Longmen Memoirs

Chapter 45 Like is too light a word

"friend?"

Chen Mo looked curiously at Dezhou who suddenly asked this word.

Texas was in the passenger seat.

She just asked Snake, you seem to have many friends.

Every time he arrived within the confines of a mobile city, Snake would always go out and say he was going to see a friend. He had used this excuse more than ten times since entering Ursus.

"Ah, I have many friends, Texas, too many to count." Chen Mo replied casually, "Speaking of this, Texas, what kind of relationship do you think can be considered a friend? A friend is a To say that the threshold is very low, if we have met each other, exchanged a few words, and had a few casual contacts, we can barely call each other friends, and we can even call each other friends for the first time when we meet."

"...What you said sounds strange."

"Then let me put it another way, do you think you and I can be considered friends?"

"Um……"

Texas gave a long hum and seemed to be thinking, but did not express his position.

"Um... what do you mean?"

【*

"What do you think?"

Texas asked rhetorically.

"I think it can be counted. After all, you see, I have saved you, and I even didn't hesitate to be hunted for you. I took you all the way to Ursus and raised you for so long. There should be very few people like me who take advantage of you." See you there." He said vowedly while turning his head to look at Texas, and his voice became louder: "You honestly say that this can't be considered a friend? Then you have no conscience."

"..."

"You said it yourself."

"That means what I said is wrong. Ah, I know that you still know Texas well, and you are not that kind of white-eyed wolf."

"..."

Another vaguely targeted word came out of Chen Mo's mouth.

Although Texas didn't understand what White Eyed Wolf meant, he knew it wasn't a good word without even thinking about it.

She shut her mouth and turned her head, unwilling to continue talking to the snake about this topic.

But the snake obviously wasn't going to let her go.

"How have you considered the matter I told you last time? We are not far from Chernobog, the last large mobile city in the southeast of Ursus. After passing Chernobog, go south and enter The territory of Longmen."

Texas turned his head slightly to look at him.

She didn't speak.

Is Dragon Gate almost here?

How could it go by so fast?This thought came to Texas subconsciously.

"I have cooperated twice with a local logistics company in Longmen. It is said to be a logistics company, but in fact, their power extends throughout the gray industries in Longmen. It cannot be said to be a dominant company, but there is no way to protect your safety and future life in Longmen. questionable."

Texas heard the snake say.

"Longmen is a very complicated place. Although it seems to be peaceful and prosperous, but in your words, Texas, I know that even if I want you to live an ordinary life like ordinary people now, it will be difficult for you to adapt. You are a Outsiders don’t understand the ways of Longmen and have no relatives or friends there. Life will definitely be full of obstacles in the future. As for you, you are the kind of person who likes to hide his thoughts in his heart. If you are wronged or feel sad, you will not I can tell others, but I can’t find anyone to talk to.”

He said.

"I can't tell you what a good city Longmen is, Texas. We all know that this is the same everywhere. Strange big cities will always hurt wandering outsiders and the weak invisibly, you You are not a weakling, but Longmen also has its rules. If you break its rules, you will only make yourself rejected by it and the situation will be more difficult."

"Texas, are you listening?"

"Ah."

"Tell me what you think."

Texas opened her mouth. She looked at the snake's side face, but in the end she couldn't express what she was thinking.

She actually wanted to say, if I can follow you, I will just follow you.

But Texas didn't know how to speak.

She was afraid of being rejected, and she also knew that she shouldn't have too many extravagant demands. Snake was indeed a bad guy. He took a stranger such a long way and got into a lot of trouble that he shouldn't have gotten into.

Texas knew that it would be much easier for him if he didn't take him with him, but he never said anything.

Can I continue to follow him?

Texas knew in his heart that if the snake was willing to let him follow, he would not say these words.

The answer is already obvious, isn't it.

Texas can't become that rogue yet. Just like Snake said, he and himself are actually just friends, simple friends with nothing much to do with each other.

She inevitably developed some undue dependence on the snake, because he would always tell her what to do and how to do it. For Texas, who was not good at making decisions, she had become accustomed to the existence of the snake, but They finally had the day to separate, and Snake even thought of her future path.

"I have no idea."

"..."

