They are in the music show, but I am a stranger to them

Why are my cheeks so hot as if I have a fever? What's wrong with me?

Why, my brother just kissed me, why didn't I resist at all? Instead, I felt so happy?

Gao Songdeng wholeheartedly felt the slight warmth on her neck, her heartbeat began to speed up, and her mood suddenly became extremely happy. She didn't even notice that her smile, which swept away all the gloom at that moment, was so moving...

The next day, at "RiNG"...

Su Shi: "Hmm? Xiao Deng, you seem to be in a good mood today. Did anything good happen?"

From the moment he entered the recording studio with Chen Qi, everyone noticed that Gao Songdeng had a smile on his face. When faced with Su Shi's gentle questions, he unconsciously cast his gaze towards Chen Qi who was writing lyrics in the corner, and his smile became even more energetic.

"Well, I encountered the happiest thing for me."

Because, compared to Xiangzi and everyone else, there is one more secret that only my brother and I know...

Chapter 45: Gao Songdeng's memories: lost, regained, and lost again...

Ever since the day his brother kissed him, Takamatsu Deng felt increasingly strange.

Although Gao Songdeng felt a strong sense of joy in her heart after she felt her brother kiss her neck, and this joy lasted for a week, after a period of time, the feeling of emptiness after the joy surrounded her again...

After all, this kiss was just Qi's compromise with himself when he was being upset. In the future, unless there were special circumstances, Qi would probably not do such intimate things to himself again.

And the fact was just as Gao Song Deng had thought. When the feeling of emptiness after the joy enveloped her, Deng also plucked up the courage and hinted to her brother more than once that she needed his comfort again.

At that time, Qi, who looked quite embarrassed, gave himself the answer...

"Deng, I understand how you feel, but didn't I tell you? Don't worry, I'm always by your side, and I won't be taken away by anyone."

"So, you have to learn to be a little more independent, understand? I will always watch your growth from the side."

"As for the one you mentioned about Deng..." Chen Qi's tone was obviously awkward, but he quickly found a reason to refuse and said softly to Deng:

"After all, it's an act of promise. If you keep repeating it, the promise won't seem precious anymore, right?"

But even though Chen Qi responded like this, in the end, he always remembered to give Deng a warm hug. And every time the hug ended, Deng, who was always looking forward to the familiar touch on his neck, always felt a sense of loss.

...Is what my brother said true? At least Gao Songdeng judged from the erratic look in his brother's eyes that it was not the case.

My brother seemed to be worried about something.

Gao Songdeng had felt this kind of feeling from Chen Qi before. Although his brother was once very close to him, he always knew the right degree of closeness to him.

He never exposed his upper and lower body in front of her. Even at home, no matter how hot the weather was, he always made sure he had at least one piece of clothing and a pair of pants on.

Living in the same room with me, no matter when we were kids or when we got closer, my brother never slept in the same bed with me, not even for a simple nap...

I have been living with my brother for more than ten years, and it seemed that the kiss that night was the only time that my brother "crossed the line" in all those years... because she was upset, and he wanted to drive away the anxiety that had accumulated in her heart.

And my brother also realized this, so now he keeps this distance from me just like in the past...The lamp is also understandable.

But why is there such an emptiness deep inside? Why does my heart feel so... [unsatisfied]?

Yes, she was not satisfied. A simple hug could hardly bring Takamatsu Deng more comfort and security. What she wanted... was more comfort from her brother.

She obviously just wanted to be closer to her brother... at least, closer than everyone in Crychic, closer than Xiangzi.

Why couldn't her brother fulfill her little wish?

Clearly, I have “crossed the line” once before…what will happen if I “cross the line” again?

Brother, you are in control of yourself, aren't you? She didn't do anything strange, why is he so nervous? Aren't they brother and sister?

This feeling has been lingering in Gao Songdeng's heart and has been bothering her. Deng didn't understand why she was dissatisfied, but she knew that this unprecedented thought of hers was actually very scary, so she always restrained her mood and kept it within her control.

Gao Songdeng believed that given the relationship between him and his brother, if he really made up his mind to ask him for a favor, his brother would definitely agree.

But now the time has not come for me to do that. I can still be patient until my brother feels that he is almost ready to agree to what I want. Then I can once again gain his care.

But Takamatsu's idea was completely shattered the day the band started its public live performance...

