Longmen Memoirs

She could no longer tell whether she was in a seemingly beautiful dream or in reality.

Until she suddenly felt that she was being held in someone's arms. The embrace was strange but real, and it seemed to bring him back to reality in an instant.

The white drake stood in the snow under the dim sky.

A voice rang in her ears.

"Small tower."

Tallulah seemed to be waking up from a dream.

The heavy sword broke away from her loosened hand and fell silently on the snow. The snow became heavier and heavier, just like the snow on her white hair falling in front of her eyes. Drake became quiet, and her uneasiness and hesitation seemed to fall away. The city walls began to crumble.

Tallulah finally felt at peace.

She slowly raised her arms and hugged the person in front of her. Draco, who was leaning on his shoulder, closed his eyes. She seemed to be able to hear his heartbeat, and the voice told her that this was not a false dream.

"You're finally back." She said softly, and then complained in a low voice: "What took you so long... you're a liar."

Why can't I find you when I look back?

Why do you say you will come back, but I have been waiting for you for a day, two days, a month, and more than ten years, and you still haven't come back.

Alina couldn't bear to break the sight of the two people hugging each other on the snowy ground under the dim sky.

In the heavy snow on this winter evening, Tallulah finally encountered a good thing.

From the outside, she appears to be a determined and confident person.

She has a strong character, and she never seems to be weak or flinching. She is not vulnerable at all. Even in the most difficult times, she gives people the feeling that she will be able to get through it.

She always thinks of everything too easily. She has her own opinions on everything. She has her own thoughts and is used to imagining them too beautifully.

Alina doesn’t hate Tallulah like this, she doesn’t hate Tallulah in any shape, but Alina is worried about Tallulah like this, worried that she will bear all the problems on herself, worried that she will take everything too seriously. Beautiful, worried that she always seems to be side by side with everyone, but puts herself in the front.

Worried that she was holding on alone, she seemed to be forcing herself. Such Tallulah made Alina worry that one day Tallulah would be disappointed. This land and her thoughts would always make her herself Disappointed.

But now, Alina finally felt a little more relieved.

She suddenly felt that at least Tallulah still had what she wanted. It was not like what she said was just for the infected, not that great, just what she hoped in her heart, a slightly selfish idea of ​​an ordinary person.

This is the real thing.

Tallulah like this made Alina even more happy.

"Hiss, cough..." Alina coughed twice. The injuries on her body were very painful. She broke the silence with a voice: "I don't really want to disturb you, but it's getting dark soon. Tallulah, are you planning to spend the night here?"

Later, in Alina's eyes, Chen Mo became the same person as Tallulah.

Because of the name Lev, Alina said that Chen Mo and Tallulah were exactly the same, and they both lied and deceived people in the same mold.

Chapter 5 It’s just as it should be

Ideal is an illusory and beautiful word. Everyone has an ideal, and how many people truly live in their ideals? A goal that people chase, a future that seems within reach, but the sun rises and sets, There is no difference between today and yesterday. You think you have moved forward a little, but in fact you are still standing where you are. It is not that you are moving forward, but that you feel that you are moving forward.

In the past 13 years, since leaving Longmen, Chen Mo has never had any so-called ideals. He does not care about those things that seem beautiful but actually make people weak.

He has always been an extremely realistic guy. He is so realistic that he will only do something if it will benefit him. If the harm outweighs the benefit, he will definitely choose to retreat. He is not as determined as people think. Perhaps seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages means people like him. A person who lives by weighing pros and cons.

But generally speaking, such people can live long enough because they are smart enough, because they know how to advance and retreat, act within their capabilities, and are rarely impulsive. They lack blood and spirit in their lives. They are shrewd and good at calculations. He is thoughtful, never has unrealistic expectations, and never takes all chances.

Chen Mo is such a smart person, so smart that he even knows when to forget and when to remember. Maybe this land has changed him, and all his enthusiasm and hope have been wiped out in the gray sky and sky of Longmen. Under the haze of black walls.

He was thrown from the Black Wall to Colombia with scars that were difficult to heal. His body failed to become an important research material and was abandoned in the wilderness by the person responsible for transporting it midway.

Chen Mo has never complained about how miserable and muddy his life has been, and he has never told anyone about his past experiences that could be called despair.

It was not because he had a strong mind, but because no one cared about his feelings at that time. But when he finally met these people who cared about him, he felt that it was no longer important, and what had happened was no longer important. , and there is no need to talk about it again.

But even if Chen Mo didn't say anything.

Occasionally, when people see his bruised body under his clothes, they can't help but imagine what happened to him. Scars don't lie. Even if people with scars often tell lies, the wounds on his body do not lie. Never lie.

