Longmen Memoirs

She had never seen Tallulah so panicked, so frightened, so cold and heartless.

"How's it going?"

"The injury has stabilized, but..."

Alina hesitated to speak. It was she who took over Chen Mo from Tallulah, and only she could take over Chen Mo from Tallulah at that time.

She couldn't forget the bruised body under Chen Mo's blood-stained coat when the medical soldier took it off, and she couldn't forget the feelings in her heart when she saw that scene.

Alina couldn't imagine how much suffering and battle a person had to go through to have so many dense scars on his body. She couldn't imagine the source of each scar on his body. She couldn't imagine what he had gone through. How much pain and suffering.

If a scar can represent a past event, then that young-looking man is already filled with countless past memories.

But he never mentioned it to anyone.

In people's perception, he is gentle, so gentle that people feel that he is not much different from people like themselves. He is somewhat looking forward to tomorrow, and he keeps his head down and does what he should do.

He didn't complain about anything, but he just started to feel that he could be trusted and even relied on.

It's just that everyone has forgotten that he can be relied on, but who should he rely on.

I love you, then who will love me?

If I let him go, who will let me go?

"Just what?"

Tallulah saw Froststar and the Wendigos crowding outside the door.

Shuangxing was silent. Her injuries were simply treated. It was pitch black outside, and the figures of the snow monsters made the space seem crowded and small.

They watched Tallulah and Alina approaching in silence.

"Tallulah, I...[%

Shuangxing wanted to say something, but when the words came to her lips, there was only an apology left.

She thought that if it hadn't been for him, Chen Mo might not have been injured to this extent. She felt a little guilty, even though she had never thought of escaping from the battle.

Tallulah paused.

She looked at Frost Star in front of her and the stronger Carters she knew, a side she had never seen before.

"No, it's me who should apologize. If we could have come back earlier, if we could have been more useful, this situation wouldn't have happened. Tallulah, it's not my sister who should say this, it's me."

"Yange..." Petrova looked at him and then at Tallulah, "And me, Tallulah."

Tallulah was quiet for just a moment.

She shook her head slightly.

"You don't have to apologize to me, Yelena, and the snow monster. It's not your fault that these things happened, and you didn't do anything wrong. If you insist on saying it, these are all my fault. The Usas internal guards will come here, It's all because of me, you are the victim, and I am the one who should apologize."

She lowered her head slightly.

"sorry."

"Tallulah..." Alina shouted subconsciously.

Tallulah didn't seem to hear her call.

The snow monsters were also stunned.

They didn't expect Tallulah to do this, but Tallulah didn't continue to explain.

"I will explain it clearly to everyone later, but now, can you let me go first? Please."

The snow monsters silently gave way.

Shuangxing couldn't help but speak. She already knew the story from the shield guards.

"Are you really going to tell everyone? Tallulah, do you know..."

"I know, I know Mr. Patriot intends to hide it for me, and I also know that many people may not be able to accept it for a while, but Froststar and the snow monsters, they are right, I am indeed the daughter of the Duke, I will not, cannot , and cannot deny my past and identity, so no matter what the infected people think, no matter what they say, I must tell them the truth personally."

She didn't look back, Shuangxing could only see her back and hear her voice ringing in his ears.

Shuangxing subconsciously wanted to refute, but looking at Tallulah's back, she couldn't find a reason why she should refute.

Undoubtedly, telling Tallulah and the camp will have unpredictable repercussions. Will the infected still trust Tallulah as before?

"If this is your decision, then I support you, Tallulah. No matter what happens next, I will always support you."

Tallulah finally turned around and asked half-jokingly.

"I hope it wasn't because of this that you said this."

Shuangxing was stunned for a moment, and she raised the corners of her mouth.

"Ha, then you underestimate me too much."

Alina stopped at the door.

"Won't you come in with me?" Tallulah asked.

"No." Alina shook her head: "I feel relieved after hearing what you said. The snow monsters and I are waiting here for you to come out."

"Alina?"

"Okay, come in quickly, remember not to chat for too long, Chen still needs to rest."

"Thank you."

Standing in front of the door, Tallulah took a breath and finally raised her hand.

She wasn't nervous or apprehensive, but she wasn't calm either.

The door was pushed open slowly.

The moment the door was pushed open, the person lying on the bed looked over. When their eyes met, Tallulah paused.

The door was closed again.

"Did you hear everything?" she asked, walking towards the bed, but did not choose to sit on the chair in front of the bed, but sat on the edge of the bed.

The faint smell of blood still spreads on the tip of the nose.

It’s as if the scene from before can’t be forgotten.

Chen Mo didn't answer. She looked at Chen Mo on the bed and asked, "I thought you were going to pretend you weren't awake yet?"

"There are so many people around outside that it's hard for me to pretend to be asleep."

Chen Mo said helplessly, with a weak voice. His black hair had already turned as dazzlingly pale as an old man's, and he looked as if he had aged many years in an instant.

"Because you saved Shuangxing, they are all grateful to you." Tallulah explained, she reached out and held Chen Mo's palm on the bed.

Cold to the touch.

"You think so too?"

