Longmen Memoirs

Just imagine, what if part of what Kosiche said was correct? What if Kosiche’s half-truths and half-false deceptions meant that he knew Tallulah would encounter those situations and deliberately let her refute and deny herself? Deny those things that are already normal.

This is not a clever trap.

However, this kind of trap is often extremely effective for people like Tallulah who are overconfident and overly trust their own judgment.

So even if Black Snake is right, Tallulah will subconsciously want to deny it, unwilling to admit it, admitting that Black Snake is right, as if it is a betrayal of herself, she does not allow herself to do that, she is also afraid Once he admits some of Black Snake's correct arguments, he will then admit other of his points.

She has not yet fully understood what is right and what is wrong, but she does not dare to make a mistake, so she chooses to deny it completely, which indirectly leads to the inevitable loss of her thoughts when the scene that Black Snake expected happens in front of her. The ground shook.

From the beginning to the end, from the day she resisted Black Snake to the day she personally killed Black Snake and escaped from his duchy, she had lost all chance of winning.

From that day on, her future has entered a countdown in the Black Snake conspiracy.

And everything she encountered only accelerated this process.

But there are exceptions.

The arrival of Chen Mo is an exception. Compared to Alina, he knows better where their path may lead in the future and what they will encounter.

Tallulah would be more willing to listen to her point of view than a patriot. Even if they had disagreements in the process, Tallulah would be able to speak her mind outright because she could rely on this person and be able to Choose to trust Him.

Compared to Shuangxing and other warriors, Chen Mo, who had experienced more hardships, also knew better what the land beneath their feet really looked like.

As for Chen Mo himself, maybe he is not so willing to watch Tallulah fall into endless suffering and struggle for the infected, but he has no reason to watch her fail for this reason.

For Chen Mo.

Many things in the past have passed. Wei Na once said that only when a person recognizes himself and the path under his feet, can he continue to move forward. In fact, Chen Mo was quite surprised. He was surprised that an extremely lazy person could actually say this. High talk.

Maybe it's because she recognized herself a long time ago, or maybe it's just because the bystander knows better than herself.

That evening.

The night wind outside the house was strong, but it was surprisingly quiet inside.

In the silence, only the candlelight of the bedside candle was burning quietly, casting the shadows of the two people in the room on the thin wall, and the scene was very much like the night when there was a power outage in the orphanage when I was a child.

But there is no more singing of nuns, no more crying of children, no more heavy rain, lightning and thunder outside.

That evening.

Chen Mo said a lot.

It looks like it looked like when I was a kid on the attic window sill.

He told Tallulah, maybe sometimes the infected people you say you meet may not be your friends. Maybe not all infected people are willing to be on your side. Maybe you and them will become enemies. When they contradict you, , doubt you, or even be hostile to you, don’t be too disappointed or discouraged.

Because what you need is not only infected compatriots, but also like-minded comrades, and these people, whether they are infected or non-infected, or even former soldiers of Ursus, even if they are It's a nobleman.

When you gather together for a belief, you should not regard any organization or individual as your belief, but regard your common ideal as your belief, so that your belief will not collapse due to this organization or individual. And collapsed.

When he said these words, Chen Mo couldn't help but think of the Tower of Babel and Kazdaele. If there were any examples that he had seen and experienced personally, then the Tower of Babel was undoubtedly one of the most suitable choices.

Suppose Sakaz loses the war, and Suppose Theresia dies of illness, then the Tower of Babel may fall apart overnight.

This is inevitable.

Even though Theresia has emphasized her ideals countless times, what really unites the group of Sakaz is not her ideals, but herself. Countless Sakaz are only fighting for her, not for her grand ambition. But strive for unrealistic ideals.

Ideals that are too grand will only make people tired.

He said.

Maybe one day, you will be betrayed by the infected people you lead. Maybe nothing you have done can make up for their suspicion of your identity. Maybe sometimes, people's selfishness and indifference are due to their ignorance and ignorance. They cannot tell what is right or wrong because their learning is limited and because they can only see what is in front of them.

Maybe you will find that they don't care so much at all, they don't care about thinking, and they don't care about what everything you do will bring to them in the future.

