Longmen Memoirs

But Chen Mo didn't feel any unnecessary emotions, not even fear or fear. He only had an inexplicable and complicated feeling, a sense of identity and familiarity, which was stronger than when he met Tallulah in the orphanage. Be intense.

But there is also a vague rejection.

Until Ms. Kelsey's figure stood between them, blocking the gaze between Chen Mo and him. It's funny to say that Chen Mo couldn't even see his eyes, but he could clearly feel that he was looking at him. Own.

Those eyes reminded Chen Mo of his past self, whether they were the same.

"Kelsey, could you please let me have a word with Mr. Chen Mo?" Theresia asked.

"Your Highness..."

"Huh? Can you?"

"Please don't forget that you still have a job next?"

"It won't be long, Ms. Kelsey."

Theresia came over, still with a faint smile on her face. That smile dispelled the haze that had just arisen in Chen Mo's heart. Her eyes were very tired, maybe because she didn't have time to rest last night.

"Your Highness..."

"I heard about what happened yesterday, and I'm very grateful to Mr. Chen Mo for your help."

"No, after all, I was here at the time. Even if it was to protect myself, I had reason to do it."

"Mr. Chen Mo actually had the choice to leave at that time. You had reasons to leave, but you stayed and fought with us. I'm sorry for involving you in our fight."

"I live with them. Your Highness, you let me see a different Sakaz, but forgive me for being rude..." Chen Mo paused: "I did not see the kind of future you expected. I only saw part of it, a vague and baseless dream.”

"Dream, just because it is a dream, I want to make it real."

"What do you rely on to make it true?" Chen Mo said: "Everything happened yesterday, Prince Regent, you lost your throne, and now you are driven out of Kazdale like a lost dog. What do you use to guarantee every word you say? Everything you say will come true one day, rather than making promises that are far away."

"Mr. Chen Mo..."

Chen Mo was a little excited. He didn't know where the excitement came from. Perhaps, even he was conflicted and had nowhere to escape from the conflict.

"Yesterday there was a child, you may also know, Karion, a Sakaz student in your school. He told me that he had a wish, but I didn't have time to hear what he wanted to say, and I had no chance to realize it. "Chen Mo said, looking at Theresia's sad face: "Your Highness, can you tell me how many Sakaz people have the same dream as her? Can you tell me whether you have the courage to share their dreams with her? Dreams carry.”

"Perhaps I am not qualified to ask you these questions, but you did let me see a different Sakaz. I seem to have seen the kind of future you mentioned in my dream, but I am not sure whether you...have such a future. It’s a responsibility, not just another vague lie with no end in sight.”

Chen Mo suddenly stopped, as if he realized that he said something he shouldn't have said.

"Sorry, Your Highness, please forgive me for being rude!"

"Mr. Chen Mo...Chen Mo, can I call you this?" She asked: "Chen Mo, the kind of future you mentioned, the kind of future you saw in your dream, can you tell me what it looks like?"

"If I say it, will Your Highness have the courage to make it true?"

"I can't answer your question." Theresia shook her head: "I can't promise you anything, because I know that what I can do is limited, and my own strength is also limited. I can only I do the best I can and try to do what I’m supposed to do.”

"So ambitious?"

"I can only keep my sight on what I can keep, and I will not have the luxury to do things that I can't do. Even if I still have hope for the future, this hope depends not only on my own efforts, but also on my own efforts." What I have to fight for should not be fought for me alone.”

Chen Mo laughed softly.

"Your Highness, you may not know that I had a friend when I was a child. I always thought that she would leave me one day, so I tried my best to keep her and tried every method I could think of, but I still I can feel that she is getting further and further away from me, and I am very panicked, but I have no choice." Chen Mo said: "I hope that she can leave me one day and become the kind of person she wants to be, even if that kind of person She was out of reach for me, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to keep her and trap her with me. I should be a selfish person, and I don't deny this selfishness, so I left first After leaving her, I was thinking, since I can't keep her by my side, maybe one day, when she needs me, I can still be by her side."

"So, did you see her later?"

"No." Chen Mo said: "I'm just getting farther and farther away from her, so far away that I can't even think of her now. I regretted it at first, but regretted that as time went by, I no longer had the energy to take care of her. Your Highness, we What you think and what we do are two completely different things. Sometimes, what you think may not be possible, and what you do may not be what you want to do. I hope it will be beautiful at the beginning, but I hope it will also be Lies, people, change.”

