My love game with them that will lead to certain death

Chapter 34 Twin Flames

"Come to think of it, Narumi, you've never thought about dating anyone - why?"

Deep in the corner of Yamaakita Ryo's distant memory, there was once a conversation with a curly-haired boy.

This is what happened before she was accidentally pulled into the "parallel world".

"Because I don't have the energy and money to waste time getting to know someone who may not be compatible with me at all."

The boy who was hiding outside the livehouse with her took a sip of canned coffee, then frowned and stuck out his tongue.

"Ugh... it's so unpalatable. So this is what it tastes like."

This was his first time tasting canned coffee, and he only bought it because he saw Yamada Ryo liked this drink.

"Forget it. It's as bitter as my life... It's not unacceptable."

He finished the coffee in a few gulps, sipping the cold drink nonchalantly, not paying attention to the crappy joke he threw out, and raised his eyebrows without changing his expression.

"I understand, Xiao Hai, you are the type who would say, 'I won't fall in love until I meet my soul mate.'"

"It's probably similar...but I'm not waiting for a soul mate."

"Oh? That's...?"

“I don’t know if you’ve heard of this, Yamada. There’s a term that describes the relationship between people called ‘twin flames.’ ”

The boy explained this concept seriously, and to be honest, Yamada was actually a little confused at the time.

“When you meet your soul mate, you feel like you’ve known them in a past life. But when you meet your twin flame, it’s like you’re seeing another version of yourself. Everyone has their own unique personality patterns, but you and your twin flame will merge at the soul level.”

“Twin flames are like mirrors that let you peer into your own soul. You will understand yourself and what it means to be human better than ever before.”

"You can forgive them easily, just like forgiving yourself. Even if they escape from your relationship, you know that this relationship is not the end, but points to a longer future."

He played with the empty can, his tone flat.

“This is actually the kind of relationship I long for.”

Human beings are so troublesome. They can never understand each other. Even a glance or a simple micro-expression can cause misunderstanding.

"Being with someone who is so compatible with you, life will be passionate even if it is short."

If there really is a "twin flame" in this world who is like another self, there would be no need for complicated explanations or white lies, and we could understand each other's thoughts without saying much.

“I feel like there’s a rock song called “Twin Flames”… um, I can’t remember.”

Yamada Ryo thoughtfully changed the topic to another one, to which the curly-haired boy just laughed twice. To be honest, he was used to this kind of thing from Yamada.

From that day on, Ming Hai also started drinking coffee regularly.

Yamada would always find cans of coffee on the front desk where he worked, and occasionally he would see him sneaking to the vending machine during his break.

Twin flames...it sounds like a lot of trouble.

Why should you look for someone who is highly compatible with you in all aspects? Can't you live a good life just by relying on yourself?

However, Ming Hai did not deny this point. It seemed that in his opinion, a partner was just the icing on the cake and not a life-long help. This might be one of the reasons why he was not in a hurry to find a relationship.

But all in all, Ryo Yamada initially had a noncommittal attitude towards the concept of "twin flames".

Until one moment she realized belatedly that her twin flame seemed to be extinguished.

In the afternoon, after receiving a call, the Shimokitazawa police rushed to the residence and found the body of a young boy in the dilapidated apartment where the call was made - and a short-haired blue-haired girl who was holding the boy's body and quietly waiting for the police to arrive.

There were no signs of a fight in the room, and there were no footprints or fingerprints left by anyone other than the first discoverer of the body. The police initially determined that it was suicide caused by an overdose of sleeping pills. A more accurate inference will require further autopsy.

Judging from the living environment of the deceased, the teenager, who had been in decadence and chaos for a long time, felt that he was not accepted by society, so he gave up on himself and indulged in smoking, drinking and rock music all day long. Finally, after an unbearable emotional collapse, he chose to commit suicide - this is the most reasonable speculation.

And consistent with this speculation, there is a stack of thick notebooks neatly placed in the middle of the messy desk, as if deliberately intended to attract people's attention - this should be something he left behind at the last moment before he decided to leave.

Because the book mentioned the hope that the notebook could be made public, the police finally decided to respect the teenager's wishes and asked reporters to report the relevant contents concisely without revealing too much information about the deceased.

The densely packed pages are filled with his deep frustration when he looks back on his life, his statements about his original family - and his harsh words to the people around him in a daze. Although those were not his original intentions, the conflicting and torn emotions always made him make the worst decision.