They are ignorant and make people feel angry and helpless.

But these are normal, nothing more than normal.

Because they have not experienced it, because they can only see what is in front of them, and sometimes, their bad things are bound to happen.

"It shouldn't be like this."

Tallulah wanted to refute what she said, but Chen Mo was very calm. He calmly looked at the girl who was thinking about what he said and then wanted to refute.

"Of course it shouldn't be like this, but many things never depend on a person's will, and many things happen without a reason. For example, an Ussian killed a man who fled to the country because he was afraid of being pursued by the military police. From the perspective of the infected person next to him, of course he is wrong, but from his perspective and from the perspective of Ursus as a whole, there is nothing wrong with this. "

"Tallulah, when something happens hundreds or thousands of times, people will get used to it, take it for granted, and gradually become numb. But this does not mean that it is always right or wrong."

“When something happens and people become accustomed to it, the person doing it will not realize their mistake, but this is not their nature. No one has taught them, no one has taught them what is right. What's wrong? The ideas that Ursus instilled in people make them unable to distinguish the true appearance of things. It's not surprising. If they are considered to be enemies because of this, they deserve to die and they shouldn't. "

"You shouldn't expect something to be solved when you think it can be solved. Maybe you have done it many times and still have no results. Maybe it will not change no matter what you do. But that’s no reason to give up.”

"No one is immune to making mistakes, and no one is always right. What you should expect is not how careful you are to avoid making mistakes. What you should think about is how you will correct yourself after making a mistake. Only by being prepared can you Only then can you avoid making mistakes, and only then can you not be at a loss after making a mistake.”

Chen Mo was talking like this. He seemed to have a lot to say, but in Tallulah's sight, his expression became more and more tired.

Until Talulah reached out to help him straighten the quilt, she inevitably saw the bandaged shoulder under the quilt. The bandage on his shoulder was stained red with blood. It was just a corner, but what you could see was a hideous and terrifying scar. .

Even if you have already thought about this.

But when that scene really came into view, Tallulah realized that she hadn't actually thought about how to speak.

She didn't mention it.

So Chen Mo didn't explain anything, but both of them should know well that some things started to happen after they broke up, and some things had been foreshadowed many years ago.

For some time to come.

Chen Mo stopped talking about his thoughts.

He just talked about some of his experiences over the years, talking about Sasha and Ino, who should be called Faust and Mephistopheles now. He said that he knew a friend, and maybe he could ask him to teach Sasha. That child was very If you have talent, you should be able to stand on your own when you grow up.

He mentioned Kazdaele again, but he didn’t talk about the war he had experienced, nor the current situation in Kazdaele. Instead, he mentioned his friends there. He said there was a person Tallulah should meet. He thought They may be very talkative.

So he gradually talked about Black Steel International, talking about things that he still remembered more or less over the years.

There are always too many. You may remember that there is not much that can be said.

After falling into a trance, all the past experiences he had experienced had unknowingly turned into past events and memories. He had always wanted to find someone to talk to and mention them.

But after going around in circles, I found that I couldn't find a suitable candidate.

In the eyes of others, he is a silent, even a little indifferent person. In the eyes of others, he is a bit arrogant, selfish, and even self-righteous. In the eyes of others, he seems to be able to endure it all by himself.

Perhaps even Chen Mo has forgotten his original appearance.

Perhaps from the time he left the resettlement camp to the orphanage, he was no longer the Chen Heigou that Fox knew.

But what exactly he has become, even he himself cannot tell.

Tallulah listened quietly.

Listening to someone's chatter, Chen Mo's eyes no longer looked at Talulah, she could feel it.

As if to make up for the gap of more than ten years, and as if he only thought about what to say after meeting Tallulah. He didn't think about it at that time, but now, he finally spoke.

The future is still long, and people will think so.

But for Tallulah, for the infected, and for Chen Mo, the future is an illusory word, and it is harder to get in touch with than the rising and setting of the sun.

They had fantasies, but fantasies were just fantasies, and fantasies were easily broken.

Tomorrow is as soon as you open your eyes. Tomorrow always comes quickly, but the future is not certain. The future can never be determined.