Chen Mo said, pointing to his head.

"And memory is the strongest prison in the world."

Chen Mo may be looking for a hope, a sustenance, to settle his already tired soul. Theresia made me see hope, but Chen Mo is also afraid, afraid that this hope is false, a false fantasy.

But Theresa's next words made his mind go blank.

She asked:

"Are your memories painful to you?"

ps: The following will be very sweet. It tells the story of the princess and Chen Mo. I can no longer be a Wan Geng loli, I can only make an occasional guest appearance, but don't worry, one chapter will not be less than 4k.

ps2: This book is a memoir. It is naturally written about one person’s memories, so the narrative method will be different from other novels.As for Chen Mo's current identity, in the 1100th year of the Crystallization Era, one thing that can be revealed is that at least he was once the regent of Victoria, with four children, 2 daughters, and a pair of twins.

ps3: The princess changed the snake, and the snake is reborn. As for the number 013,13, the number [-] is very strange. In the East and the West, if you search on Baidu, you will know that it is actually very appropriate, and it can be regarded as a small spoiler.

Chapter 76 The blade should be guarded

Later, Foxhound and Chen also asked Chen Mo the same question. That night in Longmen, it rained heavily on the streets. The rain on the asphalt road reflected the brilliant lights of the city at night.

Chen stood behind him holding an umbrella.

She asked him: "Do you want to drown in your memories forever?"

The wind and rain blew away the umbrella she held in her hand. The rain was so heavy that they couldn't hear each other's breathing in the cold rain, as if they were a world apart.

What do my memories bring me?

Chen Mo has been thinking about this question. Is it really just making him suffer?

Chen Mo occasionally recalled the warm moments in the orphanage, the fallen leaves in autumn, the snow in winter, the streets in spring, and the pool in summer.He will think of Chen Yi, who was soaked in water and angrily playing with him in the courtyard of the orphanage with a water pipe. He will think of the summer when we climbed out of the fence together. He will think of the maple leaves floating into the orphanage in autumn. He will also think of Chen Li. Screaming when on the swing.

They once piled a snowman next to the big iron gate together. The snowman melted for a long winter. The acorns dropped by the oak trees were carefully collected and filled into a glass bottle. That whole summer was full of joy.

They once sat in front of the long table in the orphanage. The high bench allowed the calves to hang gently and sway. There was bright sunshine outside the window. Tallulah's silver hair reflected the sunlight as brightly as the knife and fork.

They once walked on the streets of Longmen together, passed through lonely alleys, and walked up long ramps. The two of them would hug each other tightly in the stroller, filled with excitement and joy. With suppressed excitement, Chen Mo was a coolie doing his job.

Together they walked through the spring in Longmen, crossed the summer in Longmen, welcomed the maple leaves in autumn, and survived the snow in the cold winter.

Year after year, month after month, day after day, they don't feel boring and boring, they just feel that time is short and rushed. The rising and setting of the sun and moon at every pier are enough for them to look forward to.

I hope tomorrow will come as soon as possible, and I hope the night will pass quickly.

Every absurd story, every dissatisfied scolding, every unreasonable trouble, every bickering and laughter, now it seems that I miss it so much.

Chen Mo misses Longmen, misses his memories, misses Chen and Tallulah when they were young, and misses his past self.

But time always moves forward, and there is no chance for anyone to take advantage of it. He once hoped that he could grow up as soon as possible, but only after he grew up did he realize how precious everything was when he was a child.

But in the end, they can only live in Chen Mo's memory, just like the dragon gate, that street and the tall magnolia in his own memory.

These memories accompanied him all the way through the battles and killings in the black wall, through the darkness and snowy fields, and were thrown into the deepest part of the black wall. When Chen Mo wanted to recall, most of what occupied his mind was the darkness. Wall of memory.

It was the frightened eyes before death, the begging for mercy that made him feel irritated and harsh over and over again, the hysterical struggle and the choking before breathing was about to end, the crying, the low interfering voice of 052, and the things that made Chen Mo feel sad one after another. Questions that cannot be answered.

The heavy snow froze his face, and even breathing in the snow was stinging with coldness, suppressing his lungs, but he still had to breathe, because I was still alive, even if life was so painful and difficult.

He walked through the blizzard with no end or way forward outside the black wall. The snow covered his calves, making it difficult to walk and the cold was bone-chilling.