"I have no idea."

"Do not know what is this?"

"I don't know if I can see you again if you really disappear this time." Tallulah whispered, looking at Chen Mo's face: "I found that I was actually very scared in my heart, and I would even think about it, Why didn't you escape, why did you cover Frost Star."

"so……"

Chen Mo said softly and then asked: "But actually you know the reason. In fact, I would also think about these issues a long time ago."

他 说:

"I would think about whether I would risk my life for a friend or someone I have known for a short time. I know that I would not, but if not, I have been trying my best to avoid this kind of thing over the years. happened."

Sometimes Chen Mo can't help but think.

Whether he himself would risk his life for Sfeldt, for Razer, or for the teammates of the Weird Team, he felt that he probably wouldn't, but he didn't know if he would.

So all these years, he has been avoiding this kind of thing.

But many times, just avoiding it doesn't stop it. What's supposed to come will still come, and it will always come.

"I think I actually already have the answer in my mind."

Chen Mo said that of course he would, of course he would do it, even though Sifeldt said it countless times, as if he was joking, saying that if he was in dire straits that day, Chen Mo would do whatever it took to save him.

He will do it.

Because who said he had nothing? The only thing he had was this little thing. Apart from this life, that was all he had.

"Tallulah..."

"I am listening."

"If, I mean if, if one day I am gone and I can no longer be by your side and walk with you, will you continue to walk firmly towards your ideal?"

"Don't say such things."

Tallulah suddenly squeezed his hand.

"I know you will still do it, because you are Tallulah, and because you will not let down those who trust you for your own ideas. This is a good thing, but it is inevitable that sometimes I will be disappointed." Chen Mo Said: "Because I can't do it, because I have been selfish since I was a child."

"Actually, when I found you, I realized that I couldn't be by your side before, and now I can no longer change the things I had hoped for."

Chen Mo said softly, he looked at Tallulah and smiled.

"But you can't go back to the past. Even though I know it in my heart, I still can't help but think like this. After I stayed, it became easier to think like this."

His smile was so dazzling that it made Tallulah want to look away from him, but she was reluctant to do so. She was reluctant to disappoint this person who she knew would be disappointed again, even though she could not promise him anything.

Because she knew very well that she could not and would not look back.

"Don't use spells again in the future." She could only say this, but even she felt unrealistic after saying it.

"I'd love to say yes to you, Tallulah, if I could."

Chen Mo said: "I will not stop you. No matter what you want to do, whether it is for the infected or for Ursus, I will not and have no reason to stop your ideals and your career. But I still What I want to tell you is that the germination of all suffering mostly comes from doubts that arise at a certain moment. Ideal is a word that can be big or small, for tomorrow's three meals, for a decent job, or for the future of the infected. "

"There is no difference between these. The only difference is whether the person with this ideal can remain unswerving as always. Maybe you understand many of the truths, but it is undeniable, Tallulah, no matter what they think or think of you, time Treating everyone equally is the best word, and what you lack is just waiting."

"You...know everything?"

"Ever since I went to Sheva Pagoda and arrived here, I had guessed that this day would come." Chen Mo explained: "What's your answer?"

"I've remembered it," she said, and then asked with a straight face, "What's your answer?"

"I can only do my best."

"That's unfair."

"Perhaps Alina is more suitable to tell you this." Chen Mo suddenly said: "But, Tallulah, don't care or worry about what you look like in the eyes of others, whether it is the leader of the organization or the adopted daughter of the Grand Duke, often What you do is more convincing than what you say. People who believe in you will naturally be willing to follow you, and there is no need to force anyone who questions you."

"I believe that you will find your own way, even if this way is unrealistic and fantasy in the eyes of many people, they are all waiting for you to fall into the abyss between the broken sword of ideal and reality, but I don't think so... …”

He said softly:

"Because the little tower I am familiar with will definitely realize the ideal she desires. Although I have not been able to watch her grow up, she will never disappoint."

Even if one day death comes as scheduled and will separate me from her, even if I have already made preparations, I will still feel fear the moment before darkness comes, and I will greedily want more.

I'm no longer afraid of the pain of death. The only thing I'm afraid of is that someone will be sad after I die.

But I should still understand.

I should understand that I shouldn't continue to chase the shadows left by the past and not let go. What I should do is let go of my former self and never look back.

Even though I will be the only one left in the past.

When people encounter things they want to protect, life no longer belongs to them. They will become your weakness and make you no longer fearless. You will lose a lot because of this, and you may even choose to give up for them.

Many people call this weakness, but it is not.

One day, the things you protect will protect you in turn, and all you have to do is wait, but the waiting is too long, and there is no chance to start over in life.

Chapter 52 Flesh and blood

The evil ideas that Black Snake Kosiche instilled in Tallulah made her believe that everything she said was wrong.

At that time, Tallulah was just starting out, and she was far less calm and calm than she would be after she had experienced a lot. It was natural that she would fall into Cosich's trap, and of course she would feel like a thorn in every word that Cosich said and wanted to refute. .

This is the paranoid part of her, and this part of her paranoia often leads to bitter consequences later on.