Chen Mo didn't speak. He just turned his head and glanced at Luper, who was sitting next to him. She didn't look at him and looked out the window, not sure what she was thinking.

"...Do you want to continue following me? Texas." He asked suddenly.

Texas was stunned.

She didn't answer or deny it.

"We've been through this journey, and I think you can tell without me saying it, I'm a very complicated person, Texas, not just who I am, but what I've been through, and a lot of people want my Life, I have offended many people because of my past. If you follow me, you must face these with me. Facing my past and the dangers that may kill you at any time, it is far better than before. What you faced in Syracuse was several times, ten times more dangerous."

"I have prepared for this, and I know in my heart that I will never stop somewhere. Longmen is not my end, nor is it my destination."

Snake said calmly, the light rain outside the car was hitting the window, and after a while it condensed into a thin mist, which was swept away again and again by the wipers.

Revealing the winding road under the gray sky in front of the car and the hazy distance.

"I never thought that I would be able to live smoothly and smoothly in this life, but you are different. You are different from me. Texas, you still have the opportunity to choose your future life. You still have the opportunity to choose your own life. ... It is possible to start over. Although this process will not be easy, you should be able to endure it. Even if one day your past catches up with you, I think you will be able to face it calmly by then."

He turned to look at Texas: "Rather, I hope you can."

"This land is always used to giving people some hope, and then destroying it with its own hands. Time and time again, it likes to see people struggling desperately, and likes to see people being manipulated at will, but even so , people still have to get up over and over again and try their best to survive."

Snake said, he raised his hand and pointed at his brain.

"It's easy to give up, but hard to persevere. Perseverance that continues to fail is even more valuable, because here, people usually have some obsessions, and they may make mistakes, sometimes feel at a loss, and feel confused and hesitant. It's difficult to We make decisions and don’t know where to go, but we also have some obsessions, some that we have to do, and some that we can’t let go of, which are more difficult to accept than death and more terrifying than death.”

"I..." Texas opened his mouth.

"Don't rush into an answer, Texas, I know you don't have a plan."

Chen Mo said that the car stopped and parked on the side of the road. He released his hand on the steering wheel, and there was a drizzle outside the car.

In the car, Chen Mo turned to look at Texas, and they looked at each other.

Raindrops hit the car windows behind each other, making the scene outside the car blurry. The car was quiet, so quiet that it seemed like you could hear the sound of drizzle.

"I know you are conflicted, and I also know that letting you adapt to a new environment alone will make you feel confused. You want to stay with me just because you are used to it. In fact, you are not afraid of the trouble of following me. , you can also be prepared, or...Texas, you are not afraid of death."

"But I think it's not worth it and it's not fair." Chen Mo said: "It shouldn't be your life, nor should it be the result you should bear. I can't be so selfish and let you go to the interview with me. to these.”

"..."

Texas lowered her eyelids and tilted her ears slightly on top of her head, as if to confirm her mood at the moment, even though she didn't say anything.

"Don't feel guilty. There is nothing to feel guilty about. This is just a fact. It is not enough to affect my view of you and our relationship... Maybe you haven't thought about it that way."

"Going back to the topic we just talked about, you ask me, are we friends? No, Texas, we are not only friends, we are also companions. The word friend is cheap and precious. When it is cheap, everyone can call others They are friends, but not everyone can truly care about the friends they call friends, share joys and sorrows with you, and put themselves in your shoes.”

"So we are not only friends. When I ask you if you want to continue to follow me, you will feel hesitant. You will want to say yes, but I am the same as you. Remember when I told you before that some people said that I was self-righteous? But from my perspective, I also don’t want to involve you in danger and let you continue to live a life full of ups and downs like me.”

"Even if I know your answer, even if I know you don't care about it."

"Because I also know what this kind of life is like. Maybe...I mean maybe, I also selfishly thought about hoping that someone could accompany me. I can't help but think so, but I can't do this, Texas , not because of how noble I am, but because, in my heart, your stability is more important than the stability of my heart, but because I cannot bear the sacrifices that others have made for me, nor can I bear the avoidable losses. "

Texas was quiet and pursed his lips slightly.

"You are a good girl, Texas. If there were not so many dangers around me, I would be happy to go on this journey with you and visit different countries and cities one after another. Occasionally we stop, and you are still I will quietly listen to my trivial complaints. You may not want to hear them, but I will still talk."

