I am the emotional sustenance of your deceased

"You can't bite it?"

"Hmm! I can't bite it."

"it is good."

It is really troublesome to take care of children, especially those who have not yet grown their teeth. They have to consider their teeth when deciding what to eat.

Lenai has no experience of caring for others, only the experience of being cared for. She has not yet fully accepted the fact that she has become an adult who can take care of minors.

Lenai gestured at Chitose's small mouth from a distance and found that the other party really couldn't eat such a big burger.

This was her oversight.

I even ordered a large and expensive dish, fearing that the food wouldn't be good or filling.

Lenai put down the food in his hand, went to the kitchen and cut the burger into small pieces with a knife.

It's eleven o'clock in the evening, the best time to have a midnight snack.

But as a child, it is a bit late for dinner.

Ever since she moved out alone, she hasn't paid much attention to her daily routine.

He only eats when he is hungry, and even when he is sleepy he looks at his phone before going to bed. His daily activity time periods are not fixed.

"Can you bite it now?"

"Uh-huh!"

Watching the children eating the tiny hamburger crumbs, Lenai felt like she was playing house with a Barbie doll.

So, is this what Noda Chitose felt like back then?

Lenai opened the refrigerator, took out a can of beer that had been chilled for more than three days, and started drinking without hesitation.

The first time he drank after Chitose left was at the instigation of Xiaosui. That night was filled with thick confusion, so much so that even now Lenai would often marvel at the aftertaste of that night.

And drinking again is out of sorrow for them?

A frame of memory suddenly flashed through his mind, and Kaname saw them again in his imagination.

The beer was as bitter as her life, and she drank it in big gulps hoping to forget everything.

A tragic life, a deceased friend, a guide you can never see again... all make way for Kaname! Now is the time for a good drink!

"Mom, I'm done! I'm all done. Isn't that amazing?"

"Hmm...very impressive."

Lenai was stunned when she heard this, having just forgotten that she had a daughter.

What's wrong with me? My brain is not working properly.

[Alcohol's effect on me...isn't that significant...it's probably because I wasn't mentally prepared...ultimately, it's my fault.]

"Um, um, I..."

Looking at Chitose who was hesitant and embarrassed to speak in front of her, Le Na felt that something was wrong.

The child had been chatting happily with her until a few minutes ago, and he was very cute, not being so secretive when trying to say something.

"What do you want? Just say it."

[This is the first time my daughter has asked me for something since I became a mother!]

She even felt a long-lost excitement.

[Hurry up and ask! Just like when I asked Chitose-san to take me to a matcha parfait!]

"Guitar! I want to play guitar! Just like I saw you backstage before!" Chitose stopped pretending and jumped in front of Lenai with stars in her eyes: "Mom Lenai! Teach me guitar!"

"I want to be someone as shining as you! Please, please, please! Please!"

Pretending to be a little girl and acting coquettishly is Qiansui's specialty. Over the years, she has played the role of someone else's sister or daughter countless times.

"I…"

Such a simple request.

Lenai was dumbfounded. It was the first time she was asked to teach someone to play the guitar.

She has been a loner these years, and when she meets someone who wants to ask her a question, she will avoid the topic the moment she senses it.

"Playing guitar is a very personal and dangerous thing. Many times, playing guitar only adds to my troubles."

Lenai tried to keep her words as tactful as possible:

"Are you sure you want to learn?"

Become someone who shines like me?

Forget it, she is the only one who wants Lenai to be the least shining person in the world.

"Yeah! I really want to learn."

"That…"

It was so sudden that Kaname didn't know how to answer the child.

She was still so young, just as young as I once was.

But because of her momentary greed, she embarked on a different life - if it weren't for Lenai's momentary idea of ​​adopting a child, their life trajectories would not have overlapped.

"So, besides wanting to be as dazzling as me, why did you want to learn guitar? And why did you sneak backstage to watch the performance that day?"

"Huh?" Qian Sui seemed to have never thought about this question before. She quickly blurted out, "Why so many reasons? I just want to play! Mom is stupid!"

"what…"

"So, Mom," Chitose propped up her head and looked at Lenai, "Why do you play the guitar?"

