You're not a serious magical girl, are you?

The girl pulled away from him, her purple pupils behind the glasses forced a smile, but it was so dim for the first time.

"Take it as an apology for the hair. It is crying quietly. If it can express its inner guilt in this way, maybe it will be happier?"

Ueno Kita kept silent, just sat down on the bed consciously, and patted the bed lightly twice, this action made Hiiragi Yinmeng who was standing up couldn't help but smile.

"Okay, here we come."

At this time, it is not certain that I really have to thank Deng Hua——was her idea of ​​studying magic a whim, or... was it deliberate?

Forget it, even if you ask her, you probably won't be able to find an answer.

"I often dream about my mother."

Whenever the illness deepened, or when she felt lonely in the middle of the night, she would dream of her mother.

Family members who are related by blood and family members who are not related by blood, the domains of the two are distinct, and even Huan Caiyu has strengths and weaknesses.

In the dark corner where there is no sunlight all year round, some painful emotions are sprouting quietly, and she can't find anyone to confide in, and she is unwilling to confide in others.

"The mother in my dream is more or less...somewhat unreal."

"She will call me tenderly, worry about me from the bottom of her heart, and stay by my side tirelessly..."

Take care of her, love her, listen to her talk about her insecurities, stroke her head, put her to sleep.

"However, that doesn't exist. It's just a phantom of my inner desire. Isn't my mother like that... Ah, isn't that disrespectful to her? Obviously my mother still exists, but I don't Wanting to abandon her real appearance, constructing such a phantom in my mind, I can't even accept her officially... I really don't respect her."

What emanated from her was a strong loneliness.

A lonely look appeared on the girl's face, this was the hole that Iroha Huan had spotted but couldn't erase completely.

"Big brother looks very sad. Is it because he has such a good personality, so he will feel sad when he hears other people's misfortune?"

Obviously the one who should be comforted, but this child showed an unexpected calmness.

Because it is something that has been prepared long ago, because it is something that has been clarified countless times in the bottom of my heart.

The touch of the soul does exist, but as long as you know it well, you won't show such a sad expression.

She didn't want people to pity her, that would disappoint her.

But if she herself is pitying someone, and that person is pitying her, that one-sided almsgiving will turn into a more intimate and intoxicating resonance.

"Am I being seen through like this?"

"Because it is easy to see pity for a person. The emotions are written on the face, and one can see the inner thoughts at a glance."

"Is it like you are pitying me too? Xiao Yinmeng."

"……Um."

Hiiragi Yinmeng raised the corners of her mouth slightly, and let out a long breath of relief.

"I think, big brother, you are also lonely."

"Huh? How do you know this?"

"Because big brother can talk in sleep, I heard a name before... Yan, is that what it's called?"

Ueno Kita was really stunned for a moment, he never thought that he would hear this familiar name from Hiiragi Onmeng's mouth.

You've said everything...it's convenient.

"I've also heard Yinmeng talk in your sleep, but it's your mother."

"...There's no need to say this kind of thing, it's embarrassing to hear."

"I'm older than you and I don't feel ashamed. There's no shame in children thinking about their mother."

Ueno Kita swayed her calf, and the uncontrollable smile came into Hiiragi's eyes, which made the girl sigh helplessly.

"That Homura... is a very important person to big brother, right?"

"Is your intuition so keen?"

"Because in that situation, Big Brother wouldn't call out the names of unimportant people, right? Besides, Big Brother's expression at that time...was very lonely."

"lonely?"

Obviously, he wanted to comfort Hiiragi Yinmeng, but before he knew it, the topic was dragged away by Hiiragi Yinmeng.

The kid has always had a mind of his own.

In her own way, she was asking him for that comfort and reliance that was not expressed in words.

Ueno Kita's worried heart also calmed down, and he looked at the child seriously.

"People's loneliness can be seen. Even if they behave as if nothing happened on weekdays, a touch at a certain moment will reveal the true inner nature. As long as the companions have seen the lonely appearance of the people around them, then The impression will be deeply rooted in my heart and will never be forgotten.”

Just like her loneliness, also like Ueno Kita's loneliness.

"Lonely people and people who are not lonely are hard to get together."

"Because lonely people and non-lonely people see different scenes and experience different time. When others are moving forward, we are left standing still in circles, and then Just being left behind by others.”

Have you been left behind?

Ueno Kita held his breath slightly, nodded, but shook his head again.

"I don't like the idea of ​​being left behind, we actually locked ourselves in boxes."

Chapter 165 Missing and falling in love with her 【Is it family? 】

People are always used to locking themselves in boxes.

When encountering something that scares you, or something that hurts you, you will want to seek an absolutely safe harbor, then abandon everything and hide in it, hiding in a place that no one can touch and gently licking the wound.

But the more you hide in the box, the more lonely you will feel.

The box is safe, but the person who shrinks in the box cannot walk, will be left behind, and will be alienated from others.

Gradually, loneliness will come to my heart, and I am no longer satisfied with the safe but lonely atmosphere in the box.

Then, I will long for—who can save me and pull me out of the box.

While hiding oneself deeply, while longing for redemption, this is a human being.

If you want to talk about loneliness, everyone is lonely.

People are born lonely, and their hearts live on a small isolated island. Even if they occasionally come into contact with other people's islands, their hearts will not be connected to each other.

"People's hearts will not be connected, and no one will know what you want at any time... However, hearts and hearts can gradually get closer, shortening the long distance, making two islands close, until a certain moment, two islands The islands are almost pieced together into an island, and there are only small rivers between them, or small ditches that can be crossed with a small step, so it can be considered complete."

And carrying expectations, what brings the two islands closer is friendship, family affection, and love.

"Won't really blend together...that's cruel."

