Real teaching, hypocritical gray life

But then I easily pried open Ichinose's lips. Although there were no other unnecessary excessive movements, my fingers stayed between Ichinose's teeth and were gently bitten.

The instincts from my body are becoming more and more aggressive in the outburst of internal energy, and the best I can do is to maintain the current situation in this static space and time.

At this moment, I forgot many things and did not struggle at all. Even after Ichinose loosened his hands and collapsed from my body, I remained in this state for a while.

I imagined a future where we would become lovers, following the inevitable troubles in my heart. But after going around in circles, it was the colors of the changing seasons.

I cannot see the end of this relationship, and even at this moment I cannot realize what I am doing or what I want.

"..."

Perhaps I didn't have the power to choose from the very beginning, it was like this then and it is like this now.

I quickly stood up and parted our lips, the tip of my tongue still smelling the scent of mint toothpaste. Ichinose smacked his lips in confusion.

I was silent for a while as I watched Ichinose still sleeping.

"..."

The relaxed expression on Ichinose's face is just like that of some small animal, so cute that people can't resist touching it.

After covering Ichinose with the quilt, I reached out and tidied up the messy hair on the side of her cheek, and at the same time touched her seemingly soft face.

The feeling of the smooth face was exactly the same as the softness and moisture that I felt when I held Ichinose's body just now.

"Well......"

Ichinose, who was sleeping quietly, made a hoarse and sweet sound. Perhaps she felt the touch on her cheek, so she rubbed her face against my fingers, then turned over slowly, leaving a large space beside her bed, as if asking me to lie down.

"..."

Ichinose... maybe she was half asleep...

I stared at the young sleepy eyes for a moment, then got up and left. However, at this moment, I felt a strong pulling force on my sleeve.

"One more time... one more time... kiss..."

"One more time... well... otherwise... don't even think about running away..."

Then, a soft purring sound like a spoiled child came out of Ichinose's throat.

It is because of this that I can truly understand the current situation.

The action I take next will affect my future actions, and the resonance of each action will be different, or even completely deprive me of the power to choose my life. I may be controlled in this way.

I held Ichinose's small hand that was stretched out from under the quilt, and did not make a choice immediately.

To ask why, because Ichinose is

——I am awake.

Chapter 134 Contradictory Desires

Conflicting desires.

This is the inevitable fundamental balance deep within the human heart and an instinctive existence.

To put it in simple terms, it is the desire for things and the desire to destroy.

Humans can be as tolerant as angels in Western mythology, and can also be as cruel and poisonous as the demons that oppose them.

On the one hand, there is the instinct for survival, on the other hand, there is the desire for destruction.

Chips are added to both sides of the scale until the result emerges and determines the direction of a person's values, good or evil.

This can be said to depend on the native background.

But it is precisely because of this that there is the so-called contradiction, and the final root cause can be attributed to desire.

Contradictions are everywhere and desires are always there.

Subsequently the subject of contradictory desires developed in human psychology.

The desire to obtain what one desires while also generating the desire to destroy is the most abnormal deviation in this subject.

The phenomenon is also simulated as a balance with equal weights at both ends. However, due to the failure to control the strength when adding the weights, and the subsequent failure to make changes in this step, the balance that should have been balanced cannot even be estimated in terms of "chaos". It would be more appropriate to describe it as "turbid".

This most fatal abnormal deviation in human nature can be divided into two states at the same time. They can be simply distinguished by the order of precedence.

After getting what you want, you develop a desire to destroy it.

While generating the desire to destroy, one also wants to obtain this thing.

The former is more common and easier to explain. After using it, the object has lost its effect on you, or you get it just to satisfy your inner obsession. So the subsequent destruction is simply to vent your anger and dissatisfaction with not being able to get what you need.

However, the situations that lead to the latter cannot always be generalized.

The expression of the desire to destroy is not a difficult problem to explain, but if it is placed at the forefront of the desire to obtain results, the contradictory reactions that abound will be even greater.

The expression of the desire to destroy may be a subconscious need for a relationship, or a part that has not been satisfied. The reason why destruction can be called destruction is not simply because of the exploitation of a certain relationship, it is a pure destruction.