Why do you play guitar?

"I forgot... But do I really need to learn it?"

Lenai didn't want to explain too much on this issue.

Don't think too deeply! This is the instruction given by the brain to Lenai. Otherwise, everything will become unfortunate.

"Come with me."

There was still half a bottle of beer, but Lenai didn't want to drink it anymore.

It's bitter and hard to drink.

Just as bad as her life.

……

In the basement of the Noshiro residence in early autumn, 22-year-old Kaname Rakuna was wiping her guitar with a handkerchief soaked in the scent of cherry blossoms.

That was the guitar that Chitose Noshiro left for her.

The six-year-old Chitose Kaname was hiding behind Lenae and peeking around. Her white hair fell off naturally and stuck to Lenae's clothes like cat hair.

"call."

Kaname Rakuna smelled a familiar scent, but for a moment she couldn't tell whether it was coming from the handkerchief or from Chitose.

"Want to come for a sound check?"

Lenai turned the guitar towards Chitose, their faces reflected on it.

If you look closely, you can seem to see the shadow of Chitose Noshiro handing the guitar to Rakuna Kaname.

"Ok!"

When Lenai was about to teach the young children to play their first chord, she recalled that day when she was a child.

It was early spring, and the falling cherry blossom petals happened to get stuck between the strings, leaving tiny bloody marks on them.

This moment is forever imprinted in Lenai's memory, and has become the source of nightmares that often cause Lenai to be in a trance.

"SPACE... has been gone for eight years."

"what!"

When Chitose taught Renai how to tune the guitar, the red cherry blossom carvings on the back of the black guitar were reflected in the basement light and turned it into a blood-red color.

Patting Kaname Chitose's head, Kaname Rakuna shook her head: "Nothing. Um..."

"When I can no longer play, I'll give you my guitar."

That’s for later.

And now, I have given you the words that Chitose-nee gave me.

I am...years old.

Ch399. In just a moment, it collapsed

“How does it feel to play guitar?”

After a little teaching, Rakuna discovered that Chitose was very talented.

He is really talented...at least better than her.

She is just as good as the Chitose Noshiro in my memory, just as good as the Chitose Haizuka who has left her... just...

"That's brilliant, sir."

"Huh? Excellent?"

"Well, it's better than the first time I learned it."

"How old was Mom when she first learned it?"

"Also... six years old."

I helped my daughter take a bath, wiped and dried her hair, and coaxed her to sleep. My daughter was so well-behaved and not noisy at all.

[Is this the Chitose I raised...?]

Soon, they had finished packing and went to bed.

"Do you like this home, old?"

"I like it...Thanks mom for adopting me."

She even said thank you, completely unaware of how many dirty thoughts she, as an adult, was hiding... Little girls are just naive.

Yao Lenai bit her lower lip with a complicated look in her eyes. No one could see her sadness in the dim light.

"Just don't blame me."

"I don't blame you! After all! I love Lenai's mother the most!"

"!!!"

At that moment, I don’t know if it was an illusion, but Kaname Rakuna heard Kaname Chitose’s voice, but she didn’t only hear Kaname Chitose’s voice.

She…seemed to hear a more mature voice and a more steady and playful voice.

[Is it you?]

"Hmm..." Lenai covered her mouth to prevent her emotions from bursting out, and she once again suppressed the impulse in her heart.

Reaching out to turn off the lights and saying good night to each other, this is how we first met.

In the darkness, Lenai couldn't fall asleep for a long time. She now regretted taking Sui home and then changing her name on her own initiative.

Especially using that name... But, this is not what Kaname Rakuna regrets the most.

[The thing I regret most is that after I couldn't sleep, I didn't turn around, but instead stared at the side of his face.]

They look so alike... too similar.

It's just one person.

When the little girl fell into a deep sleep out of exhaustion, Lenai dared to mumble in a low voice:

"I…"

[I want to sleep with you, Chitose-nee... and Xiaosui.]

[No, Xiao Sui, don't misunderstand me... I'm not talking about having sex, and I don't want to kiss your lips anymore. I... I'm just talking about sleeping.]