The part that was emphasized, occupying almost half of the entire notebook, was his confession for ending the PUA behavior of the band's guitarist, Ichiri Goto.

In the book, he admitted that as a third-rate bassist, he had mediocre talent and could not catch up with the genius no matter how hard he tried. Out of jealousy of Goto Ichiri's talent, he did many things that seemed excessive to others.

After the contents of the notebook spread like wildfire, how to pay attention to the mental health of teenagers became a social issue for a while. Ming Hai's posthumous work also became a new source of inspiration for writers. Newspapers reported on this matter extensively, and some writers took this opportunity to compile the contents of the notebook into a book and published related books.

Some people commented that it was his own fault because he didn't want to make progress, some people suggested that the original family and the initial learning environment have a great influence on teenagers, and some people called on relevant departments to provide regular psychological counseling for teenagers... In short, most of the voices expressed regret for the passing of this young life, even if they were enemies who disliked the teenager or had a grudge against him.

It is true that the whole world begins to love you after you die.

Naturally, regarding the ending band mentioned in his book, most people seem more like innocent people who were harmed by the unreasonable anger of a confused teenager, especially Goto Ichiri, who had been bullied unilaterally by him for a long time.

The overwhelming sympathy and calls from the public and the sudden surge in attention made her feel a little breathless as she had just learned of the boy's death and had not had time to digest it.

After all, no matter how resolute her words were before, she never imagined that the ending would turn out like this.

Witnessing the death of their peers is not something that children of their age should have to face. During this period, Pochi's mental state was not good. He stayed indoors and locked himself in his room for a week or two.

She did decide to never see Toru Narumi again from then on, but she didn't want to completely cut off contact with him in this way.

That one-sided conversation at the doorstep was perhaps her last contact with the boy. Was he still alive at that time? Did he end his life out of guilt after listening to her venting? Did she indirectly cause his death?

Goto Ichiri didn't want to think, nor did he want to think anymore.

She stayed at home until it was necessary to pay her respects, then she went out with her bandmates.

The season of mourning is early spring. Commemorating death when all things are born again can perhaps be considered a kind of black humor.

"Pochi, do you have time?"

Just when the condolences were about to end and Goto Ichiri couldn't wait to go home, he was stopped by Yamada Ryo, who also came to condole wearing a loose black neutral suit.

"I have something very important to explain to you... Let's find a place to talk."

Although she looked much more haggard, her eyes were still calm, but seemed to lack some brightness compared to the past.

It was as if the fire that had flickered in those eyes had gone out.

Chapter 35 Until Death Do Us Part

"Greetings, Miss Pink Caterpillar. If you don't like this name, please allow me to change it to Miss Goto Ichiri."

"By the time you read this letter, I should have reached an extremely ridiculous end."

"Don't be sad or surprised about me, and don't take it as your responsibility that I'm leaving. These are actually things I decided from the beginning, and they have nothing to do with you, the band, or Yamada. I have always been a person who talks to myself from the beginning - you should know this, and it has never changed from the beginning to the end."

"Everything I wrote in that notebook is true and comes from my heart. But there are some private things I want to tell you alone, so I asked Yamada to deliver this letter to you. I'm not good at expressing my emotions, so I can't say anything too sentimental, so please forgive me for that."

"You may not believe this, but ever since I saw you again, my life has been inevitably heading towards its end. With a body ruined by cigarettes and alcohol and a brain that is drowsy and tired, I am destined to end the game earlier than everyone else. But this is like a race against time, and I cannot slack off for even a moment. Therefore, in the limited time, I have been thinking about how to make the most of the remaining life I have, and at the right time, get one step ahead of the god of death and end my life."

"I want to stand on the shining stage with you, but you already have someone else by your side."

"I wanted to continue to talk to you like before, but what came out of my mouth was hurtful and cold."

"I want to go back in time, but that's the last thing that's going to happen."

"I never want to reveal too much of my personal emotions to you. This is my biggest problem. But I just think that expressing all my thoughts and love out loud is a burden to the other person, so I don't want to express it excessively."

"After all, praise and appreciation can be exaggerated infinitely, but thoughts and love are so directed and private that people feel ashamed."

"I understand your dreams, I know your preferences, and I know you before most people in the world. But I am destined to not be able to accompany you forever, and I can't even hold on until the day when I see you become a shining guitarist."