That was a day that Takamatsu Deng would never forget. It was the band’s first public live performance, and it was also the first time she sang without her brother in sight.

Although Takamatsu Deng was a little nervous and confused when she first went on stage because she couldn't find her brother, and even wondered if she had lost her voice - but in the end, she quickly regained her feeling the moment Xiangzi's keyboard sounded, and completed the three songs she was going to sing in a way beyond her imagination.

I really did it!

Even without my brother in front of me, I can still sing out my heart! I finally fulfilled my brother's wish to witness it!

In this case, I have grown up, right? I did not disappoint my brother, I made him get what he wanted!

If that's the case, after I step down, I can ask my brother for a little reward as a younger sister - that should be okay, right?

Gao Songdeng, who could no longer hold back her emotions, walked off the stage with a heart full of expectations and a heart beating faster due to excitement. In the backstage, she immediately noticed the figure of her brother who had been waiting to greet them.

At that moment, Deng even felt her heart beating so fast that it was about to jump out. Countless thoughts surged in her mind, and she couldn't wait to share them with her brother.

She wanted to say... "Brother, have you seen it? I have really grown up. Just like you said, I am really independent."

"Brother, I have lived up to your expectations. I have become a human being, an 'ordinary' human being."

"But, I still want to be the one and only sister in my brother's eyes... So, brother, please stay by my side from now on."

She wanted to speak out, and with this courage and this successful live performance, she wanted to express her true feelings!

I can definitely do it, like an ordinary person, a sister——

Just when Gao Songdeng had made up her mind and taken a step forward, a figure passed by her without hesitation.

And the next moment, under the trembling gaze of Takamatsu Deng, Toyokawa Shoko, who had passed her by, excitedly hugged her brother in front of her.

At that moment, looking at Xiangzi who was crying with joy while hugging his brother, and Chen Qi who was so excited that he shed tears for the first time in his memory, the lamp seemed to hear something like glass breaking...

My brother, who had always been so strong and calm in front of me, and who had always been silently by my side despite the scorching heat of summer and the ice and snow of winter, and who had never complained or shed a tear, actually shed tears because of Xiangzi...

At this moment, Gao Songdeng understood.

Her brother was taken away.

Xiangzi... After her brother, she was the second good friend who wanted to know the world as she saw it, and she took her brother away from her with her own hands.

Brother, who had never shed tears for her, shed tears in front of Xiangzi today.

As expected...in my brother's heart, Xiangzi...is more important than me?

why?

Brother, you are obviously my brother...Xiangzi, you are obviously my friend too.

Why did she take my brother away from me? Why did you snatch my brother away from me?

He is my color, my light, my whole world!

In an instant, Gao Songdeng, who had fallen into a long daze, seemed to have lost everything at once. She seemed to hear no sound in her ears, and her voice, which was still singing on the stage a minute ago, could no longer make a single sound.

Even her body was so stiff that it seemed as if her heart had stopped beating. Later, even when her brother hugged every member of Crychic, including herself, Takamatsu Deng did not break free from her confusion.

The moment he faced reality, Gao Songdeng escaped.

In other words, her spirit escaped from reality.

At the moment when he thought he had lost his brother, facing the world that had once again become extremely dim, Takamatsu Deng, who could no longer face it all, chose to close his inner world and never open it to anyone again...

To people outside, Gao Songdeng no longer spoke, no longer made eye contact with people, and was silent. She seemed to have no interest in anything around her. She just numbly accepted the messages given to her by people around her and mechanically did the corresponding things.

And only when Chen Qi, who was still by her side, spoke, would Gao Songdeng respond... But facing this brother who was closest to her, Gao Songdeng now did not dare to look him in the eye, and did not even have the courage to mention the "promise" to Chen Qi.

Deng, I don’t want to get hurt again.

She knew that although her brother was still by her side for the time being, he would leave her sooner or later. Xiangzi had already pulled her brother to her side, and it was impossible for Xiangzi to give up like this - at least if it was the lamp, she would not do so.

Since this person will leave you sooner or later, then...just don't contact him anymore, right?

Let her adapt little by little to a world without him...

Deng had made up her mind and realized that she would lose her beloved brother. She should have accepted this fact, until...

"I'm quitting, Crychic."

……Why?

When the familiar voice rang in his ears again, Gao Songdeng, who had been shutting himself in his own world for a long time, seemed to have received some crucial signal.