Tallulah thought Chen Mo just thought of this.

But for Chen Mo.

His future is probably coming to an end. Although he is reluctant, reluctant, and unwilling to let go, he still has to learn to let go.

Over the years, he could no longer tell whether he missed or was obsessed with the girl in front of him. Maybe there was only that little left between them.

Maybe all that's left between him and Tallulah is a fulfillment that he didn't have time to complete when he was a child, and his extravagant hopes have been shattered when he grows up.

It's just this extravagant hope. The old things are brought up again, but they are vague.

He just suddenly missed Chen, missed Chen who stayed in Longmen, and missed his young daughter.

In the end, he had done nothing for them.

He should have come to the snowfield to bring Tallulah back, he should have settled Chen's regrets and debts and left, and he should have chosen to give up after recognizing the reality.

But he always did this, hitting his head against the wall, and it turned out that he was the one who suffered a bloody head injury.

Chen Mo felt a little stupid.

He gained nothing, but he kept losing. He lost his family, his friends, his rights, his lover, and in the end, he even lost his life.

He couldn't get anything. He was obviously an extremely selfish person, but he couldn't hold anything in his own hands.

But what does he really want?

It is about having power, about controlling one's own destiny, and about paying for one's sins.

No, not these.

What he really wanted was the narrow sky that he had when he was a child, and the swing that was just enough to see the outside of the wall. Every time the maple trees turned red, it would float into the wall with a gust of wind.

It's the cracked ceiling, the magnolia tree outside the ceiling, the noise and excitement of the Longmen alley, the dusk is setting in the west, and the lights are dim.

What he wants is just those things, those things that not many people care about, not many people miss, and not many people remember.

All he wanted was that on that mild and clear winter day, he did not push open the door that was knocked with his own hands.

There is no denying that he has grown weak.

He began to become weak. Once people have thoughts and things to remember, they will inevitably become weak.

Chen Mo found it a bit funny. What was funny was that he was so afraid of seeing sympathy and pity in the eyes of others. What was funny was that he always thought that he might become cold-blooded and strong enough.

He gradually closed his eyes.

Peace is rare in dreams.

He fell asleep.

Breathing steadily, Tallulah's fingers touched his forehead. It was extremely hot. The Originium Disease in his body was starting to attack again, but from the beginning to the end, he never showed any sign of pain.

Tallulah felt terrible pain in her heart.

She didn't know why this was happening. She just felt that even breathing would cause a stinging pain in her chest, as if her whole heart was tightening, making her almost unable to breathe.

Because of Chen Mo's nonsense, because if it were normal times, it would be impossible for him to say those words. He is always afraid of being seen as weak, and he will never show his weak side in front of anyone at any time.

Maybe only in front of Tallulah, maybe only at this time, would he remember what he looked like.

Illness and war were not enough to scare him, only time made him helpless but cherished.

Minutes and seconds passed quietly.

In the past, I always wanted to grow up quickly, but when I grow up, I miss the past.

In fact, what I miss is not the past, but that person, myself at that time, those shattered dreams, and thinking about growing up, but just for these.

Everyone has forgotten that he is a human being.

Forgetting that he is a human being of flesh and blood, he will naturally be afraid, fearful, worried, and hesitant, but because no one has ever seen this side of him, it is natural that he should be like this.

Because he looks strong, he should be strong, so he should be brave, he should move forward fearlessly, and he should not be afraid of life or death.

This never makes sense.

He was just too young, but he had experienced too much. The years were anxiously pulling him to grow up without giving him a break, so of course his life became hasty and busy. It was just that everything he hoped for was constantly broken, so he only Able to keep moving forward among these broken fragments.

Maybe it wasn't that he didn't want to, but that the people he cared about and met made him unable to settle down.

The candlelight flickered.

There was a moment.

Tallulah thought about leaving the snowfield with him, leaving her current ideals, and letting go of everything here. At least if that was the case, they might all have a stable ending.

Maybe now was the best chance, maybe now that her identity was revealed, she would have a legitimate excuse to leave.

But as soon as that thought appeared, it was extinguished.

Because Tallulah knew that she couldn't convince herself.

Chapter 53 Integrity and Justice