"If I could, I would also like to be like your band member. I would like to be your close friend who supports you and witnesses your growth step by step. I would like to see you transform from a caterpillar who can't speak well to strangers to a butterfly that can amaze everyone present."

"But I don't have the time."

"How can I create something more valuable for you in the limited time I have... I'm just thinking about it desperately."

"After thinking it over, I made the stupidest decision."

"I want to be the one who pushes you to move forward, using all kinds of annoying methods to make you step out of your comfort zone, even if I'm annoying to you."

"Rather, it's best to be hated by you. If you always think of me as the gentle person I was when I was a child, with your personality, you might cry at my funeral. I don't want to see that scene."

"Becoming someone you hate may help you feel less sad about my leaving, and help you forget me faster. But ultimately, I am also a selfish person, so I wrote this letter to you, hoping that you can understand why I was so confused before."

"I'm sorry for hurting you on my own initiative, even though it's shameless to ask for your forgiveness now."

"I'm sorry that I knew all your likes and dislikes, but I still chose to ignore them and further force you to do things you don't want to do."

"I'm sorry to keep saying 'this is for your own good', even though you may not need my so-called help. But I really don't have much time."

"Isn't a report of a teenager committing suicide enough to make the local news? The band's fame will probably increase after I'm gone. Don't feel guilty about the attention it will bring because of my death - take advantage of this opportunity and don't miss it. It's the most useful thing I can do for you in the last stage of my life."

"Don't be sad about my leaving. This is already destined. I kept it a secret from you just because I was worried that you wouldn't be able to accept this fact."

"Forget the unpleasant things related to me and move forward. Realize your dream and become a shining guitarist - it doesn't matter if you are still socially anxious, it doesn't matter if you still stutter and feel shy when talking to strangers, and it doesn't matter if you can't become a sunny and cheerful Yangjiao. As long as you are still you, it's okay."

"Because realizing your dream is my dream."

"I didn't intend to be sentimental, but I still wrote so much accidentally. I'm sorry. But after all, not every movie will have a happy ending, so my exit is also helpless."

"I wrote this letter to you half an hour before I decided to end my life. When I danced with death, I fully realized that life might be just a miracle of waking up briefly between our eternal sleep."

"Good night, caterpillar."

"Maybe when I wake up and open my eyes next time, I'll be able to see you again."

The letter, densely written in ballpoint pen, ended here.

Sitting in the family restaurant, Goto Ichiri and Yamada Ryo stared at the handwritten letter in silence.

pat.

Something wet dotted the paper, blurring the boy's beautiful handwritten characters.

“………Eh?”

After a long time, the pink-haired girl, who couldn't stop crying, raised her head blankly.

"Why……?"

"He left this letter on the table for me to collect before the police arrived. He told me to hand it to you personally after the condolences were over."

Ryo Yamada, who was a regular customer of this family restaurant but rarely ordered anything, said this calmly, with no emotion visible on her face.

"Really, this is a tough job for me."

It turned out that the boy was pretending to be mysterious that day because he actually wanted her to come over and collect his body.

"He is simply an arrogant person who talks to himself and acts arbitrarily."

"Why...are these things happening only now..."

"Because he just wants you to hate him."

Yamada Ryo's expression remained unchanged and his tone of voice remained calm.

"I...went to see him the day before this happened..."

"When?"

"Probably, in the evening... No one answered when I knocked on the door, so..."

Pochi's voice became increasingly quiet, and before she could finish her next words, the light in Ryo's eyes dimmed a bit.

"Evening... That's the estimated time of death given by the medical examiner."

“………Eh?”

Goto Ichiri's face suddenly turned visibly pale.

During the time when the boy was lingering on...she was venting her emotions outside the door, and even said cruel words like "I never want to see you again".

Were these cruel words the last things he heard on his deathbed?

Goto Ichiri covered his arm with his hands, trembling, and stared at the handwritten letter in front of him for a long time.

Chapter 36 Death is like Nirvana

What an over the top guy.

Looking at Goto Ichiri who was sitting in front of him and couldn't stop crying, Yamada Ryo frowned, but in the end he could only let out a sigh of relief.

The kind and gentle Pochi would definitely take all the responsibility on herself - Ming Hai knew this, but she still wrote this article that would only deepen her guilt.

Or is this actually one of his purposes...?