Because of this, the latter controversial reasoning can appear quite paradoxical.

What exactly do I desire?

Is it the residue left after destruction? But the desire arises when the object remains intact.

Contradictions are everywhere and desires are always there.

No longer need it?

What is the disease caused by facing disappointment and pain again and again?

A form of self-protection to prevent oneself from falling apart?

I tried to think of countless reasons that I, the person called "Falling Wood", could have. But all the above outlines must be in a situation where good and bad are equally divided to produce conceptual things. However, I did not have similar knowledge instilled in me. From the beginning, the imaginary scale did not exist in my heart, so naturally, the two ends of the scale would not sink or rise.

Yes, I am in this state right now.

The roots of the contradiction between destruction and desire rose at the same time, and the choices I made did not give me feedback in the first place.

But the answer will certainly appear in front of me in the near future, this is certain. It is precisely because of this that I am full of nonsensical fantasies about that kind of future.

0

The sounds of birds and cicadas chirped, accompanied by a slight rustling sound, which sounded like the friction between silk quilts and clothes. If I guessed correctly, Ichinose had woken up now.

I opened my eyes and closed them again, then turned over and pressed the front of my body against the back of the sofa. I didn't know if Ichinose would do anything bad after getting up, but this way I could probably keep my dozing posture going.

Maybe Ichinose heard my turning over, and the rustling noises around me quieted down during this time. After confirming that everything was fine, a small sigh of relief reached my ears, followed by the sound of intermittent footsteps.

Although I didn't open my eyes, I could still clearly feel that Ichinose was leaning on the back of the sofa, quietly looking at me. This gaze lasted for a long time in my mind, and just when I was still hesitating whether to "wake up" the next moment, a thin blanket with a subtle warmth was covered on me.

On the one hand, I admired Ichinose's gentleness, and she made special efforts to keep me warm, considering that I might catch a cold in just a thin bathrobe, but on the other hand, this was unnecessary. I spent the night before yesterday like this, and now it was time to get up early, so it was only natural to treat my current behavior of staying in bed as a short nap after breakfast.

I just won't be disgusted by it...

As I was thinking something like this, the next moment I felt a gentle touch on my cheek. From the strength and movement, I could tell that Ichinose was acting very cautiously.

If I were in their shoes, I would do the same thing and touch a sleeping person. But in order to hide my guilty conscience, I would not disturb the other person easily.

Ichinose's fingertips slowly slid across my face. It seemed that she couldn't find any soft and elastic skin, so she invaded almost all the areas on the left half of my face.

It was a pretty scary feeling to be touched like this, just like a chef in the kitchen selecting a piece of prime meat from a live cow. I was so terrified that I almost appeared directly on the dining table and was swallowed and chewed alive.

After a long period of "playing around", Ichinose suddenly burst out laughing. Then, as if to put a perfect end to his behavior, he rubbed my cheeks and went into the bathroom to wash up.

It seems that Ichinose didn't notice that I was pretending to sleep...

While the sound of running water was still there, I tilted my head to look at the clock on the wall. Because the curtains were pulled open a tiny gap by Ichinose, the golden sunlight shone vertically on the clock. The strong reflection of the light caused me to only see that the time had turned to half past seven. The exact minutes and seconds could only be seen after the sunlight changed.

But at least this way I know it's still early for the locksmith to come.

Soon Ichinose finished washing up, humming a song as she walked out of the bathroom, and then went straight to the kitchen. Soon, the sound of kitchen utensils clattering could be heard from the kitchen, including the sound of frying.

From the aroma, I could smell fresh milk, but I couldn't guess what was being cooked. After yesterday's use, there weren't many ingredients left in the kitchen. My plan for breakfast was just a simple fried egg with fresh milk, but from the sound of Ichinose's movements, it seemed like there was a better option.

Although there is still some low-gluten flour in the kitchen, which is the leftover from the last time Okabe suggested making a cake in my room (which is why the kitchen utensils in my dormitory seem to be complete), I don’t know much about foods that use low-gluten flour.