Chen Mo couldn't remember how many scars he had on his body. Maybe when he went out wearing short-sleeved shirts in the summer, he would be stopped by the police patrolling the streets. The staggered scars on his body foreshadowed one cruel story after another, and each scar had its own meaning. His origin is like a recorded past, and every superficial or hideous scar represents one of his experiences.

All great warriors are always inseparable from scars. They regard scars as a kind of honor. But in Chen Mo's view, scars are not honors, at least not to him. To him, scars are nothing more than one crime after another. A mistake that is now irreversible.

Strong power can make people blind, and too strong power can make people confused. People will always exceed their expectations, underestimate their surroundings, and overestimate themselves, especially things that come out of the blue and things that are easily obtained without going through hardships. People often get lost in this moment of control.

People will wake up only when they lose, and after losing, most people usually get lost in the sadness and hatred of loss.

"It turns out Mr. Lev is the liar Tallulah often tells."

Under the dim night, the snow was falling heavier and heavier. Chen Mo was carrying the white-haired deer on her back. Her body was much lighter than expected. Snowflakes fell on the deer's horns, and Alina's white hair hanging down on the cloak was extremely conspicuous.

Tallulah carried Chen Mo's long box and held the reins of the camel beast in one hand. They were walking back, and their footprints in the snow were soon buried under heavy snow.

"often?"

Chen Mo noticed the words in Alina's words and couldn't help but turn his head and glance at Tallulah who was walking beside him. The latter glared at Alina fiercely and turned her head slightly.

"I don't say that often."

"That was my misremembering. Tallulah would mention you occasionally."

"Remind me of what?"

"Why didn't you ask her?"

Chen Mo looked over, and Tallulah stared at Alina on his back.

"Alina..."

"Okay, I shouldn't talk too much." Alina said in a helpless tone, but she couldn't help but say: "You are a liar, Lie...Mr. Chen Mo, you are really just like Tallulah. She was the same when she was in the village before. She is full of lies, and every time I ask her, she can find a different excuse."

"so……"

"Tallulah said that she had a very good friend when she was a child, and then he left. She said that I'm afraid you will never see each other again in this life. If he had not left at that time, would it be any different now?" Alina He said softly, looking at Tallulah walking beside him: "If you had not left, Mr. Chen Mo, Tallulah might not come to Ursus again."

"Alina, I didn't say anything like that."

Tallulah couldn't help but speak and looked at Alina who said this.

"I know you haven't said it, Tallulah, but I know you will still think about it. You will wonder whether you will come to Ursus at that time. Tallulah, I know you will think so."

"...But I have never regretted it." Tallulah said in a daze: "I have never regretted meeting you or my grandparents. You took me in when I was most helpless, but I... I can’t even think about what I would do if I lost you today.”

As she said this, she couldn't help but cast her eyes on Chen Mo.

"Did Mr. Chen Mo come to Ursus specifically to find Tallulah?" Alina asked, asking Tallulah the question she wanted to ask.

"Yes."

"It must have been a very hard journey."

"Fortunately, this is actually my third time in Ursus." Chen Mo said: "I went to the Duke of Cosiche's city, but found nothing there. Then I wandered around in the north and found clues about Tallulah. , so I came to the snowfield, thinking it would take longer, but I didn’t expect to meet you here.”

"...Have you ever gone back?" Tallulah suddenly asked.

She turned her head and looked over, remembering something, her red eyes a little complicated.

Chen Mo knew what Tallulah was thinking, just like when he first met Chen, Chen also stared at him with such complicated eyes. The lives of the three of them had long been mixed together, and no one could get away from it.

Alina quieted down.

He could feel Chen Mo's footsteps pause.

"I've been back." Chen Mo said.

"then you……"

Tallulah suddenly understood, how could he know that he was in Ursus if he had never gone back, and how could he know about Cosiche if he had never gone back.

She wanted to ask about Long Men and Chen, but the words came to her lips but she couldn't say them out, but Chen Mo already knew what she wanted to ask.

"If I said, I'm here to take you back with me, would you leave with me? Tallulah."

Chen Mo didn't call Xiaota anymore. Maybe they could all feel that the two people who knew everything in the past and had no secrets had unknowingly felt a sense of alienation that neither of them could avoid. This sense of alienation came from more than ten years. The lack of seeing each other comes from their different lives. Although they still miss each other, these longings are actually just a wisp of memories from the past, and now, they have nothing more.

People always say that they have to transcend time, but when time really stands in front of them, people realize that more than ten years is such a long time, so long that a person they thought they were familiar with can become unrecognizable.

Tallulah didn't answer.