Her thoughts began to return to her body. Deng looked up blankly and took a moment to realize that she was now in the recording studio. Soon, she quickly fixed her gaze on Toyokawa Shoko who said "quit".

Xiangzi...want to quit Crychic?

So that means...my brother was not taken away by Xiangzi?

In the instant when he sorted out his thoughts, Gao Songdeng's eyes, which had been dull, gradually regained their former luster. All the blurry haze in front of his eyes also dissipated again, and his throat, which had not made a sound for a long time, also regained its voice.

At that moment, Gao Songdeng's inner thoughts even made her feel dirty and disgusting.

Because when she heard the news that Xiangzi did not take her brother away, deep in her heart, she did not feel sad about Xiangzi's departure. Instead, a strange joy emerged in her heart.

My brother is still by my side, he has not left me.

However, the moment Gao Songdeng turned her gaze to her dear brother, the joy that had just emerged in her heart seemed to sink into the sea, and there was no trace of movement anymore.

Because... Deng saw sadness on his brother's face for the first time.

My brother seemed to be very sad about Xiangzi's departure...

And I am obviously my brother's sister, and Xiangzi is also a good friend who has entered my spiritual world.

Why am I happy about Xiangzi's departure?

Can I really be considered an "ordinary person"? Are these the emotional fluctuations that a human being should have?

This kind of emotion, really...even I started to hate myself.

……

Eventually, Xiangzi left Crychic and left everyone.

However, Gao Songdeng was surprised to find that Xiangzi's departure did not mean that his brother returned to him. On the contrary, Xiangzi's departure "took away" his brother in another way.

Gao Songdeng knew that Xiangzi's withdrawal from the team and the disbandment of Crychic were a huge blow to her brother. She witnessed her brother's forced smile every time. Whenever she got close to him, he would take the initiative to comfort her again and again, repeatedly whispering in her ear:

"Don't worry, the lights and the band will be found. I will help you find the band."

"Your friends will eventually come back to you, and you will have the opportunity to step onto the stage again and sing your heart out."

"So, don't be discouraged, Deng, trust me, I will definitely help you get it all back."

...Brother, it seems like you misunderstood something?

Crychic, although it also makes me very happy, and it is also very interesting to get along with Lixi, Sushi, and Xiaomu, but I have never forgotten who I should care about the most.

Brother, if you hadn't told me that you wanted to see me on stage and hear me sing out my heart, I probably wouldn't have joined any band at all...

No, maybe even earlier… If I hadn’t heard you, my brother, singing “The Big Tuanzi Family” on the stage with emotion for the first time when I was a child… If you hadn’t written “Spring Shadow” with great enthusiasm and hoped that I could sing it to you in person, I might not have had much interest in music or singing.

Brother, I went on stage because of you.

The only person I want to convey the voice in my heart that I sing is you from the beginning to the end.

The only thing I can't lose, from beginning to end, is you!

After experiencing the strong sense of gap between losing and regaining, Gao Songdeng's inner need for Chen Qi became increasingly uncontrollable.

Facing his brother who has returned to her side once again but whose heart has not completely returned, Gao Songdeng is like a person who does not know how to cherish precious jewels. He clumsily and carefully wipes this treasure that belongs to him alone.

Because of the loss, Gao Songdeng finally understood how important his lost brother was to him. Only after the loss did Gao Songdeng understand that he should cherish every minute and every second with him.

But why, it seems that we can’t go back to the relationship we had when we were children?

Why, in my brother's eyes, there is no longer only me?

"don't want……"

"Hmm? Deng, you——"

Suddenly, Chen Qi, who had just noticed that his sister's condition seemed to be a little abnormal, was about to reach out and rub Deng's little head to drive away her inner uneasiness as usual. However, the moment he stretched out his hand, Deng took the initiative to grab his wrist.

The silent Gao Songdeng's sudden action startled Chen Qi, who was completely unprepared. The next second, what shocked Chen Qi even more was Gao Songdeng's empty eyes when he raised his head again.

Yes, empty. That was the only word in Chen Qi’s mind that could describe Deng’s eyes.

The girl was originally as beautiful as stars, with eyes sparkling with sensuality and mystery. But the moment she looked directly at him, she became full of paranoia, trembling with a little bit of fragility, and had many expressions that Chen Qi could not understand.

But all in all, for Chen Qi, that was an expression that should not have appeared on Gao Songdeng.

"No band..."

"Hey?"