Longmen Memoirs

Since when, I have become hope in the eyes of others.

Since then, I have been thinking more about what I should do for them and what else I can do for them.

Most of the things that happen on this land cannot be turned back, because no one dares to say that they never regret it, so the only thing that can be done is to avoid this possibility before it happens.

Over the years, I have lived so cautiously, fearing that I would lose something, fearing that I would not be able to bear the consequences, and fearing that one day I would regret it.

The more I can do, the more I realize my powerlessness. Whenever I try to fight against fate, whenever I show my fangs and prepare to give up everything and fight, there are always too many things holding me back. Footsteps, the more I do, the more worries I leave behind.

I am afraid of death. I am afraid that one day I will be forgotten. I am afraid that after I die, I will be unable to protect the future of those people and things that I have been so attached to.

Maybe I am still so selfish and wishful thinking.

I should have understood that they would grow up. I should have understood that they should have their own lives and face the ups and downs and hardships in their lives. They must learn to face them, learn to protect themselves, and learn to overcome them. The ups and downs and tribulations in life, only in this way can they grow, and they have the ability to do that and meet their destiny, good or bad.

But I still feel reluctant and worried. I don’t want them to endure those hardships, and I don’t want their lives to become as hideous and embarrassing as mine.

I don't want to see their dreams shattered, even if this is the most common thing on this earth.

But what can I do for them, what should I do.

Maybe, I already have the answer in my heart.

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April 1

"You're here, Alina."

The person who pushed the door in was Alina. She was carrying a tray. On the tray were mashed potatoes, bread and water cups. These were the most common foods in the camp. After placing the food on the wooden cabinet next to the bed, she looked at Tallulah was still awake in the bed and Chen Mo was sitting next to the bed.

"Eat something first, Chen. You haven't rested for three days."

In her sight, Tallulah held Chen Mo's hand tightly, and she had been doing so for the past three days.

From the evening when Tallulah was unconscious and Chen Mo called for the medics to now, Chen Mo has not slept for three days. Every time Alina comes over, Tallulah holds his hand tightly like this.

"I am fine."

"You should eat something at least, Chen. Every time I bring you food, I don't see you moving much. If this continues, your body will get sick. You don't want to wait for Tallulah to wake up and lie in bed again." ." Alina said softly: "I know you can't eat it, but for Tallulah, you can't keep doing this."

"It doesn't matter to me, Alina." Chen Mo shook his head and replied: "By the way, how are the conditions of the other soldiers who returned from the camp?"

"Everyone is fine. Thanks to the medicine provided by Mr. Cannott last time, the condition of the wounded has basically stabilized. Miss Froststar is taking care of them, and everyone is recovering well."

"That's good." Chen Mo felt relieved: "After the guerrillas and patriots return, the camp finally has a backbone."

Looking at Chen Mo who was relaxing, Alina paused.

She couldn't help but speak.

"Are you okay? Chen, you have obviously done so much for the camp."

"It doesn't matter to me." Chen Mo said. He turned to look at the unconscious girl on the bed. She held his hand tightly and felt the warmth in her hand.

"For me, as long as she's okay, that's enough."

"But we will encounter more of this kind of thing in the future. I can imagine that this kind of thing will definitely happen again in the future, and more than once, and it may be more dangerous than now."

Alina said this as she watched Chen Mo gently remove the hair from Tallulah's forehead.

"Tallulah will not avoid it. I know she can face it. No matter what the outcome is, she will not choose to escape. But Ursus will not allow us to grow so easily. One day, we will truly Face them head-on, and when that time comes..."

"Frustrating words, Alina." Chen Mo said: "By that time, I hope you will have the confidence to face Ursus directly. Whether it is faith or strength, if she wants to, she will be able to do it."

"So Chen, you can also say such things."

Alina was stunned. She looked at Chen Mo's back in surprise, as if she had gotten to know Chen Mo again.

"Is there any surprise? Alina." Chen Mo said. "Now that I think about it, I have said this a lot before. When I had nothing, I told them that one day, they would become the force to change suffering. As long as they are willing, they can. I promised those people, I promise to let them see everything they expect, and when they are confused and hesitant about where to go, I use these words to weave them around me."

