. I can't even imagine how one can ensure that one is still there in that desert of memories and past. Go forward?"

"What kind of strong spirit will it take for them to take a new step, a newer step that is different from the past?"

Tallulah looked at Alina strangely as she said this.

"I always feel like you are alluding to someone." She raised her eyebrows and said.

"I said, I know a lot about him, but I really don't know Mr. Patriot, and I haven't said a word to him." Alina said, "If you say it's him, well, That’s him.”

"If Mr. Patriot..."

"The substitution was pretty quick." Tallulah couldn't help but speak.

"Cough cough."

Alina choked on her words and deliberately coughed twice.

She glanced at Tallulah, who was also looking at her.

"Unlike these old warriors, young people will forget, give up, and forgive themselves."

"So, you think I'm just fighting for everything I can see? Or, isn't this right?" Tallulah asked uncertainly.

"Compared with what you said to me when we left the village, it's too shallow." Alina replied: "Over the past few years, you have become an excellent leader, but this is not all a good thing for you. , you can’t let yourself stop here, can you?”

Alina said, imitating Tallulah's tone.

“If justice requires more violence to be served, can it still be called justice?”

"What you said at that time has troubled me for many years. Over the years, I have been thinking about it. I may not have thought it through, but I have been thinking about it."

Tallulah suddenly fell silent.

A few seconds passed.

"...Power is only a means, not the ultimate goal. It must not be separated from the majority of people. Our appeal should not be violence, but we have to use violence. What we pursue is not riots. If we become a mob, then what we will do Everything loses its meaning." Tallulah suddenly spoke, as if repeating: "Justice needs to be upheld, but justice also requires strength. Thoughts without strength are unrealistic illusions, and without the power of thoughts, there is no hope. It has become what you call violence, the fantasy is fragile, and violence is not recognized."

Alina looked at Tallulah in surprise as she said these words. The latter lowered her eyelids and was slightly absent-minded.

"It's not easy," Alina said.

"It's not easy."

"How did you come up with this?"

"It's not what I'm thinking about. I'm also trying to figure out the meaning of these words, but Alina, just like you, I've been thinking about it, but I think these words should be able to answer part of your troubles."

"..."

"..."

Tallulah quickly came to her senses and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Remove all the words we mentioned about fate, struggle, and struggle. Teacher Alina, what do you want to teach us today?"

Tallulah skipped the topic, and Alina didn't ask further. Just like when she asked Tallulah if she would miss her family, Alina already knew the answer.

Of course she would, but she no longer can.

"Hey, are you so glib about Frost Star?"

"Don't talk nonsense. If it reaches her ears, the frost star will freeze your mouth and mine." Tallulah deliberately pretended to be nervous and glanced at the door.

Alina looked at her artificial performance.

"If it were you, Tallulah, you wouldn't fight just to defeat a visible enemy, would you?"

Alina asked.

"The pickets, the overseers of the mines, the levies who tracked us, the Minister of Medicine of Ursus...if we defeat those, do we win? Because these things are bad, so we have to defeat them?"

"Teacher Alina wants me to fight invisible things. How can I defeat them?"

At this moment, Tallulah seemed like a good student who was eager to learn, pretending to ask modestly, but what could not be concealed was the smile at the corner of her mouth.

"The things you can promise, warmth, food, and bed quilts are different from these things that can be touched one day." Alina sighed.

"We probably won't get a result from this battle, and we may not be able to win."

Tallulah's smile slowly calmed down.

Food, houses, beds and quilts, she could only promise these things, but Ursus, Ursus could provide these. With only a little charity from them, they could even provide more.

People will always be blinded by immediate interests. This is not their fault, because in fact when life is very difficult, people cannot think too much, even if they know that it is just a false trap.

"I no longer want to make promises. Anything too far away is tantamount to deception." Tallulah replied, and then asked: "We will never win, so do we still have to fight?"

"Didn't I ask? By then, do you still think this fate is worth fighting for?"

Alina asked: "After all this is over, you won't even be able to see your enemies. You have the same enemies as those who can't see the future."