"Yeah, it's cruel... But the reason why people are human is the independence of the heart, which is a necessary condition."

Ueno Kita gently stroked the top of the child's head, the girl's docile appearance made him raise his mouth.

"It's like we can have a sympathy, understand each other, but never become the same person."

When the islands are closely adjacent to each other, the connection between people has been completed, and the excessively morbid pursuit of "spiritual consistency" has fallen into a distorted direction.

"Indeed, my loneliness is also different from yours, big brother, but they have similar results due to different reasons."

But one thing is certain.

It is obviously such a heavy topic, but it can be said so naturally, two people who feel lonely sitting together, for the first time feel that the two sides are so close.

Witnessed each other's fragile appearance, and easily understood each other's heart.

"Actually, as far as I am concerned, I should like your lonely appearance, big brother."

"Ok?"

"The joyful emotions will disappear like running water, and finally only a faint trace remains, but the lonely appearance of big brother is still fresh in my memory. I think... maybe because at that time, I accidentally discovered the true identity of big brother What does it look like?"

"So, that lonely look... In memory, it will probably never fade."

"Nayinmeng, do you think I'm still lonely now?"

"Of course, I've been deeply lonely all the time. Even if I'm laughing all the time, there must be a place hidden deep in my heart that we can't reach. That place is dark and dark, and only you, big brother, know what it is. What kind of loneliness."

Just like the hole in her heart that blows cold air, if she doesn't speak out, others can only warm it, but they can't erase it.

Only by pouring it out, sharing the vulnerability and insignificance with others, will there be a slight possibility...to fill that void.

"Since Yinmeng has already figured it out so clearly, it should be clear...every lonely person is calling for help."

Originally, I wanted to comfort this lonely child, just like when I glimpsed the loneliness of Tomoka Satomi at that time, I wanted to soothe their inner sadness.

But at this time... things turned out like this.

Inexplicably, it became sitting side by side, talking about each other's loneliness.

Hiiragi sound dreams of getting something from him, but she is unwilling to give nothing, she examines the loneliness shared by the two of them, and finally indulges in it.

She has a unique beauty. Even though she suffers from setbacks and suffers from unbearable pain, she still looks at the world peacefully.

"Well, big brother is like this, and so am I."

Huanyou is like this, Satomi Toka is like this, even Lianhuan Iroha is like this.

In this ward, everyone is haunted by a strong and lingering loneliness. The shared loneliness brought them together, and then they trusted each other, and gained warmth from each other, so that the feeling of loneliness gradually faded away. .

They are nostalgic for Huan Caiyu, and Huan Caiyu is also nostalgic for them.

Not simply as an older sister or a younger sister, but because...they can get what they lack from each other.

Patients who are isolated from the outside world, students who can't find friends at school, people with two identities have their own inner sorrows, but in this small ward, they jointly create a world that belongs to them alone, so that they can be in the same room. Rest in peace and laugh freely in this small world.

"I've always been scared."

Hiiragi Yinmeng lowered her head, and slowly closed her purple eyes behind the glasses.

"I know that I am being abandoned by my family...they are going farther and farther away, so far away that I can no longer see their backs. This feeling is very uncomfortable. Whenever I think of this incident, my heart feels like it is tightened Pain, and at night when the disease is getting worse, such pain makes people toss and turn."

She looked up at Ueno Kita, even though she said such sad words, she still rarely changed her expression.

Sometimes she can't tell whether the labor pain she feels is a physical sensation, or if the mind feeds back to the body, making people feel the pain...

"I was afraid of being abandoned by my family, and I hoped that they would not abandon me, but things backfired. No matter how much I resisted in my heart, now... I am indeed abandoned."

Therefore, they will ask others for help.

"I will go back. The relationship between family members is not so easy to cut off. After I am discharged from the hospital, I will go back home, and I will naturally be able to return to them."

Ueno Kita pressed the back of the child's hand, and the intertwined palms could give her a faint warmth.

"I can't go back, just like my elder brother said, my elder brother can understand my thoughts, but the only one who really understands my deepest thoughts is myself."

"Big brother, I can't go back. I don't know if I can be discharged from the hospital in the future, but even if I can, the withered petals will not go back in time and stick together again. In my heart, to my mother, to my family...even if I don't say it, But I already have a different view, even if I am lucky enough to be able to return to them, the time I experienced in the hospital will not be forgotten by me..."

Can not go back.

The shadow of the past is like a shadow, and the tide of loneliness and pain in those late nights sweeps from behind, like a gangrene, it will jump out at any time in daily life, reminding her that the distance between her and her family is not what she thought. as close.

She was pushed away by her family, and she pushed them away, unwillingly, but unconsciously.

The farther and farther distance corresponds to the more and more lonely heart.

"Big brother, I think, I'm probably asking you for help now, just like what you said, the more you lock yourself in the box, the more you want someone to reach out to you and pull yourself out of the box ...So, I'm probably in the box, and I want to ask you for help, big brother, right?"

It wasn't until this moment that the girl's face showed a visible and moving sadness.

"Can you save me? Big brother?"

These words cannot be said to Huan Iroha.

The two of them are very close, but Iroha Tamaki can't do it... As for my sister, she can't handle this kind of thing.

Huan Iroha's heart is sincere, even if she has no talent, even if she is a little clumsy, she is still willing to do anything for them.

Because of this, she couldn't confide these words to Huan Caiyu... If she still wanted to see the smiles on each other's faces, then these sad things could only be kept in her heart and no one would know.

Until...his appearance.

Ueno Kita's answer is naturally - yes.

He wanted to do this, but when this child asked for help in front of him, how could he be so cruel as to refuse?

Even if she didn't confide this vulnerable side to him, he would reach out to her.

But since she has seen everything so thoroughly, the answer is not only that it can be saved.