"Everyone should have a hope, Alina, even if they know that it is so small that it is impossible to realize, even if they know that this hope will make them die without a body, but sometimes, everyone should have a hope, because day after day, In the struggle and suffering with no end in sight, there is nothing left except a faint hope.”

"What happened next? Did those people's hopes come true?"

"Later...some people died because of it, and some people survived by luck. I don't know if their hopes came true, but I know that they are now on the way to realizing their expectations."

"Kazdel?" Alina suddenly asked.

Chen Mo was stunned.

He lowered his gaze without retorting.

"Kazdel."

"You should tell Tallulah this too, Chen. She'll be happy to hear it."

Alina looked at Tallulah on the bed and said, her hands gently folded in front of her, standing behind Chen Mo.

"I can't do this, Alina." Chen Mo said softly: "Kazdel's situation is different from yours. I can't use this method to construct a real but unrealistic vision for her to pursue, her path. She can only go on her own."

"But aren't you with Tallulah now? You can remind her, urge her, and teach her to turn around when she goes wrong. If it were you, she would definitely listen, even if she couldn't agree with her at the time. , but in the end she will still consider it."

"..."

Chen Mo didn't answer.

It would be great if he could really do that. If he could really accompany Tallulah to practice her ideals and advance and retreat with her as Alina said, maybe they would have differences, but Chen Mo might not be able to let go of such a day. Extravagant hope.

"Did I say something wrong, Chen."

Alina suddenly seemed to have something on her mind. After Chen Mo didn't reply, she asked softly.

"You're right, Alina, it would be great if it could be like what you said." Chen Mo said, his black pupils reflected the appearance of the girl he had longed for when she grew up.

Tallulah's pale and haggard face, the way she closed her eyes tightly.

Her ideals and path make it difficult to let go of her with peace of mind.

"But I promised a person that I would take her back, but now it's just the opposite. I failed to do it, and instead stayed." Chen Mo said, his eyes darkening.

"Actually, what you said before is not unreasonable. I am indeed a wishful thinking person. I want to do everything well to the best of my ability so that I can have no regrets and make up for the shortcomings in my heart. But in the end, I I mess up everything and in the end, I get nowhere.”

"List……"

Alina couldn't say what she wanted to say, Tallulah's silent murmur sounded at this moment, and she suddenly clenched the palm of Chen Mo's hand.

"Water... water..."

Alina, who heard her words clearly, hurriedly picked up the water glass she brought over. Chen Mo helped Tallulah's body up. After the water glass was close to her, she was undoubtedly absorbing the water her body longed for.

"Tallulah, Tallulah, are you awake, Tallulah?" Alina called softly, and Tallulah slowly opened her eyes.

The vision gradually changed from blurry to clear.

"Ah... Alina? I am now..."

Before his consciousness was fully awake, those vague fragments of memories came to mind at this moment.

The flames, the fighting, the white light that lit up in the dark night and obscured the vision gradually became calm in a beam of black light that penetrated the sky, leaving only the traces of the battlefield, corpses, and the blood-drenched snow.

"Great, you're finally awake, Tallulah."

Alina suddenly hugged Drake on the bed. Chen Mo, who had his back turned to her, saw her slightly shaking shoulders. Elafia's tears couldn't stop falling from the corners of her eyes. She was obviously comforting others before, but she couldn't hold back. I couldn't control the fear and worry in my heart.

Tallulah was stunned.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, Alina, I made you worry."

The warm liquid dripped onto Drake's shoulder, the temperature was so hot and warm.

She saw Chen Mo sitting beside her bed, that familiar face, and Alina hugging her tightly. Everything she hoped for was still there, and everything she hoped for was by her side.

The touch and temperature coming from your hands.

Chen Mo gently let go of Talulah's hand, but the moment he let go, she held it tightly in her hand again. Drake's gray eyes stared at Chen Mo's face.

The moment Chen Mo let go, Tallulah suddenly felt panic and fear in her heart. She felt that she was about to lose something. This senseless feeling prompted her to subconsciously grab Chen Mo's hand again.