"...At that time, the real battle has just begun."

"..."

"Are you talking about those spirits, those hostility, and those things that are engraved in the bones of the Ursus and us?" Tallulah said, slowly spitting out a representative word.

"……emperor?"

"The emperor is just one aspect of it." Alina explained: "As long as people are unwilling to put down their swords, this war will not end."

"I disagree." Tallulah retorted: "It is just for people to take up a knife and fight against those who oppress them."

"Yes, actually I think this war will never end." Alina did not argue: "I have read a lot of Letania and Victoria's books, Mr. Patriot's blessing, and I am very I like what some people say..."

"They say, [our war is a war against ourselves]."

"Yes, Tallulah, because you will not put down your swords."

Tallulah stared quietly at the white-haired Eyjafira in front of her.

She asked:

"...So, you won't put down the needle and thread in your hands."

She did not answer.

"This class ends here!" Alina announced: "I have nothing left to teach you."

"Children should read now, and they should know some knowledge tomorrow." She looked at Tallulah and said, "Tallulah, Kosich wants you to be a saint, but everyone makes mistakes."

"You have to get up after you fall, but if they don't allow you to fall, you have to be careful. The same goes for Mr. Patriot. I actually don't regard him and you as two different people."

"You all believe in your own ideas too much, but I can't let those lively little lives say things like, you are right and he is wrong right now."

Tallulah shook her head.

"No, Alina, I can't do something that I don't even believe in."

"Yes, but that's also Coscich's trick."

"Aren't you just saying that I can't possibly destroy him?" Tallulah asked in a deep voice.

The only thing she didn't want to hear from Alina was that she was Alina.

"That's a thought, and we may not be able to eliminate a thought...but I'm still a little confident."

"What confidence?"

"If we were still with you at that time, we would definitely be able to bring you back." Alina said firmly: "No matter what kind of spell Cosiche is, we will definitely have a way to break it. It can always be done.”

"This war, we start with words and words, from the next moment, from an expression, from now."

"They'll know which mushrooms to eat, how to feed their livestock, and what to do if they catch a cold."

"I may not be able to think as far ahead as you, Tallulah, but we can also keep our eyes on the ground."

Alina said.

"We'll try not to lose."

"what."

"If it were you, you would definitely have a chance to convince the patriots."

"I take these words as encouragement."

Alina returned the cloak to Tallulah and put away her needlework.

"Here, it's sewn. Give it to her. It can be seen that she takes great care of this cloak. It seems to be made by the army. Moreover, it has three layers inside and three outside. It looks very big."

"Maybe it's an army cloak, maybe..." Tallulah guessed.

Alina understood her guess.

Maybe a patriot cape.

There is a tacit understanding between them.

"We may have found one of the reasons why Mr. Patriot can continue to fight." Alina said as she stood up and prepared to leave.

"...Wait!" Tallulah stopped her.

Alina looked back.

"What? I have to prepare for tomorrow's class. This is a painting class. They are all waiting for me."

"I'll get you two brushes next time." Tallulah said, hesitating and then asked: "I mean, I want to say... I want to ask, do you really... don't want to fight with Frost Star and the others? do you know it?"

She was a little nervous and hesitant.

"Soldiers all know that we have several infected teachers, but you hide yourself very well..."

"Not now, Tallulah."

Alina shook her head and answered.

"When the common ideal of the infected people you mentioned is realized, they and I will naturally get to know each other. Besides, we are both warriors, but the battlefields are different. We will get to know each other sooner or later, right?"

Tallulah breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's right, Alina."

she repeated.

"Infected warrior Alina."

She would eventually become the person he was becoming.

------

I had a dream.

I saw Xiaota in my dream. She was standing not far in front of me, like a huge mountain with no top I could see. She had grown up, but only her silver hair was still the same as in my memory.

I called her name, but she didn't look back.

She walked towards the mountain road. I wanted to keep up with her, but I couldn't move.

I could only watch her getting farther and farther away from me, and the thorns and monsters all over the mountain road roared towards her, drowning her figure.