He clenched the cold knife handle in his hand. The handle was stuck to the palm of his hand in the dried and frozen blood. In front of him was a light that obscured his vision, leaving only a painful paleness in the light.

Yes, it's painful, but there are some good memories. Chen Mo still has memories that he can't forget, accompanying him to grow up all the way, accompanying him through the spring, summer, autumn and winter without them, accompanying him through this long and difficult journey. Another lonely journey.

Whether it was warmth or pain, it once belonged to me, and it was an indelible trace in Chen Mo's life.

"Chen Mo, many people have some memories that they don't want to recall, but at the same time, they also have beautiful pasts that remain in their hearts. Memories bring us not only pain, but also allow us to remember these and our previous experiences so as not to do it again. The same mistake." Theresia said softly:

"You shouldn't run away from them, you should try to accept them. They were once part of your life. We all say that elders are wiser because elders live much longer than ordinary people and naturally have more. Memories, these memories will make you grow. There should not be too many difficulties in a person's life, and it is not just suffering that remains in the memory. If you live just for suffering, your life will be difficult and sad, right?"

She gently raised her hand and took Chen Mo's finger.

"The me standing in front of you may one day become your memory. I hope that in your memory, I will leave you with a good impression."

This is Kazdaele, a place where hope is buried, a well-known desperate situation on this continent, a country that has long been predicted to have no future.

People here are displaced, wars are frequent here, and it is a hell on earth.

But now, there is a person who looks like an angel in hell holding her hand, even though she was originally a cunning and evil devil in the eyes of the world.

God imprisoned you for 1000 years. After a thousand years, the devil took you out of the prison and released your shackles with his own hands.

In the eyes of the world, they are all devils.

"I think His Highness has left a good impression on everyone." Chen Mo took out his hand.

Theresia gently clasped her fingers.

"is it?"

"Yes, I have lived here not long, but I have personally lived with the people here. They call His Highness the future of Kazdaele. The impression you left on everyone is a good one."

"Isn't this what you really want to say, Chen Mo? You can't lie to me." She smiled softly.

"Why did Your Highness say such a thing?"

“If I can truly leave a good impression on everyone, I don’t want their memory to be of me, but of their lives.”

She raised her eyes and looked at the devastated camp, the fireworks rising in the camp, the busy and tired people, and the occasional crying, laughing and cursing mixed in with the noise.

"What you see now, I am the one who brought it about. I want to try my best to leave a good memory for everyone, just because they need it, but I didn't do it, Chen Mo, just As for me, there was a time when I was wondering whether what I did was right.”

She turned her head and looked at Chen Mo, her rose-red eyes filled with deep exhaustion. Behind her was the dilapidated Sakaz camp. Kelsey was saying something to the doctor, and the man shrouded in a coat whispered in reply. Outside Muzhalan lies the endless wilderness of Kazdare, and the leaden sky without a trace of extra color.

"I don't care about the throne, or whether I am the so-called princess. What I care about is Kazdale. The people living in Kazdale. I bring them hope, but at the same time, I am also the one who brings this long war to life." When it comes to them, they have experienced enough war and suffering, and I am supposed to end it all." She said, and then asked: "You just asked me if I have the courage to turn what you want into reality, and at the same time I have asked myself a question countless times, whether I can really lead them to find the future they want. Ms. Kelsey always said that I should not waver, I am not wavering..."

"You can't see the way forward, right?" Chen Mo suddenly asked. "Nowhere in sight."

Just like a long time ago, he was equally uncertain about his future. The long snow, the endless fighting, the day-to-day life, the high pressure, the touch of cutting flesh and bones. He had been tired and used fatigue to numb himself. , I also thought about making myself smile every day.

But I still feel that it is far away, and I feel that every day has no direction. I want to go back, but I don’t have the strength and courage to go back. I am controlled by others and can’t help myself.

"Yes, it's a long way off." Theresia murmured in a low voice: "There are sunsets and sunsets every day in Cazdale, just like Victoria and Colombia, but everything here seems to be as long as there is no end in sight. , when I open my eyes and see the sunrise, I think it’s a new day, a new day of hope, but the sun will always set, welcoming another tomorrow and another hope.”

"But before you appeared, the Sakaz people never considered whether they could see the sunrise tomorrow, Your Highness." Chen Mo said against his will: "It was you who gave them this hope."