Even though she didn't speak, Chen Mo could still understand what she wanted to tell him.

do not leave me.

Her gray eyes seemed to be saying this to Chen Mo.

Frost Star happened to see this scene when he came. White Rabbit stood at the door, and his hurried footsteps suddenly stopped.

"Are you... Tallulah? Phew, you finally woke up."

Shuangxing looked at Tallulah who was looking at the door in surprise. Alina let go of Tallulah's hand. Their current appearance made people feel a little weird, especially as the corners of Alina's eyes had not yet been wiped off. of tears.

"Frost Star?"

Tallulah's voice was still weak.

"You don't know that you have been in a coma for several days, and I have been worried that you will not wake up. Now you have finally slept enough and are willing to wake up?"

This is actually not the first time Shuangxing has come here. It would be better to say that in the past three days, Shuangxing has come to take a look every day, even though this white rabbit has always been hard-spoken and soft-hearted.

"Worrying you, Mr. Patriot and other soldiers..."

"You don't need to worry about these things. The soldiers are all very good. There are shield guards watching over the guerrillas. Anyway, you'd better have a good rest. You'll be busy later."

Tallulah looked at Shuangxing who said these words with some surprise. In her impression, this did not seem to be the impression left by Shuangxing on her. How should I put it, this cold white rabbit could also say Such gentle words.

She set her sights on Chen Mo again.

"My father... the patriot knew what happened in the camp during this time, and he has always wanted to talk to you alone."

"Now?"

"I originally wanted to tell you this after Tallulah wakes up, but you have been here for several days."

"Wait, why is Mr. Patriot looking for him?" Tallulah asked, but she still didn't let go of Chen Mo's hand.

"I don't know, but a lot has happened since you left with the Partisans, Tallulah."

"I can tell."

Tallulah looked at Shuangxing's expression, and then turned her attention to Chen Mo.

She let go.

"Since Mr. Patriot is looking for you, go quickly and don't let him wait too long."

"It's been a few days anyway, it doesn't matter if you wait a little longer." Shuangxing said suddenly.

Watching Chen Mo and Shuangxing leave at the door.

"When did their relationship become like this [-

"It's very good." Alina sat beside the bed, holding Tallulah's hand: "A lot of things really happened during your absence, Tallulah, I think if it weren't for Chen Mo, he Here, we can’t wait until we meet you so smoothly.”

"You're still the same, Alina."

"I'm telling the truth."

"Then your relationship with him has become better?"

"Are you jealous?" Alina asked half-jokingly.

"I'm not jealous. On the contrary, Alina, I'm happy to see him getting along with you."

"Tallulah, have you always been worried that Chen will leave here one day?" Alina asked suddenly after being silent for a while.

Tallulah didn't answer for a moment.

She doesn't deny it, because she doesn't think how much of a childhood memory can be left in the face of huge setbacks and invisible roads, and those remaining feelings will be erased bit by bit along with these hardships.

It's not that she doesn't believe Chen Mo, it's that she doesn't dare to hope too much. She just doesn't want Chen Mo to let her experience this, the indifference and coldness of this land.

"I didn't dare to have extravagant hopes before I met him again, Alina, but now I find that I still have extravagant hopes. I hope that he can stay, but I don't know whether I should let him stay or why. I can make him stay with me to face a future that even I don’t know.”

"This isn't like you, Tallulah."

"But I still think that way, even though I tell myself I shouldn't, but every time I tell myself that, those thoughts come up."

"Then let me tell you, Chen will never leave. No matter what happens in the future, no matter how difficult you think the road under your feet is, as long as you are here, he will not leave."

"What's the reason? What's the reason?"

"Then what are the reasons you convince yourself again and again, Tallulah, this land is indeed cruel and cruel to us sometimes. It makes people experience betrayal and separation, but it also always makes people reunite, and these are not There is a reason." Alina said softly: "If you must find a reason, then I think you are the reason."

"Myself?"

"Because you are Xiaota, Tallulah. Just like the feelings in your heart when you face Chen, he is the same as you."