She suddenly fell silent and walked silently in the snow. Chen Mo didn't ask any more questions. He didn't know what Tallulah had gone through now, and she didn't know what Xiaota was thinking about now. He was different. life, and there was no trace of himself in the days when he grew up.

The three of them fell silent at the same time and walked quietly in the snow.

"Where are you going back?" After a short silence, Tallulah asked.

She looked at Chen Mo, then looked away at the road ahead where the heavy snow was falling.

"Where else can I go back?"

"..."

She is a person who can see herself and others clearly. She has been delicate and sensitive since she was a child.

But apart from Longmen, where else could Tallulah go? She had nowhere to go, she had lost her home long ago.

Chen Mo did not answer.

He didn't even know how to mention Chen to Tallulah and tell her that he was married to Chen and they had a child. If he mentioned this, what would Tallulah think now? Let's see if she will think that they betrayed her, or maybe she just hides her thoughts and tells Chen Mo with a happy but far-fetched expression, Congratulations, you shouldn't stay here.

In order to make up for the regrets in both of your hearts, how can you make Tallulah give up her current career, life, and ideals to pursue a future that no longer belongs to him.

Moreover, Chen Mo was not sure what he looked like in Xiaota's heart now.

Perhaps, from the moment he decided to come to the snowfield to look for Tallulah, the choice of going back no longer existed between the two of them.

Chen Mo calmed down.

His quietness fell into Tallulah's eyes, but it became acquiescence. They knew that Longmen was not their choice, nor was it their destination, but besides Longmen, where else could he and Chen Mo go.

"I won't leave with you, liar. Here I have my own career and what I want to do. These things cost me too much effort. I can't let go of everything here, so...I I can’t leave with you.”

Chen Mo didn't have many surprises.

Maybe he already knew the answer in his heart. He came to look for Tallulah just because he had a bit of luck in his heart, and this bit of luck finally turned into a delusion.

Alina's heart suddenly tightened. She did not speak, but just focused her gaze on Tallulah who said these words, and lowered her eyelids to look at Chen Mo who was carrying her.

The delicate Alina noticed Tallulah's uneasiness hidden under her words, but she couldn't ask Chen Mo for anything. She asked someone who got the answer she didn't want, and asked him to stay for Tallulah.

"I guessed you would answer like this." Chen Mo said.

"I was mentally prepared before coming to Ursus."

"I……"

do you want to stay

Tallulah opened her mouth, but the words finally stayed on her lips.

The Chen Mo in front of her made her feel strange and happy. After the joy of meeting him faded away, she was replaced by inner expectations and the uneasiness of pretending to be calm.

But just like Chen Mo, Tallulah didn't understand the liar in front of her, whether he was still the same liar in her memory, her past, or his present.

She can't ask Chen Mo to do anything for her, and she doesn't dare to have too many expectations for her liar. The person who lives in her mind and writes on the letter is ultimately different from the real person, because she lives in her mind. What she knew was the him she was familiar with, but in reality, she knew nothing about him now.

Chen Mo looked at Talulah's eyes, looking at the pair of eyes that had made her miss her so much, but now looked a little unfamiliar. The uneasiness in her eyes, the expectation in her eyes, she let herself A face that cannot be copied on thousands of sheets of drawing paper.

Talulah was the first friend Chen Mo made in the orphanage. After losing everything, Chen Mo wanted to have a new family with her. Chen Mo thought he could grow up smoothly with her. .

But it’s hard to grow up. It’s too hard to grow up.

They separated during the days when each other grew up, and the small tower became his persistence in trying to survive in the black wall. During the thousands of days and nights they were separated, the small tower in his heart grew up with him.

She became Chen Mo's longing, and eventually turned into obsession.

"In the past 13 years, I have thought about our reunion more than once, Xiaota. I thought that one day I would find you. I thought that when I found you, you would already have your own life, your friends, Your life, your lover, everything you will be familiar with when you grow up, I am no longer in it."

Chen Mo spoke softly and he stopped.

"I can't help but think that when I find you, you already have these, you have forgotten me, or that I have become a dispensable person to you. I will be disappointed because I spent I have wanted to see you again for countless years, and I will also be happy. I am happy that you have a life that belongs to you. My longing has become an empty dream. Maybe, she has already become my obsession without knowing it, but I I can’t help but have a hint of fantasy.”

Tallulah paused.

She looked at Chen Mo in front of her. The girl in front of her had the same figure as she had imagined. She was taller than she imagined. There was heroism and tenacity between her eyebrows that she could not imagine. Her once clear eyes Her eyes were still so bright, as bright as red gems emitting radiance.

did i love her