"Don't always be so cold. In my eyes, your past is not that heavy, nor is it enough to make you feel breathless. People usually only see the surface of a person. If he doesn't speak, people They will treat him as a mute. If he does not resist in the face of bullying, he will be treated as a softie. People will not think about it. He just doesn’t want to waste words with fools. People will not think about it. He just doesn’t want to mess with him. trouble."

Texas did not speak.

Chen Mo looked at her face.

"You may not know that when I met you for the first time, I suddenly felt a sense of familiarity, an indescribable familiarity, as if I was looking into a mirror, a mirror that reflected the person I used to be."

"You are very similar to me in the past, Texas, really very similar. Neither of us is good at accepting sudden kindness. We are both wary of everything around us, the same reticence, the same hostile gaze. Test everything that comes close to you.”

"I am not good at expressing my opinions, or I have become bad at expressing my opinions. Even if I have ideas, I will tell myself to do what I can do, which inevitably makes me timid and [&

"In their eyes, we are all people who are not easy to contact. In their eyes, we are all aliens." Chen Mo said, his eyes softened.

"But I may be luckier than you. During that time, my life was much more stable than yours, so I made a friend who was willing to teach me carefully. He was older than me and was like my brother. Although his His habits may be a bit bad. Although he is actually an outlier, he will point at my nose and call me a fool when I make a mistake. He will also call those who gossip for me a fool. He will grab me by the collar and want to Beat me, even if he knows that he is no match for me and knows that I can easily knock him to the ground, he will also try his best to save me and try to pull me back."

"Why are you telling me this..." Texas suddenly asked.

She looked at Chen Mo.

Even though she knew why, Texas just wanted to know his answer.

"The word "like" is too light for people like us, Texas. Compared with "like", we are more likely to accept habits, but habits can easily lead to some misunderstandings and wrong judgments, so It is inevitable that this will give rise to some kind of obsession that I cannot clearly distinguish."

"……I do not understand."

"Because I think you should have a chance to start over, and you should also have the opportunity to live the life you should live, and meet some of the same people in the future. Only then can you slowly understand the true meaning of your heart. idea."

"how about you?"

"Me?" Chen Mo paused: "My words, if...I mean if one day I can have such an opportunity, a chance to start over, I will accept it without hesitation."

"That's not what I'm asking, what I'm asking is..."

Texas looked at Chen Mo's face seriously, and she ultimately did not say the rest of her words.

Chen Mo reached out and smoothed Luper's hair at the temples.

He gently brushed Texas's hanging hair behind the girl's ear, and Texas did not stop his action.

He withdrew his hand.

Texas heard him say softly.

"There will be a day, Texas, as long as we all live, there will be a day."

Texas didn't speak. He looked at Chen Mo's retracted hand. After a few seconds, she turned her head.

"You are even more verbose today than before." She whispered in disgust.

Chen Mo was stunned for a moment.

"what……"

He laughed.

In the end, she still couldn't get the answer she was considering from Texas, but when she arrived in Qicheng, Chen Mo still sent a telegram to a logistics company in Longmen in advance.

Chapter 46 Seeking the distant rather than the near is putting the cart before the horse.

All wandering lives dream of peace, childhood, and azaleas, just as all peaceful lives dream of vodka, bands, and drunkenness.

This quote comes from an Ursian folk poet named François Lan, and was printed in the corner of the newspaper that Snake left on the driver's seat after leaving Chernobog. It was written in several different languages. , Texas, who was driving, accidentally glanced at that short line of text.

Is that right?

Texas couldn't help but glance at the snake, which was resting with its eyes closed.

She couldn't help but think of what Snake said to her a few days ago. That day, Snake became unusually nagging. Although he was usually very nagging, he was different that day from the one he was familiar with in Texas.

Snake, has he ever thought about his childhood? Has he ever thought about a peaceful life?

Texas didn't know, but Texas would occasionally think of her past days. Even though those lives were not much to miss, and they couldn't be called unforgettable, she would still think of them, and she couldn't help but think of them.

But life cannot be repeated, and life cannot be like the sunrise and sunset. You always know that it will be there, and the sun will rise as usual after it sets.

April 9

Qing/9:【#