Chen Mo thought of what Scout said to him, and of his exchanges with the Sakaz residents in the camp. Before meeting Theresia, few of them would actually consider whether the sun would rise or set tomorrow. What matters most is whether I will still be alive tomorrow and where my next lunch will be.

Kazdaele should not have hope, but what Kazdaele needs most is hope. People are eager to get things that are out of reach and to change, even if it is just a dream, like a castle in the air that will collapse at the touch of a touch.

"Is this hope true or false, good or bad?" she asked, as if she was asking me again, but also as if she was asking herself. The Origin Stone had eroded her body and her condition was getting worse day by day. Although Dr. Kelsey She was trying her best to suppress it, but she could still feel her life passing by slowly, and Kazdel still couldn't wait for her tomorrow.

The future remains uncertain.

"It's good if they need it." Chen Mo said. He never thought that one day, he would have such great longing for these two empty words of hope. He never thought that one day, he would be the same as before. That child told others things that even he no longer believed.

"Your Highness, you should not question your actions. You have already embarked on this road. You can't see the way ahead, but you can't turn back. Everyone here, these people in front of you, are following behind you. , you gave them this belief, and at the same time you controlled their life and death. Nothing is more terrifying than losing your belief, even death."

Death is not terrible, at least among the Sakaz people Chen Mo has met, they are all a group of lunatics who are not afraid of death. The Sakaz people are never afraid of death, but there are too many things in the world that are more terrifying than death, scout He was one of them, but he was just a microcosm, a microcosm of those who followed Theresia.

They gather here for a belief, they are not afraid of death, because there are more important things waiting for them than living. They are a group of fools, but Scout said that his life was too bad, and it would be worth it if he died in a damn place.

{[$#

"A good ruler should not reveal his feelings to others at will, and a qualified ruler should not question his own path. If you choose this path, no matter what the prospects are, it has involved the lives and deaths of countless people."

"Perhaps, I am not suitable to be a ruler?" Theresia tilted her head slightly and glanced at Chen Mo.

"You already are."

In fact, we all have no choice. Once we set foot on this road, we can only be pushed forward. This is our fate. Unless you can cut off this fate ruthlessly, but you who cut it off, if you survive, If you go down, will you still be you like that?

Chen Mo did not stand as high as Theresia, but for this deformed and twisted world, and for the feudal and corrupt rulers of the city-state, what he had was beyond their reach.

He does not have lofty vision or broad insights. He is not great, nor does he have lofty ambitions and abilities. He is an ordinary ordinary person. Naturally, he cannot understand the inexplicable weapons, spells, and mobile cities in this world. He had stood on the land of another world.

It was a land that had long since escaped from ignorance. It might not be far ahead of its time, it might be backward in some places, and Chen Mo couldn't understand everything about it, but he had seen it before.

As it should be, the world Theresa expected had really unfolded before his eyes. He had seen what kind of era it was, he had seen how people in that world got along with each other, and he had also seen the real world. The "equality" that people in the world expect.

Kelsey should really dissect his brain. She should really pry out the memories, memories and retained past in Chen Mo's brain. She would see a different world, a world that completely subverted her concept. , maybe by that time, she won't be both looking forward to and confused about that so-called future.

She would not feel that the future was full of uncertainties, and Theresia would not give up hope because of this, and place her hopes on a child.

Demon King, what a ridiculous and sad title.

Chen Mo owns an entire island, but he just stands in the mountains and forests of the island. He doesn't know how to build it, how to make this island a new kingdom, and the Eden of this world.

If the Doctor is the Noah Kelsey found, and Rhode Island is the Ark of this world, then Chen Mo is Adam, and everything in his mind is an Eden that has not yet been discovered.

He never dared to tell his secrets, and he never dared to tell others the memories in his mind. There was even a time when he forced himself to forget it. He shouldn't remember this.

Because the things in his mind are so deviant and heinous in the eyes of this world. People say that if you surpass the era by half a step, you will be a genius, and by one step you will become a madman. But Chen Mo, he has surpassed the entire Crystal Era.

what is he?

He should be a god, but there is no god in this world, and he does not have the ability to become a god. He just wants to live, but living is so difficult and painful, and every step is so heavy that people can't breathe. Come, every step is like being stuck in a quagmire.

Chen Mo should really become an ordinary person. He should give up the innocent fantasies in his mind, give up the children of big shots, give up Chen, and give up Tallulah.