I did think about using it as ordinary flour to make noodles, but when I put it in the pot to boil, the noodles would break into pieces, like glass broken by marbles. Although it can fill my stomach, I will inevitably be ridiculed by others if I take it out. So in the end, I was prepared to starve.

"..."

Well, even if I am disturbed by the noise from the outside world, I should have gotten up at this time.

I sat up 'drowsily', threw back the quilt, stretched myself, and then turned on the TV remote control.

[......The disappearance of Chief Cabinet Secretary Kurata, Finance Minister Uchino, Justice Minister Nakayama and many other high-level Japanese administrators and party leaders a few months ago has not made any breakthroughs yet......Because the incident occurred shortly before the promulgation of foreign policy, the "political assassination theory" is widely circulated among the people......]

'Political assassination theory'...

If I remember correctly, this case has been going on for at least a year, and I didn't expect it to have not been resolved yet...

I was slightly lost in the memory of seeing this news broadcast in front of me on the bus. At this time, Ichinose also noticed the noise in the living room and poked his head out from the kitchen.

"Luo, have you woken up yet?"

"Well, I just woke up..." I rubbed my eyes and then rubbed my cheeks hard.

"...Is Ichinose making breakfast?"

"Well, Luo Jun, go brush your teeth and wash up first. I'll be done soon."

"'Mission accomplished'... Why does this sound so strange? Could it be that Ichinose is preparing something dark?"

"How is that possible! And even if it really turns out like that, I won't give it to Luo Jun to test for poison."

"Can you please retract that last explanation? It sounds a bit panicky..."

"In short, it won't turn out as Luo imagined. We can see that in the finished product."

Ichinose responded to my joke with great confidence, and after a simple wash, I was pushed to the dining table.

Sure enough, breakfast was not the combination of fried eggs + fresh milk as I imagined, but waffles + fresh milk.

"Muffins...how is this made?"

"I saw there was still a lot of low-gluten flour and baking powder left in the cupboard, so I tried it. But it still didn't seem to be enough to fill us up... It seems that we will still go hungry before the door is opened."

"You're lucky to have made it this far... Then I'll start eating without further ado."

The texture is as soft as the name of the ingredient. After taking a bite, the whole taste buds are filled with mellow milky aroma, probably the result of adding fresh milk. If there is butter in the dormitory, the taste may be even mellower.

"good to eat."

I spoke my thoughts frankly from an objective perspective, and Ichinose narrowed his eyes in relief.

"Thank you for the compliment. If there was honey or jam at home, the taste would be even better. It's a pity that there is not even any salad dressing."

"It's just breakfast, and the taste is good enough. Besides, isn't there milk here?"

"...That's true."

Ichinose smiled a reassuring smile with a gentle emotion.

1

Perhaps to apologize for the mistake made by the front desk staff at the locksmith service center, the locksmith contacted us before work, and it was even less than an hour after breakfast.

I dialed Kanzaki's phone number as agreed, and not surprisingly, he had already woken up at this time.

"...You don't have enough food in the dormitory, so you want me to bring you some breakfast, right?"

"... According to common sense, shouldn't you think of unlocking the door the first time you answer my call?"

"Don't get me wrong, I've already thought about this. The working hours there are 9:30, and the current time is too far away anyway."

"Even if you say that, there must be unexpected situations, right? For example, the locksmith service center gave me compensation or something... By the way, I have already solved breakfast."

After hearing my answer, there was silence for a moment on the other end of the phone.

"So, according to what you said, the locksmith will be here in a while, right?"

"That's the thing. Otherwise, I wouldn't have called you so early. Anyway, I've already told you the exact time. Don't blame me if you didn't seize the opportunity."

"I see."

After confirming the contact with Kanzaki, I turned the conversation to Ichinose.

"We're going to change the locks soon, Ichinose, pack up your things first to avoid being exposed."

Although I just verbally told her this, Ichinose is already making her preparations.

"I'm already doing it..." Ichinose seemed to have thought of something, and then suddenly paused.

"Well, so that thing... is it still necessary to do that?"